Now and Then

Spike drummed his fingers impatiently against his knee and
then jumped up to pace the room……again. Lighting another cigarette he
stared at the body on the bed for signs of life. Or unlife as the case may be.
He’d always been of the make em’ and break em’ school. There was none of this
hand holding bit; if the idiots he had turned survived long enough to find him
then they had a right fine future sewn up as a faithful minion. It was a good
system. He hadn’t considered changing it once in over a hundred years of the
game. Now he knew why: this was bloody nerve racking.

“How much longer can this possibly take.”

He found himself cringing slightly as his voice
echoed loudly off the motel room walls. The place was a dive, from the orange
shag lamps to the red curtains. Staring at the green carpet beneath his boots,
he pushed at it with a toe and was faintly amused that it remained plastered
down. He wondered idly if even a rake would make it stand up again. Stubbing
out his half smoked cigarette in an ashtray that so boldly proclaimed the place
as the Paradise Motel, he sank back down into the chair he had pulled next to
bed.

Propping his elbows on the bed and his chin on his
fists he continued to watch. This was really just so unfair. He had spent a
good part of the last years destroying any and all signs of love’s bitch. Done
a damn fine job of it too. He was his own man. Go where he wanted, do what he
wanted, shag who he wanted. Right nice life he had carved out, hell even now
there was a warm little body waiting back at his place. But was he there shagging
his latest into oblivion? No, he was in some cheap room, watching for some
signs of life from a corpse who hadn’t wa any anything to do with him when it
was breathing. And all it had taken was one little phone call.


“You may not be loves bitch anymore, mate. but
you’ll always be Buffy’s.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The first thing Buffy noticed was that her chest
felt like it was made of lead, heavy, almost like someone was sitting on her
blocking all the air to her lungs. The second thing to grab her attention was
the molten lava burning through her veins demanding…….something. She squeezed
her shut eyes tighter and clung to the edge of the black oblivion that kept
pushing her towards the light.


It wasn’t working, the something she couldn’t name
just kept calling and she was forced to abandon the peace of the dark. Prying
one eye open, her first thought was that she was in hell. Where else but the
fiery pit would they couple orange, red and green together in the same view. As
her other eye opened and the room swam into view she realized that she wasn’t
in hell. No, this was just her worst nightmare……..again.


Okay, so maybe the little happy hour detour wasn’t such a
good plan. Dawn is going to kill me.


Groaning , she rubbed at
her forehead and tried to assemble a plan.


A little ‘morning after’ crawl of shame. No problem, not like you’ve never done it before. Just
gotta find my clothes. Shit I hope…….whoever……is gone.


Everything from the previous night was a blur, little bits assaulted her brain but nothing tangible
she could put her finger on. Shrugging it off for later analysis, she shoved at
the sheet covering her and lowered her feet to the floor. Brushing her hair off
her face she peered into the mirror on the tacky dresser across from her,
assessing the damages.


“What the fuck”


Buffy jumped up from the bed and made her way cautiously towards the smooth and very empty surface.
Picking up a pen off the dresser she watched it seemingly float in the air,
instead of dangle from her fingers.

“It’s a trick.”

Dropping the pen she peeked around the back looking for something to explain the phenomena. The
d ofd of another voice in the room made her start and she slammed her head into
the wooden supports of the dresser.


“Not a trick, pet. More of a pity really. Girl with your looks deserves to see herself.”


Buffy swung in a slow ark towards the painfully familiar voice.


“Spike…?”


“You were expecting room service?”


The sound and rhythm of his trade mark cockiness let loose a tidal wave of rage that pushed
relentlessly up from her stomach. He was the last person she wanted to see her like this.

“What are you…?….. Where
the hell….?…….. What the fuck did you do?!”


“Simmer down.” Spike strolled casually across the room towards her and stopped inches from her face.
Leaning in close the air from his words stirred her hair.


“I,” he stressed, “didn’t do anything. Where we are is a mystery I’m not ready to solve for you yet. As
for what I am, well you already know the answer to that.”

Straightening up he stared right into her eyes and seemed to hold her in place with the sheer
magnetic force of his gaze.

“The question you need to be asking now is…”

He reached up and trailed a finger down the side of her face to her neck, stopping at the spot where her
throat met her shoulder.


“What are you?”


Buffy could feel the all over body shiver working its way up from her knees. Damn, it’s been
years and he’s still the only one who can…….wait a minute.


“What do you mean what am I. What did you do? Is this some kind of spell, cause it’s not funny. I was supposed to be making Dawn dinner and she is going to kick your ass for making me late. Not that you would know that cause it’s been….what…four years since we’ve seen you. Not that I’m mad or anything cause we both know it was for the best, but you really shouldn’t have done this cause I have a life now and this is messing with my schedule and do I seem to be talking really fast here and have you noticed that I haven’t run out of breath once and I have been talking non-stop for like five minutes, don’t you think that’s weird. And when the hell did I start channeling Harmony cause I am starting to sound like a complete idiot but you know what I am just going to keep talking cause if I stop then I am going to have to think about the fact that I just realized I can’t feel my heart beat and yet I am still standing here, which logically could only mean one thing and I really don’t want to think about that right now so I think I am just going stand in this room that looks like some demented clown blew up in and talk forever cause then none of this will be happen-“


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Spike had to give her credit, she had still tried to keep babbling around the hand he had clapped over her mouth. The only reason she had stopped was the simple fact that he had wrapped his other hand around her throat, and it was preventing any sound from getting through.


