When Doves Cry

When Doves Cry
By Ebony Silvers
Chapter 2
"How Could You Just Leave Me Standing"


Mobile, Alabama
Sunday, 6:13 p.m.
July 29, 2018

“René?” Sam never called his sire “Papa” or “Daddy” the way some of the other children did. They had been on a first-name basis since the night Sam awoke as a vampire. Sam was nearly thirty years older than René; it would have been silly for him to even pretend that the three-year-old vampire could be any sort of father figure. In formal situations, Sam was glad to address him as "Father." He was quite proud to be the son of René the Beautiful and part of the Order of Aurelius, but he was well aware of his sire's failings. One of those failings was René's use of alcohol to deaden his sorrows, and René had been failing quite spectacularly for the last three months. Sam had been trying to catch him at a halfway sober moment for two days. "I need to talk to you and you need to listen to what I'm telling you." He knew that half the time René simply ignored most of what was said to him. If he didn't hear it, he didn't have to deal with it.

His sire looked up at him and sighed. He knew it was useless to argue with his eldest. "I'm listening."

"I know you don't particularly care about much of anything right now but I think you still care a little bit about Jean Claude," he said severely. He felt many of René’s problems stemmed from the fact that the family coddled René too much. While Sam had a great deal of sympathy for what his sire had been and was still going through, he didn’t think letting René wallow in his grief and drink himself into oblivion daily was any help to the other man. Truth be known, he wanted to shake René until his sire’s teeth rattled. He wanted to do the same to Spike and Baby. If Sam had his way, he’d lock the three of them in a room and keep them there until they came to their senses or killed each other. At this point, he didn’t particularly care which option they chose.

René ran a hand through his hair. "Of course I care about Jean. He's about the only one left I care about. Why you think I sent him away? He don't need to see me like this. I don't need to hurt him no more than I already have."

Sam nodded slightly. "Yeah. I figured that. I don't necessarily agree it's a good idea but I figured that's between you and Jean." He leaned against thorfrorframe. "But this isn't about you and Jean and the way the two of you manage to completely fuck up your love lives over and over again. This is about Jean being in trouble and needing his brother."

René frowned up at Sam. "Jean's never in trouble. Jean don't know how to be in trouble."

