New Beginnings

Chapter 17

Whistler



Buffy’s body ached, but it was a good ache. She had numerous cuts and bruises on her body, but in a day or two, they would heal. However, she cannot say the same about her heart. She lay on her bed sobbing uncontrollably. Both Sasha and Cash had repeatable knocked at her bedroom door. But they were ignored.

Watching, the Powers That Be could not help but feel sorry for their warrior. If she were to perform in peak condition, she would need help.


A bright light suddenly flash into the room.


Buffy hid her face while the light got softer. Standing before her, was a person she hadn’t see since the night she had killed Angel. Whistler.


He looked human, any person you would see walking the streets or at a baseball game. Average. He was wearing a multi colored checker sports jacket, with rust colored jeans pants and brown work boots. On his head, tipped to one side was a brown fedora hat with a small feather on it. He was one of many balance demons that worked for the P.T.B. He was there to guide the warrior of light, back on her true path.


“Hey there Slayer,” Whistler said walking towards her.


Tears glistened on her pale, heart-shaped face, she asked dully, sniffing. “Whistler. What are doing here?”


Pacing the length of the room, Whistler spoke in an odd, yet gentle tone. “Slayer you are messing up your life,”


“What do you mean?” Buffy said her voice fragile and shaking. She climbed out of bed, ignoring the aches in her body, and slipped into a robe that was at the foot of the bed.


“No matter how hard this is, you have to move on with your life. Look,” said Whistler, walking to stand directly in front of Buffy. “There is a lesson each of us must learn and that lesson is with life, there will be pain. You must go on, let other people in your life. Look at Sasha and Cash they care for you.”


Her voice broke. “I don’t want them to care,” she said sobbing.


“You can’t stop people from caring no matter how much you push them away. I know it won’t be easy letting someone else in, but you have to,” Whistler said, gently.


“No,” Buffy cried. “I could get them killed, like I killed the others.


“Slayer you didn’t kill your friends,” he said, knowing she was talking them. “It was their time to go.”


“But if I was there I would have saved them, if I didn’t runaway, maybe they would be alive.” She felt an acute sense of loss, as a stab of guilt pierced her breast.


“Is that what you wanted to do now? Runaway.”


Looking away from him, Buffy blushed.


Whistler sighed. “Maybe if you never went to Sunnydale, they would haven’t have met you. And they would not know anything about vampires. We could do ‘what ifs or maybes,’ as many times as you wanted. But the fact is, they are dead and there is nothing you can do about it. But the question I need to ask you, is this. Have you forgiven them yet for not being there for you?”


“What!” Buffy said stunned. The question threw her a bit, coming from out of left field.


“This is not just about you not saving them,” Whistler said with quiet emphasis. “It s about they, not being there for you when you had to kill Angel. I saw what went down. I knew what you had to do. They didn’t understand how hard it was for you to battle the love of your life. How conflicted you were. They only saw a demon, but you saw the man who once held you so tenderly. Now they are gone, but you are still here and you didn’t have time to resolve anything between you and your friends, The Scooby Gang. You must forgive them.”


“I can’t,” she said, her voice quavering. Her misery was like a steel weight. All these months, she didn’t even knew that she resented the Scooby Gang. It took Whistler to spell out what she had been feeling those few months. She loved them, gentle Willow, wisecracking Xander, wise Giles, monosyllabic Oz, and straightforward Cordelia. And especially her mom. Oh, she misses her. But she resented their high and mighty superiority. Sometimes in the midst of being around them, she felt so alone. They didn’t really understand the burden she carried, of being the savior of the world.


Hell yes, she resented them. They could leave anytime they wanted to. But she couldn’t, unless she died. And as a Slayer, she was fated to die young. When she finally let her self live, she brought forth a vicious demon. She remembered that day vividly, there she was confused, being that was her first time, she had to put that aside the fear and the uncertainty to be strong for them. And all she heard was how could you? And when she wanted support, they turned their backs on her. Then she had to kill Angel. Yes for the first time in a while, she felt alive, but all she feels was resentment and guilt.


“Yes you can,” Whistler said resolutely. “But most of all you must forgive yourself. There was nothing you could do.”


“But it is my fault they died.”


“No it is not. Look, maybe if you had been there every thing would have gone great. But, on the other hand, maybe not. You do not know. Fate can be a cruel mistress sometimes.”


Buffy felt ice spreading through her stomach. "I feel so cold," she whispered hoarsely, her throat aching. Tears slowly found their way down her cheek.


