Love Hurts

A/N:- Soooo sorry it has been so long between updates but my muse was stubborn minx and refused to write, not one word... But I'm back!

This chapter is a short one and that is because I wanted to do the trial in one hit. More will be posted shortly as I am working on the story at the moment and won't stop until its complete. Not long to go now!!

Chapter 18


The morning did not change Buffy's mood. Her face showed her stress and the strain made her body rigid, her nerves frayed from everything she had been through. She stood in the bathroom, staring at the mirror but saw nothing. Her mind blanked and she stood motionless as Spike watched her from the bathroom door. His arms were raised, each one on either side of the doorjamb. His naked torso paled in the bright florescent lighting. He frowned as Buffy winced, obviously thinking about something unpleasant. Not surprising really, after everything she had been through at the hands of Angel.

"Do you think its really over now? "

Spike looked at her, not expecting her to have spoken. " I think so, everything except the trial. "

Buffy rinsed her face with cold water that she had collected in her palms and watched as the water dripped down into the sink. "I don't think I'm strong enough to go through that. "

Buffy dried her face on a soft towel and held it to her eyes, pressing it hard into the sockets in a bid to stop fresh tears from falling. Spike hung his head back and sighed loudly, knowing that she would back away from him if he did as he wanted, to take her in his arms and offer her protection .

" I think it best we find out what is going on , " she pushed passed him and walked back into the hotel bedroom to collect her clothes. He watched from his spot by the bathroom. " I mean, he could be getting off on some technicality and be coming for me... or , or .... I have to know! We don't know if any of his men got away. They could be coming for me as an act of revenge... "

Spike rushed forward and silenced her panic attack by crushing her to his chest. "No-one will hurt you again Buffy.I swear it. I won't let them . "

She breathed in his fresh from the bed scent, the one she loved on him. It was like warm muffins fresh from the oven, like everything that was comforting ....

" I've had enough, Spike. I can't do it. They'll have enough evidence to put him away for eternity without my testimony. I just want this part of my life over. To go somewhere and start again. "

"We will, love. We'll go wherever you want. "

Buffy sniffled against his chest and pulled away, looking up at him as she did. " But I can't, can I? I have to tell them everything. To sit in a court, seeing him there, watching me, while I tell them all , what he did , what he made me do. God.. I can't! "

Her tears fell as she clutched at his arms to keep herself upright as her legs started to sag under her grief.

" Shh , Shh... I got you Pet. " He swung her up into his arms by wrapping an arm under her knees and drew her to his midsection. Her arms clung to him as he carried her to the bed and laid her down and then curled around her sobbing frame.


How long had they been laying there, she didn't know. His hands stroked her back as she laid against his side, his other hand ran through her hair, his cheek rested against her head as he hummed something that soothed her.His deep husky hum seemed to calm her and allow her to think logically and she came to a conclusion that she knew he wouldn't like. She hated it even more, but how else was she going to get the strength to go through the trial and anything else that could happen? How else could she protect him and find closure on her past?

Buffy cleared her throat as she raised herself up and away from his body. His eyes were eager, full of sympathy and an insecurity? Could he somehow tell? Did he know what she was about to suggest? That look made her even more determined to go through with it. She hated seeing that look in his eyes. She missed the raw and passionate Spike, the one that didn't pity her or feel as though she needed protection. She wanted to see his pulse beat hard and fast in his neck, hear his breathing rise to fast pants and for his eyes to shine and show the hunger he used to have for her. She wanted what they had had before Angel, and she knew the only way to get that back was if she left. If she went through the trial and put Angel behind bars for the rest of his life, alone. She needed to do it alone so that she could find herself, get her strength of character back and get past the fear.Maybe even get some professional help, some counseling, whatever would help her once it was over. Buffy needed to do it so she could be His Buffy again. Only then did their relationship stand a chance.

"Buffy? "

She had been so deep in her own thoughts that Spike had frowned and sat up, now leaning in to her, one arm over her knees. Buffy looked at him and smiled, albeit sadly.

"We need to talk. " she said, her voice breaking emotionally.

Spike sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed and looked back over his shoulder. His eyes stung, preparing themselves for what his mind knew was coming.

"Just say it. "
"I have to do this alone. For me. I have to be strong and with you, I'm not. "

" All I wanted to do was .... "
"Look after me and take care of me, I know. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I do, but I don't want that. I want what we had, need it in fact. I want to be the Buffy I was, not Buffy the victim. "

Spike hung his head, his shoulders rounding as if to shield him from the hurt and pain she was inflicting on his heart. What good were they doing when he could still hear her? Buffy shuffled on her knees to his side and reached out, touching his shoulder , making him flinch away from her and rise from the bed.