"Well, maybe that wasn't the right way to describe it," Sam admitted. "But that doesn't change the fact that there's something bad going on with Jean and he needs you." Sam picked up the bottle of tequila before René could reach for it. "Question is, can you stay off this stuff long enough to be there for him? You still man enough to do that?"

~~~~~

New Orleans, Louisiana
Sunday, 11:43 p.m.
July 29, 2018

René walked up behind where Jean was seated and simply placed his arms around his brother. His hands rested on Jean's chest, allowing him to feel his brother's quick intake of breath. "I'm so sorry, Jean," he said softly.

Jean closed his eyes and leaned his head back against Rene's abdomen. He swallowed against the constriction in his throat. He was so exhausted and felt so alone. He couldn’t believe René was really here. For a moment, he thought it was a dream. He’d wanted René to be here with him so desperately that he wouldn't be surprised if his subconscious conjured an image of his brother based on that wish. God knew that he was tired enough to have fallen asleep. But the body behind him was reassuringly solid. The scents coming off it were right, cologne, cigars, too much tequila, and an overtone of Cordelia. That was interesting and what convinced him René's presence wasn't a dream. In Jean's dreams, René only spelled of Jean. René really was with him. Jean wanted to bow his head and cry. But he wouldn't. He couldn't; too many people depended on him, just like they always depended on him. He sighed. He was tired of being strong.

"How long does she have?" René asked quietly. He wasn’t comfortable in hospitals. They made him nervous and tongue-tied.

Jean stared at the woman lying before him. With tubes, IVs, and sensors attached to her both-shrunken-and-swollen body, she looked nothing like the woman he had married. Marie had never been a great beauty but she had always been careful of her looks. Now chemotherapy and radiation treatments had taken her hair and blotched her skin. He was grateful she was mostly unaware of herself and everything around her. She'd have hated what the cancer had done to her form. "They say she could go any time."

René bit his lip. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure that there was anything to say. René’s experience with death had generally been quick and violent. Slow lingering sickness was beyond his knowledge. "Why you here all by yourself? Where's her family? She married again, right?"

Jean took a deep breath. "The bastard couldn't take it. It was more than he could deal with," Jean explained bitterly. "He took off months ago. I really want to kill him… the way Maman or Wesley would." Jean let the anger flow away. All it did was tie his stomach in knots and make his head hurt. Thinking back over the last few months, he couldn't maintain the rage. "Sometimes I don't blame him. There are nights I want to run away, too."

René ran his hand over Jean's shoulder, trying to offer what support he could. "She doesn't even know who I am anymore," Jean continued bleakly. "Between the disease and the drugs, she doesn't really know she's even here. She doesn't recognize me or the girls."

René had heard that was often the case in situations like this. He vaguely remembered an uncle dying of bone cancer when he was a teenager. He remembered his mama being a wreck for what seemed like forever. He’d avoided the house as much as possible that year. A three-month stint in Juvenile Penitentiary had helped. "How are the girls doing?"

"Emilie wanted to turn her when she found out there was nothing the doctors could do. Marie refu" J" Jean remembered that discussion all too well. "She said she'd much rather be dead than be one of us." Even dying, Marie could be cruel. Jean sometimes wondered why he hadn't seen that aspect of her personality when he'd courted her. He smiled bitterly. At seventeen it was unlikely he saw much beyond her engaging smile and her tendency to act impressed by everything he said or did. "Catrin spends her days here. She's been wonderful. Rochelle… Well, Rochelle and Adrienne aren't dealing with this well."

"Catrin is like her daddy," René said with approval. "They okay with you being here?"

The bitterness didn't leave Jean's face and though René couldn't see it, he could feel it. "They were more than happy to have me here to take care of everything. It left them free to do whatever it is they feel they want to do." Jean knew he shouldn't be so angry with his daughters, but he couldn't help it. It seemed that because of who and what he was, he was supposed to have no feelings. And regardless of Marie's failings, she was still their mother. They should all be here, not just Catrin. He tried to shake off the mood. "Ignore me. I'm just tired."

René came around and squatted before Jean. "I'm here now. You can rest."

~~~~~

Marie died thirty-three hours later. There were arguments, recriminations, and hard words about the time of burial and the way the funeral should be conducted and even how Marie would be laid out. Disgusted at what he saw as disrespect and appalled by the pain it was all causing Jean, René finally stepped in. Sending Jean away, René faced his brother's children. "Your mother's dead. The least you can do is let your father bury her in peace!"

"That thing isn't my father," Adrienne spat. "My father died when I was five!" She faced him defiantly.

"If he's not your father then why has he taken care of you all these years, heh?" René asked bluntly. "You going to some fancy school on his money right now, ain't you?" His sardonic expression somehow aged him. “I don’t see you giving the money back. Guess you don’t mind him paying for everything regardless of whether he’s your daddy or not. You awful young to be that big a hypocrite.”

She didn't back down, though Rochelle looked embarrassed. She was attending a rather expensive university herself and had honestly never really thought about where the money for her tuition, housing, and clothes had come from. Adrienne stared at René in distaste. "I’m not the only one. I know who you are. He introduced you as his brother but you're his lover." The disgust that curled Adrienne's lip was so over-blown as to be nearly cartoonish. Unfortunately, it was also heartfelt.

René stared at her without flinching. "Yes, I am. Thank God. Jean's about the only decent thing I got in my life anymore," he said proudly. He wasn’t going to get into his or Jean’s private life. It wasn't germane to the matter at hand. "And that doesn't change the fact that you gotta bury your mama and that's hard enough without you all fighting. Jean ain't gonna be able to take much more."

Catrin nodded. "I don't care if he's really our father or not, he's acted like a father should. He was there when Robert ran out on Mama. I think the funeral should be held so he and Emilie can come." She faced her sisters. "None of you were there at the end, but he was." As was she. And as far as Catrin was concerned, that was the final word on the subject.

Emilie set her jaw. "I'm not coming anyway. I don't go where I’m not wanted. I'm not part of your family anymore. You’ve made that clear. That’s fine; I have a better one now. So it doesn't matter whether it's set so I can come or not."

