Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

“I can’t believe that bitch stole my costume idea! I mean, really, Harmony knew I was going as a cat. I always go as a cat! How dare she! She’s such a vapid whore.”

Xander sighed as he tried to struggle into his costume. The past few days hanging out with Cordelia had been weird to the extreme. For one thing, she seemed to think it was okay to just walk in on him trying on clothes or changing since he was gay. When he had asked her how she would like it, she’d replied that he didn’t know what to do with a girl so why should she worry?

In the past two weeks since their deal he’d been dragged shopping twice, had to defend himself verbally from the Cordettes. Then there was the day that Spike had laughed his ass off. Apparently he had large pores or whatever the hell it was and she had insisted that he needed a facial. Spike could smell the avocado from six feet and had called him Guacamole for two days.

Still, hanging out with Cordelia wasn’t the same as with Buffy and Willow. Well, it was mainly Willow he missed. Oh, he missed Buffy, but he’d hadn’t even known her for a year yet. He was so used to being able to turn around and talk to Willow that it hurt that she wasn’t there.

He could still see her and try to talk to her but she’d get all teary and red in the face and nearly run away from him. Giles said that she was just confused and trying to work things out but Xander was really worried that he’d lost her and it kinda hurt worse than Jesse’s death. Jesse didn’t have a choice and even after he was vamped he had come back for Xander.

Buffy was upset for another reason. After the incident where she’d lied to Giles to go with Cordy to that frat party, Giles was letting up on her slayer studies and letting her have some free time. Problem was, Xander was the one helping Giles out. He’d already learned to identify about fifteen species of demon, learned which were harmless to humans and how to kill the ones that weren’t.

On Buffy’s night off he’d gone on patrol with Giles. She had found out and the next day they’d almost had a screaming fight about it, talking about how it was her duty and not Xander’s. Then she’d suggested he was trying to seduce both Angel and Giles.

He’d laughed until he choked when Giles had dryly commented that he wasn’t necessarily that much of an ogre but he had been assured long ago that Xander didn’t lust after his pipes.

Trouble was, Buffy didn’t get it, couldn’t get the joke because it was something that only he and Giles had shared. That only made her more jealous. Then, of course, Cordy had to make things worse by flirting with Angel.

Buffy was so not a happy camper right now.

“Are you going to come out of that bathroom stall or am I going to have to drag you out?” Cordy’s voice broke into his brooding. Not that he called it brooding, but Spike did. He grinned when he thought of his boyfriend. Spike had many ways of making him lighten up.

He adjusted himself one more time before stepping out of the stall. He looked at Cordelia and gave a mini-turn. “Does it meet with your approval, oh great fashion guru?”

She looked him up and down and Xander just knew what the girls who posed for Playboy must feel like. “Not bad. Who knew you had such a good ass behind all those baggy clothes?”

“Hey, I’ve gotten better and, besides, these jeans are really way too tight. I don’t think I can sit down and it feels like they’re trying to crawl up my butt crack.”

“Live with it, you big baby! Being well dressed very rarely means being comfortable. You think these boots feel good? Hell no, but they make my legs look longer, my ass look better and go with the outfit.” She gestured down at the high-heeled stiletto boots she was wearing.

At first Cordelia had planned on going in a simple cat outfit but Harmony had gotten mad that she had gone shopping with Xander and was trying to out-do her. Xander had pointed out that if Halloween ended up like the frat party, Cordelia could use some weapons and between the two of them they had exchanged the simple spotted cat for a genuine black sixties style cat suit and mask. High-heeled boots, opera gloves with claws sewn in by one of Cordy’s minions, cat's ears and mask, and Xander had to admit she looked damn good.

He grinned. “They do look great. Very Julie Newmar. Young men from across the nation still watch the old Batman series just to have jerking off material. Devon will love it.” She'd been having an on again, off again relationship with the lead singer of the Dingoes. Cordy loved dating a musician but didn’t seem to love the fact that Devon was a few cards shy of a deck.

Personally, he kinda thought the guy was living in his own version of a Cheech and Chong movie but he was sure as hell not going to comment on her choice of guys. People who have vampires for boyfriends shouldn’t make fun of stoners. Or something like that.

“Harmony is just going to die of envy!” She actually bounced just a bit, which was kinda scary since she was holding a bullwhip to complete the ensemble. He really didn’t know where she'd got it.

He looked in the mirror at his own costume. The motorcycle boots were his, as was the leather belt. He’d bought the jeans with Cordelia and they were so tight he didn’t think he could sit down without hurting himself seriously. That also meant he couldn’t think about Spike or how he’d actually gotten to at least second or maybe third base. He wasn’t sure if frottage counted as third base if all their clothes had been left on.

