This little girl

Oh, what are you people gonna do when I have to go back to damned work? Forget the thought...it's too horrible.

Well, reviews...and what can I say - love ya, love ya, love ya. Someone asked me a while back why someone writes. It seems a little clearer to me now...attention. I have to have it. What a drug! Some may say it is insecurity, but I just like to think I'm special. Either way, thanks for it. It entertains me. So I hope the story entertains you.

I feel this story has a resolution now. For the longest time I was scared there would be no ending. But now i feel closer. Not there by any means, but closer.

Thanks for the reviews and suggestions. As ever, they are quite helpful. Anyone who sent an email to my hotmail address - I haven't written back to all of you yet, but I certainly plan on doing so. Sorry, I'm such a slacker.

Anyway, enjoy. And as always...well you know what to do by now.

Thanks

Disclaimer - I, in fact, have decided that I now own them. Ok, sorry, I was daydreaming again. Whedon owns them.

Chapter 18

FLASHBACK
POV None

Faith squinted, the sun being a little brighter than she cared seeing. Why does my head always feel like I’ve been lobotomized, she thought. Lobotomized – there’s a good idea.

She looked around the motel room. Where the hell was she? The clock on the dilapidated nightstand was telling her it was close to noon. She had no idea how long she had slept. Shaking her hair away from her shoulders, she got up from bed and moved to close the window shades.

It had been two years. Two years of running. Where to? She had no idea. Who from? Of course that was a question that didn’t need asking. Before she had left, she had told Buffy about her life before Sunnydale. Not all of it, cause shit, B didn’t need to know all of that, did she? Faith had no intention of bursting the bubble Buffy had come to know. Even after all the things she had seen, Buffy still had no idea that people like Faith were a dime a dozen. And why would she tell her?

But she had told her about other things. Traveling around, going from town to town. She lay back on the bed and remembered a conversation where she and B had discussed the necessity of sleazy motel rooms much like the one she currently inhabited.

“They’re not all bad,” she had told her. “In fact, they sure the hell beat living on the fucking street.”

Buffy had shaken her head. “I wish you never had to do that. I can’t imagine.”

Faith had sighed, brushing a dark lock away from her face. She scowled a bit. “Yeah, well…you get used to anything. I mean I slept in other places. Bus stations, storage rooms, abandoned buildings. But you know…you have to be careful. People don’t particularly care about whether you live or die.”

Buffy had smiled at her, “But you’re a slayer.”

Faith had shook her head, “I haven’t always been.”

“Well…before that though, you like had your mom and stuff, right?”

Faith had wanted to laugh. Right. Her mom. That was too fucking funny. The only thing her mom had done for her was give her life. A crappy, fucked up, disgusting…ok, don’t want to go there. Instead, Faith had just nodded at her. “Yeah.” She agreed.

“You know…I mean I never asked…but how did you pay? For the rooms and stuff?” Buffy had looked thoughtful for a moment. “And food? And clothes? Cause leather pants, not cheap. Nor were they really comfortable, mind you. But I guess that’s a whole different question.” She had smiled at Faith.

It had made Faith’s heart stop. Not the question. Buffy’s smile. Should she tell her? “I had money.” Yeah she had had money all right.

“Well, I figured as much, silly.” Buffy had swatted her on the arm. “I meant where did you get it? It didn’t just fall in your lap did it?”

Faith had closed her eyes. At this point she had taken her fingers and began massaging her temples. When she opened her eyes, she had seen Buffy staring at her. An inquisitive look crossing her face. “Well,” she had not wanted to answer the question. “Well…I guess I stole it. Mostly.”

“Stole it?!?” Faith could not help but notice the surprise that had crossed Buffy’s face. Surprise mixed with…she couldn’t decide…disgust, maybe?

