Make Love, Not War

Part 2

“This whole insanity game is fun. A lot more fun than I thought it would be.” Ares smiled over at Joxer who was sitting next to him on the bank.

Joxer grinned, “You say that now but you’ll have to act like this for a while if you want your family to leave you alone.”

“So? It’s a great cover. I can get my own back on them and they’ll just think I’m not responsible for my own actions.”

“You’re scary sometimes,” Joxer said quietly.

Ares smirked, “Hey, I think therefore I’m dangerous.”

“So who do you want to get first?” Joxer couldn’t help but enjoy this. He was causing chaos and he loved it. He could play jokes on people and be himself for the first time in his life.

“I think we should play a little joke on Strife. Did I tell you about the time he left a note at Demeter’s declaring my undying love for her? She didn’t leave me alone for years.”

Imagining Ares trying to fend off his aunt’s advances Joxer laughed, deciding not to ask how Ares had got rid of her. Once he had regained control Joxer said, “In Strife’s defence, it’s expected. He is Mischief.”

Ares said wickedly, “Now we’ll see how he likes it when someone plays a joke on him!”

“How about we set him up with someone, like he did with you?” Joxer said thoughtfully.

Remembering the way Cupid had behaved towards *his* Joxer Ares grinned seeing the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. With an exaggerated frown he said, “How about Cupid?”

Joxer said worried, “Er…Strife doesn’t have feelings for Cupid, right? If he does then it isn’t fair. Just think how you would feel if the person you loved more than anything else declared they loved you only to be told that it was a joke?”

Ares stilled seeing Joxer’s point, “He did have before Cupid got married. He and Cupid were involved for about three hundred years. I even thought they would get married then Strife just started avoiding Cupid. They both refuse to talk about what happened.”

Joxer frowned, “That doesn’t make sense. I think something happened to Strife.”

“You could be right. I’ll go to the Halls of Time and have a look over his life later.” Ares said knowing it would explain everything.

Joxer said seriously, “If we set them up, it could get them back together. Do you think that would work?”

“Well, they were *really* good together. I know they still have feelings for each other. Want to go back?”

Joxer smiled wickedly, “When we get back you should call Strife to you and ask him to give your new orders to your armies.

“You have a delightfully wicked sense of humour, Jox. This is going to be fun.” Ares said as the pair flashed out to his temple in Thrace.
*******
“Strife!” Ares shouted sitting down on the floor.

Strife appeared with a flash, “Yeah?”

Strife’s eyes widened as he took in his uncle’s appearance. Ares was wearing white! Maybe this was all a wicked dream from Morpheus? He pinched himself, once he was satisfied it wasn’t a dream, Strife looked at Ares suspiciously.

“Er…who is he, again?” Ares asked Joxer with a grin, his face a picture of confusion.

Joxer smiled patiently, “Strife, your nephew. He’s God of Mischief and your second in command.”

Strife looked from the mortal who was ignoring him, to Ares and back again. Why was his uncle asking a mortal who he was? Was Ares ill or something?

“I’ve got some orders for you!” Ares said with a smile.

Strife just gaped at Ares, was he really seeing his uncle smile? He shivered; he could have happily gone forever without seeing that.

“What are they?” Strife said mildly annoyed.

Ares smiled widely, “I want you to give my new orders to my armies.” He then started throwing a ball at the wall.

Frowning Ares glared at Strife, “What are you doing here? I told you to give my orders to the armies!”

“Ar, you have to tell him what the orders are first.” Joxer said looking up from a scroll, he was reading.

Ares frowned at Joxer, “I knew that!”

Looking at Strife Ares continued, “Tell my armies that they are to make love not war. They have to spread the word that they shouldn’t fight! If they do then, I’ll kill them!”

“What the fuck?! Kill soldiers if they *fight*? Unc, you feelin’ okay?” Strife said concerned that Ares had finally lost it. Maybe this was the alternate Ares, the love god?

Ares just scowled, “Just go. When you’ve finished we can play hide and seek.”

Strife stared at Ares and shouted desperately, “CUPID!”

“What do you want Mischief?” Cupid drawled as he flashed into the room.

“Fix him!” Strife said pointing at Ares.

Cupid just stared at Strife and said, “What do you mean fix him?”

“He’s nuts!” Strife said worried.

“You boys come to play?” Ares grinned manically at them.

“No. We haven’t.” Cupid said glaring at his father.

Ares winked at Joxer and started crying, “Joxiekins! They don’t love me any more. They won’t play!”

Joxer smirked back at Ares before running over to the war god and hugging the man. Loud enough for the gaping gods to hear Joxer said, “It’s okay, Ar. They’ll come and play later. They’ve just got to do some stuff first.”

Joxer looked up and glared at the pair. Strife found himself admiring the man, few people would stand up to him or meet his gaze.

“Joxer is right. We’ll come and play later,” Strife promised hoping they could fix his uncle first.

Cupid and Strife flashed out the room in a panic.
*******
The pair immediately teleported to Hera’s office wanting someone to fix Ares. As they appeared, they found Hera, Apollo, and Zeus discussing Ares.

