A Very Ordinary Evil

Part 19 – Learning the Ropes


The following evening


The telephone rang, jolting both Willow and Spike from their respective books. Willow, being nearest, answered. It was Giles, asking if they could come over. They immediately headed out to see the Watcher.

On their arrival, they saw that Xander, Anya and Cordelia had got there before them. As soon as they entered, Giles spoke. “Good, sit down. Now that you’re all here I have some news for you. Buffy is being released, in a week’s time. Unless she has a relapse.”

The expressions varied amongst the group. Willow, Xander and Cordelia hopeful, even happy, Spike disgruntled and Anya non-committal. Willow raised the question that everyone had to be asking themselves. “Does she know about Spike and I?”

“Ah,” Giles said, sadly, “she seems to have convinced herself that it was one of her delusions. She’s in complete denial about your relationship,”

Willow nodded sadly. “What about everything else though?”

Giles smiled somewhat ruefully. “No one there was able to diagnose her properly until a former combat psychiatrist examined her. He diagnosed post traumatic stress disorder and combat fatigue. He came to see me privately and asked if she had been part of the Initiative. Anyway, one thing led to another and he took her treatment over. Since he started working with Buffy, she’s come on in leaps and bounds. Except her denial about Willow and Spike. He would like to speak to the pair of you, privately. Could we arrange that?” Giles took a sip of tea, and looked at them.

“I don’t have a problem,” Willow answered.

Spike looked more skeptical, however. “Is this bloke part of the Initiat”
”

“To be honest, Spike, I don’t know. He certainly knows of it, at the very least. And I quite understand your reservations. If, however, we could include some safeguards for you, would that make you more willing to speak with him?”

Spike thought and decided that, if he was going to meet anyone who may have contact with the bastards who had chipped him, he was going to be in control. “I may … under the right circumstances.”

“I can tell you now Spike, he’s not a surgeon, he won’t be able to remove the chip. Whether or not he’s in the Initiative.”

Spike looked levelly at Giles. “I do know the bleedin’ difference, Watcher. I just expect the little shits to try and grab me again. We would need to make any such meeting safe, for Willow as well as me.” He turned to look at Willow. “Is that clear, little one?”

“Yes,” Willow answered meekly. No one else noticed Spike raise his scarred eyebrow at her, the sudden look of both apprehension and anticipation that crossed her face.

“Or, Ripper, he can talk to us on the phone if he wants.”

“Let me speak to him again, and find out what he thinks. I’m inclined to believe that, if he insists on meeting you personally, Spike, there may be a problem.”

The blond vampire nodded. He was torn. He admitted to himself that he was terrified of being recaptured; but at the same time he did want to help Willow, which meant trying to help the slayer. Also, speaking to someone who knew of the Initiative, and therefore also accepted the existence of demons, may be interesting.

“All right Ripper, mate. Call him and let me know what he says.”

* * * *

Driving home, Spike looked at Willow. He chuckled, a low, deep tone in the back of his throat. “So, little one, any second thoughts about what you’ve read?”

Willow went pale, and began to chew on her bottom lip. She nodded. She looked up at Spike and tried to explain, “There are things that scare me, that make me have second thoughts, but the idea excites me at the same time. I want this, Spike, I really do. I’m just scared of what it might lead to. And as for some of the things on that checklist. Ewwwwwwwww. Goddess Spike, I had to look some of them up in a medical dictionary!”

Spike smiled encouragingly at her and pulled her close to him into an affectionately rough embrace. “When we get home, pet, we’ll talk about this. At length.” Willow looked up at him again and nodded, before relaxing into his embrace.

After getting home, the lovers walked slowly inside, almost drifting. Their hips brushed together repeatedly as they walked. Once inside, Spike immediately headed to the kitchen to make coffee, and also prepare himself a meal. Willow continued into the lounge and flopped into the sofa, immediately picking up ‘Screw the Roses’ and started to idly flick through it.

Once Spike had prepared the coffee, and his blood, he came into the lounge, handed Willow a cup and sat next to her. “Time for a talk, pet.” Willow looked at him, and nodded, apprehensively.