Whistler walked towards Buffy, placing his arms around her and she buried her head into his chest, letting the sobs escape her. She wanted to go back to a time when she had never felt cold or alone. A place in her memories, which doesn’t exist. “Every key to happiness lies in forgiveness Slayer.” He paused, cocking his head to one side. He seemed to be listening to another voice only he could hear.


“They aren’t dead,” he said abruptly.


“What!” she said, her body stiffened in shock.


“Your friends are alive. Look Slayer,” Whistler said patiently.


A soft gasp escaped her.


“Did your watcher ever explain how the world was created?


She hesitated, blinking with bafflement. “Well yes,” she said, not sure where this conversation is going. Right now, she was experiencing a gamut of perplexing emotions. Joy, Surprise and Confusion. “How? What?”


“All in good time,” he said in placating gesture. “But, what I will tell you right now is, imagine if you will, the world making up different dimensions. Places where vampires exist and where there magic abounded. Then imagine another place where demons and magic does not exists. It’s called the Fanverse. In the Fanverse, there are many dimensions.”


“What?” Buffy said, surprised. It seems, that was all she could say. She kept getting surprise and surprises one after the other.


“The Fanverse,” said Whistler with a smirk.


She has to sit down for this, Buffy thought. Walking slowly towards the bed, she asked. “How many dimensions are there?”


He shrugged dismissively. “Thousands, millions, billions, I don’t really know. They never tell me these things.”


He reached out to hold Buffy as she nearly collapsed, as her knees buckled. “Are you al right?”


“Yea,” Buffy said with a vague gesture, before righting her self.


Eying her suspiciously, Whistler continued. “But what I can tell you is this. There are places where the Slayer exists and places where she doesn’t. When you saved Lily in that hell dimension, you created a rift. The rift created a doorway and you entered the wrong one.”


“What do you mean, I entered the wrong doorway!” Buffy yelled, interrupting him. She was again surprised. She understood that without surprises, life would be predictable but she wondered if her heart could take any more surprises.


Her reaction seemed to amuse him. “In life Slayer,” Whistler said, entering a lecture mode. “There are many paths. Nevertheless, it is up to us, which one we will choose. That is why we called it destiny. Your destiny since you were born was to be mated with a vampire with a soul. In each dimension, you have done that. No it is not written which vampire you where mated with. In one dimension, it was Angelus. In another, it was Spike. But when you chose this path, you where directed to Julian Luna, because Angelus and his childer doesn’t exist in this reality.”


“What! I am a Slayer we kill vampires. I am not supposed to fall in love with one.”


That did not stop you from falling for Angel, did you?” he said, disgusted with her reaction. Is that you are telling yourself, by trying to distance your self from Julian. Luna. Forget what you have been taught. Yes, you were created to fight the evil of the world. But what if a vampire or a demon isn’t evil. What then?


Ashamed, Buffy hanged down her head. “I don’t know.”


Whistler sighed exasperatedly.


Chastised, Buffy said. “What did you mean that Angel doesn’t exist in this world? I remember Acathla opening and Angel being sent to hell.”


“Well yes, that had happened here in this dimension and as well as yours. You Buffy Summers from your dimension stopped Angelus from opening the portal and so did this dimension Buffy. The dimension was the same up to that point. The difference was that your friends exist in that dimension, but not in this one. Even Angel came back from hell. You and the other Buffy had switched dimensions. ‘Oh, this is confusing…’ The reason I am here is to give you direction. Listen Slayer, everything happened for a reason. You are meant to be here, not the other Buffy. But you.” He said pointing to Buffy. “So stop punishing your self and Julian. You are meant to be together,” he said dissolving and slowly fading away.


“Will I ever see my friends again?” Buffy asked to the fading Whistler.


“Maybe some day,” he said, his voice trailing off.


He pops back suddenly. “By the way, you are immortal. So don’t try to kill yourself again.”


“But…..” said a shock Buffy, her mouth-hanging open.


A knock sounded at the door. “Lissa, let me in, it’s Julian. Can I come in?’”


“Just a minute,” she said, getting off the bed. She straightens the covers, grabbed several used tissue and dumped them into the wastebasket. She rushed to the door almost tripping on her shoes lying on the floor. She wipes her damp eyes on her top.


“Yes,” she said breathlessly, opening the door.


“We need to talk,” he said, pushing her gently aside and walking into the room.