Lovers Walk

Chapter Eight: Demon's Found?


"Hey Buffy! Guess who I found?" Willow said in a sing song voice as Buffy entered the Magic Box.

"Who" she asked taking a seat at the table with her.

"Ravyn....who else?"

"You found something?!"

"Yep...not a lot, but she's in here." Willow said with a smile.

"It say's here," Willow started reading from the Watcher's Journal, "Ravyn Sinclaire, born 1949. State of Birth unknown. Was sired by Victor Ramirez, at the age of 23 in 1972. They roamed around NY for a few years then made their way west, never leaving each other's side. They parted ways in Iowa, in 1997."

"Wait" Buffy said. "1997..that would have been..she told Spike she was captured by the Initiative 5 years ago."

"What? She was captured?" Willow asked wide eyed.

"Yep, that's what he said. Got her own little chip to."

"You're kidding!?"

"Afraid not. At least she wasn't lieing about not eating the locals"

"Huh.... well, that might explain the separation, if they were always together, then maybe that's why they split." Willow said more to herself than anyone else.

"Does it say anything else?" Buffy asked.

"WOW..Who's the Hottie!" Xander asked taking his seat and glancing over at the Journal.

"That's the new vamp..Ravyn" Willow told him.

"Well, you weren't kidding about the Beautiful part were ya Buff?" He said getting an eye roll from both girls.

"Shut up Xander! What else Willow?" Buffy said glaring at him before looking back at the book.

"Nothing..That's about it. She's not really mentioned as a big killer.Never made a name for herself. Apparently Victor catered to her every need. A `kept' vamp if you want to use that description." She must have been really special to him."

"Why is it vamps have more meaningful relatiips ips than us humans?" Buffy asked

"What else do they have?" Willow answered shrugging her shoulder.

"Well, Spike went to talk to her again. If she got the chip 5 years ago...then the Initiative was in operation `before' they got here." Buffy told them. "It may explain why she was snooping around the old Complex."

"Makes sense I guess. You think he'll tell you if he finds out anything?"

"Don't know Will. He's been acting kinda distant lately." Buffy said in a soft voice. "I guess I'll find out when I see him again."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ravyn took a few steps away from Spike taking in his new found glory, as it was now showing on his face. His soft baby blues were now replaced with dark, stormy eyes. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head. He had never even thought about this. He just thought he was harmless. Spike was looking at her, every muscle in his body tense like he could pop at any minute. She could see the destruction his demon had been craving brewing right there on the surface waiting for that one moment in time when he would be free, the question now was, what was he going to do about it?

"So, how does it feel to know you can let yourself go if you wanted to? If you needed to? No more harmless demon. You still have the power Spike. You're still the same as you always were. Powerful. Destructive. Feared." she asked him drawing out her last words in a throaty whisper.

Spike slowly stalked up to her. The predatory gleam in his eye's was intoxicating.
His demon had been set free. He roughly grabbed the back of her head, holding her face only inches from his own. "What I think pet, is that you may have just created a monster." he saazinazing into her eyes with a deadly smirk firmly on his face. "Think you can handle that?"

Ravyn stared at him, amazed at the change in him, "Sorry baby" she chuckled softly "a monster is something you already were.You always have been.... You just forgot." she said drawing out her last words.

Spike stared at her letting her words penetrate his brain and slowly released his hold letting his hand fall to his side. The once stormy blue eyes started to soften, being replaced by the brilliant blue they were before. He took a few steps away from her as images of Buffy flashed before him. Her laughing and smiling at him. Her punching and screaming at him...calling him a 'monster' . All the `good' he had done in the past few years flooding to the surface, pushing his demon further down where it had been kept. He looked at her, confusion clouding his face.

Ravyn saw the signs of denial, confusion, and despair on his face. She smiled at him. A genuine friendly smile. "It's okay Spike" she said placing a comforting hand on his arm, "I'm not saying we burn California down to the ground. I thought you wanted to know who you were. Now you know." she said taking her seat back on the sofa "I've lived the past 5 years on my own. I've done it with the knowledge of knowing `who' and `what' I am. I'm not human, I've never pretended to be. I'll never get to walk in the sun, I won't watch anymore sunsets or sunrises and I won't know what it is to have a family of my own. But I do know what I want. It's the only thing I have left.... I want those Bastards to pay! AND they will. If it takes me an eternity...I WILL get them. They took more from me than you'll ever know" she continued with tears welling up in her eyes. "What you need to ask yourself is..what do you want?"


A thousand things flashed through Spike's mind. Most of them were the same things she wanted..home, family,love....Buffy. Things he hadn't had in a very long time and knew he'd never have again. The once rejoicing demon was reduced to a crumbling shell of the man he use to be. Spike slowly made his way to the sofa and took a seat beside her. Quietly he sat thinking of all he had learned that night. He turned and saw the same emotions he was feeling on her face. All the sadness of being alone for to long, not belonging anywhere, or to anyone and a deep understanding of what he was. He wasn't human, he didn't fit in to there world. No matter how hard he tried. The only thing that had been `him' for over 100 years had been taken from him. Just like it had been taken from her.

"I don't know pet." he said sadness filling his words. "I use to think I knew...but now, I just don't know. All I've ever wanted since this chip was put in, was to have it out. I'm not even sure why anymore. Living with it and learning to live along side humans changes you. The demon in me still wants to run rampant and shed blood like it did in the old days...but, I'm not sure that's who I am anymore. I `don't know' who I am anymore."
ou'rou're still you Spike...just different. Just because your a vampire doesn't mean you can't grow up." she said a playful tone in her voice. "We can't all stay rebellious forever...well, some of us can, but whose really looking anyway." she added with a playful smile.

Spike had to smile at that. How could she be so ruthless and dangerous one minute and so calm and carefree the next. She truly is a mystery he thought.

