Impact

Buffy came down the stairs of the Hyperion Hotel intent on doing some serious sunbathing out in the courtyard. It was a beautiful sunny California day. Her sister and friends were out to lunch with Gunn and Fred, but she had wanted to stay behind. In many ways, she still felt a bit betrayed by all of them. They hadn’t believed in her when it came to planning against the First. She didn’t blame them. Xander did lose his eye, and many had died, and she had been at a loss for some time there. Only Spike had seemed to believe in her. Her own Watcher hadn’t believed in her judgment. That hurt the most. Being proven right hadn’t helped. Spike had died, and his strength in his death had saved them all. His soul, and her belief in him, had saved the world. But being right didn’t make the pain less, or close the rift between her and her friends.

She was surprised to find Giles sitting in the lobby. Books were sprawled everywhere on the counter top. She grinned at him when he looked up to find her coming down the stairs. “Looks just like old times.”

His mouth twitched into a wry grin, and he blushed, pulling his gaze off of her lovely face and back onto his research.

“Watcha researching, Watcher?” Her mood was bubbly. She was feeling good today, the weight she had carried on her own shoulders for so long lifted for now.

Giles hesitated. He wasn’t sure he should tell her, but knowing his Slayer like he did, he’d have to say something. But before he could come up with an answer, she had grabbed one of the books off the counter to peer at the open pages.

“The Shanshu prophecy?” She quickly scanned a paragraph, not quite realizing at first what she was reading. When she finally comprehended it’s meaning, she glanced up sharply meeting her Watcher’s eyes. “A souled vampire, successful in saving the world from the apocalypse, will be made human…”

“Wesley brought this prophecy to my attention. I thought I’d look into it.” He turned his attention back to the books. He didn’t really want to discuss this with her. He had assumed she was out with her friends.

“You think it could be Spike?” She softly asked him.

Giles swallowed the lump in his throat, and wouldn’t look up at her. Then he shrugged. “I don’t know Buffy.” Then he slammed the book closed, startling her. “It’s what you want isn’t it?” He did look at her then, with a Ripper glare.

“Of course, Giles, it would be wonderful. Why wouldn’t I want it? Why wouldn’t any of us want it? He did save us all, you know!”

“Why yes, of course. You were right of course.” He mockingly commented.

This wasn’t going the way he wanted, but Giles just could not stop the anger and hurt bubbling up inside of him. Why was it never him? Why did she care so much for the vampires, the evil that was her destiny to destroy, and slam the door in his face? He deserved better from her.

“Yes, I was right!” Buffy retorted. “If I had listened to you, and let Wood kill him, then we’d all be dead now, and the First would have won!”

“Perhaps, but perhaps not.”

“What do you mean, perhaps?” She screamed at him. “He was the only one that could wear that amulet thingy, which vaporized all the ubervamps. You certainly couldn’t have done that.”

“Buffy, Angel was the one that brought you the amulet. Maybe he was the one that was supposed to wear it. Your obsession with Spike might have taken Angel’s chance of redemption away from him. Did you ever think about that? Spike might have stolen Angel’s chance at fulfilling this prophecy!”

Now Buffy really was confused. What did it matter to Giles whether it was Spike or Angel? They were both evil to him, yet Angelus had done much more damage in Giles’ life than Spike ever had.

“I didn’t know I had that choice, Giles. And I couldn’t have made it anyway. And what does it matter to you? Why are you so angry?”

Giles didn’t know what possessed him, but it all just slipped out in that moment of uncontrollable anger and passion. “Because I love you, Buffy, and I’d rather have you with Angel as human than with Spike!”

There was silence between them for a moment after his vehement statement.

“Why?” Buffy simply asked. And then her anger got the best of her again. “And who said I’d be with either of them? And….it’s not your choice to make!”

“No, it’s never my choice, is it? Nothing I ever say or want or need matters to you does it? Bloody hell, I’m nothing to you, whereas these vampires are everything!”

Buffy suddenly realized what was going on, and she realized what he had just said. He had said he loved her. How did he love her? And why did hearing him say that cause her to go weak in the knees, and the blood to rush in her body, and her heartbeat to pound in her ears?

“Giles, yaid aid you love me.” She whispered into the tense air between them.

He looked at her for a moment, and then down at his shoes. The silence stretched between them, deafening in it’s presence. He removed his glasses and started to polish them rapidly.

“How do you love me?” She asked him.

He refused to look at her, but just continued to polish his already pristinely clean lenses. “What do you mean?” he finally asked.

“I mean, in what way do you love me? Like a father’s love? Like that jerk Travers said?”

Now Giles did look at her. “What does it matter?” His eyes bore into hers.

She was the one to drop her gaze now. “I asked you first.”

He snorted, frustrated at this turn of events, and angry at himself for speaking out. He looked at the ceiling, the floor, the books scattered on the counter, everywhere but at her. Finally he broke his silence. “I love you like you love Spike, I guess. And it causes me to do and say crazy things. And Travers was a pillock.”

“Giles, I….I don’t love, er…I didn’t love…oh geeze.” She didn’t know how to say what she needed to say. “Giles, I’m cookie dough with Spike, but I’m not with you.”

He looked at her, more perplexed then ever.

“What I mean to say is….well, never mind. I don’t know what I mean to say. But Giles, I was never in love with Spike. No matter what you might think, no matter what Spike and I had, it was never love.”

“Buffy, I don’t have a clue as to what you are trying to say. Your actions have proven that you have made your choice. You slammed the door in my face. You turned from me, to him. I know I made mistakes…..and I probably shouldn’t have left when I did. But I did it for your own good. If I had known you’d turn to him…”

“Yes, Giles. You left. You abandoned me, remember? Don’t blame this on me. How could you leave me if you love me? See, you are just like my father! He left me too!”

Giles replaced his glasses onto his face. “Well, Buffy, you have Angel, and you might very well have Spike again soon. I’ve never mattered to you before, so I don’t see the future making much difference. I’m sorry that you think I am like your father, but I can assure you, my feelings for you are not fatherly. However, you don’t need me, when you have them. So why should you care if I leave?” And then he ran out the door with long angry strides, slamming it behind him. He never heard her answer. “Because I’m in love with you.”

But Angel and Wesley heard it all from behind their opened office door.

TBC