Life (or Unlife) Goes On

Title: Life (or Unlife) Goes On
Author: AddictedtoBuffy
Rating: R for content
Pairing: A/S eventually A/S/X this chap mention of X/A, S/H & S/D
Distrubution: Ask and you will receive
Spoilers: Set after Angel Season 5 so any Buffy/Angel episode could be referenced. This chapter mention of events around the Buffy season 2 episode killed by death
Warning: M/M if you don't like, don't play here. Language and lots of Angel brooding this chapter
A/N: Thankyou for all those who read. Especial thanks to those who let me know what they think.
Reveiws:
Lase - Next chapter I promise
Sir Magus - I'll take your reveiw as a compliment of how well I've managed to keep their personalities the same as on the show. I agree with all except Spike. Sorry but he's my fav and I think he has grown up he had to to survive Angelus and again to survive the chip. Glad you still like the story, its appreciated

// = remembered conversation

Chapter Eighteen

Spike’s POV

Two bottles of Jack and I’m drunk, finally, the vampire constitution can be annoying sometimes. I stumble to the next demon bar, I have a couple of hours before dawn and I want to be so drunk that I forget

/I love you, Spike/

So that I can’t even remember my name let alone the great big tosser who keeps messing with my unlife or the ex I just staked. Sure she was an idiot but she grew on me, its hard to kill vampires when you’ve had sex with them and shared a crypt for six months. I reach a seedy demon bar and walk straight up to the door, there is a bouncer, a Keyor Demon but I push him through the door in front of me and he falls down the steps. Everyone inside stops talking and stares at me but I just walk down the steps and find an empty booth near the back. As everyone turns back to their drinks a barmaid comes over and I order another bottle of Jack. I light up and stare at my cigarette trying to will my mind not to think. Its not working very well when somebody sits down across from me. They put their drink on the table and it has an umbrella in it. The hand holding the drink is green and the sleeve is bright orange.

“Thought you would be long gone by now.” I comment without looking up.

“Well I did but then I came back, I needed to know if you were okay, it turns out I can’t seem to walk away from the only family, I’ve ever had.” Lorne replies and I get it, if I didn’t I wouldn’t have stayed in Sunnyhell all that time, I wouldn’t still be in L.A now. “So you wouldn’t be drowning your sorrows if everything was peachy but then again you wouldn’t be in a demon bar if you were trying to hide out from the senior partners.” I grab my drink and down a fair amount.

“A lots happened mate, don’t know if I can tell you it all.” Lorne goes to open his mouth but we both realise at the same time that the bar has gone quiet. I look over and standing in the middle of the ‘dance floor’ is Drusilla dressed in red and black with a long flowing skirt, staring at us with a puppy under one arm. Shit. I don’t think I can deal with this. Oh well, I have to make it seem like I have it all together even if I feel like I’m falling apart. I stand up and she starts swaying. Then she laughs. Don’t know why, for all I know she is seeing dead baby fish.

“Drusilla, have you been a bad girl. You know what daddy always said about turning humans.”

“Daddy said that I do it wrong, but I don’t my sweet boy, you killed two of those nasty strong girls and bugs crawl under the skin. Itching and hurting and theirs screaming such beautiful sweet noise, hee hee. But my Daddy’s gone, nasty Angel beast and your not my boy nasty bright spark, destroying all the shadows nowhere to hide, nowhere to be safe from the nasty bright sun.” If you think about what she says for an hour you can usually work out what she means but I don’t have the time and basically I can’t be bothered. I am totally over it.

“Yeah Dru we have souls but we aren’t the only ones with souls. You’ve been tampering with the dark powers again and you’re in LA as well which is the poofs turf.” She laughs again before answering,

“Silly boy all dressed up in daddy’s clothes but you won’t find happiness. No you and daddy never will but kittens coming and then its topsy turvy and you’ll find your place. So no, bad William, no staking your Sire.” She turns and glides out, shit, I can’t just let her go Mr Broody would be pissed off at me even more than he already is. As she leaves I can hear her sing

“Run and Catch
Run and Catch
The Lamb is Caught
In the Blackberry Patch.”

I rush out, ignoring Lorne who is calling after me. All I’m focusing on is that she is getting away, the girl of my dreams who ended up giving me nightmares. Maybe its time I stop being a snivelling, pathetic Mama’s boy and give her back some of the pain she’s caused me over the years.

“Spike, STOP. It’s a tr…” I’m out the door and follow her voice into an alley behind the bar. I don’t seem to be feeling the effects of the alcohol. I stop in the middle of the alley, I can’t see her anywhere. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.