"You know, what you chose to do with your life is your own business. I lived in fear for a long time after getting away from the Initiative, but after I realized I wasn't as defenseless as they led me to believe, it gave me back something I thought I'd never have again. 'Me'. That's all that matters in this world. There's no one for me to go home to at night. No one to watch my back. I live for my own survival. The only thing that has kept me from going crazy is my search for those guy's who took everything from me. And I won't rest until I have them. I've searched half the country for them and I'll keep searching till I find them. I've never meet anyone other than myself who actually made it out of those complexes and lived to tell the tale. I guess what you need to ask yourself Spike, is what you really want and where do you really fit in. You can't live your life in the shadows dreaming of a life that left you behind. You'll only end up more lonely and hating yourself in the long run."

Spike let her words slowly seep into his brain. "Why are you telling me all this?" he asked her softly.

Ravyn looked at him cocking her head to one side, a sad smile on her face, "I think you know Spike. I may not look to bright to the casual observer, but I can read people like a book. I know your hanging around here for a reason and I'm sure it's not for the sunny climate and undead population. Your stiere ere because of the Slayer." she said giving him a compassionate look. Spike looked like a deer caught in headlights. How did she figure that out? "Don't worry, I'm not gonna bust your chopr thr that one, hell I've even had my run with a human to." she added with a small sad smile. "The one thing you need to remember is that humans are fickle. They want what they can't have, and don't want what they do." with that said she got up from the sofa and grabbed her jacket.

"Well, I think I've imparted enough of my brilliant wisdom on you for one night" she said with a smile, "but I have some work to do. I've already stayed longer than I should have around here and seeing how the soldier boys have a really big lead on me I really need to be moving on soon, so...think about what I said and don't live in a fantasy world where your never gonna get a happy ending. Trust me, been there, done that...ends up in a whole shit load of tears and broken hearts."

Spike stood up and followed her to the door, "So your leaving soon..Town I mean?"

"Yep.. day after tomorrow. Going to get another look in that Complex. Hopefully I can get some general direction as to which way they were headed..then I'm off." she told him as they stepped out onto the porch.

"You think you'll ever find them?"

"Who knows." she answered with a shrug, "Can't see any reason to just settle down and live out my boring existence when there's so much to see. Never could sit still for to long and as long as I'm looking for them...I'm never bored." she said happily.

"Never thought I'd settle anywhere either, but, I'm living proof you can." Spike replied not sure he wanted to see her go.

Ravyn gave him a huge smile, her eyes sparkling, "first off...in case you forgot...you're not living" she said with a chuckle "And are you truly happy? Don't you miss the adventure? Not knowing what tomorrow will bring?"

"Sometimes" he replied shrugging his shoulders.

"Just sometimes? Come on Spike...I'm a Vampire!! Don't bullshit me. You crave it! What else do we have? Bagged blood and picking fights with our own kind just to have something to pass the time?" she asked with a tiny laugh thi think your just feeling your age old man...your dead, not dust. Live
little" she told him playfully as she walked away.


"OLD MAN! Who are you calling old?" Spiked yelled as he followed Ravyn down the walk way to the street.

Ravyn was laughing harder at him now, "You Grandpa!"

"Grandpa" he ground out through clenched teeth."Listen here you crazy little bint, I can be just as adventurous as the next vamp can" he growled out stalking behind her, "I could tell you stories that you wouldn't believe!"

"Yeah, stories as old as you are!" she said turning to look at him, happy that she had gotten him out of his depressing mood. "I'll tell ya what Spike,... I'll give you until tomorrow to remember one `exciting' adventure you've had in the last 5 years and I'll 'try' to rethink your `old' statis. But until then, I've have things to do and hanging out with the geezers aint one of them" she said hardly able to contain the outburst of laughter she was holding in at the look on his face. "I'll see ya later...Gramps!" she said winking at him and sauntered off down the street leaving him standing on the sidewalk smirking at her, not sure if he wanted to kill her or kiss her for being such a smartass.

"Bleeding woman is insane. She wants a story, I'll give her a damn story!" he said out loud to no one, smiling to himself as he turned and heading off back to his crypt.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Chapter Nine: First Kiss

Spike made his way towards Ravyn's, prepared to dazzle her with his many adventures. `I've got a story for her' he thought to himself as he approached the front porch. Once at the door, he waited for her to jerk it open again, only to see nothing. Knocking quietly he waited. As the door opened he was meet with her bright smile. Spike noticed her vreverevealing, black leather outfit and gave her an appreative smile. "You do know they make material for clothing other than just leather don't you?" he asked knowing he hadn't seen her in anything but.

"Yeah, my pajama's aren't leather" she said smiling as she stepping outside and shut the door.

"And that would that be" he asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"None of your business" she said as she made her way down the steps.

Spike smirked at her and followed. "Where are we going?"

"To the Bronze"

"And why's that?" he asked catching up to her and walking along her her.

"Because it's my last night in town, and I want to have some fun"

"I thought this was story time...not fun night at the local watering hole"

"You can tell me your story there. I may need to be a little tipsy to see your side of the adventure" she said laughing slightly.

Rolling his eyes at her, they walked silently. A few blocks from there destination, they were meet by four vamps as they stepped out from a darkened alley.

"Well, well...what do we have here?" a big guy with bad teeth said.

"Don't know, but it looks yummy" his boney friend said looking Ravyn over from head to toe. "Think she tastes as good?"

Spike could see the gleam in her eye as he glanced over at her. Stepping back he took out a cigarette, lit it and leaned back against the wall.

Ravyn rolled her eyes at the vamps before her. "Look, as much as I'd love to stay and chat with you boy's, I'm kinda in a hurry, so if you don't mind...


A grunt could be heard from the boney vamp as Ravyn's stake rammed into his chest. A cloud of dust settled at her feet as she looked up at the three stunned faces before her.

"Next" she said twirling her stake in her hand, a big smile plastered on her face.

"You little bitch" the big vamp said as he lunged for her only to be met with a boot to the head.

"Bitch is it..let me show you how big a bitch I can be" she said as she rained blow after blow to his face and body. Sticking her foot out, she tripped the vamp, who hit the pavement with a `thud'. "Now see, you made me scuff up my boots" she said pointing down to her toe . As the vamp looked to where she pointed..Ravyn quickly shoved the stake into his heart. "stupid" she said almost to herelf as she straightened herself up to look at the other two who still hadn't said a word.

"Well, what's it gonn?" s?" she asked them cocking her head to one side.