He tried not to think about it. Really hard.

The shirt was one of Spike’s and it was tight too. Given a stiff breeze and more thoughts about the night before and he was sure everyone would be able to see his nipples. That is, if it wasn’t for the jacket.

He’d gone out on patrol one night when Spike was doing whatever it was that he was planning. Xander could tell his boyfriend was up to something but he had a feeling he didn’t want to know. He had actually managed to kill two fledges before one almost got him from behind. It had been a difficult fight but that was only because the fledge was wearing the softest black leather bomber jacket he’d ever seen and he wanted it.

He’d almost gotten the crap kicked out of him, but he managed to stake the fledge, but not the coat.

“You do realize you’re being a great big dork, don’t you? If you’re going to dress up you shouldn’t have picked something quite so…gay. I mean, isn’t Fonzie a gay icon or something?”

Xander glared at his friend. “No!! And I don’t care what people say, he and Richie were just friends. Quit trying to desecrate my childhood!”

“Whatever. You might as well have just gotten the goofy leather cap and gone as one of the Village People.”

“GET A MOVE ON PEOPLE! WE HAVEN’T GOT ALL NIGHT!” Snyder’s voice could be heard from the hallway.

“Sheesh. Can’t the little troll give us some time? I mean, it’s bad enough that he’s forcing us to take these little brats out. Doesn’t he realize some of us have better things to do on Halloween?”

Xander just shrugged and combed his hair back one more time. He’d stolen some of Spike’s hair gel to make it slick back. “I don’t really mind taking kids trick or treating. They’re cute and if I suck up maybe I can get some candy too.” He gave his hair a final pass. “What do you think?”

“Looks good there, Fonz, but if you try to make that “Heyyyyyy” sound, I swear to god I’m going to scratch you.”

*****

“You are such a moron!”

“You’re no prize yourself, boy! You could have said something.” Angel growled at him and Xander fought the urge to hit the older man.

“Hello!! Did we not say amnesia? I’m thinking someone as ancient as you would have heard the term before. Plus the whole fainting, damsel act wasn’t a big enough tip? But noooo, you had to let Buffy-Lite see you in game face and then let her run out the door screaming. Smooth move, Deadboy.”

“Will you both shut the hell up?! It’s bad enough that we have to chase after My Pretty Princess, without you two bitching at each other. God! Men are such babies!”

Xander bit his lip and tried to keep his mouth shut. Cordelia had a point. Arguing with Angel would do nothing but piss him off more and maybe end up in a fight. With Buffy wandering around not knowing who she was and the whole night getting weirder than a cheap rip-off of horror comic, they didn’t need that.

The night had been going well. He actually had been enjoying taking the kids around town. It was like karma. His parents never gave a crap and some big kid from the High School had taken him around. His favorite had been when he was six and a half.

Xander still couldn’t remember the older boy’s name but Xander had confessed his fear of clowns and, instead of making fun of him, the older kid had assured him that not all clowns were bad but some, just some, mind you, were shape-shifting aliens who lived in the sewers so it was better to be safe than sorry.

To this day, Xander didn’t know if the kid had read IT too many times or if he’d seen something. In Sunnydale, you couldn’t be sure. Hell, maybe there was a Hellmouth in Bangor and Stephen King wasn’t that great a writer but just wrote down the weird shit he’d seen around town.

So now it was his turn and he’d even gotten a candy bar from one or two people because his group was so cute. The littlest kid was especially good at giving puppy dog eyes. He’d been taking the group back to the school so their parents could pick them up when all hell broke loose, almost literally. Over half of the kids he was taking around morphed.

One minute he had a few kids dressed as monsters and princesses and the tooth fairy and the next they were monsters and princesses and the tooth fairy. It had been a shock to see that one little kid try to fly off.

He had grabbed her and the kids that weren’t little monsters and taken them back to the school and then gone to look for more. He had figured the ones who were turned into monsters would be okay; it was the kids that didn’t change that needed the help.

He didn’t find any, but he did find Willow. When he had seen her at school she’d been dressed like a very corny looking ghost. Now, though, she looked very hot in a mini-skirt and a top that showed her bare midriff. He had been shocked; it was like getting a peek at your sister in the bathroom, for crying out loud!

It should have been funny, with Xander slightly amazed and slightly horrified by Willow’s outfit and Willow trying to explain that he wasn’t really Fonzie. Only it wasn’t...and then the night got worse.

Now he, Cordelia and Angel were chasing after Buffy because Angel had been an idiot and freaked her out. Right now, Buffy didn’t have the sense god gave a Disney Princesses. Even Cordelia had complained about her clinging and simpering.

But, as much as he was mad at Buffy right now, he really hoped something hadn’t happened to her.

*****