Crimson Regret

(( Sorry this took so long. But since I finished "Shes Mine" I'll have a lot more time for this story ))

[ -- Chapter 19 -- ]

We went back to our table and sat down. No one said anything.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked.

"You reek of sex," Anya said bluntly.

Buffy blushed, I smirked, and Xander got a bulge in his pants as he imagined it.

Willow coughed, "Ookay then, on THAT note---"

She got interrupted by Anya, "So are you orgasm friends now?"

"We're…" What are we, fuck buddies? Girlfriends?

"Dating." Buffy finished.

"Yeah, that." I add.

"That’s very interesting," Anya said and cocked her head to the side a little. I swear if she says one more thing about… about… the -past- then I'll pop her head like a grape.

But she was silent.

"So w-what were you guys doing in there?" Tara asked innocently, but a smirk playing on her lips.

"Well we uh, were um…" Buffy stuttered to try to find an excuse.

"Not sex, that’s for sure," I add dryly.

Buffy looked at me, her face showing hurt. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that. "Faith we talked about this."

"Yeah, okay, whatever. I get it: Buffy's afraid of sex. I know." I take a sip of Xander's drink but he didn’t protest.

"I'm not afraid of sex!"

"You're afraid of commitment, and that’s what sex brings."

"Oh really? Look who's talking, Ms. Get-Some-Get-Gone girl! I -have- had long term relationships." Yeah, and they ended so well, didn’t they B?

"Not with a woman." I played with the umbrella in his drink before taking another sip.

"So? What's your point?" She crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrow.

"My -point- is that you're afraid of it. But its okay, I can wait."

She looked like she was about to argue until my last sentence, which made her falter. Always gotta add something sweet to it, otherwise girls will get all offended.

"Well, um, thanks?" Now I got her all confused. I smirk a little.

"Your welcome."

Willow leaned over and whispered something in Buffy's ear. Buffy looked up and glared at me, "HEY! Stop trying to make me forget about what you said! You can't buy me off with sweet talk!"

Damn you Red.

"I wasn’t 'buying you off', B. I was telling the truth. I'll wait." Or I'll die trying. Most likely the second one.

"Well you made me forget what we were arguing about, that’s manipulative!"

Pshh, no it's not.

"Fine, think what you want." I'm not arguing over this. She either fucks me or she doesn’t, end of story.

"I will!" She retorts then thinks about it and realizes how stupid that sounded. "I mean, we'll talk about this later." Yeah okay, or how about no?

Why is she bossing me around like she's my girlfriend? I mean, not that I'd mind it if she was, but she -isn't-, that means she gets no special privileges. "B, we're dating, you're not my girlfriend according to -you-, so please don’t bite my head off for shit like this."

"I'm not 'biting your head off', Faith. I'm just trying to tell you that I am not afraid of commitment."

I quirk an eyebrow, "Then are you afraid of me?"

Buffy shook her head, "No. Its not you."

If she pulls the whole 'Its not you, its me' crap I'm gonna pull out my hair.

She looks down, "Its me." Cue hair pulling.

I take a lock of my hair and start tugging on it, "How is it you?"

By now, Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya have cleared out, giving us space. I didn’t notice that until now. But its good, I don’t think our first argument as a 'couple' would be great having it in front of her friends.

She sighed, "It's just… everything that happened. What I… what I did. It was sexual and I… I just CANT. Not now." She looked down but I heard a barely audible sniff. No, no Buffy waterworks. NO.

"Hey, B. Come on, look at me." She lifted her head and I wiped away a fallen tear with my thumb. "I can understand where you're coming from. I know its gotta be hard. Look, you know I've had that shit done to me before, but it was WAY worse and way too many times to count. I was afraid of sex for a long time after that. When I finally decided I was ready I really wasn’t, and I couldn’t have sex the way it was meant to be. I dominated, I had to be on top the whole time. Then before they could get close or tell me that they loved me I'd throw them out. 'I love you' has been thrown back in my face so many times. I never believed in it until you. I love you Buffy, I do. And what you did, didn’t change that at all. It scared me, yeah, but it didn’t break me. You can't break something that’s already broken. The only thing you can do now is fix it, but that wont happen unless you want to be fixed yourself. I get that your scared of yourself, but you gotta look past that. Your gonna lose so many things if you hide behind that wall you've built. Just trust me on that."

She sniffed again before breaking down sobbing. "You… you love me?" Oh god, did I actually say that? I've never done speeches before, and apparently things slip out. Damn it.

But can't hide from it now.

"Yeah Buffy, I do. I have for a long time now." I keep wiping at her tears, "Come on B, stop crying. Its okay."

She sniffled again, "I-I'm sorry. Just… you love me?" I guess she can't quite wrap her mind around the concept of psycho Faith loving someone.

I nod and she smiled a little. "That makes me feel really special Faith." I try to interrupt her but she holds up her hand to stop me but paused while she gathers herself to stop crying. "It makes me feel special because of what you told me. You haven't trusted anyone enough before to love them because you were afraid. So for you to love me makes me really happy. I wish I could say the same to you, that I love you I mean. But my feelings for you are still so jumbled and I don’t know how to make sense of them. I know I care about you, a lot. I hope that’s enough for now, until I find out what's really going on inside my screwed up head."

"Buffy, seriously, it's more than I could've hoped for. So yeah, that’s enough. That’s way more than enough." I smiled at her. I was being mushy, but whatever. I love the girl, I could make exceptions for her.

She held my hand from across the table and smiled, "So you wanna get out of here?"

I nod, "Yeah B, lets ditch this joint."

TBC……..