"Um..well, they were the ones that wanted to mess with ya" a shaggy headed vamp said. "We'll just go , if that's okay with you?" he asked looking worriedly from his remaining friend back to her.

"Whatever" she said waving her hand in the air.

Before the vamps could get completely turned around...Ravyn had staked shaggy and grabbed the remaining vamp and pinned him against the wall. "I changed my mind" she said winking at him and plunging the stake into his chest.

"Well, that was just fun" she said turning to see Spike just standing there smirking at her.

"You know pet, I think you enjoy that to much" Spike said pushing himself off the wall.

"What gives you that idea?" she asked smiling.

Spike just smiled back at her shaking his head as they continued on there way.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Bronze was alive with people. The band was playing and dancing college kids where everywhere. Making there way to the bar, Spike and Ravyn order there drinks and made there way to a table near the dance floor.

"Is this the only hang out in town?" Ravyn asked as her and Spike sat down.

"Fraid so luv" he answered looking around the bar."Not much in the way of entertainment here, unless it's the Hellmouthy kind"

"And you stay...why exactly?" she asked looking disgusted at the prospects of having to live here.

Spike gave her a `look' over the top of his beer bottle as he took a drink.

"Oh, right" she said taking her own drink. "Sorry..forgot"

"Yeah, how'd you know `bout that any" he" he asked curious as to how she figured out about Buffy.

She smiled at him before taking another sip of her beer and answering him. "Well, when I asked you about helping they Slayer..I could tell you were lieing..you fidget when you get uncomfortable. Can always see through that, plus something in your eyes told me there was something more than you were telling. I just guessed basically, but when you didn't correct me, I knew for sure.

" Are you in Love with her?" Ravyn asked him quietly.

Spike busied himself with the removal of the label from his beer bottle before giving a small nod of his head. "Can't help it. Tried not to..just won't go away." he answered finally looking up at her.

"Have you told her?"

"A bleeding million times. Doesn't do any good. Say's I'm a monster incapable of love." he finished with a sad smile

Ravyn sat there staring at him, feeling bad for even bringing it up."Well, if it's any consolation to ya, I know what's it's like to Love the enemy." she stated hopeing her admission would at least make him feel better.

"Really?" Spike said as he looked up at her, a quizzical look on his face. "Who?"

"Well,....you know, they don't just let vamps walk out of those Complexes. You have to find your own way out." she said hopping he'dch och on to what she was trying to tell him without her actually having to say it.

"You're not telling me you feel for one of those soldier gits are you?"

Ravyn laughed quietly as she took another sip of her beer. "Yep, that's what I'm telling ya."

Spike looked completely disgusted, scrunched his face up at her before he found his words. "Now see, I thought falling for the Slayer was bad...but that's just, that's just wrong. How could you do that?" he asked not believing what he just heard.

"You don't go looking for Love Spike...it finds you"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~

"Whoa, this place is hopping tonight" Xander said as the Scooby gang entered the Bronze and found there way to their usual table.

"Yeah, kinda hopeing for a quieter atmosphere myself" Buffy said looking at her friends.

"Oh, come on Buff, live a little" Willow piped in after seeing Buffy's sullen mood.

Buffy gave a slight smile to her friend, determined not to ruin their evening. "You're right Will, I need to start getting out more..meeting new people"....*getting your mind off certain blond dead guy's* she added to herself.

"That's the spirit...were here for Scooby fun night...no worries..no slaying..just an all around good time." Willow chirped in happily.

"Well, at least some people..or vamps..had the same idea" Xander said pointing across the club to Spike and Ravyn who were laughing and obviously having a good time.

"Wow...she is really pretty, HEY...let's go over and say hey!" Willow said enthusicatilly.

"NO" Buffy said more loudly than she had wanted. "Let's just let them be. I'm sure whatever they're doing they want to be alone." she said trying to hide the hurt in her eyes at seeing Spike obviously enjoying himself.


Ravyn hadn't laughed this hard in a long time as Spike recounted some of his more embarrassing moments in his life. He wasn't sure why he was telling her, but hearing her laugh and seeing her smiling that brilliant smile was enough to make him continue. It had been along time since he had had a decent conversation with anyone, so he glad he had came.

"Now, you see, that's something I would have `never' told anyone!" Ravyn said through her gut wrenching laughter and tears. "How long had it been again since you `courted' a lady?" she asked trying to get her laughter under control.

"A long time" he answered not able to keep his own laughter down from watching her."Like you don't have your own embarrassing moments?"

"Yeah, who don't...but, I'm not gonna tell anyone!" she told him

"Hey, I told you mine" he said.

"I diI didn't ask you to..you're the one with the big mouth" she said still chuckling to herself.

Spike just shook his head at, st, still smiling as he looked out through the club. His smile soon died as he saw her. Buffy. Looking straight at him with an almost pained look on her face. He wondered if her seeing him with Ravyn was making a difference. Could his interest in someone else finally make her see what he wanted her to see. *One way to find out mate* he thought to himself as he turned his gaze back to Ravyn. "Care to dance pet?" he asked her as he stood up from the table and held his hand out to her.

Ravyn smiled up at him. "I thought you'd never ask" she said as she took his hand and let him lead her to the dance floor.

Buffy watched the couple step onto the dance floor. Her heart aching in her chest as Ravyn slide both arms around Spike's neck, he in turn, wrapping both arms tightly around her small waist. They were both pressed up against one another and all Buffy could think was how she wanted to march out there and ripe them both apart.

"What ya looking at Buff?" Willow asked turning in her seat to see what held Bufy's interest. "Oh, they look kinda cute together, don't ya think?" she added, smiling at Ravyn and Spike.

"Hey, at least now maybe you can get the undead wonder to leave you alone Buff" Xander said also staring at the dancing couple.

*not sure I want to be left alone* Buffy thought as she watched not able to tear her eyes away.