" I'm not sticking around for the 'its not you it's me speech, Buffy. It's over, you need space, you got it. You ever need me, you know where I'll be. "

With tears hugging his lashes and his throat dry and painful with his need to cry and his anger, Spike stormed from the bedroom. Buffy sat frozen on the bed as the bedroom door slammed shut, the man she loved above all else walking away from her.

And suddenly she had no strength, she was empty, her heart and soul had left her the second he had. The muffled shout and another door slamming told her that that was it. He had truly gone. Buffy melted into the covers that still smelled of him and cried until her lungs burned , her throat was raw and her tears had all but dried up.


The bar was dingy, dirty and smelled of stale beer and dust, but that was fine by him. Spike knocked back another whisky and grimaced. He had been here long enough and had drank enough that he had become numb. He had felt anger, frustration, hatred and every other emotion towards her and now he was just numb. Spike pulled out another twenty and threw it onto the beer wet bar, the barman refilled the empty glass and walked away.

A brunette watched him, saw the array of emotions roll across him and bided her time. He was cute and had an aura that radiated danger. Just how she liked them. The freshly dumped ones were always the same. All the hurt and pain made for a man that was rough, yet had something to prove. The sex with them was always the best and now she just had to have him. Deciding that he was no doubt drunk enough now, she made her move.


A light tapping made her lift her head and look at the double doors. One of the doors opened a fraction and the head of one of the officers peered into the room. Buffy groaned internally and flopped back on the bed.

"What? "
"Its time we took you to the station so you can make your statement. "
"Just give me a minute will you, please. " Buffy answered.
"Okay. "

The door shut quietly and Buffy wiped at her face. What was the point of sending Spike away if she was going to sit on the bed and wallow? With a deep breath in through her nose, she got off the bed and rushed to get dressed. It took her ten minutes to get herself together and get dressed, but when she opened the bedroom door, she panicked.

Why or how, did she think she could go through this without Spike by her side? Her heart raced, her whole body shook and she felt sick. As if her subconscious had taken over, Buffy pulled out her cell phone and hit the speed dial.

The woman crawled over him, pushed his jacket from his arms and kissed him hard again. Her lipstick smeared on his cheek as Spike tried to pull away. Her hands slid down his chest, her nails digging into his flesh as she did. Hands grappled with his belt and he felt his trousers hit his ankles.

He let out a gasp as her hot lips surrounded his half erect cock and slid up and down.

"Fuck... " he hissed as she sucked hard on an upstroke and used her tongue to trace the head. Spike closed his eyes and saw the broken face of his love, tears streaked her cheeks and she asked him why?

"I can't . " Spike pushed on the top of the strangers head, intending to ease her away from him, but she slid down his shaft harder, making his eyes roll and his hips thrust automatically. "Stop! I can't do this..... "

Spike pulled away and managed to get his trousers up and fastened before the brunette had gotten to her feet. Her face was easy to read. Shock that Spike had resisted her and the underlying hurt pride. She wiped off the rest of her lipstick and saliva with the back of her hand.

"Why not? Was I not good? I know I was good.... "
"It's me, love, not you. "

The brunette laughed. "That old line.... "

Spike picked up his jacket and hung it over one arm. He hated to look at the woman again but couldn't stop himself. He met her cold hard gaze, " I'm in love with someone, always have been, always will be. She doesn't deserve me doing this, here with you. "

Spike turned and walked out the door. The brunette stood against the door and smiled. " She's one lucky lady. You take care of her. "

That was what he intended to do. He just needed her to allow him that chance. Spike threw his jacket onto the passenger seat and slammed the car door. The engine revved and he shot off into the night leaving the brunette stood watching his tail lights.


The brunette closed the door just as a cell phone started to chirp out its ringtone. She bent at the end of the bed and picked it up.

"Hello? "

A pause

"Hello? "

"Ah... Is this Spikes phone? " Buffy frowned. Why would a woman be answering his phone?

"Yeah, blonde honey? Dresses like a lawyer? He just left, must have forgotten to pick up his phone. "


Buffy swallowed hard and cleared her throat. " What do you mean he just left? "


The brunette sighed and smirked. Wounded pride would get it's own back. It was obvious to her that this was his love. " He picked me up in a bar and took me home.... I'm sure you can work out the rest yourself. "


The phone slipped from Buffy's hand, closing the clamshell as it hit the floor. Stunned, Buffy walked out of her bedroom and picked up her purse. She only nodded when she heard one of her guards ask her if she was ready to go. She made the journey to the police station in silence, not taking in any of the scenery that they passed.