Choices

Chapter Eighteen

"That was a bit of awkward, Buffy. You are freaking out. Are you having a panic attack? Do you need a paper bag?" Willow rambled on as they walked along the semi-busy streets of Newport.

"I'm just...I'm in shock. What you're saying a Ang Angel. It can't be true."

"I could be wrong."

"What if you're not?"

"Then...I don't know."

"Then Angel is going to be devastated. More than I thought"? She stopped and turned to Willow. "I don't want to do that to him, Will."

Willow pulled Buffy into a hug. "I know, Buffy. No one ever wants to hurt the ones they love." She pulled back and looked at her friend. "You have every right to be happy with Spike. Angel will be hurt, but if he loves you, he'll ultimately want you to be happy and if Spike is the guy that makes you happy, then Angel will have to accept it."

"He won't," Buffy whispered. "I have a really bad feeling, Will. If what you say is true, he won't."

Willow hugged her again. "It'll be okay, Buffy. I'll be here to help in any way I can. You know that, right?"

Buffy nodded against her. "I have a feeling I'm going to need you a lot in the near future."

********

Buffy arrived home late that night. She and Willow did end up going to a movie to get her mind off of the impending disaster and to avoid her vampire's. Buffy was learning that if anything, she was really good at avoiding. Well, trying to avoid anyway. There were certain others that wouldn't let her.

As casually as she could muster, she strolled in their home and found Spike waiting for her in the kitchen. He didn't say a word, but he didn't need to, his look said it all.

"I'm fine," she told him.

"Are you really?"

She nodded. "I'm just really tired right now. Can we talk later?"

Spike looked down, not really happy with that idea, but willing to let it go for the moment. He looked up at her and gave her a quick nod. "All right."

"Thanks," she strolled past him and it wasn't until she was comfy in her bed that she realized she hadn't given him a kiss goodnight.

She shut her light out and stared up at the fake, plastic stars covering her ceiling. A faint knock made her jump slightly. She reached over and turned the light back on, propping herself up so that her back was against the headboard.

"Come in," she called.

Expecting Spike, she was surprito fto find Angel. She immediately brought the covers up to her chest and hugged her legs against her chest.

"Hey," he said calmly and sat down close by. "How was the movie?"

"Good. How did everything go tonight?"

"Good." He smiled. "I didn't end up staking Spike so I guess you can call it a success."

That would have been funny if not for her earlier fear of just that.

"So, was the panic attack all over a test?"

Buffy swallowed and nodded, "um yeah. Plus the whole gallery thing and I didn't find an outfit...I've been staying up late to study and patrol and stuff and I think I'm just over reacting on everything. I mean, you could tell me it's going to rain tomorrow and I'd have a breakdown."

Angel nodded. "Well, like I said, I'll help you and yon tan take some time off."

"I know and I thank you. But, I don't want to do that. I mean, I really want to be part of this gallery. It meant a lot to my mom and I want to do right by her...and you."

"Me?"

She nodded. "You've done so much Angel. You've done such an amazing job with the gallery, I know my mom would have been thrilled."

"Thanks, Buffy."

"And it's more than that, Angel. You..." she stared at him, trying to find the right words to convey what he meant to her. Had his eyes always been such a warm, chocolate brown? How did he manage to look so much like a man and a young boy at the same time?

She found she couldn't tear her gaze away from him no matter how much she tried. "You are the glue that keep all all together. You are so selfless, Angel and it's amazing to me. You never ask for anything, you just...do without any thought for yourself. You've always been so supportive and even when I'm being a complete bitch, you're incredibly patient with me. I just don't know what I'd do without you." She surprised herself, but found she couldn't stop herself from launching herself into his arms. She held onto him as if he were her anchor.

And he was.

His strong arms encircled her and she closed her eyes.

"Your heart is racing," he murmured against her neck, causing a shiverrun run through her.

She pulled back, smiling. "Sappy moments make me--" She was cut off by Angel's lips covering hers. She froze and pulled awaye loe looked at him. His eyes earnest, hopeful and desperate. His lips were so soft...

"Buffy--" This time he was cut off by her mouth covering his. He pulled her closer against him so that her breasts were squashed aga his his broad chest and she kissed him frantically, needing to feel him, to taste him.

"Oh, pet, you need to stop."

Her eyes shot open and landed on Spike, hovering above her. She gasped. She had been dreaming...oh god, she'd been dreaming of Angel. Now she really was going to have a breakdown. Damn you Willow! Damn you Wicked Dreams! She stared up at Spike's cerulean eyes and felt supreme guilt. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down against her.

"I love you Spike," she whispered.

"I love you too, kitten. I'm sorry I woke you. I came in to kiss you goodnight, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't give you a kiss goodnight. I'm so awful to you, I'm such an horrible girlfriend."

Spike tried to move away from her, but she held on tight. He had to know, had to REALLY know that she loved him.

"You're not an awful girlfriend, why do you say that?"

"I'm such a head case, I promise I'll be better."

This time he managed to pull away. He regarded her. "You don't have to prove anything to me, Buffy. You don't have to be 'better' at anything. You've had a lot on your mind these past few weeks, a lot of changes, a lot of things going on. We're in this together, remember? Not just about Angel, but about everything--you get that right? You need me for anything--and I mean ANYTHING--and I'm your man, got it?"

She nodded and wrapped herself around him once again. "I know. You're another one...always patient with me. So incredibly loyal."

"Another one?"

"Aside from Willow," she quickly covered.

"Always loyal to the ones I love, and I love you most of all."

She cupped his face in her hands and studied him. She smiled tenderly at him. "You're so beautiful, Spike. I'm not just talking about physically, I mean...everything.he khe kissed him softly, sweetly.

He groaned and pushed her away. "Gotta stop, luv before I can't stop. I need to take a shower. A cold one. Go back to sleep, okay?"

She nodded and scurried back under the covers gracing him with a wide, innocent smile. He kissed her quickly and then strode out of her room.

Images of her dream came back. It was all Willow's fault. Her mind was just playing tricks on her. She didn't have feelings for Angel, she didn't want Angel like t She She cared for him and all of Willow's talks had blurred the lines of reality. Yes, that was it. She was over tired, stressed and so worried about everything that her mind was playing tricks on her. She needed a good night's rest, her mom always said that everything seemed clearer after a good night's rest.

Mom, don't fail me now.

TBC....it's coming soon....what do you think will happen??