Spike's intention was to make Buffy jealous by dancing with Ravyn. He never expected to like the way she felt pressed up against him. He was getting lost in her scent as he lowered his head to her neck to take more of it in. He was reminded of Wildflowers in Spring. She smelt fresh and alive. Unconcousily, he stepped closer to her, drawing her in as close as he could. She was taller than Buffy, almost the same height as he was. Running a hand up her back to her neck, he felt her shiver under his touch. With a smile on his face, he nuzzled his face into her shoulder and hair, trying to see what other kind of reaction he could get out of her.

Her running her finger's through the back of his hair wasn't what he expected. He was the one shivering now as she whispered softly into his ear. "Don't think I don't know what your doing" she purred seductively. "I've been around lot's of men, and I know how they think" she said pulling her head back to look at him. She smiled and looked him in the eye before lightly licking his lips. "You see Spike, this game is as old as time itself" she said, her lips mere inches away from his. "If you think I'm not bright enough to figure out you're trying to make your girl over there jealous, then I'm here to tell you I don't like games that mess with my emotions."

Spike looked at her, seeing the hurt and something else he couldn't place in her eyes. He knew it wasn't fair to play her like that without her knowing, but he genuinely was beginning to enjoy the feel of her body against his. He was only trying to make Buffy see, he hadn't meant to hurt Ravyn with his action. Placing his forehead against her's he kept eye contact before speaking. "Sorry luv, wasn't thinking. But if it makes ya feel any better, the neck thing was abouabout you" he said with a smile. "You smell good, like flowers. Just kinda got lost for a minute there." he told her hopeing he hadn't made her mad.

"Yeah, well, it's okay. You could have just asked.I could have had her over here in 2 minutes flat if you'd let me in on the game." she said an evil twinkle in her eye.

"Is that right" he asked curious to what she would have done.

"Uh huh" she said as she brought her mouth over to his ear, nibbling on his earlobe while staring at Buffy. "If looks could kill, I'd be dust about right now" she whispered in his ear with a smile knowing Buffy was fuming.

"Then, she's mad?" Spike asked, not sure if this was going to back fire or not.

"Not sure mad is the word..jealous defiantly." Ravyn told him as she continued licking and nibbling his ear.

Spike closed his eyes trying to think of anything other than what she was doing to him. Although this was for Buffy's benefit, he was having a hard time controlling his rapidly approaching erection at the feel of her tongue in his ear. It had been a while since he'd been with Buffy, and although he loved her, he was only a man.

"So, if you really want to pull this off, I suggest we leave now..give her something to really think about" Ravyn said pulling her head back to look at him. "Besides, not sure how much more of that you can take" she said giving him a knowing smile as she ground her hips into his now present bulge.

"You might have a point" Spike said taking a step away from her and looking to the exit. "Don't think she'll get the wrong idea?"

"Of course she'll get the wrong idea. That's the point you ditz!" she said as she grabbed his hand and started pulling him to the exit.


Buffy's mind was swirling with emotions as she watched the scence before her. Never in her life had she wanted to hurt someone so badly. The only problem was, she didn't know who she wanted to hurt worse...Spike or Ravyn! As she watched Ravyn pull Spike to the exit, the desire to run after him was so great, she had to mentally keep telling herself over and over again to stay seated. *he is so dead if he sleeps with that ho* she thought to herself. *Oh, right, like he's not already..and besides, you threw him away..remember! Shut Up!* she screamed in her head.

"Yoo-Hoo..Buff" Xander asked trying to get her attention.

"Huh..what" Buffy said focusing her attention back to her friends.

"Where were you..you just zoned out"

"Oh, sorry, just alot on my mind" she answered him with a smile.

"Apparently, thought you went all comatose on us again" he said laughing softly.

"Naw...still here. So you guy's wanna dance" Buffy asked trying to get her mind off Spike and Ravyn and where they were off to and what they were going to do.

"Sure" the gang said as they all got up and made there way to the dance floor.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike had just finished recounting the events of `Hellgod Glory' as he and Ravyn made there way up to her little house. "So, does that count as an exciting adventure to you then?" he asked her as they stepped up on the porch.

"Yeah, I guess it'll do...you're still old though" she said laughing at his scowling face at her `old' comment.

"Yeah, well, I look damn good for my age I have you know"

"How would you know...you haven't seen yourself in over 100 years."Ravyn replied smiling at him.

"Been told, that's how"

"Who lied to you like that? I really should kill them for letting you believe you actually look good." she said laughing at his attempt to look aggravated at her.

"Good thing you're leaving...I'd probably have you killed outside a week for that smart mouth of you Spi Spike told her.

"Naw, you wouldn't, who would you have then to impart all this world of knowledge on ya, since you're so obviously clueless."

"I'd manage" he said straightening his shoulders.

"I'm sure you would." she stated "Well, I guess this is it then. I'm Leaving tomorrow night, right after sunset."

"So, you found out where they went?"

"Not exactly. I know I'll find them though. I'm headed south, so that's a start. There's some sort of command center in New Mexico. Not an actual facility..more like a home base, at least that's what I made it out to be. Found a few scattered files, few names and addresses. Hopefully it'll work out this time." she said looking hopeful.

"Well, I hope everything works out for you." Spike said. "I'm sure you can do whatever you set that crazy head of your's to do."

Ravyn smiled, almost sad to leave. "I hope things work out for you to Spike. I'm sure given enough time, your Slayer will see what a great guy you are. I've had alot of fun tonight. Been along time since I've had anything to laugh at. So, Thanks. For everything." she said giving him a sad smile.

"My pleasure pet" Spike whispered reaching up to cup her cheek in his hand. Ravyn leaned into his touch, bringing her own hand and placing it over his, knowing she would miss him. He had been the first person she had actually talked to in a very long time.

Spike could see his own loneliness reflecting back at him in her eyes.
Pulling her closer to him with his other arm, he gently brought his lips down to capture hers in a soft, chaste kiss. As sweet as honey and feather lite he slowly kissed her, moving his mouth across hers as she brought her free arm up around his neck. Spike pulled away slowly and looked at her, not sure of what he was feeling. It wasn't rough and hurried like the kisses he shared with Buffy, but smooth and gently like a first kiss should be. Smiling slightly at her, he moved a hand into her hair and brought her head to his and caught her lips again. Exploring and tasting, he licked her lips asking for permission to deepen the kiss. As her lips parted, he tasted her, as their tongues met and danced. It was blissful in it's simplicity. Inhaling deeply, Spike took in her scent along with the taste of her and memorized the way she felt against him before slowly separating.