René grabbed her by the upper arm. He might not have any control over the other girls but Emilie was his niece. "Oh, you're going," he told her. "If I have to drag you there, you're going. Jean ain't just your father, he's your sire and, by God, you gonna be there for him. You so proud of the family, then it's time you started acting like a member of the family." She growled up at him. René growled back, the deep uncompromising growl of an undead alpha male.

Emilie's eyes grew big. That growl had nearly frozen her insides. She had forgotten that René was a master vampirccouccounted a lord among their kind, and one of the heads of her clan. She had forgotten that her father held the same sort of power. "I'm sorry," she said in a small voice. "Of course, I'll do whatever Father wants."

"You father wants you to show a little respect to your mother." René released her and sighed. "That's all Jean wants. He just wants to bury you mama decently." He looked at the four young women. "Now you make up your mind before he comes back. Whatever you de, de, he don't need to see you fighting. Jean's had about all he can take."

René sat down in the back of the room with his arms crossed over his chest and yellow fire playing about the edges of his irises.

Jean Claude buried his human wife shortly after dusk two days later with all four of his daughters in attendance.

~~~~~

New Orleans, Louisiana
Friday, 11:08 p.m.
August 3, 2018

Jean eased the wedding ring from his finger and set it carefully in the back of his jewelry chest. It felt odd to think he'd never wear it again.

"You sure you ready to do that?" René asked from his perch on the edge of Jean’s bed. Jean looked exhausted. The funeral had been hard and though it was early for them, Jean had been up for well over twenty-four hours. René was worried. Even vampires needed to sleep sometimes.

Jean nodded. "It's time. I probably should have done it years ago but I just couldn't." He turned to look at René. "I still felt married, you know."

"I know," René said and went to him. He enveloped Jean in a gentle embrace. "And now you don't," he whispered. "How long you been helping Marie, frère?"

"Nearly eighteen months," Jean finally admitted.

René gasped. All through the turmoil and heartache the family had been facing for the last year-and-a-half, Jean had been secretly fighting his own battles alone. "Jean!" René couldn't even grasp the magnitude of how horrible that must have been. "Why you didn't tell some of us? Why you not come to me?"

Jean shook hea head, unable to speak. All the months of helping care for Marie and his daughters, of trying to help René and Baby through madness, of watching both his families fall apart, of trying to hold it all together against impossible odds crashed in on him. He sagged against René.

René held his brother more tightly. "Oh Jean, I failed you so bad!" He wanted to cry for Jean. He wantedgo bgo back and do everything over. "Sometimes, I'm so blind and stupid."

Jean gave a humph that might have been laughter. "I love you anyway."

René, who thought his heart dead and gone, felt it shatter at the underlying sincerity of those words. "I know you do, Jean." He led Jean to a chair and coaxed him to sit before kneeling before him. "You the best thing that ever happened to me."

Jean stared into that face that he dreamed about daily and felt only desolation. "Then why can't you love me? What is so wrong with me that you can't love me the way I love you?" The breath he drew was shaky. "I'd do anything for you, René. Anything. I'd share you with anyone you wanted me to. I'd be anything you wanted me to be. Why can't you love me!"

René tried to speak but nothing would come from his lips. The hurt in Jean’s brown eyes was as sharp and cutting as Wesley’s switchblade. And caused just as much pain. He shook his head.

"No," Jean said, unwilling to be put off again. "You tell me this time. You tell me why I’m not good enough. You tell me what I'm not doing right. You explain to me what I need to do to make you love me. Tell me why you’re not in love with me like I’m in love with you."

"I wish to God I could, Jean," René said. He couldn’t look at Jean anymore. He couldn’t stand to see what he’d done to his brother. "I wish to God on high that I could love you the way you want me to." His own breathing was evident and unsteady. "I'd be the happiest man on the face of the planet if I loved you best." He took Jean's hands in his own, their fingers twining with the ease of long familiarity. "There ain't nothing wrong with you, Jean. You damn near perfect. But there's something wrong with me. And there always has been." He looked down at their clasped hands. "And I do love you. Hell, I am in love with you and have been for years. I just… I just love her more."

Jean sprang to his feet and pulled away. "Her! I'm tired of hearing about her. All I ever hear in this house is her. She isn't worthy of you! If she loved you like she says she does, she wouldn't have let you leave. Or she'd have gone with you." He gritted his teeth. "It's what I would have done!"

