New Order

A/N: Another chapter edited...I'll get this thing done yet! Keep the reviews coming. I love hearing what you guys think.





Angel and Spike led Xander past the minions and into Angel’s office. Angel knew that they needed to contact Giles again and let him know of Xander’s decision to stay. He could only imagine how well that conversation was going to go and knew that Xander’s earlier brooding was at the thought of telling his friends his choice.



Not wanting to put it off, Angel went straight for the phone and dialed Giles number. He caught Xander’s eyes as he asked for the former Watcher when the phone was answered. Xander looked terrified and although part of Angel knew that he should let the man handle this himself, he decided to save Xander the immediate stress. He would tell them, then let them stew on it a while. Angel wondered if they would even bother to call Xander again.



When he heard Giles’ voice, he briefly explained that Xander had decided to stay in L.A. for a while and help them with some issues they were having. He informed the man that he and Spike would be personally responsible for Xander’s safety and that he wouldn’t be put in any danger or sent on any errands alone. Angel added the last dig on his own, knowing that Giles didn’t know of Xander’s recent experience, but needed to comment on their carelessness just the same.



Xander stared wide-eyed as Angel managed the phone call to Giles. He was thankful that he didn’t tell his mentor of their new relationship. Well, he wasn’t sure that it would be called a relationship yet, but whatever they had, he didn’t want the others knowing about it until he was more settled with the idea. He frowned as he again worried over the nature of this, well, whatever it was with Angel and Spike.



Spike noticed Xander’s change of expression and moved to wrap his arms around him. Next to his Sire, this one brooded more than anyone else. He wondered what was going on in that mind of his to cause the frown. Spike didn’t like it and kissed the corners of Xander’s mouth, trying to smooth the frown away with his lips.



He moved slowly away and whispered into Xander’s ear. “Don’t like it when you’re frowning pet. Need to make sure I find something to do that will keep you happy all the time.”



The whispered words sent a foreboding shiver down Xander’s spine. Happy all the time? Xander couldn’t ever remember being truly happy. He seemed to trudge through his existence, grabbing donuts when needed, kidnapped by demons at every opportunity, and pretty much failing at every relationship he’d ever tried to have.



His panic returned and Spike caught the scent of fear. So did Angel, who quickly ended the call with Giles. Spike placed his hands on either side of Xander’s face, holding him gently. “Talk to me pet. What’s going on in that brain of yours?”



Xander tried to pull away from Spike’s hold, but the vampire just held him tighter and Xander ceased his struggles. His thoughts were flying through his brain at warp speed and his panic rose exponentially.

Angel moved behind Xander and gathered the trembling man into his arms. Surrounded by his lovers, held from both his front and back, and staring into Spike’s concerned gaze proved overwhelming to Xander. He began gasping for air and his heart raced. Spike and Angel met each other’s eyes over Xander’s shoulder. Neither had a clue what was wrong and were worried that Xander would try to leave them again.



“Xander, pet, please talk to us. We can’t help you luv if we don’t know what’s wrong.”



Spike’s words rolled through Xander’s mind. Help? Hah! Like anyone could help this farce of a life he called his own. Oh God, he was so stupid to think he could make something here. Sharing his life with vampires seemed like such a Xander move to make. What the hell was he thinking? They were strong and powerful and beautiful. And he was, well, just Xander. Plain old human variety loser with nothing to offer but his body and his heart and he knew that was never enough in the past.



Xander tried to reel in his racing thoughts. He needed to get out of here for a while. But where could he go? He didn’t know anyone here and he obviously couldn’t go out on his own, his recent abduction cured him of that impulse.



Angel’s commanding voice penetrated his mind. “Xander. Turn around right now and look at me.” The tone of the order caused Xander to snap out of his panic and he turned towards Angel. Half afraid of what he would see, he raised his eyes to meet those he now faced.



“You will tell me what has you so afraid.” Angel’s words were soft but held an edge of hardness that caused Xander to tremble.



Finally he spoke. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, Angel. I mean, I didn’t exactly think this through. I wake up here, with you two, feeling things I’ve never felt before and I chose to stay, to stay away from everyone I know, everything I have. And for what? Spike says he wants to make me happy all the time. I don’t even know how to be happy. You two have so much together. What do I have to offer? Nothing. Not a damned thing. Is it just sex? Is that all this is to you? I can handle that. Really. It makes sense to me now that I think of it.”



Angel growled and Xander stopped his ramblings. The vampire was furious. And Xander knew exactly where the rage was directed. And he knew he deserved it.



Spike’s hands moved to Xander’s shoulders and he squeezed them hard enough to make Xander know he was also furious. The action made Xander very aware that there were now two pissed off vampires and he was between them.



Angel tried to pull in his anger but he was so angry with Xander it was hard not to react with violence. If this were his childe, he could knock some sense into him and then pound him into the nearest mattress. He wouldn’t need to find words, his actions would be enough. Xander was different though. He couldn’t handle the human in the same way he would Spike and he struggled to find a middle ground.



He settled for pulling Xander roughly to him, one hand behind his head and the other around his waist. He guided Xander’s head so that it was tucked under his chin and just held him, still trying to decide what to do and how to do it.



Spike copied his Sire’s actions and pressed himself against Xander’s back. Xander realized he was sandwiched between the two vampires and the feelings of safety and security flowed through him.



“Why do I feel this way with you guys? I’ve never felt like this before. I’m so scared that this is all just in my head and that it’ll all go away.” His whispered words were muffled against Angel’s chest but the vampires heard him anyway. Finally, something they could understand.



Angel gently moved his hand to Xander’s cheek and nudged the human so that he looked into his eyes again. “Xander, this is sudden for us too. I thought I was content with the life I had. I hate to speak for Spike but I think he felt the same way.” Spike’s “Oi” of agreement caused Angel to glance his way and smile softly before he again focused his attention on the man between them.



“But Xander, when I had the vision of you in danger, something clicked in me. I don’t know what it is about you. But you’re not just a body to us. You remind me why I fight, why I go through every night, every day, fighting for a better world. You make me want more, you give me hope that there is more. And the moment I saw your face, when Spike placed your unconscious body in my arms, I knew that you were the missing piece of me. Spike filled a gaping hole when he came back into my life. You filled in the missing piece. The two of you are what I need.”



Spike lowered his eyes and grinned into Xander’s back. Quite a speech from his Sire. Every word was true, but still, hearing him actually say them out loud, well, it was amazing. Corny, but amazing and the funny thing was, he felt the exact same way.