"That was nice." Ravyn said softly, sorry the kiss had ended. "You kiss your Slayer like that, then she'll be beating down your door in no time" she added smiling.

Spike smiled back at her, not willing to tell her he had already giving Buffy everything he had, all his kisses and his love. Why could this woman see what Buffy refused to?

"Yeah it was." he said referring to the kiss. "Maybe one day she'll see me as more than just the monster next door." he added.

"I'm sure she will Spike. Just give it time." with that said, Ravyn reached up and kissed him on the cheeck before giving him that pretty smile he knew was only her. "Good-bye Spike"

As he watched her walk into the house and close the door, he wondered if he could convince Buffy to finally see what they had together. Ravyn had given him alot to think about in the last 2 days, and she was right. He couldn't continue living his life as he had been. It was time to make Buffy see.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Chapter Ten: Highways and BYEways


"So, what are you going to do today?" Buffy asked her sister as she joined her at the island bar with her breakfast.

"Um, I'm not sure. Janice wants to go shopping, but it's not much fun without money" Dawn replied taking another bite of her pancakes.

"I know, I'm really sorry Dawn, If I had some we could spare...."

"I know. It's okay... really"

Buffy looked at her sister and gave her a warm smile, "It'll get better, I promise."

"Yeah, I know" she said laying her head on Buffy's shoulder.

Their quiet moment was interrupted by the back door flying open.

"Bloody Hell! I really need to invest in another blanket" Spike yelled as he stomped out the fire on his flaming blanket. Straightening up, he adjusted his clothing and smiled at Buffy and Dawn who were both staring at him. "Morning all."

Dawn shook her head at him as she giggled. "Yeah, I'd say so. You're gonna be a crispy critter one of these days if you keep using the raggedy old thing much longe
"
"Probly right bit" Spike told her as he ruffled her hair, earning him a playful swat of his hand from her.

"So, how are my 2 favorite ladies doing this morning?" he asked leaning over the bar on his elbows.

"Why are you here?" Buffy asked still upset about seeing him and Ravyn at the Bronze the previous night.

Straightening himself up, he looked at her, noticing the daggers she was glaring at him. "Came to talk to you actually"

"Ugh, adult talk. Don't mind me." Dawn said as she stood up and carried her plate to the sink. "I'm heading on over to Janice's anyway. See ya later Spike." she said as she bent down and gave her sister a hug. "Bye Buffy."

"Be good Dawn" Buffy said as she watched her sister leave.

Buffy stood and placed her own dishes in the sink, not wanting to have any kind of
conversation with Spike. She was still to mad and hurt to be rational at the moment. "I'm not in the mood to talk Spike, so maybe we can do this another time?" she said staring out the Kitchen window.

"No, I want to talk now Buffy. This has waited long enough. I need to know where we stand." Spike told her as he walked up behind her.

"I thought it was pretty clear where we stand, or at least that's the way it looked last night." she spat out hatefully.

"You know that didn't mean anything." he answered her softly, smiling.

"Didn't look that way to me" * geez, calm down...don't let him get to you* she said to herself.

Spike sighed. He knew the Bronze act was going to backfire. All his plans always did. "Look, that was just an act to make you jealous...which obviously worked." he said, smirking to himself. "It didn't mean anything. She'll be gone at sunset, it's not even an issue."


Buffy turned to face him. "An act? So, you leaving with her and doing who knows what was what...all part of some sick little game?"

"Yes, and all that happened was...me walking her , we, we said good-bye and I left. That's all." he replied not about to tell her about the kiss.

"Like I even care!" she spat out. "You can `shag' half the damn town, doesn't make a difference to me one way or the other!"

Giving her the smuggest smile he could, he slowly closed the distance between them. "If you didn't care, you wouldn't be so angry with me right now" he said placing his hands on her hips.

"Just looking at you makes me angry most of the time Spike, why would today be any different?" she answered pushing his hands away.

Spike knew he wasn't getting anywhere. This wasn't going like he had planned. Letting out a long sigh, he turned and took a seat at the bar. Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared at her trying to get the speech in his head to come out right.

"I didn't invite you to stay, so don't get comfortable." she told him. *god why does he have to look at me like that. With those damn...big...blue eyes.Ugh!..Stop It! You're mad at him..REMEMBER!" she mentally argued with herself.

"Come here Buffy, sit down" Spike asked her as calmly as he could, patting the seat next to him....."Please?"

Buffy wanted to run. Get as far away as she could. She knew what was coming and didn't want to have to deal right now. Rolling her eyes, she finally stomped over to the bar and sat down beside him.

Spike turned in his chair so he could look at her. "Buffy, I Love You. You know I do. But, I can't keep playing this game with you."

"Spike, don't. I'm not in the mood for this conversation. I thought the talking part was over. Isn't that what you said in the cemetery?"

Yes, I did. But I want to know. I have to know....now. This is the `last time' EVER I'm going to have this conversation with you. How do you feel about me Buffy?"

Buffy sat there, honestly not knowing what to say. Did she love him? Did she want him to know if she did? What would her friends think of her? "I don't know Spike. It's complicated."

"Only because you're makin tha that way! It's simply Buffy. Either you love me or you don't." Spike told her scrubbing a hand over his face. He was beginning to get irritated at her and her denial process. He knows she feels something, whether it's `love' he wasn't sure, but he knew it was something.

Buffy looked over at him then quickly turned away not able to stand the look of desperation in his eyes. She let out a long sigh and ran both hands through her hair. "Why can't we just leave things the way they are now and stay friends until I can figure this out?"

"Because, I don't want to be your friend Buffy. I want your love...not a pal to hang out with."

"So, if I tell you I don't love you and I don't want a relationship with you...you're what?"

"I'm finished...I'm tired Buffy. I'm tired of playing this game. I can't put my own happiness on hold while you figure out what it is you want. You've had months and you don't seem to know anymore now then you did then. It's simple really." Spike said shifting in his seat. "Do. You. Love Me?"

