Lonely No More

Chapter 19
"Don't ‘Hi' me. What do you think you're doing?"

Spike stared up at his mother, all trussed up in her sleek black bathing suit, her delicate features hidden by gigantic black sunglasses. She wore what Spike thought was akin to an umbrella on her head, but was really a ginormous straw hat.

"Are you wearing oil?" Spike asked, noticing how her skin was glistening.

"Well, I am out in the sun," she said as if he should have known that
already.

Spike rolled his eyes at her and sat up.

"Don't roll your eyes at me," she scolded him.

"Is there anything I can do?"

She slid her sunglasses to halfway down her nose. "You're pushing your
luck."

"What are you gonna do? Threaten to put me on the rock with Prometheus
again?"

She scowled at him and knelt before him, taking her glasses off and placing
them on the blanket. Her blue eyes bore into his. "I'm worried about you,"
she said seriously.

Spike started to laugh.

"I don't know why I bother to try and talk with you."

"I suppose it's because you love me."

She pursed her lips together.

"What?"

She shook her head, "Do you have to talk in that British accent? You're not
British!"

Spike scowled at her. "Dad is, remember?"

She rolled her eyes. "You've been around enough people that don't—you
know what?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"Why do you torture your poor mother?" she demanded.

"Because I know you mother. You plan to interfere."

"I'm not here to interfere. I'm here to give you some advice."

"This should be good."

"You're so fresh!"

"I wonder where I get it from."

"You know," she huffed, "You could pretend to be happy to see me."

Spike sighed heavily. "Mom, I love you, you know I do. But I know you.
You were checking up on me. You were snooping on me weren't you?"

She didn't say anything.

"Come on, Mom."

"Fine," she said, letting out a breath. "I visited your uncle and
happened to see you in his crystal ball."

"Meaning, you conjured me up in the crystal ball."

"I wanted to see how my boy was doing!"

"And? How am I doing?"

His mother looked positively forlorn. "Oh honey, you've fallen in love with
that girl."

"I thought something like that would make you happy," he said dryly.

"How can it make me happy when you're so miserable?"

"I'm not miserable, mother."

"I heard you. That vile woman was yelling at you!"

Spike shook his head, "Mom, she yelled at me because she asked me about
my childhood and I wouldn't tell her anything."

"Why not? You had a wonderful childhood! You're not going to get into how
I coddled you—" She stopped abruptly and Spike waited for clarity to hit.
"Oh."

"Exactly. ‘Oh.' How am I supposed to tell Buffy that I'm really immortal, I
live on Olympus, and my uncle is the God of Love?"

"Can't you just … make stuff up?"

Spike sighed, "I'm not a good liar."

"You never were."

"It concerns me that you make that sound like a bad thing. Mom, I do love
her, that's the thing. Everyday it gets harder and harder to lie to her. I
don't WANT to lie to her. I want to . . I want to . . . "

"What honey, what is it that you want?"

"I want to be with her. I want to make her like you made Dad."

Her crystal blue eyes widened, "You want to make her immortal?"

"Yes, I do," he said resolutely.

"Oh, honey—"

"Don't tell me it can't be done. I know it can be. Dad is proof of that. Hell, so
is Aunt Psyche!"

"I know but dear, you were sent here on a JOB. You're not the one meant
for her. She's meant to be with another mortal," she reached out stroked
his arm soothingly.

"Then I want to be mortal. I want to be who she's meant to be with."

"Spike, dear—"

"I just need some time."

"Time for what?"

"For her to fall in love with me."

His mother smiled gently. "Oh honey, I think she already is."

"Mom, you think everyone is love with me—"

"Can I help it if I think my son is wonderful?"

He smiled at her, "Thanks, Mom."

"What would you like me to do, honey?"

"Nothing. I want you to go back home and do NOTHING. You say nothing.
Not even to Dad. I don't need it getting back to Uncle Eros that I've fallen in
love with my charge and want to make her like me. That's the LAST thing I
need. He might take me off the case, wipe out our memories," Spike
shuddered at the thought, "I couldn't take that."

His mother patted his knee affectionately, "I won't say a word."

"I mean it mom. You can't say a word."

She put her sunglasses back on. "You really have no faith in me at all."

"I know you."

"Give me a kiss now. Your father thinks I'm out having lunch with
Artemis. Now talk about a woman who needs a man—"

"Mom," Spike sighed.

"Fine, fine. Come on, give me kiss."

Quickly, Spike leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Goodbye
mother."

"I love you dear, be careful." And with that, she was gone.

"And I want another woman to please in my life," Spike muttered. "And I
better go about making my other woman happy before I am sent out to the
rocks to have my live poked out on daily basis."

************************************************************************************************

This was one of those days when Buffy wished she had a girlfriend to talk
to. Just someone to vent to about what a pain in the ass men were. All she
wanted was to learn about the man she was – she was --- she screamed
into her pillow—the man she was falling in love with. Oh hell, who was she
kidding? She was more than halfway there already.

How the freaking hell had he managed to do that?

She blamed him, naturally. His stubbornness, his persistence, his way of
seeing into her soul, of knowing her heart and the uncanny way he had of
breaking down all her barriers and while she felt so overwhelmed and
frightened by it . . . it also felt so freeing. She felt with Spike that she could
just LET GO. She'd never just let go. She'd always held on and tried to be
what she needed to be for every man she'd been with. Tried to be what
they wanted her to be, what she THOUGHT they wanted her to be. How
was it possible that her whole business was setting couples up and spent
her time emphasizing to them that they just needed to be themselves when
she herself failed to do the same thing.

Until Spike.

He got it all, the poor guy. All the insecurities she'd already had since, say,
adolescence topped off with all the insecurities she'd accumulated from past
relationships. And he just took it. He took it all and was still THERE.

She shook her head, it did not excuse his refusal to tell her anything about
himself. She bit her lip and lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling, a
horrible thought entering her mind.

The door flew open and Spike sauntered in. "Buffy—"

"Spike, wait," she said and held up her hand.

He took pause. "What?"

"If you were abused, you don't have to tell me. I understand how
something like that can be hard –"

"Abused?" he asked, knitting his brows together.

"Yes, you know, by your parents."

"Buffy, I wasn't abused--"

"And if you think you have to lie to me to protect yourself, I want to let
you know that you don't have to." She took a deep breath. Take the leap,
she told herself. Do it! "I love you anyway."