René stared at him in shock.

"If she loves you so much, how come she's not with you? How come she's off somewhere with that pet of hers?" His lip curled up in disgust. "She ain't alone, you know. She took Jack with her. She's never alone. She's always got one of us tagging along." He slammed his fist into the wall. His fury with his sire’s consort and the entire situation returned as strong as it had ever been. "And you and Spike just let her do as she pleases.” He shook his head. “At least Spike seems to be getting over it. But you're letting her kill you. She turned you down again and you just crawled off to Mobile and curled up in a ball to die." He was gasping now. His fury died and his greatest fear returned. "And how am I supposed to live if you die?" Tears filled his eyes but didn't fall. "You keep talking about how you're gonna die without her. Well, I'm gonna die without you." He turned away. "I been dying for months now."

"Mon Dieu, Jean!" René reached for him. "I never…"

Jean jerked away. "Don't touch me. I won't be able to bear it if you touch me." Jean clenched his teeth against the sobs trying to escape his chest. "Because that's all I really want. I just want you to touch me!” He stared at hole he'd made in the wall. “But I can’t let you because I know you'll just leave again. And this time you won't come back." He refused to look at René. "And I'm gonna be alone again. And I can't stand it anymore. I can't… I just can't…"

René went to hiattiatting aside Jean's fists when Jean would have pushed him away again, and wrapped his arms tightly around hiotheother.

"You left me! I needed you and you left me!" Jean wailed, all the agony inside seeking release at last. "I needed you and you left me all alone!" The brothers sank to the floor together as the tears finally fell from Jean's eyes. "Everyone left me all alone! I didn't have anyone!"

René rocked him, nearly overcome by Jean's pain. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't see…"

"You never see. No one ever sees," Jean gasped, trying to fight the pain that was eating through his heart. "Anne doesn't see beyond Spike. Spike doesn't see beyond Anne and her. You’ve never seen past her." He wanted to push away from René and he wanted to hold him forever. In the end, he gave up and allowed René to continue holding him. "You never see me. No one ever sees me."

René placed his hands on either side of Jean's face, forcing Jean to look at him. "I see you now.” And he did. For perhaps the first time, René saw past the image of quiet strength that Jean projected to the vulnerable man they’d all taken advantage of over and over again. They’d become so used to leaning on Jean that they forgot Jean might need someone to lean on occasionally. “All these years, I been an idiot." He kissed Jean softly. "I thought you was so strong and that you didn't need me. I thought I was just using you to get by my own pain and that if let myself love you, I'd just hurt you. Truth is you needed me as much as I needed you.” He kissed Jean again, just as softly. “I thought I was protecting you. I thought I was keeping your heart safe. Instead, I was just keeping us apart." He shook his head. "When all that time, we could'a been loving each other."

Jean stared at him in disbelief. "Whre yre you saying?" Jean whispered.

René smiled at him gently. "You swear to me that you don't mind that I love someone else, too. You swear to me that it ain't gonna break your heart that I'm married to her and I'm gonna stay that way."

Jean stared at him, frozen between hope and terror.

René’s smile grew, though it remained just as gentle. "If you can live with that, I'm yours."

Jean had to take a couple of breaths before he could speak. "Hers first but then mine? You'll be mine?"

René nodded. "Yeah. And you'll be mine. We'lle toe together just like you always wanted. I won't be only yours but I will belong to you." He smoothed Jean's hair off his forehead. "I can't live here but I got a whole house back in Mobile. You come to Mobile with me? Cordelia's there and she's been real good to me. You'll like her. So, you want to do that? You want to come live with me in Mobile?"

Jthouthought of everything that New Orleans held for him. Olivia wasn't here; she was already in Alabama. The children had Shelley. Even his father was all right. Spike had Anne now and he would be fine without Jean. Jean could do wver ver he wanted. He wasn’t needed here anymore. "Yes, I want to come live you."

~~~~~

Baby lifted her head from Jack’s shoulder.

“What? What is it?” he asked.

She stared out at the Pacific. “It’s René.” She looked up at her companion and Jack was struck by the softness of her expression. She smiled slightly, the first smile Jack had seen since she returned to him. “He’s happy.”

~~~~~

TBC