Buffy's heart was breaking. The look on his face was morinfuinful than any beating she had ever received. "I can't love you Spike" she answered. "You're a vampire. I'm a Slayer. We walk in 2 different worlds. There's no way to make this work...I'm sorry." she whispered the last part with tears in her eyes.

Spike sat there, staring at her, knowing she would never give him what he wanted. "I am to." he said. "I'm sorry life is so unfair to you. I'm sorry I can't be everything you need or want, but most of all...I'm sorry your life is so screwed up that you can't even allow yourself to enjoy it."

Spike stood up from his chair and went to the door. Retrieving his blanket from the floor, he turned and looked at her. "I hope you find what you're looking for Buffy, just don't wait to long. Life's to short...Trust Me. I've missed out on alot of things being what I am...I'd hate to see you do the same by `choice'." Putting the blanket over his head, he stepped outside and headed back to his crypt.

Buffy silently got up from her seat and walked up the stairs to her room. Laying down on the bed, she clutched Mr. Gordo to her chest. "I'm sorry Spike, I don't see any other way" she whispered to herself as she slowly closed her eyes and cried herself to sleep.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike was sitting in his crypt going over everything that had happened that morning. He knew she wouldn't give in, but being the stubborn creature he was, he couldn't help but train.ain. Letting out a long sigh, he rested his head on the back of his chair, a half empty Vodka bottle resting in his hand. *What now mate?* he asked himself, bringing the bottle to his lips. *Bleeeding woman's never gonna see things your way, no matter how much you try* Turning his head to the side he gave his musty, dank `home' a good look before shutting his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to form from spilling out. "You'll never be good enough" he whispered softly as the tears finally came and ran gently down his face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy walked through the cemetery, with one goal in mind...and that was to find Spike. Life `was' passing her by. She needed to make a change, and make it now.

"Hey pet" she heard from behind her. Buffy stopped and turned around, smiling as she saw Spike leaning against a gravestone.

"Hey yourself" she replied.

"Patrolling or... are you here to see me?" he asked with that irritatingly cute smirk on his face.

"You wish" she told him, still smiling as she walked towards him.

"Yeah, I do" he said standing as she approached. "I still love you , you know."

"I know....that's actually why I'm here."

"Really" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah...really. I know I haven't been fair to you Spike, and I'm sorry." she said with a smile as she walked to stand directly infront of him. "I've been thinking and I've realized something."

"And what's that" he asked hopefully.

"That I....I love....her words were cut short by the gasp of air that escaped Spike lips and the pained look on his face.

"Buffy" he choked out as he reached for her. Buffy stared with wide eyes as she reached out to grab him, only to feel his ashes sift through her fingers. Tears fell from her eyes as she looked down at the remains of herlovelover. Falling to her knees, Buffy ran her hands through his ashes and picked up the crossbow bolt that had ended his life permanently. Shocked and trembling..the first assault of heart wrenching sobs escaped her throat. "Spike" she hoarsely said through her tears. "Spike..oh god,.... Spike...come back..please come back." As the harsh reality of what had just happened hit her, she looked up into the night sky and the silence of the cemetery was broken as a grief stricken scream was heard..."SPIKE!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy awoke with a start as she screamed out Spike's name. Her heart was racing in her chest and tears flowed down her face. She laid there, trying to calm herself, as she buried her face in her hands and cried silently.*just a dream...just a dream* she kept repeating to herself. Looking over at her clock she noted the time. 6:45. She had slept all day. Buffy jumped off the bed and ru dow down the stairs. She had to see Spike. She had to tell him how she felt. She loved him. She had to tell him before it was to late. He was right, she was letting her life pass her by. She needed to live and she could only do it with him by her side.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Slowly opening the crypt door, Buffy stepped inside. "Spike..are you here?" she asked as she entered. Looking around, she slowly walked over to the entrance to the lower level. She scrunched up her nose at the burnt smoky smell that lofted up at her. "Spike?" she said again listening for any movement from below. *Must have stepped out.* she thought to herself. *I can wait...heavens knows he waited long enough for me* she said as she took a seat in his chair. Getting comfortable, she tried to decide how to tell him the `three little words' he had waited so long for to to say.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ravyn adjusted her duffel bag up on her shoulder as she made her way down the street. Hopeing to make it to the next town by morning, she had set out as soon as the sun had set. Smiling to herself as she remembered her time spent in this backwards little town, she knew she would have fond memories of a high strung bleached blond she had meet. She was almost sorry she had to go. She would miss him. He had made her laugh for the first time in many years. It was nice to have someone to talk to.

"Hello cutie"

Ravyn stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of his voice. A big smile covered her face as she looked up to see Spike leaning against a car, cigarette in hand.

"I thought the Welcome Wagon came when you `got' to town...not when you left?" she said walking to the edge of the sidewalk where he was.

"Well, in case you haven't noticed...this `is' the Hellmouth. Nothing ever works the way it's suppose to." he said as he crushed out the remains of his cigarette under his boot.

"Yeah, I've noticed." she replied setting her bag down on the ground. "So, you come to give me a proper good-bye or just wanted to irritate me once more for old times sake?"

"And when did I ever irritate you? Your the infuriating one with that smart ass mouth of your. That's things gonna get you killed one of these days."

"Doubtful" she replied with a chuckle. "Person would have to be pretty damn fast to do me in."

"You know what over confidence will get you, don't ya pet?" Spike said, raising an eyebrow to let her know she shouldn't be so cocky.

"Yeah, yeah, sure gramps...heard it all before" she said waving an arm in the air dismissing his statement.

Spike growled, flashing yellow eyes at her. "How many bleedin' times I got to tell you to stop calling me that!" he ground out, clenching his jaw.

Ravyn laughed at his attempt to intimidate her. "Please, you really shouldn't waste your energy with that whole growly thing on me...save if for someone who you actually `scare'."

Spike closed his eyes and turned his head sideways, trying to works the kinks out of his neck....actually, he was trying `not' to laugh as she continued to softly giggle at his `scare tactics'.

"Ah, poor Spike...can't even scare the likes of little ole me. You're losing your touch old man...ops...sorry bout that" she giggled again "what should I call you then?" she said loving the way he squirmed at her calling him old.

