Losing It

Buffy’s POV

Ecstasy. Amazing. Wonderful. Consuming. Powerful. Beautiful. Perfect.

Those are the words that I would use to describe what just happened.

Faith and I just made love.

And it was the most beautifully perfect moment of my life; of our lives.

But now we are currently driving back to her house. It’s still dark outside. I think it’s like 10 or something. It doesn’t matter what time it is though, cause right now, time doesn’t matter. All that matters is me and her, together.

If I would have known that it feels like this, I woulda done it sooner. Nah, I wouldn’t. I knew that I had to be ready for this, and I was. More than ready actually. I had been denying her too long. I had been denying MYSELF too long, and after today, I couldn’t deny us any longer. I’m glad that I didn’t, because now I know that there is nothing or no one in Heaven or Hell that can tear us apart.

We are one, and we are perfect.

“B?”

I look over at her at the sound of my name. She’s just smiling at me as she drives down the road quietly.

“You wanna stop by your house on the way to mine? Get some new clothes or something?”

I think about this for a minute. Do I really want to be an inch away from her for more than a second “On “Only if you hold my hand.”

She gets this disbelieving look on her face, and then she smiles.

“You read my mind baby.”

**

We pull into my driveway and Faith shuts off the engine. The house is silent and dark. No one’s home. Mom is still on her trip for the gallery and I forget where Dawn is. Not that I care all that much. I don’t mean that. I do care, just not at the very moment because Faith is currently running her hand up and down my thigh
I
I look over at her and raise my eyebrow.

“You keep that up and we’ll never make it outta this car.”

She raises her eyebrow and grins.

“Is that necessarily a bad thing?”

I think about this for a minute. Then I realize that I don’t want the second time that I make love to her to be in the back seat of her Mustang. Even if it does have leather seats...

I place my hand over hers and entwine our fingers.

“Come on, I’m kinda tired and I wanna get back to yours before the sun comes up.”

She lets out a fake sigh and nods.

“Fine. I don’t need my lovin’.”

I give her an evil glare as I open the door and hop out. I hear her door shut and then I feel her hand in mine.

We walk up the driveway in complete silence and I lean into her warmth. I rummage around in my pocket when we get to the front door and I open it quietly. I’m not too sure why, but I do.

I place the key back in my pocket and Faith shuts the door behind us gently. We head up the stairs to my room and I suddenly realize that maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Me and Faith…alone…in my house…in my bedroom…with a bed…when no one is home…that’s just WAY too tempting.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that I only wanted to make love once and that’s all she gets. I’m not crazy you know. I just don’t want to cheapen it by having sex in my bed when no one’s home like we gotta sneak around to do it or something. I want and very much plan to have lots more sex in many and varied ways with my girl, just not like…that.

I turn to her and place my hand on her chest. She looks up at me like I just scalded her.

“Why don’t you wait out here? I’ll just be a…minute.”

She looks at me like I’m speaking Chinese or something. She quirks her eyebrow and smiles.

“Very funny.”

She starts to push her way into the room and I push her back lightly. She looks down at my hand on her chest and then back up into my eyes.

“You’rriourious, aren’t you?”

I nod my head and swallow back the lump in my throat. I really hope she’s not thinkin’ what I think she’s thinkin’.

She steps back from me and folds her arms over her chest with a huff.

“Well, ain’t this just fan-fuckin-tastic? Here I am worried that you’re gonna think that now that I finally got some, I’m just gonna up and run like it was nothing. When in actuality, you’re the one doin’ the runn”
”

She steps closer to me and stares me down. It chills my bones.

“Tell me B, is that all it was? A cheap fuck in the sand and then ‘See ya later’?”

Okay. THAT was uncalled for, and before I realize what I’m doing, my hand comes into contact with her face.

I slapped her…again.

I’m getting pretty good at this.

She slowly turns her head back to look at me and lets out a low, deep breath. Her eyes flash that predatory glare she gets right before a kill, and then as quick as it appears, it’s gone.

Faith lets out another deep breath and takes a step back.

“I’m sorry Buffy. I shouldn’t have said that. I hope you know I d I didn’t mean it.”

And she’s getting pretty good at that.

I let out a sigh and run my hand over my face.

“Baby, lets not do this anymore. You say stuff and then I say stuff…then I slap you and then you apologize. It’s getting old. Not to mention painful.”

I lift my right hand and rub my palm with the other. Slapping a Slayer hurts you more than it does her.

Ouch.

She stares at me for a second more before letting out a low chuckle. She pulls me into her arms and embraces me gently.

“Yeah baby, I know.”

She rubs my back gently and kisses the top of my head.

