Lost Memories
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Spike(William)/Willow
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
38
Views:
2,623
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Spike(William)/Willow
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
38
Views:
2,623
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I profit in any way from the writing of this story.
Missing
She was gone. Her scent still permeated the air, the handcuffs still hung from the bedposts, and the candles were burned down to almost nothing. He was propped up in the middle of his bed, a cigarette dangled from his lips and tears dropped unnoticed to his bare chest. He was holding a letter, one that she’d tried to make him promise he wouldn’t read until tomorrow. Yes, he’d told her he wouldn’t, but he’d never actually promised.
They’d spent hours in his bed, most of them with her bound to the bedposts and him absorbing every moan and plea. He’d brought her to orgasm slowly and lovingly, hard and suddenly, he’d tasted her and held her. He’d kissed her breathless and tried to make a lifetime of memories fit into just those few hours. But it wasn’t enough, it would never be enough. Even if he wasn’t immortal, even if he died today and she’d never left his arms it wouldn’t be enough.
He’d walked her to the door at dawn and watched her walk away. Since his turning he’d never felt as compelled to end his existence. It was all he could do not to follow her into the light. Meeting the sun’s morning rays would have been worth it to feel her lips one more time. But the hope that one day she’d return, that one day he might be able to call her his own had stopped him.
He was empty, he’d never felt so hollow, so alone. He read the letter one more time, trying to find the strength to do as she wanted.
Dear Spike,
I don’t know where to start. I feel like I should say something profound, something worthy of the loss I’m already feeling, and I’m going to try though I may fail miserably. You’ve been an amazing lover, and though it’s really only been once, I’m sure tonight won’t disappoint. But, more importantly, you’ve been a wonderful friend and confidant. You knew how to be there for me and provide comfort and acceptance when even my best friends didn’t. You held me while I cried and then you introduced me to happiness and laughter once again. You, a creature of the night, brought light and love to my dark world. This is where I would normally say that I will never forget you or the time we’ve spent together, but we both know that would be a lie. So, let me say I wish with all my heart that I could. I wish that I was strong enough to keep you in my heart for the rest of my life, but I’m just not.
I managed to alter the spell as you requested. If I ever need my memories back, just kiss me. It’s been such a surreal experience with you, that I thought I should put in a fairytale twist. I know you’re shaking your head and laughing at me for being such a “silly bint” right now, but I couldn’t help myself. You’ve made me feel like a princess and a “kiss to break the spell” just seemed too perfect.
I’m not ashamed of you or a single moment I spent with you. I don’t regret it, and if things were different, if there were no Tara or Buffy, I’d proudly carry these memories for all eternity. Please know that I don’t make this choice lightly. I’m just trying to find a way to carry on. If I don’t let go, if I don’t forget you, I’ll just keep coming back. I’ll end up hurting Tara and messing up any chance you have with Buffy. I don’t want to do that to her and I can’t hurt you like that. So, this is goodbye. Thank you for everything you are and everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for just being you and allowing me to just be me.
With Love,
Red
It both warmed his heart and shattered it that she’d signed the letter as she had. His Red, his gorgeous, firey, pixie, god how he missed her already. But she wasn’t his, may never be his, and he didn’t know how to survive without her. Over a hundred bloody years and a few weeks with her had ruined him. Before the chip, before he’d gotten tangled up with these pesky humans, he’d have killed her for causing him this pain. He’d have ripped her throat out and bathed in her blood. But, that thought didn’t appeal to him like it should. He wasn’t a man enough for her to love and wasn’t demon enough to make his suffering hers.
He folded the letter neatly and placed it under his pillow. He curled up in the sheet that smelled so much like her and allowed sleep to take him to a blissful state of ignorance and denial.
They’d spent hours in his bed, most of them with her bound to the bedposts and him absorbing every moan and plea. He’d brought her to orgasm slowly and lovingly, hard and suddenly, he’d tasted her and held her. He’d kissed her breathless and tried to make a lifetime of memories fit into just those few hours. But it wasn’t enough, it would never be enough. Even if he wasn’t immortal, even if he died today and she’d never left his arms it wouldn’t be enough.
He’d walked her to the door at dawn and watched her walk away. Since his turning he’d never felt as compelled to end his existence. It was all he could do not to follow her into the light. Meeting the sun’s morning rays would have been worth it to feel her lips one more time. But the hope that one day she’d return, that one day he might be able to call her his own had stopped him.
He was empty, he’d never felt so hollow, so alone. He read the letter one more time, trying to find the strength to do as she wanted.
Dear Spike,
I don’t know where to start. I feel like I should say something profound, something worthy of the loss I’m already feeling, and I’m going to try though I may fail miserably. You’ve been an amazing lover, and though it’s really only been once, I’m sure tonight won’t disappoint. But, more importantly, you’ve been a wonderful friend and confidant. You knew how to be there for me and provide comfort and acceptance when even my best friends didn’t. You held me while I cried and then you introduced me to happiness and laughter once again. You, a creature of the night, brought light and love to my dark world. This is where I would normally say that I will never forget you or the time we’ve spent together, but we both know that would be a lie. So, let me say I wish with all my heart that I could. I wish that I was strong enough to keep you in my heart for the rest of my life, but I’m just not.
I managed to alter the spell as you requested. If I ever need my memories back, just kiss me. It’s been such a surreal experience with you, that I thought I should put in a fairytale twist. I know you’re shaking your head and laughing at me for being such a “silly bint” right now, but I couldn’t help myself. You’ve made me feel like a princess and a “kiss to break the spell” just seemed too perfect.
I’m not ashamed of you or a single moment I spent with you. I don’t regret it, and if things were different, if there were no Tara or Buffy, I’d proudly carry these memories for all eternity. Please know that I don’t make this choice lightly. I’m just trying to find a way to carry on. If I don’t let go, if I don’t forget you, I’ll just keep coming back. I’ll end up hurting Tara and messing up any chance you have with Buffy. I don’t want to do that to her and I can’t hurt you like that. So, this is goodbye. Thank you for everything you are and everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for just being you and allowing me to just be me.
With Love,
Red
It both warmed his heart and shattered it that she’d signed the letter as she had. His Red, his gorgeous, firey, pixie, god how he missed her already. But she wasn’t his, may never be his, and he didn’t know how to survive without her. Over a hundred bloody years and a few weeks with her had ruined him. Before the chip, before he’d gotten tangled up with these pesky humans, he’d have killed her for causing him this pain. He’d have ripped her throat out and bathed in her blood. But, that thought didn’t appeal to him like it should. He wasn’t a man enough for her to love and wasn’t demon enough to make his suffering hers.
He folded the letter neatly and placed it under his pillow. He curled up in the sheet that smelled so much like her and allowed sleep to take him to a blissful state of ignorance and denial.