“Dru,” I yell “Drusilla..” Okay so maybe I am still very drunk, that was the whole point, how was I supposed to know that my dark princess would turn up. I hear her laugh again,

“My poor lamb, the blackberry patch is going to eat you all up, you should have taken me back when you had the chance but you had to follow that nasty slayer who won’t die.” I turn around trying to see her and then I realise that I’m not alone but its not Drusilla who is here with me. Oh fuck, ten Fyarl Demons, I can’t take ten on by myself and they are blocking both ends of the alley. I spot a ladder and run for it. Oh shit, Mucus. Four blobs hit me in the back and I can feel the paralysis spreading out til I cannot move. Oh great plan Spike. I seem to be the world’s worst planner. Now Drusilla is going to torture me probably kill me and the last time I saw Angel I threw him out a bloody window. Good, now he can remember the last thing he said to me for the rest of his unlife. Oh bloody hell, I don’t want to add to his broodfest. I am aware of Drusilla walking up to me but then I hear the screeching tires of a car and the alley is flooded by light. In my peripheral vision I can see Fyarls being run over by a car then a green hand yanks me into said car as it races out of the alley and away.


Angel’s POV

I stumble back into the hotel supporting Nina with Oz on the other side, she was pretty beaten up when we found her. The stupid idiot hadn’t even moved buildings after one of them had escaped. He underestimated them, he didn’t think they knew anyone who knew about Werewolves. Unfortunately, I did find out that it was Wolfram and Hart who gave him Nina’s name. They are never going to stop coming after us, I wonder when they will succeed because at some point they will. Sometimes I wonder why I still fight, it’s a daily hard struggle and the forces of evil just keep coming. I can never stop them for good. When I went to pick up Nina after the fight, she just looked and told me she could smell Spike all over me and she was glad because she had been looking for a way to break up with me. Now all I have to do is make it up to him, easier said than done, I know, but we have some major talking to do first anyway. I walk into the hotel and find Giles and Gunn sitting on the hospital bed. They seem to be going over some papers, probably funeral plans. Oz and Nina move towards the staircase but I stay behind. She needs some space and I need to think. The others are dispersing and I see Buffy come up from the stairs. I turn to go the opposite way and I hope she leaves me alone, we really have nothing to say to each other anymore. I don’t know how it ended up like this from how much I loved her but when I finally had her everything changed. I realise now that we were living a lie. She never saw me as a vampire and through my own guilt I tried to ignore what I truly was and that was why Angelus was released. With her ,through having her in the carnal sense I managed to forget what I was for a minute thus achieving perfect happiness and releasing Angelus, which will never happen again. Thinking of Angelus leads to thoughts of Xander, having him in the hotel especially in the state everyone keeps hinting at is definitely going to open up another tin of worms.

Only three people know that Angelus seduced Xander but not in a nice Shakespearean way more of a twisted, hurtful way that left him almost broken. You see despite popular belief Faith wasn’t Xander’s first. However, I wasn’t the first male he wanted either which is part of the tragedy. When Buffy and myself first arrived in Sunnydale Xander was already in a relationship unbeknown to Willow. A boy I think he was named Jesse and Xander's best friend. Apparently it had been nothing but some fumblings in the dark but they had both cared deeply for each other and then he died. Xander told me this as I found him wandering the night a month afterwards distressed and crying, apparently it was Jesse’s birthday but no one else had remembered. He felt that everybody forgot Jesse as soon as he had died. After that night Xander and I seemed to strike an unlikely friendship but only when no one else was around. He was so afraid that I would let his secret slip. He was also jealous of Buffy because he had feelings for me but he never tried to act on them because it was his way of remembering Jesse by making the only male he was with, Jesse. Of course I took that away from him as well. I had feelings for him as well but there was no way I was going to act on them when I was with Buffy and at the time I was trying to separate myself from any ‘sins’ and due to my Catholic upbringing I saw relations with another male as a sin. I have since gotten over that. Anyway, after Angelus came up against Buffy’s white night while she was in hospital he or I suppose I as Angelus is part of me decided that something drastic needed to be done about Xander. I didn’t want to kill him just hurt and humiliate him so that he lost the small self-confidence he had. I can still remember how tight and hot he was, how hard he squeezed my cock, how tears streaked down his face while he lay under me begging for more because I forced him to. Whispering in his ear about how dirty and utterly pathetic he was wanting that. And part of me wants to do it again.

I wish I could say that the reason I’ve avoided him since was because of how guilty I felt and believe me I have but the real reason I stay away is because I’m scared I will try to do it again. And now he is coming to stay here, apparently an alcoholic wreck. The only other person who knows is Spike because as Angelus I want home to a wheel-chair bound Spike and rubbed his face in the fact that I went elsewhere to find a male sub.
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A/N: I'm not going to write a prequel of the Angelus/Xander relationship because its been done and I can't think of anything original to add. However, if you want to write about that time set in the Life (or Unlife) Goes on verse then tell me cos in later chapters there is remembered dialougue but then go for it cos I'd love to read it.