It had given Faith cause to get a little angry. She jumped up. “Yeah, B. Fuck. My life wasn’t all cute little boyfriends and stupid high school proms. I had to fucking survive. I tried not steal from anyone who didn’t…well…who wasn’t bad. Cause trust me,” she had sighed, a little wearier than when she had started the conversation, “there were a lot of bad people out there. And all those fuckers…man, I’d be like ‘shit look at all this damn stuff.’ Materialistic bastards. So yeah, I stole. What the hell else could I do, apply for a job? I tried that shit. It wasn’t like they were keen on hiring someone fifteen with no address, no respectable clothing, and no parents. Fuck, I had to eat.”

Buffy had seemed a little hurt. Faith didn’t know if it was from her outburst or her memories. “I didn’t know.” She replied, a little stunned.

Faith knew she shouldn’t get angry. But she had not been able to help herself. Years on the street had also done that to her. “Well of course you fucking didn’t know! You didn’t ask! No one ever asked. Not you, not your friends, not your watcher. You were too wrapped up in your own goddamned lives to think about whether or not I had anything to eat,” She crossed the floor back to her girlfriend. She had noticed Buffy’s face. Pity, fuck, she had thought, that’s not what I fucking wanted. “Don’t go getting all emotional about it. It was what it was. Nothing any of you could have really done anyway. I mean…it’s not like I blame you all or anything.” She lowered her voice with the last statement.

Buffy had turned her head. Ashamed. “ I should have asked.”

Faith took a deep breath. “Yeah, B, you probably should have.” She heard the first hitch of Buffy’s voice and shook her head quickly. “I mean…we all should have done a lot of things. Don’t ya think? I shouldn’t have been so fucking proud. We were stupid…so what? It’s not like it matters anymore, anyway.”

Buffy had turned back around and looked at Faith. “That’s stupid.” Faith had cocked an eyebrow at that statement. Buffy quickly backtracked. “Not you.” She shook her head, “I didn’t mean your stupid. I just meant we should have asked. It does matter. It would have…I could have…I am such a moron.”

Faith had wrapped her arms around Buffy at that moment, pulling the smaller girl to her. “Nah.” She laughed, “You were a teenage girl. With the unfortunate task of saving the world. I kinda get why you had other things on your mind.” And maybe Faith didn’t even believe what she was saying. But that had not mattered. She didn’t want Buffy to suffer. She never wanted to hurt her again.

Buffy was trying not to cry into Faith’s chest. She had shaken her head back and forth, a sob choking in her throat. “No. No. No.” She had said. “I should have known. I was so selfish. God, I’m still so selfish. I’m sorry.” She looked at Faith, “Do you know that?” Faith had nodded down at her. She had snuggled herself back against the brunette, “I promise. As long as I live, you will never have to do that again.”

Faith had not said anything. She didn’t like promises. Never had. Because in her experience, once a promise was made, the powers that be would do nothing at stopping to make sure that it was broken.


Faith ran her fingers through her hair and got up from the bed. She had forgotten about the promise. Two and a half years after that very promise, she found herself sitting in a sleazy motel room outside of Boulder. She had not told B about the other things she did for money. Things, even now, she couldn’t even think about without shuddering. Gathering some clothes she moved into the bathroom. And there were worse things she could have done. Would never do. She remembered how many times she’d gone hungry because she wouldn’t do those things. Placing her things on the grimy counter, she looked at herself in the mirror.

How the hell had she gotten here? Her money was close to running out yet again. She was sick of having to find odd jobs. She focused on the circles under her eyes. They were getting darker, even though, she figured she had slept for at least fifteen hours.

She placed the tablet the witch in San Diego had given her. “Take one every morning. Don’t forget. Otherwise, the will be able to track you. Remember.”

Faith could have slapped herself. Sleeping so damn long. She rolled her eyes at herself in the mirror. Like they are still looking for you. Dumbass. Still, she didn’t like the idea of missing the pill. She quickly placed it under her tongue. The slight grimace it had used to cause as the taste that she could only describe as rotten meat had been released kept itself from her face now. She was used to it. Hell, given time Faithie here could get used to anything.