Spike took a breath and began. “One thing that these books never mention, luv, is that what you’re thinking about doing is rather like Pandora’s box. Once you open it, you can never, truly, go back. Yes, you can pretend, even enjoy, but once you start to experiment it becomes part of you, in a way that it never can just from fantasising. In that sense, any decision you make is final.” WillWillow nodded. “It is? Why can’t I just say ‘I don’t like this’ and go back?”

Spike smiled. He loved her logical mind. Apart from anything else it was wonderfully refreshing after a century of living with insanity. “It’s not that simple pet. Even if the experience itself isn’t pleasurable, the act of giving over the control, granting your partner that power, remains. You start to ask yourself questions like ‘if he had done X instead, would that have been better?’ ‘If I had relaxed more, would it have been as bad?’ and so on. Eventually, you’ll try again. It’s because it’s part of who you are. There’s a rightness about it that you can’t deny. The only way to avoid it is to never start.”

“So why do some people feel like this, like the way I do?”

Spike chuckled as he embraced her. “Red, luv, if I knew the answer to that, I’d be on the talk show circuit. From what I’ve read, it seems that there is some relationship between childhood neglect or abuse on the one hand and … a kinky orientation on the other. It’s not always the case though. There are lots of abuse survivors who’re as vanilla as they come, and there are kinksters who had perfectly wonderful childhoods too. If anything, I think it’s partly nature and partly nurture. I do think, though, that an abusive childhood is more likely to bring out any underlying inclinations though.”

Willow nodded, awed partly by the sheer length of Spike’s statement and partly by the fact that he was revealing sides of himself that no-one had ever seen. She was certain that he wouldn’t have spoken like that with either Angelus or Drusilla, and who else was there. The thought of a brain like his, being essentially trapped and unable to communicate with its intellectual peers for over a century made her shudder, amazed that he was still sane.

Spike smiled encouragingly at her. “It’s your decision pet, no-one else’s. What do you want?”

Willow looked up and asked, tremblingly, “I want you to teach me Spike. Teach me to be honest with myself. Teach me who I am.” The quiet certainty in her voice surprised Spike.

“Are you sure luv, really sure? Remember what I said about Pandora’s Box.”

Willow nodded and answered, in a small but determined voice. “suresure.”

Spike simply nodded. “Well pet, do you want to start now, or have a couple of days to think?”

“Now.” Willow gulped, her heart suddenly accelerating.

All right then pet, take your clothes off.” Willow looked at Spike, confused. “It’s not that hard an instruction is it pet?”

“N-n-no.” Willow looked down and started to slowly unbutton her blouse. The next thing she felt was Spike’s finger tilting her chin up, so she was looking ahead, at him.

“This is your first instruction, your first order, if you will. You are not, under any circumstances, to look down because you feel ashamed or belittled. I know it’s going to be hard for you, but it’s very important.”

Willow nodded and asked, “What if I disobey?”

“Well pet, you’ll be punished. We’ll have to find out what you do and don’t like, of course, because if singsings turn you on, you aren’t going to be punished with one.”

Willow pouted.

Spike laughed as he said, “Keep undressing little one. I want you naked. Do you understand.”

“Yes Sir.” Willow looked a little shocked. The honorific had come unbidden to her lips. She continued to remove her clothes, a little self-consciously, as Spike watched, apparently impassive, but she could see the stirrings of his arousal inside his jeans. When she had finished, and stood before him, naked, she asked, “Now what, Sir?” Once again, the honorific had emerged without her needing to think about it.

“Simple pet, come and sit here, at my feet,” Spike smiled as she did as instructed. He noticed that, when she moved towards him and sat, there was an unconscious grace that simply wasn’t there normally. It was as if, with the load of decision making removed from her shoulders, she was suddenly in touch with her sensuality in a way she had never been before.

“We’ll just spend a normal night, pet, watch some telly and then go to bed. However, you may not dress or leahe rhe room without my permission. Do you understand? I also expect you to ask any questions that may occur to you, on whatever topic. Is that also clear?”