“I’m going to let go now and then we are going to sit down on that hideous bed and have a little chat.
Am I making myself perfectly clear.”


The nod of her head was slight and he had some serious misgivings about the murderous look in her eyes but he also had no desire to stand like this all night. Slowly he released both his hands and moved back a step. Buffy’s reaction was swift and expected. Her fist shot out, aiming straight for his face. Normally he would have landed on his ass, but her reflexes were dulled due to the recent trauma. Catching her wrist he twisted her arm behind her back and had her pinned against his chest
in seconds.


“Now that wasn’t nice. Here I was being all friendly like.”


He smirked into the mutinous glare on her face.


“The rules have changed, Buffy. You’re in my world now and you are going to have to learn the way this game
is played. The first part being…….. never bite the hand that feeds you.”


If looks could kill Spike was pretty sure his remains would have fitted comfortably into the tacky ashtray.


“A game Spike?”


He winced slightly as the decibel of her voice rattled his bones.


“That’s what this is to you isn’t it. A fucking game. Or a spell, that’s it…… right? You cooked up some kind of spell to make me think I’m a vampire. The chosen one dragged down to your level. That’s just sick, Spike. What, did you think it would be some kind of poetic justice to make me think I have to spend eternity rolling in the filth with you.”

Spike looked at the righteous indignation rolling across her face and something clicked on inside him. Something that felt quite a bit like an uncontrollable, seething rage.

“Was your ego always this big? What would ever make you think I would want to spend the rest of my days with a shrew like you? I let some not so fond memories mess with my head and thought I’d give you a leg up in the world. See now I shouldn’t have bothered. You’re still just the same holier than thou bitch you always were. Cept of course that someone took the holy out so now you’re just a trashy little bitch like the rest. But the way I hear it trashy isn’t even the tip of the iceberg for you lately.”


Spike was surprised; for someone who only moments ago had the strength of a kitten she sure switched to tiger mode in a hurry. He stumbled a few steps when she pushed him away from her and found himself sprawled half across the bed with a very pissed off former slayer looming over him.


“I don’t need you Spike. I never needed you. You only had one purpose in my life and that got old real fast. So why don’t you take your rules and your games and shove them where the sun don’t shine.”


Spike didn’t even try to control the laugh that bubbled up in his chest.


“I think there’s quite a bit of rules you need to acquaint yourself with. For one, vampires and sun, don’t generally reside in the same sentence.”


He could see her vibrating and wondered how long it would be before she tried to do some serious damage. Tensing up his body he prepared for the inevitable attack.


“Fuck you Spike.”


Her voice broke a little and cursing himself, he started to reach a hand out for her. Her next words made him snatch it back like he’d been bit.


“Just fuck you.”


He was sure it was a sign of the stress of the last day slowing his reflexes, because by the time he got off the bed she had already disappeared out the door. Sprinting out into the parking lot he scanned the area for signs of her. Nothing, she was long gone. Running a hand through his hair in frustration he stared down at the sidewalk.

“Dammit Buffy…….You don’t even know where you are.”


Lighting a cigarette, he glanced around and moved wearily off to begin the search. This very long day was about to get ten times worse. He knew she hadn’t realized it, and he knew he should have told her, but there was nothing he could do about it now. Buffy had been in game face since the moment she woke up.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Buffy ran. No thought, no destination, just the soft pounding of her feet on miles of pavement. In some distant part of her mind she knew she was crying, but it was so much easier to concentrate on the sound of her feet hitting asphalt than on the fact that she had nowhere to go.


There was a certain amount of liberation in running without ever losing breath and a stray thought came screaming to the front of her mind. It was a wonder she had ever caught up to any vampires when they were so limitless in the air-needing category.

Unfortunately that thought brought may others and before she knew what was happening her face and chest were skidding along the pavement.


Easing painfully onto her back, Buffy took stock.


One broken wrist, two or three broken ribs, one severely, sprained ankle…….and oh Christ……I’m naked. How did I get naked. It has to be a trick or a spell ……or something. This is not me. I can not be a vampire. I’m the fucking slayer, not the slayee. It’s a spell. I just have to find Spike and beat him until he fixes this.


Stumbling to her feet, she stalked out of the alley she had fallen in. Or at least she tried, her body wasn’t co-operating. The most she could coax out of it was a defiant limp.


Rounding the corner, Buffy leaned against a wall and looked up at the building she was resting against.


“You have got to be kidding me. This is perfect. Spike forgot who he’s dealing with here.”


Pushing off the wall, she made her way down the side of the building and shoved open the hotel doors. Stumbling a bit in the entry to the lobby she searched the reception area for signs of life.