Zeus said angrily, “There is something wrong with Ares. Did you see him pull tongues at Cupid?”

“Did you find out what is wrong with my son?” Hera asked Apollo.

Apollo shook his head confused, “I couldn’t find any problem, but I think its stress. It was bound to happen, he does have one of the most difficult jobs. When I got to Ares’ home, he asked me to play and he was painting. He kept looking at that mortal to see what he should do.”

“Is it possible this mortal has somehow made one of the other gods put a curse on my son?” Hera said searching her mind for a possible solution.

“There isn’t a curse on Ares. As far as I can see he’s just suffering from stress.” Apollo said with a shrug.

“Dad’s lost it!” Cupid shouted at them hoping someone could do something.

Strife said quickly, “He’s crying!”

His voice echoing in the minds of all the gods Zeus said, “All hear me! As of today Ares is only to be approached as a last resort. My son is having a break.”
*******
Ares smirked when he heard the announcement, he looked at Joxer who was reading a report of the Troy war and was stuck by the beauty of the man. He wondered just what that strange feeling in his stomach was. It felt like he had the butterflies dancing in his stomach just from looking at Joxer. It was unsettling to say the least.

“What’s wrong Ar?” Joxer asked when he looked up to find the war god staring at him with a weird look on his face.

Thinking that he would eliminate his rival Ares said, “Nothing. Can you tell me about this guy you love?”

“He’s taller than me and has dark hair. He’s just great.” Joxer said with a smile.

“What’s his name?” Ares asked already planning how he could remove the man without Joxer finding out.

Joxer said anxiously, “Can I keep that a secret?”

“Yeah. I just thought you might want to talk about him.” Ares said seriously.

Joxer shrugged, “There’s not much point when he’s out of my league.”

“You think you could fall for someone else?” Ares asked hopefully.

Joxer said quickly, “I think this is a forever love.”

“What’s his father like? Does he have a job?” Ares asked maybe he could find out who the man was this way?

Joxer laughed, “His father is pretty arrogant but what can you expect from a god? Shit, did I say that aloud?”

Ares scowled as he remembered the thief Joxer travelled with. Auto was dark haired, taller than Joxer but most importantly the son of a god! That must be who his rival was!

“Feel like coming to see someone with me?” Ares said with a bloodthirsty smile.

Joxer swallowed feeling sorry for whomever Ares was about to take on. It looked like whoever it was would probably end up dead.

Joxer grinned, “Sure! I don’t want to stay here in case Cupid comes after me.”

Ares put an arm around Joxer’s waist and the pair disappeared in a flash of sparks.
*******
As they appeared at a clearing Joxer wondered just what they were doing in the middle of the woods. He froze recognising the approaching voices. It was his friends. He knew there was going to be bloodshed as it was the norm when Ares and the heroes met.

“Joxer! We were just coming to see you!” Auto shouted in relief as he spied the man.

Joxer hugged the man, “Hey Auto. I decided to hang out with a friend instead.”

Ares started growling at the way the thief was touching his Joxer. No one was allowed to grope his Joxer like that, especially people Joxer might love more than him.

“Ar, quit it!” Joxer shouted with a frown.

Hearing the warrior shout, the other heroes to ran over in alarm. In their experience, a yelling Joxer normally meant trouble.

Hercules stared in shock at the sight before him. Ares, God of War Ares, was standing in front of them wearing white silk. Xena wondered just what spell Ares was under to make the God wear white. She thought the only colour Ares knew existed was black.

Knowing it would make Joxer listen to him Ares purred, “Joxiekins?” Joxer would assume Ares was just going to play a joke on the heroes, and think he had to be the voice to reason for the mad god of war.

“Joxiekins? I think Ares is a little ill.” Iolaus stated worried about just what the god was going to do to them.

“Yeah?” Joxer asked moving away from the thief causing Ares to smirk.

Ares smiled, “Can I play with them?”

The heroes looked at Ares in alarm. Xena approached her sword drawn, she wasn’t going to let Ares hurt anyone. Hercules wondered just what plan Ares had come up with this time to get back at him and Xena.

“Sure! Remember no killing. They’re covered by the rules of Olympus.” Joxer said with a smile noticing the looks of shock on his friends’ faces.

“Well, everyone but Gabby is.” Ares said conversationally.

Auto looked at the hunter in shock, “Since when are you a demi-god?”

Ares giggled, “He’s not. I don’t want to make Daddy mad by killing his boyfriend, do I?”

Xena exclaimed in shock, “His what?”

“You’re fucking my father and me?” Hercules snarled at the shocked hunter.

Iolaus protested fervently, “What, of course not!”

“Boring. I want to play! You play with me?” Ares asked the thief, his lip trembling.

Feeling that Ares was about to start bawling at any, minute Auto nodded his head.

Ares smiled thinking that once they were on Olympus he could make sure the man didn’t go anywhere near his Joxer. He was sure the thief would only hurt Joxer, anyway Joxer was *his*.

Auto grabbed Joxer’s hand and the three disappeared leaving chaos in their wake.

End Part 2