Kathy's Revenge

Chapter 19
Andrews POV

They say that money makes the world go round. Tonight I learnt that whisky just makes it turn faster. I try for the third time tonight to steady myself against the wall. It just might make the world around me stop spinning if I know that I’m standing still.

How come closing my eyes just makes it so much worse? The world shouldn’t be able to spin if I can’t see it. Well I can’t see it but I can feel it turning, mostly in my stomach. Right, need to keep my eyes open.

My feet just wont go where I want them to. It’s simple you stupid feet one in front of the other. Oh I give up. Sitting right here is fine for me. My back leans against the chair and I can finally just exist without crashing into anything.

My head feels too heavy to be where it is on my neck so I lean that back against the chair to give my neck and shoulders a rest from having to hold the weight.

Xander comes through the doorway, stumbles and only just stops himself from falling on the floor by landing against the wall. He giggles at himself and closes the door with his foot then falls against the door to the bathroom.

I find myself giggling at nothing in particular as he opens his bladder in the next room. My ears are filled with the sound of a rushing waterfall and I have to cross my own legs to stop myself from leaking.

When he returns with the background noise of the flushing toilet following him out he leans his shoulder against the dividing wall. He points his thumb over his shoulder. “I needed that.”

I giggle so hard that I fall to the side landing on the floor. My neck doesn’t have to support my head here so I think I’m just going to stay down here for a little bit.

All I can see is Xander’s feet. As he stumbles his way over to his bed and falls face first on it with a sigh of content. “Is the world supposed to spin so much?” I ask with the side of my face smushed up against the carpet.

Xander doesn’t even really answer me he just grunts and moves his head to the side so I can see his face.

“I need a wee.” I say looking up at him. A full minute passes, I haven’t moved and neither of us has said anything.

Finally it is Xander who breaks the silence. “You’re not pissing on the floor right?”

“No.” I say with a sigh. “I can’t move… I think I might be paralysed.”

“You’re not paralysed Andrew, you’re paralytic, there is a difference.”

“Moving makes it worse… maybe I can hold it in.” I say curling up into a ball on the floor.

“I’m not cleaning it up after you.” Xander answers quietly.

I narrow my eyes at him and uncurl myself; I push myself onto my knees then lean on the wall to support myself as I get up off the floor. And fall right back down. I try again, this time I am a success… well except for falling into the wall and banging my head a bit.

Oh god this feels good, it is almost orgasmic! I finish the longest piss of my life, flush the chain, do up my pants and walk back into the bedroom where Xander is now standing trying to get the beat up old TV to work by poking at the on button with enough vigour to almost sent it toppling off the cabinet on which it stands.

“Stupid TV!” Xander shouts smacking the screen with the back of his hand. He yelps in pain and shouts “Bastard!” at it before kicking the cabinet. Luckily he is still wearing his shoes.

“How do you know if a girl likes you?” I ask Xander once we collapse on our beds.

“The way I see it, if a girl is of the right orientation and when you try to kiss or touch them they don’t scream rape, then you’re in!” he says slurring badly.

“Xander, I am being tittaly serious.” I say not noticing the lack of correct words.

“I don’t know. You know how bad I am with girls. If you want a demon girlfriend then I’m the guy to ask!” he says, I’m not sure if he winked at me or just blinked.

“Well the girl I like isn’t normal either…”

“I thought you was gay?” he replies.

“No, I’m pr-eer-fect-ally straight thank you much-ly captain Jack Sparrow!” I shoot back, I say shoot… takes about five minutes to get through the sentence.

“Actually Andy captain Jack didn’t have an eye patch…” he stops for a second, “… I really am as big a geek as you aren’t I?” he looks at me, his remaining eye glazed over. He pushes his ring finger under the bottom of his eye patch to scratch his cheekbone. He never takes that thing off. I don’t see him take it off even when he sleeps. Would it get wet in the shower? Must be an embarrassment thing or somethin’.

I laugh at him as he tries to lie back but doesn’t realise he is sitting on the edge of the bed already, hitting the floor with a wallop.

He gets up and sits back on the bed. “So who is it that you like then?”

“Jen, she is the most beautiful girl in the world, her eyes are so bright and brown and her hair is dark and flows behind her like a cloak almost like princess Leia in return in of the Jedi. She walks with such grace, the swagger of a woman who is after my heart. Her clothes aren’t flashy or showy and she doesn’t dress like a slut, she is modest and cheery and she can kick some ass. She is so perfect. I am Hans Solo perusing the ever-reluctant princess Leia ” I finish my monologue with a dreamy look on my face drooling slightly out of the corner of my mouth.

There is a loud knock at the door followed by another this time almost making the door come away from its hinges. I get up to open it quickly not wanting to lose the deposit. Moving quickly not a good idea I think. I decide this as my nose collides with the carpeted floor.

I stumble a few times before I get the door open. And there she is like a vision from my dreams. She is my Mary Jane and I am Peter Parker my Lois Lane as I am Clark Kent. She is Arwen to my Aragorn. She is my… she pushes me out of the way.

“Lemmie through… need to get away from the noise, driving me crazy.” Okay so maybe she is Peter and I am Mary Jane, nothing she is saying is making any sense.

I follow her into the room and she is sprawled out on my bed talking to Xander.

“They just won’t stop! I am like four rooms down from them and I can still hear it!” she complains rolling onto her stomach to face Xander.

“Who is making what kinda noise?” Xander asks, his head lolling about in his drunken state.

“Faith getting laid, she is so damn loud, does she not realise that it’s hard to sleep when she is screaming and groaning all night.”

“So where is Willow then?” Xander looks confused at first but then he seems to change, I don’t know what it is until he says with no hint of a slur “I’m gonna be sick.” He runs to the bathroom and proceeds to make some disgusting noises that are him throwing up all the Jack Offs he has been drinking.

So there I am, alone in the room with my darling Jen. She is so perfect.

“I can’t believe that Faith would like keep doing this and neither of them would let on about it. What’s the matter with them? Why haven’t they told any of us, especially Xander he is like both of their best friends?” She says laying her head on her folded arms.

“What are you talking about?” I ask looking into her beautiful brown eyes.

“Faith and Willow getting busy.” She replies. My eyes widen and I don’t know what to say. What the hell?

“Good for them I guess, just wish I was getting some.” She states giggling at the end of the sentence.

“So, are you gay then?” I ask. I mentally slap myself as I say it, how blunt was that?

She laughs again. “No, no way. Not into the girlies.”

“Oh, it’s just that you’re erm…”

“Butch?” she asks propping herself up.

I smile and nod, still trying to take in all the beauty that is before me.

“Cant help it, not into all the girlie stuff, always been a tom boy. Then well the slayer thing kicked in and no point being all girlie with all the blood and wrecked clothes. Not exactly practical to be wearing Prada shoes on a patrol.”

I smile and nod some more since my mouth or brain cant seem to function, not sure if it is the alcohol or her radiance that is preventing me from doing so.

I use a line Xander taught me earlier. “If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.”

She looks at me with her brow wrinkled.

“I thought you was gay?”

“Why the hell does everyone think that!” I shout a little louder than I needed to. All is quiet for a second and I can clearly hear Xander retching in the bathroom. I lie there for a second, she didn’t even respond to the line except to laugh at me.

I close my eyes to try and block out the memory of a few seconds ago. I feel something soft on my lips, something moist and soft. I open my eyes and see her backing away from me smiling softly.

Everything goes black.