Spike stood there, hands in his pockets smirking at her. As irritating as she was...he liked her. There was something about her that made him want to know more about her. Who she really was and what it was that made her seem so damn happy all the time.

"You know Spike, as much as I'd love to stay her and chat it up with you, I really need to get going." she said after her giggling had subsided. "I've wasted enough time as it is." she added retrieving her bag from the ground.

"Yeah, I guess so." Spike said as he stood up straight. "Need a lift" he asked her as he reached down and opened the passenger side door of his Desoto.

Ravyn smiled. "Thanks, but I'm use to hoofing it...I'm sure I can make it out of town without any trouble."

"Yeah, but it's a damn long walk to New Mexico.... Just thought you might rather take the faster approach this time `round." he said reaching for her duffel bag.

Ravyn stood there, a smile slowly forming as she watched Spike throw her duffel in the back seat. "So, what....your `giving' me a lift to New Mexico?"

"Yeah,.... heard there might be some old acquaintances of mine hanging about down there....thought I'd look `em up." he answered motioning for her to get in the car.

"This thing isn't stolen is it? Hate to get locked up in some backwater hick town without my sunscreen." she asked looking at the car.

"NO, it's mine. Now are we going or not?"

"Yeah, I s wes we're going" she said as she climbed in the front seat. Spike closed the door behind her and made his way around to the driver's side and got in.

"We're off then" he said as he turned the key and started the car. Pulling out into the road, he headed out of town. He felt like he was doing the right thing...even though his heart was begging him to stay. *Time to get on with your life* he thought to himself as the "Now Leaving Sunnydale" sign slowly disappeared behind him.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Chapter Eleven: Gone


"What did your Slayer say when you told her you were leaving?

"Not sure, didn't exactly tell her." Spike said glancing over at Ravyn.

"What, you just up and left? No sweet mushy good-byes? Ravyn asked teasingly.

"No! No mushy good-bye." Spike replied rolling his eyes at her.

"What do you think she'll say when she figures it out?"

Spike sighed, he wasn't in the mood to talk.... especially about Buffy. The desire to turn around was getting greater by the minute.

"Look, can we not talk about this. You've been ramblin' on for the past hour and you're starting to get on my bleedin' nerves. So, pipe down already!" Spike yelled, getting irritated with her constant questioning.

Ravyn stared at him for a few seconds before turning her attention to the passing scenery out her window. "sorry" she mumbled so quietly he barely heard her. She hadn't meant to upset him, just being alone for such a long time, it was nice to have someone to talk to.

Spike glanced over at her when her whispered *sorry* reached him. He instantly felt bad for yelling at her. He didn't mean to snap, he was angry at himself for leaving Sunnydale and more so at Buffy for denying her feelings for him.

"Look, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to yell. It's just....I talked to her this morning and decided to leave right before sunset. I just left her a note. You can talk all you want. o'kay?" Spike said hopeing to smooth things over.

Ravyn turned her hend gnd gave him a weak smile. "s'kay" she said shrugging her shoulder before returning her attention back out the window.

Spike saw the `hurt' look in her eyes. *You stupid git. Only person who takes the time to talk to ya, and you yell and hurt her feelings for doing so* he said to himself. He reached over and placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a little squeeze. "I'm really sorry Ravyn" he said softly before letting her hand go and turned his attention back to the road.

Both sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts, each wondering if this had been a big mistake.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Buffy looked at her watch for the 20th time in the last hour. *Where the hell is he!* she asked herself. He should have been back by now. Deciding to go look for him, she got up from her seat and went for the door. That's where she saw a piece of paper hanging from a flower urn. Grabbing the note she quickly went to light a few more candles so she could see better. After reading only the first few lines, her heart was breaking.


Buffy,

I Love You, but I can't keep kidding myself into thinking you'll ever love me back. It hurts to much to see you and not be able to have you. I'm leaving. I need to find out who I am. I don't know anymore. I WILL be back! But I just need to be away from you for a while. Tell the Nibblet that I love her and I'll miss her and tell the Scoobs....well tell them whatever, not like there gonna care one way or the other. Be careful and know that I love you and that I'm thinking about you.

Love always,

Spike


Buffy could barely read the last few lines through her tears. *He left* she said to herself. *He left me.*

Getting up from her chair on wobbly legs, she starting frantically searching the crypt. All his clothes, weapons, books....it was all gone. Why had she not noticed. Sliding down the wall, Buffy sat on the floor, holding her knees close to her body, looking at the empty crypt. She had once again waited to long. "Spike" she whispered softly before the tears overtook her and her body was wracked with the harsh cries of love lost....once again.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Any preference to where you lay your head down ducks?" Spike asked knowing the sun would be up in a few hours.

"Preferably a bed." Ravyn replied. "Just stop at the next motel you come to."

"And...you have money for a motel room?"


"Yeah, I have money for a motel room. Well,...'rooms' that is. Don't know you well enough to go shaking up with ya just yet." she said smiling at him.


"Right then" Spike replied.

"How much money you got?" he asked playfully, hopeing she would start talking to him again. Hours spent in silence was actually worse than her constant chattering.

"None of your business." she said giving him a sideways look. "It's not polite to ask someone how much money they have you know."

"I'm a vampire...manners aren't exactly very high on my do's and don'ts of social behavior." he said, smiling at her.

"Yeah, I can see."

"So...."

"So, what?" Ravyn asked.

"So, how much money you got?"

Ravyn laughed at his quizzical look. "I'm not telling you. AND if I find any of it missing...you'll be finishing this trip in that ash tray." she answered him with her usual bright smile.

"Hey!...I'm no thief"

"Really?" she asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, really"

"Evil vampire, with NO manners, who pays for everything? I haven't been around as long as you have but I'm far from stupid. You probably even stole this car!" she said laughing.

"Did Not!...I bought this car, thank you very much. Only bleedin' thing that's ever been completely reliable." he said glad she was smiling again.

"Alright..jeez...down boy. So you bought this ugly car." she said. "Why I'll never know" she mumbled out the last part.