She moved to turn on the shower behind her. She bent down, taking off her underwear. Her only sleeping attire. She hoped that this fleabag motel at least had enough hot water to last the shower. She grabbed her bag. The motel had soap. Even shampoo. But she had learned her lesson there. The stuff was like cooking fat and there was no way it was ever getting on her body again. On second thought, she had thought to herself, guess I can’t get used to everything.

After showering she felt much better. Going through her clothes she found what she was looking for. It was the hottest outfit she had. The top was tight, too tight she had to admit, but black…somewhat like a corset. But it tied in the front. She liked the way it looked on her. The way her breasts spilled out of the top of it. Her pants were red leather. Tight in all the right places, she had worked for two weeks just to purchase them. It was stupid. Impetuous. But they were about to pay off.

Cause Faith was on the prowl. Tonight was the last night she was sleeping in a dirty motel room, she promised herself. The powers that fucked up her life had given her one thing. It was her saving grace. And tonight, goddamnit she was gonna use it.

She sat down on the bed and lit a smoke. She decided to order a pizza. It was a while until dark. Kicking back on her bed, she put one hand behind her head and took a drag off of her cigarette. It was a cheap brand. And she had to make herself not wince at the aftertaste. Fuck it, she thought, taking a drag. I’m not going to buy cheap cigs. I’m not going to buy cheap anything ever again.

She closed her eyes and smiled to herself. I deserve some shit, goddamnit. I’ve been fighting the good fucking fight while most of the rest of humanity went about their goddamn daily lives. I’m taking back what’s mine.

And then, almost as an afterthought, she smiled to herself, “And fuck, if I don’t need some pussy.” She laughed out loud.

Buffy’s POV

She called her mom. I was surprised. I don’t know why. I knew she would always take to Faith, given the chance. Faith was also a little right. I was a tad jealous. How could I not be? They were so much alike. Faith had not even been here for…ok, I’m not going to go through that again. Stop being so stupid, Buffy.

And then this shit. Fucking Angel and Faith. What the hell was wrong with them? I felt like there was something going on that I didn’t know about. Either way, I didn’t like the way they were baiting each other. I had even began to agree with Angel’s logic until his little ‘I’m badder than you are’ staring contest they had. Could I not just get through one damn day without someone becoming homicidal? That’s a reasonable request, isn’t it?

Angel had walked back to his office. He left his door open. Kinda like saying, ‘come on back in.’ Yeah, well fuck you. I’m not going to talk to either of them right now. Not about any of this crap. Let ‘em fight.

I followed where the girls had gone into the back room. Everyone was in there.

Faith was telling them a story. I had just caught the tail end of it. “So she pretty much kicked my ass.” She has no idea how to censor her mouth.

Annie nodded up to the rest of them, “Yep. I kicked her ass.”

They laughed. Willow, of course, at least tried to be responsible. “That’s a bad word Ann,” she said.

“Ahem…” I cleared my throat. Hello! I’m in the room. Doesn’t anyone see me?

“Buff,” Xander exclaimed. “What’s up?” Yeah, don’t try to cover for the little monster. I heard her.

“Annie, we do not say the word ass,” I said, moving closer to them.

“Uh…yeah you do. All the time.”

Why did I conceive of a child who’s sole mission in life was to argue with me? I rolled my eyes. “Ok, let’s try that again. You do not say ass.”

She crossed her arms. Oh, get all huffy. “That’s not fair.” She frowned.

“Yeah, well sucks to be you, I guess,” I grinned at her.

She stuck her tongue out at me. But she was smiling.

Cordelia spoke up, “So Buffy. Annie and Faith here were just regaling us with the story of Faith’s somewhat sad ass-kicking at the hands of a five-year-old.”

I laughed, “I probably should have told you that.” I said to Faith.

Faith didn’t look at me for a moment. Shit, she was pissed. Well, duh, Buffy, I thought. Of course she’s pissed. She was listening to you and Angel.

She finally spoke, “Probably would have come in handy.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes at Kennedy and Dawn, “You know they could have solved this little problem here.”

