Finding Strength

Please see disclaimers in Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Giles drove as fast as he could. Traffic was light at dusk, so it would only take a few minutes to get to the hospital.

“What happened?” Giles could barely breathe as he asked the question.

Spike was silent for a moment. He wasn’t sure how to answer. Finally he settled on, “She was attacked by a vampire.” But thoughts of that attack stirred him to anger once again. “If she dies, it will be you that has killed her though, Watcher.”

Giles blanched, and looked confused. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Spike wasn’t finished however. “I saw Buffy as she left the magic shop after speaking with you. She told me you were leaving. I teased her about it, but realized too late how distraught she actually was. She ran off. After thinking about it, I decided to find her and make sure she was okay. Unlike you, I would never leave her when she needs a friend.”

“You don’t know anything, Spike.” Giles hissed out. “And I don’t need to explain any of it to you.”

Spike growled again at that. “I know that she gave up tonight because of you.”

“Gave up?”

“When I found her, the vampire that attacked her had just jumped her from behind. She was crying and not paying attention. But this ponce was a newbie, and I figured easy pickin’s for the Slayer. But she just fell down, and didn’t get up. She didn’t fight, and the vampire tore into her. By the time I could react and dust him, it was too late. I thought..I..thought she was dead again right there.”

Giles was stunned. He had no words at the horror he had just heard. Blackness and despair rushed his brain. He felt as if his own heart was tearing out, that he had done this to her.

Spike jumped out of the car as Giles pulled into a parking spot. He ran into the entrance without a backwards glance at the Watcher. Spike brought Giles here because it was the only thing he could think of to do to help Buffy now.

Giles slowly got out of the car. His knees were weak, and everything was spinning. “Buffy, oh, Buffy. What have I done?”

“Mister, are you okay?”

A nurse had noticed the man bowed in grief. “Can I help you?”

Giles came out of his reverie for a moment. “Buffy Summers, I need to see her…she was brought in earlier?”

The nurse nodded, and took his upper arm. “This way sir. We’ll find her.”

Spike was already waiting at the nurses station when Giles arrived. The look on the vampire’s face told him that the news had not improved.

This nurse behind the desk recognized Giles from his many visits and trips to this hospital, and she had recognized the girl too. How many wild dog attacks could there truly be? She answered Giles’s questions as best she could. It was worse this time then the last time Buffy had been here, two years ago, also by some sort of attack at her . S. She had not yet gained consciousness. They wouldn’t let him in to see her yet, so he fell back into one of the waiting chairs. Spike had disappeared somewhere again. Giles took out the airplane ticket from his jacket pocket. His flight was to leave in two hours. He crumpled it up and tossed it into the garbage can beside his chair. Then he covered his face with his hands and cried.

Spike came out of a room where he had managed to snag a bag of blood, and noticed Giles’ loss of composure. He held no sympathy for him. Everything was this man’s fault, in Spike’s eyes. Buffy wasn’t his, because of this wanker. How could she love Giles over him? She did love Giles. Spike knew it, even if Buffy wouldn’t admit it to herself. Spike would never leave her, like Giles had planned to do. All Spike felt for the Watcher was anger and jealousy. He had no room for pity. And if Buffy died, Spike didn’t think a mere chip would contain him from action against the Watcher. He slipped the blood bag into his duster pocket and left the hospital again. He thought the Lil’ Bit should be here for her sister.

The hospital was a busy place that evening. It always was, being on a Hellmouth, and tonight was no different. Doctors and nurses ran this way and that way. Family members scattered the hallways, and emergency patients littered the waiting room moaning in pain, and making general noises of the ill and infirmed. No one noticed Giles in his grief, and he didn’t notice them. He kept replaying his last conversation with her in his head. He saw the fear and pain in her eyes as she pleaded with him to stay. And he had refused her. Spike was right, this was all his fault.

Down the hall in room 208, Buffy opened her eyes. She was disoriented at first, and her limbs and eyelids were so heavy they felt weighted down. It took her a moment to realize where she was. And then she remembered, and the pain shot through her like a knife. Giles was leaving her. There had been a vampire, and then only darkness. But there had been no release.

She sat up slowly and took in her surroundings. A typical white hospital room, with a neighboring bed. The patient in that bed was sleeping soundly, a bandage around her head. Buffy was thankful that the girl had no visitors. She eased herself into a better sitting position on her bed, and then yanked out the tubes of the I.V. running into her arm, hissing at the pull of the needle. Her slayer healing was already kicking in. She could feel it. She was going to be fine, at least physically. “Yay, me,” She thought bitterly. Then she sighed and shook her head. She didn’t know how she got here, or what had happened to save her, but she knew deep down that letting herself be killed was not the answer. She had never been a quitter before.

Perhaps Giles was right, and running away was the answer. That’s what he was doing, in her mind. Running away from her, and life on the Hellmouth. The last time she had run, it had been different. She had been running away from her duty. She had her mom to consider then, and she had been young herself. But things were different now. Willow and Tara and the rest of her friends could take care of Dawn, or send her to their Dad. Spike could help watch over the Hellmouth. Buffy had done her time, and she was done. She couldn’t do it anymore. Not like this. Not like she was. She needed to find herself, and she couldn’t do that here. She had to find strength within herself. She had thought Giles would be her strength, but stiontion couldn’t be found in another person. She knew that now. She had to find it in herself.

A nurse came in to check on her then. She frowned when she saw that Buffy had pulled out her intravenous tubes. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

Buffy tried to explain she felt better, but the nurse just pushed her back into the bed. “I’ll have to put these back in.” Buffy frowned, but what could she do? So she sat back and let the nurse perform her ministrations.

“You have company outside. They are anxious to see you. They’ll be relieved to know you are awake. I’ll let them know, and once the doctor clears it, perhaps you’ll feel up to a visit?” The nurse smiled at her but Buffy just closed her eyes. She was tired, and didn’t want to deal with any of them right now. “How long until I can get out of here?” Buffy asked.

The nurse finished changing the bandage on Buffy’s neck wound and stood to leave. “Depends on what the or sor says. You seem to be healing nicely, so as long as there are no complications or infection, I would think tomorrow or the next day at the latest. But the doctor can answer all your questions.”

“When will the doctor be here?”

The nurse glanced down at her watch. “Well, we are really busy tonight. A lot of emergencies that he is tending to. Hopefully within the hour. Just get some rest. He’ll be in before you know it. I’m going to go tell your friends that you are awake. They’ll be glad to hear it.” She smiled once more, checked the vitals of the girl across the room, and then left.

Before she had hardly closed the door, Buffy ripped out the needles again, and slowly got out of bed. She took slow even breaths until she could steady herself, making her way to the closet where her clothes were hanging. Her shirt was ruined, and she grimaced at all the blood. She pulled on her jeans however, and then, with a chagrined look towards her roommate’s sleeping form, opened her closet as well. A warm blue sweatshirt was hanging from a hook, and Buffy pulled that on, as well as grabbing the black leather jacket that was hanging up in the closet. Nice warm and dark clothes. Buffy was lucky.

She slowly peeked out the door and looked down the hallway. She saw the sign to the lobby pointing right, and to the left sat the waiting room. She saw him sitting there. His head was in his hands. To his right sat Dawn. Her sister looked as if she too had been crying, and that tore at Buffy. She also thought she saw the back of Willow’s head across from Dawn. The rest of the room was too crowded to make out who was there, but Buffy had the information she needed. She knew who was there, which meant she knew her house was empty and quiet. She eased herself out of the room, hiding herself in the crowd, and walked down the hallway and out into the lobby.

TBC