Willow looked up at Spike, nodding as she once again said, “Yes, Sir.” She found that, as the television was turned on and they relaxed into their normal behaviour—other than the obvious difference of her being naked—she started to feel strangely lightheaded, as if she were drifting slightly. She found it surprisingly easy to relax, resting her head on his thigh as they watched an old Film Noir classic together.

During one of the advertising breaks, she looked up and asked “Spike, why am I feeling sort of … floaty, drifty?”

“You’re just beginning to feel what sub-space is like, pet. You’re just touching the edges a little. You wouldn’t have noticed yet, but you’re aroused as well.” Willow looked surprised at that statement. Spike just chuckled and said “Check, pet. You’ll see I’m not fibbing.”

Willow blushed as she very self-consciously lowered a finger to her nipple. It was erect. {That proves nothing, I could be just slightly chilled.} She thought to herself. Flushing a beet red, all the way to the top of her breasts, she lowered her hand, to run it through her pubic hair cautiously. {Goddess, I’m drenched, and I didn’t even feel it!}

Willow looked up, shocked. “How on earth did that happen?”

Spike just smiled at her. “Because you feel right, you’re more at peace now than you have been for a long time. By the way pet, would you do some more coffee?”

Willow found herself standing automatically, which surprised her. She walked to the kitchen to pour the coffee and she suddenly realised that she hadn’t been in even slightly self-conscious about her nudity. Surprised, she wondered why she had appeared to change so quickly. When she returned with coffee for them both, she resumed her seat at Spike’s feet and asked, “Why am I so calm about being naked, when you’re still fully dressed?”

“Let me answer that question with a question, pet. Would you feel comfortable if I were anyone else?”

“No!” Willow squawked indignantly, horrified by the very thought.

“What about when you were with wolf-boy? Or Tara?”

“No,” Willow once again confirmed, although much more calmly.

“In other words, luv, it feels right between you a; yo; you and I alone. Is that right?”

Willow nodded, and began to drop her head. Recalling Spike’s instruction at the last moment, she jerked her head back up quickly. He chuckled. “Excellent, little one. You deserve a little reward. Come here.”

Willow rose and moved closer to him, smiling shyly. She was unsure why the words of praise had effected her so much more profoundly than ever before. As she moved in, Spike suddenly pulled her into a tight embrace and looked at her. “Ready for your reward, pet?” In response to Willow’s nod, he slid a hand between her thighs, marvelling at her wetness. He gently parted her lips, teasing them with his fingers as he sought her clitoris, finding it, he began teasing and stroking until the little redhead was panting and on the edge of orgasm. Then he stopped. He fixed her eyes with his and questioned her. “What do you say little one?”

Willow slowly refocused on Spike, away from the sensations that were still threatening to engulf her. “Huh?”

“Do you want to cum, pet?” There was a mischievous grin on Spike’s face as he asked.

“Ohhhhhhhh yesssssssssssss” Willow moaned and hissed at Spike.

“Well, pet, what do you say?”

“Please?” Willow whimpered as Spike continued to tease her to the edge, only to pull back at the last moment.

“Almost right, little one, try again.”

“Please Sir? Please may I cum?” Willow was beginning to get both frantic and frustrated as she began to plead, to beg with Spike.

“That’s it, pet. You have to ask permission.” Spike grinned wickedly as he suddenly tweaked her clit, hard. Twisting her hard nub between forefinger and thumb pushed the aroused redhead over the edge, she keened in pleasure as her orgasm rolled over her in waves. Willow shuddered and cried as she hitks sks she had never experienced before. As the crescendo of pleasure ebbed, Spike let her slump, exhausted to the floor.

The blond looked down at Willow, and drank in every image he could of her. Her body heaving as she gasped for air, the flush that ran from her neck to her abdomen, the slick moisture of her arousal shining on her thighs. He slipped off the chair to sit next to her and whispered in her ear “Was it good, luv?”

“Uh-huh.” Willow managed to groan at himSpikSpike bent and effortlessly lifted her from the floor.

“Who do you belong to, little one?” He asked as he carried her into the bedroom.

“You, Sir.” She murmured, happier than she had ever felt before.