Dawn agreed. “Yeah. You’d think they’d have already discussed it. It’s pertinent information. Annie’s a lethal weapon.” Why do they always taunt me? Do they have nothing better to do with there time? Of course not.

“Communication 101,” Cordy looked at us, “Not a difficult task to master. I know Faith didn’t go to college, but you did,” she said looking at me now, “and I bet even before you dropped out, you took that course. Of course, if you were anything like you were in high school, well…we all know how those classes turned out for you.”

Annie smiled, “How’s that?”

Xander piped in, “Hey don’t pick on those of us in the ‘less that perfect academically’ category. It’s hard being a genius’s friend. Right, Buff?”

I nodded, “Yeah, Willow was always like…one upping us and stuff.”

Willow threw me a look. “Hey that’s not true. I can’t help it if the two of you were academically deficient.”

Cordy rolled her eyes, “Deficient implies that they were just lacking a little something. All I remember is Buffy here blowing things up. And staking things. And generally just putting my life in danger whenever I happened to walk by her. I’m surprised she even found her way to class. That is, when she bothered to show up.”

What the hell is this? Pick on Buffy day. Dawn nodded. “That was cool. That gym here in LA and then the whole school. You were the coolest sister ever the day you blew up the school,” she sighed blissfully, “oh the memories of leveled schools. Does a heart good.”

Leave it to my baby sister to get excited about the destruction of public property. Ok, I have to admit. It was pretty cool. But that’s me, coolest person in this room, that’s for damn sure.

Faith was watching our little exchange. “Nothing changes here,” she smiled slightly. There’s my girl.

I grinned back at her, “We are still as boring as ever.”

Willow scoffed, “I am so not boring.” Cordelia raised an eyebrow at her. She turned, “What?” She asked her. “I’m not.”

Shouldn’t have said that Wills. “You are joking, aren’t you? You may not be bored…I mean even as loud as Annie and I here turn up the TV, well the horrifying nightmares the two of us have are proof of that. But nobody’s throwing any of you a party for being ‘Stimulating Person of the Year.’”

Xander smirked, “Oh, cause you are so exciting. I forgot how biting sarcasm qualifies YOU for that award.”

“First of all, not biting sarcasm. It’s the truth. I know it hurts, but so does your constant whining, and I seem to get over that. Second – I am exciting. Ask Annie.”

Annie was watching the conversation, the way she watched all of our conversations. With a look of awe and a little disbelief. Come to think of it, so was Faith. “Yep,” Annie nodded. “Cordy’s exciting.” Cordy nodded at her, waving her hand at her, encouraging her to go on, “And smart. And funny. And way hotter than Dawn.”

“Hey,” Dawn said.

Annie just looked at her and shrugged her shoulders.

Willow frowned at Cordy, “You know, you can’t count that. It doesn’t count if you tell her what to say.”

Cordy looked appalled. “I do not tell her what to say. I can’t help it if you guys are jealous. Or that Annie has more perception in her little toe than the rest of you have in your whole body. She knows I’m strikingly special.”

Annie nodded, not even looking at Cordelia, “It’s the truth. She even taught me a song about it. It’s called ‘Me and Cordy are the Coolest Chicks in the World.’” She looked at Faith, “Want me to sing it?”

Faith nodded. Cordelia jumped up and put her hand over Annie’s mouth. “Kids…” she laughed nervously, “making up things all of the time.” She looked down at Annie. Safe to say a look of ‘what the hell are you doing?’ crossed her face. “Eww…gross.”

Annie was giggling at her. “I licked your hand.”

“Well, duh.” Cordy wiped it on her pants. She smiled at her. “Don’t start picking up Faith’s bad habits. I don’t have time to reprogram you.”

“Huh? I ain’t licking your hand.” Faith said.

“That’s because I don’t let you,” a look of exasperation crossed her face. Like she couldn’t believe the stupidity of the rest of us.

I have to admit she loves Annie. That’s the only reason I don’t kick her ignorant ass all the way back to the pit that used to be Sunnydale.