"Hey!...I heard that. Don't be bad mouthing my girl here. You could be walking you know."

"Which, I had every intention on doing. You're the one who offered the ride...remember?" Ravyn said.

Yeah, I remember. Don't make me regret it." he said chucking at her softly.

Ravyn rolled her eyes at him. "The next towns a few miles up. We can stay there. Need to be sure they have `take out' first though. Don't relish the thought's of draining the local livestock."

"Me either" Spike replied, cringing at the thought's. Drinking pigs blood from a cup was bad enough without having to wrestle with his food before being able to eat it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pulling into town, Spike was reminded of `home'. He figured any small town they came to would remind him of Sunnydale. Spotting a Butcher's shop, he noted the street and went to look for the nearest motel.


"Well, it's not the Ritz, but I guess it'll do." Spike said pulling up to the office of "The Shady Rest" motel.

Ravyn leaned over the seat and started digging through her bag, mumbling to herself as she did. Spike looked over to see what she was doing, only to be greeted with the site of her perfectly shaped ass in his face.

Clearing his throat and looking back towards the motel office, he finally founds his voice enough to speak. "Ah...what are you doing?"


Flopping back down, she smiled and showed him a bright neon green toe sock. "Getting my money" she replied with a smile before pocketing the sock and getting out of the car. "Be right back."

Spike watched her walk into the office admiring the way her hips swayed when she walked. She was much more `rounded' than Buffy, he thought as she entered the building. Not that Buffy wasn't perfect in his mind, but shapely curves was something he always found attractive on a woman. He always thought Buffy was a little thin, but who was he to tell her anything.

A few minutes later, Ravyn returned to the car and got in. "Around to the other side of the building" she said pointing in the direction they were to go. "Rooms 14 and 15."

Tossing a room key to Spike, Ravyn grabbed her bag and got out. "Night Spike" she said as she walked over to her room and went in.

"Night" he replied softly as he watched her door close. Grabbing his own bag from the trunk, he made his way into his room and flopped down on the bed face first. *Wonder what Buffy's doing* he thought as he closed his eyes, sleep finding him soon after, exhausted from driving all night.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The sound of laughter filling the house woke Buffy from a fitful night of sleep. Her eyes were dry and itching from all the crying she had done the night before. Slowly making her way downstairs and into the kitchen, she was greeted with all the happy smiling faces of her friends.

"Hey guy's" she said with a strained smile.

"Hey Buffster" Xander said giving her a hug. "We thought you were going to sleep all day." he said taking his seat at the bar.

"No, just out really late last night."

Oh, some new nasty we should know about?" Willow asked, concerned at the look on Buffy's face.

"No, nothing unusual" she replied walking to the fridge and getting the orange juice.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Willow asked knowing something was wrong by the way Buffy kept avoiding looking at anyone.

Buffy stood there, not sure if she was ready to tell them Spike was gone. She wasn't sure she could get the words out without breaking down again.

"No, everything's fine" she lied.

"Are you sure...you look like your upset about something." Willow asked walking over to where Buffy was.

"Her and Spike probably got into it again. He came by yesterday morning before I left." Dawn said shoving her mouth full of food. "You know, I can't figure out why you fight with him so much if you're just going to get all down in the dumps about it. You should really lighten up on him already."

"Well, we won't be having that problem anymore." Buffy said softly looking at her friends. She knew it wouldn't get any easier to tell them later..so better go ahead and get it over with.

"Oh God!! Please tell me you finally came to you senses and dusted his useless hide?" Xander said almost bouncing with joy at the prospect.

Buffy was using all her strength to hold back the tears. Clearing the lump that was forming in her throat, she looked over at Xander, wanting to smack him for being so happy when she was so miserably.

"No, Xander...I didn't dust him. He...he left. He left Sunnydale." she said trying not to sound to sad about it, or they would know.

"Wh.....what?" Dawn said looking up at her, sadness filling her eyes. "What do you mean he left? What did you do?" she asked on the brink of tears.

"I didn't do anything Dawnie." Buffy said, her heart breaking all over again looking at the tears filling Dawn's eyes.

"You had to do something. What did you say to him? He wouldn't have just left. Not without telling me." Dawn yelled, arms flying in the air as she spoke.

"Dawn, he just left a note saying he had to leave." Buffy answered her, tears in her own eyes now. "I'm sorry Dawn, he asked me to tell you that he loves you and that he'll miss you." she told her walking over to her sister.

"Stay..Away..From..Me!" Dawn ground out through clenched teeth, backing away from Buffy. "You're lying...he said he'd never leave. You had to do something or he'd still be here. Now what did you do?"

The tears she was holding back slowly began to fall. "Oh, Dawn...sweetie, please don't do this." Buffy asked. Spike being gone was going to be hard enough without having Dawn upset with her to.

"I guess you're all happy now. This is what you've all wanted. Maybe you should just throw a happy little `Spike's Gone' party now!" Dawn yelled through her tears as she ran from the kitchen up to her room.

Everyone in the Kitchen was stunned at Dawn's outburst. They all knew how fond she was of Spike, but no one knew she would react this way if he ever left.

"Buffy" Willow asked softly. "What happened?'

She couldn't tell them everything. They wouldn't understand. "He just said he wasn't happy here and that he needed to go figure out what he wanted." Buffy replied, still not able to turn and face them.

"He wanted you, guess he finally wised up and realized you never let him touch you." Xander said taking a bite of his jelly donut. "Bout time if you ask me" he mumbled through the food in his mouth.

"Xander, I'm sure there's more to it than that. Spike loves Buffy. He stayed all summer when she was dea...ah...gone" Willow said. "He wouldn't have just left without a good reason."

"Maybe he left town with his new Vamp Tramp." Anya said not looking up from her news paper. "She was pretty enough. Maybe she gave him lots of orgasms and he decided to run away with her. " she added in her very blunt way.

Buffy's eyes widened, as her heart skipped a beat. The thought had never even crossed her mind. He had told her Ravyn was leaving town last night. Is that why he wanted her to tell him she loved him? To give him a reason to stay. A wave of nausea ran through her. Not only had she pushed him away....she had pushed him into the arms of another woman.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.