Lost Without You
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Buffy/Faith
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
6,677
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
2
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Buffy/Faith
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
6,677
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
2
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 2
(((Sorry it took so long for me to put this up. I’m away from home and am having trouble on this computer. But yay finally I have it up. So yeah, sorry about how long it took. But I have 3 chapters for you so, forgive me?)))
[For disclaimers and whatnot see chapter one]
CHAPTER 2
[Buffy’s POV]
I’m scared. I’m not sure why., all I know is that its because of Faith. It’s always because of Faith, isn’t it? She’s so different now and it makes part of me come out and want to care for her, want to accept her and lo…*not going there, not going there, not going there. Shut up Buffy, you don’t know what your talking about.* But there’s always that voice, you know, that annoying voice that you hate. It tells me to stay away from her, that’s she’s still the same old Faith, that she’ll never change. And here’s the thing, I listened to it.
I jumped up so fast when I woke up I startled her pretty bad. “God B, where’s the fire?”
“I uh, gotta talk to Giles.” *And I am crowned the queen of lame excuses, go me?* I sigh and start up towards the front of the bus.
Why did I do that last night? Why did I –want- that last night? *It was a mistake, it won’t happen again* I run my fingers threw my hair to get the fallen blonde strands out of my face. *God I gotta stay away from her.*
[Faith’s POV]
I was jerked awake by Buffy practically flying off the seat. “God B, where’s the fire?”
She looked scared, scared of me? “I uh, gotta talk to Giles.” She practically ran to the front of the bus.
*Way to fucking go Faith you idiot, you scared her.* I knew I shouldn’t have held her, but God it felt so good. I was testing the limits and I probably shouldn’t have. Harmless flirting and light banter was always okay but actual physical contact… *Bad move, baaad move*
But what was I suppose to do? She looks scare out of her mind, shaking and mumbling things like “Nooo!” And “Oh god please stop!” It broke my heart. *No, makes me sound soft. My heart doesn’t break, fuck that shit.* suc such a liar, and a bad one at that. And what’s the point when people lie to themselves? They already know it’s a lie. I can sit here and tell myself I’m not in love with Buffy till the fucking cows come home, but it ain’t gonna make it true. Sure, most times I wish I didn’t love her, makes me vulnerable and weak. But its not something I chose. If I had a choice then maybe I’d actually pick someone who isn’t the poster girl for straight chicks.
I look up and all of a sudden I see Kennedy next to me. *Okay, when the hell did that happen?*
“So you and Buffy were looking pretty cozy.”
I groan, “Come on Ken, lay off will ya? She was just sleeping on me, no big.”
“It was a big deal for you and ynow now it,” she smirked.
“Shh! Jesus its bad enough you know how I feel about Buffy, I don’t need the rest of the bus knowing,” I whisper harshly at her.
She chuckled a little, “You know, you really should do something about that?”
“About what?”
“Your love-fest for Buffy. All you do is either avoid her or… no actually most of the time you avoid her. What happened to your constant flirting? Heard you and Buffy did that a lot. Now you just stay silent around her or when you do talk you look like an idiot cause you babble on worse than Willow does,” she smirked again.
“Oh fuck off! Go bug someone who cares!” Okay so I’m a little touché on the subject of Buffy.
She started laughing really loudly and half the bus looked our way. I turned and looked out the window, trying not to notice the blush forming on my fees. es. *God I hate this*
She calmed down just as Buffy was coming back, “What’s so funny?”
I snap my head around and pleaded with my eyes for Kennedy not to say anything about our previous conversation. She cleared her throat, “Oh nothing, just finding Faith amusing.” She winked at me and I groan, roll my eyes, and put my head back against the window and sigh. Buffy looked confused. *God I –hate- this*
[Buffy’s POV]
Kennedy is so odd sometimes. Its always like she knows tha than she’s telling and has fun with the fact she knows something you don’t. And judging by Faith’s reaction, that something was about Faith. *Now I’m curious. But no, bad Buffy, its none of your business.*
Kennedy mad ea move to get up, obviously trying to give me my seat back. I hold up my hand, “No Kennedy, you stay. I want to talk with Willow anyway.” I give them both a half smile and while on my way back to Willows seat I faintly hear:
“See? I fucking scare her away. If it wasn’t for the slayer thing I doubt shed talk to me at all.” And to that, credit goes to my slayer hearing.
I start to feel really guilty. She’s not right of course, I mean, I like Faith because of who she is, not –what- she is. And it’s weird even to admit that. For so long I’ve convinced myself that I hated her, it was so much easier. *Easier than what?* God, do I want to know? I never really hated her, but I sure as hell was rip shit mad. *Bad mouth Buffy. Tsk, tsk* Oh shut up. But even when she reformed, and I’ll admit I had my doubts, I still kept her at arms length… until last night. And then I end up freaking out and running away. I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t. But I’m afraid of getting close to her, and I’m not sure I know, or even want to know why.