“Hello” she called to the quiet building. “Anybody home”


Her efforts were rewarded by the appearance of a familiar brunette poking her head around the corner.


“Oh thank god, Cordy.I know I’m a mess and this is totally unexpected and there is a perfectly good explanation, I just don’t know what it is yet and…..”


Buffy’s voice trailed off as Cordy’s face went from curious to annoyed to terrified in a span of three seconds.


“Bu….Buffy?”


“Yeah…..ummm….Hi…..Is Angel here cause I need him to…….Cordy……Cordy…….. why aren’t you looking at me
with a ‘I’m all disgusted Buffy just showed up naked’ look. Cause I’m getting more of a ‘where’s the weapons
cause Buffy is scaring the shit out of me’ look.”


“ Weapons…… good point……ANGEL!”


Buffy cringed as Cordy’s voice bounced off the ceiling and walls.


Taking a step towards the girl, she was more than shocked when Cordy ran to the the weapons cabinet and spun
back around with a cross bow aimed at Buffy’s chest.


“What the hell are you doing?”


Spotting Angel enter the room Buffy turned a pleading gaze to him.


“Angel, make her stop, this is ridiculous. You guys are together I am really good with that, deliriously happy even. All on board the Angel and Cordelia ship. So could you just get me some clothes maybe, and a phone maybe, so I can put this nightmare day behind me.”


Buffy didn’t have time to react before she found herself being picked up body and bones and thrown out into the courtyard. Wincing as her already bruised body hit the ground, Buffy stared up into Angel’s furious face.


“Oookay, not really the help I was looking for. What the hell is your problem? “


Buffy wasn’t sure but the sound Angel was making came out as something between a choke and a gasp. Standing up she peered into his face.


“Are you okay, you don’t look so good. Maybe you should sit down or something…”


“Bu…..Buffy…you’re…….you’re.”


“I’m what? Naked, beat up, dirty, tired. Know that, bought the book. Moving on now, about those clothes-“


“Vampire”


“What, no I’m not. It’s just a trick. Really. Some kind of spell actually.”


Angel reached over and grabbed Buffy’s hand lifting it to her face. He slowly moved it over the ridges where her forehead had once been smooth. Taking up her other hand he placed it against her mouth and Buffy felt the slight prick of fangs against her fingertips.


Buffy stared in horror at the pity on Angel’s face.


“It’s a spell Angel, it’s not real.”


“Buffy how do you feel. I mean inside, how do you feel.”


“Hungry”


The word came out before she could stop it and Buffy slapped her hand over her mouth as if to stop it’s treachery. She felt Angel tilt her head and knew what he was looking for.


“Is there…..I mean are there…”


“Yes”


“Fuck”


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Buffy raised an eyebrow at Lorne. The demon just got more swishyier every time she saw him.


“So what did you see”

Angel was having trouble keeping the panic out of his voice. He had woken up Lorne and demanded Buffy sing for him. She had reluctantly agreed, as long as Cordy found her something to wear. So now she found herself sitting on the reception desk in really baggy sweat pants and a tank top, waiting for some demon 70’s reject nightclub singer to determine if she had a soul or not. It was all leaving a real bitter taste in her mouth.


I mean really, it’s not like I have tried to kill even one of these people….yet

“Well she’s definitely a vampire. A pretty powerful one too.’


“That stands to reason, being a slayer and all. I’m sure if given some time I could find some reference to past slayers being bitten.”


Buffy rolled her eyes at Wesley. You could take the man out of the council but you just couldn’t take the council out of the man.


“Yeah Lorne, we’re all on board the ‘Buffy is a vampire boat’. I think what Angel wants to know is, do I have a soul?”


Buffy watched as Lorne’s gaze looked at everything in the room but her, finally settling on Angel.


“No, there’s no soul in her.”


Buffy jumped off the counter.


“So I’m evil then.”


“Well I wouldn’t say exactly evil.”


“What would you say………exactly.”


“You have a very strong demon that is fighting like hell to get out, but you also have the mind of a slayer and the two are waging a battle of wills.”


“No one can fight their demon. It’s too strong.” Angel stood up from the couch he had been leaning on and made a few steps towards her.


Buffy looked up at his approach and couldn’t stop the anger from erupting inside her.


“Why because you couldn’t?”


“It’s not just me Buffy, you know better than anyone. Once the demon takes over there is nothing left of the person before. The only reason you’re here is because the slayer is still in control, but even you can’t fight it forever. Eventually it will consume you.”


“So what you are saying is that a vampire, any vampire, if he could, would kill just because the opportunity arose.”


“Yes that’s what I am saying.. Nothing gets in the way of the kill.”


Buffy walked slowly over to Angel and stared into his eyes.


“That’s where your wrong. I’ve seen the proof, I was just too stupid to realize what it was.”


Turning around she walked quietly to fro front doors. Pausing at the doors, she turned slightly and looked at the man she had once blindly trusted with all her heart.


“Goodbye, Angel.”