I sat down next to Faith and took her hand. She smiled weakly at me. I saw Kennedy role her eyes a little bit, but she refrained from saying anything. In fact, she was even smiling.

Faith squeezed my hands. The rest of them had gone back to whatever it was they were doing. Cordy and Xander were playing pool. Will he never learn? Kennedy and Willow were looking at some book behind the bar. Leaning into each other. Dawn was filing her nails and looking around the room. Probably for Andrew. He’d been gone all morning. She was antsy. If she didn’t get to inflict some sort of torture on, and I hesitate to call him this, the poor boy, by lunch she’ll be unbearable. She has an incredible large mean streak in her.

“She called me Mom,” Faith whispered in my ear.

I nodded, “I know.” I whispered back.

I looked to Annie. She was sitting on the bar, facing Willow and Ken. “Teach me another spell.” Huh?

Willow looked to us quickly. I raised my eyebrow at her. She turned back to Annie, “Hey we didn’t teach you a spell…” she was fumbling with her words. She looked at me, “Cordy’s right…kids.” She said. I saw her make a face at Annie.

Annie whispered. Umm hello, slayer hearing. Remember guys? “Whoops. I forgot.”

Great. I feel secure in the knowledge that everyone was teaching my child the valuable lesson of lying to get out of trouble. I’m sure that will serve to make my life as a mother much more entertaining.

Faith was still holding my hand. Running her fingers inside my palm. We were watching something on television. I don’t even know what it was. So damn movie about vampires. This shit makes us irate.

“I hate vampire movies,” I said to Faith. “I mean…why don’t they call me? Those guys aren’t even scary. And they’re cute. Why are they cute?”

Faith shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe they think their thrall will be more attractive if they can get the hotties or something.”

“Well that is ridiculous. Why would they think that is a good idea? I mean this vampire is a rocker for god’s sake. Please. Flying all over the place. They wish they could fly.”

Faith laughed, “I’m pretty glad they don’t. Cause that is a skill that I don’t have.”

I couldn’t resist. So sue me, I’ve got a mean streak too. “I can make you fly.”

She looked at me for a moment, and then realization crossed her face. She groaned. “You can’t say things like that in here. There are people around. Like our daughter.”

“Where’s that self-control I know you have, Faithie?” I taunted her.

She turned and whispered in my ear again. “I bet I have more self-control than you,” she purred, licking my ear.

She so cannot do that. Our kid is in here for Christ’s sake. “Hey,” I said, smacking her on the arm.

She laughed smugly, “I’m just saying.”

I turned around and crossed my arms. “Whatever,” I tried to frown. “We’ll see.”

She was about to make another witty comeback I imagine, when she shifted. I felt it too. Tingling. So did Kennedy, who looked up from the book. And Annie, who turned around. Angel. Our vampire senses always on alert. That’s why I don’t know how he sneaks up on us sometimes. I wonder if he can turn it off.

Ok. So not the point. He walked into the room. Again, the indifference was…well, creepy. Both he and Faith seem to have it when they are around each other.

Faith immediately tensed. She held his stare. There was no one else in the room to either of them. All that existed was this…I don’t know…tension. I found myself again wondering what had happened between them.

Cordeila broke the silence, “if you two are going to insist on acting like dogs fighting over the same Buffy bone, you might want to take it outside. It gets on my nerves.” She made a head motion at Annie.

She was right. They needed to stop this. “Guys…” I started, “you need to…”

“Faith?” Angel asked her, he interrupted me. Hello! Still in the room! He turned to walk out.

She just nodded. She didn’t even look at me, “Yeah.” She had answered him. And then got up and followed him out. Well if the two of them are fighting over me, they sure as hell don’t pay me very much attention.

A vacation. I’m thinking a vacation would be nice. Preferably one in the sun. Faith’s pasty ass can get burned and Angel can get dusted, and I can work on my tan. Dumbasses, I thought, getting up to fucking follow them. Yet again.

TBC