I sit down next to Willow. “Hey Buff!” I hold up my hand to silence her.
“Shh Will, hold on a sec.” I strain my ears to head the rest of their conversation, Kennedy was talking.
“…And if she didn’t like you, why would she sit next to you? –Sleep- on you?”
I hear Faith sigh, “I don’t know, not like it fucking matters anyway. As much ad I really –don’t- know B, I do know this: she will –never- feel the sa---“
I lost the rest of it because of Willow, “What are you doing?” She apparently noticed me staring at Faith and Kennedy because she hit me. “Buffy! Don’t listen to other people conversations!” She gave me her ‘I-completely-disapprove-of-this’ look.
“I wasn’t –listening in-… I was innocently overhearing.” That sounded lame, even for me.
“And that’s why you shushed me and were straining to hear them talking?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Yes?”
She sighed, “Not that I should ask, but I’m curious. What was so interesting?”
“They were talking about me,” I say simple, because hey, they were.
“Is it was good talk or a bad talk?” Willow turned around in her seat so her back was against the window she she was facing me.
I shrug, “I’m not sure. They were like arguing or something. Not angry arguing, maybe I should just call it disagreeing.”
“About…?”
“Me liking her or not liking her?”
“Who?” She looked at me in question.
“Faith.”
“Faith?”
“Faith.” I then notice Faith turn around at the mention of her name and I blush a little. I forgot she’s go slayer hearing too. Crap, more than half the people on this bus do now!
I motion to Willow to keep it down and avert my eyes in Faiths direction quickly and back, trying to explain why. Willow nods a little and waits till Faith turns back around to ask her question quietly.
“But… why do you care what Faith thinks?” *The million dollar question ladies and gentlemen.*
“Honestly? I don’t know. I have so rea reasons not to but for some reason I do. And its stupid, I know.” I sigh, “Faiths never been on my list of people to care about, even when she should have been. And I feel really bad that she thinks I don’t like her at all.”
Willow pushed me up off the seat, “Then go talk to her if you wanna be friends. Damn Buffy, sometimes you have no clue.” She smiles at me and give me another nudge.
“Okay, okay!” I laugh a little, “I’m going!” I head back over to Faith, not sure of what I’m going to say or do. *Okay Buffy, time to be nice and unavoident*
[For disclaimers and whatnot see chapter one]
CHAPTER 2
[Buffy’s POV]
I’m scared. I’m not sure why., all I know is that its because of Faith. It’s always because of Faith, isn’t it? She’s so different now and it makes part of me come out and want to care for her, want to accept her and lo…*not going there, not going there, not going there. Shut up Buffy, you don’t know what your talking about.* But there’s always that voice, you know, that annoying voice that you hate. It tells me to stay away from her, that’s she’s still the same old Faith, that she’ll never change. And here’s the thing, I listened to it.
I jumped up so fast when I woke up I startled her pretty bad. “God B, where’s the fire?”
“I uh, gotta talk to Giles.” *And I am crowned the queen of lame excuses, go me?* I sigh and start up towards the front of the bus.
Why did I do that last night? Why did I –want- that last night? *It was a mistake, it won’t happen again* I run my fingers threw my hair to get the fallen blonde strands out of my face. *God I gotta stay away from her.*
[Faith’s POV]
I was jerked awake by Buffy practically flying off the seat. “God B, where’s the fire?”
She looked scared, scared of me? “I uh, gotta talk to Giles.” She practically ran to the front of the bus.
*Way to fucking go Faith you idiot, you scared her.* I knew I shouldn’t have held her, but God it felt so good. I was testing the limits and I probably shouldn’t have. Harmless flirting and light banter was always okay but actual physical contact… *Bad move, baaad move*
But what was I suppose to do? She looks scare out of her mind, shaking and mumbling things like “Nooo!” And “Oh god please stop!” It broke my heart. *No, makes me sound soft. My heart doesn’t break, fuck that shit.* suc such a liar, and a bad one at that. And what’s the point when people lie to themselves? They already know it’s a lie. I can sit here and tell myself I’m not in love with Buffy till the fucking cows come home, but it ain’t gonna make it true. Sure, most times I wish I didn’t love her, makes me vulnerable and weak. But its not something I chose. If I had a choice then maybe I’d actually pick someone who isn’t the poster girl for straight chicks.
I look up and all of a sudden I see Kennedy next to me. *Okay, when the hell did that happen?*
“So you and Buffy were looking pretty cozy.”
I groan, “Come on Ken, lay off will ya? She was just sleeping on me, no big.”
“It was a big deal for you and ynow now it,” she smirked.
“Shh! Jesus its bad enough you know how I feel about Buffy, I don’t need the rest of the bus knowing,” I whisper harshly at her.
She chuckled a little, “You know, you really should do something about that?”
“About what?”
“Your love-fest for Buffy. All you do is either avoid her or… no actually most of the time you avoid her. What happened to your constant flirting? Heard you and Buffy did that a lot. Now you just stay silent around her or when you do talk you look like an idiot cause you babble on worse than Willow does,” she smirked again.
“Oh fuck off! Go bug someone who cares!” Okay so I’m a little touché on the subject of Buffy.
She started laughing really loudly and half the bus looked our way. I turned and looked out the window, trying not to notice the blush forming on my fees. es. *God I hate this*
She calmed down just as Buffy was coming back, “What’s so funny?”
I snap my head around and pleaded with my eyes for Kennedy not to say anything about our previous conversation. She cleared her throat, “Oh nothing, just finding Faith amusing.” She winked at me and I groan, roll my eyes, and put my head back against the window and sigh. Buffy looked confused. *God I –hate- this*
[Buffy’s POV]
Kennedy is so odd sometimes. Its always like she knows tha than she’s telling and has fun with the fact she knows something you don’t. And judging by Faith’s reaction, that something was about Faith. *Now I’m curious. But no, bad Buffy, its none of your business.*
Kennedy mad ea move to get up, obviously trying to give me my seat back. I hold up my hand, “No Kennedy, you stay. I want to talk with Willow anyway.” I give them both a half smile and while on my way back to Willows seat I faintly hear:
“See? I fucking scare her away. If it wasn’t for the slayer thing I doubt shed talk to me at all.” And to that, credit goes to my slayer hearing.
I start to feel really guilty. She’s not right of course, I mean, I like Faith because of who she is, not –what- she is. And it’s weird even to admit that. For so long I’ve convinced myself that I hated her, it was so much easier. *Easier than what?* God, do I want to know? I never really hated her, but I sure as hell was rip shit mad. *Bad mouth Buffy. Tsk, tsk* Oh shut up. But even when she reformed, and I’ll admit I had my doubts, I still kept her at arms length… until last night. And then I end up freaking out and running away. I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t. But I’m afraid of getting close to her, and I’m not sure I know, or even want to know why.
I sit down next to Willow. “Hey Buff!” I hold up my hand to silence her.
“Shh Will, hold on a sec.” I strain my ears to head the rest of their conversation, Kennedy was talking.
“…And if she didn’t like you, why would she sit next to you? –Sleep- on you?”
I hear Faith sigh, “I don’t know, not like it fucking matters anyway. As much ad I really –don’t- know B, I do know this: she will –never- feel the sa---“
I lost the rest of it because of Willow, “What are you doing?” She apparently noticed me staring at Faith and Kennedy because she hit me. “Buffy! Don’t listen to other people conversations!” She gave me her ‘I-completely-disapprove-of-this’ look.
“I wasn’t –listening in-… I was innocently overhearing.” That sounded lame, even for me.
“And that’s why you shushed me and were straining to hear them talking?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Yes?”
She sighed, “Not that I should ask, but I’m curious. What was so interesting?”
“They were talking about me,” I say simple, because hey, they were.
“Is it was good talk or a bad talk?” Willow turned around in her seat so her back was against the window she she was facing me.
I shrug, “I’m not sure. They were like arguing or something. Not angry arguing, maybe I should just call it disagreeing.”
“About…?”
“Me liking her or not liking her?”
“Who?” She looked at me in question.
“Faith.”
“Faith?”
“Faith.” I then notice Faith turn around at the mention of her name and I blush a little. I forgot she’s go slayer hearing too. Crap, more than half the people on this bus do now!
I motion to Willow to keep it down and avert my eyes in Faiths direction quickly and back, trying to explain why. Willow nods a little and waits till Faith turns back around to ask her question quietly.
“But… why do you care what Faith thinks?” *The million dollar question ladies and gentlemen.*
“Honestly? I don’t know. I have so rea reasons not to but for some reason I do. And its stupid, I know.” I sigh, “Faiths never been on my list of people to care about, even when she should have been. And I feel really bad that she thinks I don’t like her at all.”
Willow pushed me up off the seat, “Then go talk to her if you wanna be friends. Damn Buffy, sometimes you have no clue.” She smiles at me and give me another nudge.
“Okay, okay!” I laugh a little, “I’m going!” I head back over to Faith, not sure of what I’m going to say or do. *Okay Buffy, time to be nice and unavoident*