“You know, for a girl, you hit kinda hard.”

She pulls away from me and rubs her cheek. I smile up at her and poke her in the stomach.

“And don’t you forget it.”

We share a smile…and then a kiss.

**

So I got some clothes and my favorite sushi jammies and now we are currently sitting at Faith’s kitchen table. She got a case of the late night munchies and so did I. So I made us each an omelet…or should I say I made myself and omelet and I made Faith enough omelet to feed half of California.

It was so cute. She was standing by me while I was making it and every time I cracked one egg and tried to stir it, she’d nudge my arm and whimper, so I added ano. Fo. Fourteen eggs later, she was satisfied.

Fourteen for her…and three for me. Hey, I’m a growing girl too. Not to mention the fact that making love on a beach can really take a lot outta you.

I smile to myself.

“What’s so amusing?” Faith says around a mouthful of omelet.

I just look up at her with innocent eyes and place another forkful into my mouth very slowly. I shake my head and play with the rest of my food on my plate.

“Oh, nothing.”

She takes a big gulp of her chocolate milk and stares me down.

“There’s something in that head of yours Summers.”

I just look at her all innocently.

“Who? Me?”

She smiles at me and then places another huge forkful of omelet in her mouth.

“You just wait til I’m done…I’ll get it outta ya. One way or another.”

Oh…the possibilities.

Before you get the wrong idea, let me clarify.

Now that we have taken that first step and made love for the first time does NOT mean that I am just going to jump into the sack whenever she, or I feel the need. I’m not gonna be some tease that only gives it up when I want to, but I’m not gonna be some cheap, dutiful girlfriend that puts out whenever she demands either. I’m not saying that things are different now, well, they are, but not so different that our whole relationship is gonna change.

I admit, some aspects of it will be different, like how far I’m willing to go now, but it will not be ‘Screwfest 2004’. I refuse to let our relationship become about nothing but sex and getting off. I’m not saying that I think that’s what Faith thinks or wants either. She waited this longknowknow something like this is not gonna matter.

I do plan to make love to her often and in varied ways, but not every time either one of us feels that low down it

It may sound prudish and even a little inconceivable, but I don’t want us to be like every other couple and turn to sex to solve everything. I still want it to basically be the way that it has been. I want us to talk and laugh and share, like we always have.

I want us to still be…us.

And I know she’ll understand.

I place my fork on my plate and look over to see that in the matter of minutes that I have had my internal rant, Faith has licked her plate clean, literally.

“Ugh, Faith. I hate when you do that. You weren’t raised in a barn you know.”

I get up to place our plates in the sink and she swats me on the ass when I walk by.

“I know baby. I just like to make sure I don’t waste any of it. It’s a shame to let something so sweet go to waste.”

I can’t see it, but I know she’s smirking. I smile.

“Ha ha…very funny.”

I place the plates in the sink and I suddenly feel two strong arms encircle my waist. I let out a little gasp because I wasn’t expecting it.

Faith leans into my ear and nibbles on it lightly.

“What do you say me and you go upstairs,” she whispers lowly.

It takes me a minute to regain my composure. I shake my head and swallow.

“Ah…yeah. I’m really sleepy anyway.”

She pulls her head back and looks at me kinda puzzled.

“That’s another joke…right?”

Uh-oh. Here we go again.

I let out a sigh and turn to face her with her arms still around me lightly.

th. th. I think we need to clarify something right now.”

She gets this defensive look on her face and goes to pull away, but I grab her by the forearms and hold her in place. I look deeply into her eyes and silently plead with mine. She relents and relaxes back into my hold.

“I love you, and you know that. Tonight was…tonight was the most beautiful night of my life. You made love to me and it felt…it felt like I was in Heaven.”

She smiles at me and kisses me gently. When she pulls away, it takes me a minute to remember what I was saying.

“But…but I don’t want our relationship to turn into one big…Screwfest.”

She chuckles at that one…I knew she would. I fight back the smile on my face and try to remain serious.

“I love you and I want to show you that I do. I just don’t want that to become *all* that we do. I still want to go places, see things, walk on the beach, patrol together, talk, have fun and make love. I just don’t want that last one to be first on the list…*all* the time.”

I can see her processing all this at once. For a minute, she looks lost houghought and then I see that same familiar gleam in her eye. It’s a gleam that tells me she understands and that she could never deny me. I could never deny her either.

“Okay baby. I see what you’re saying. I don’t want that to happen either. When we do make love…I want it to be when we are in the moment and it feels right. I don’t want it to become an every waking moment thing either, cause that would cheapen what we have and it wouldn’t be about our love any more. It would only be about the sex, and I never want that to happen to us.”

See? I knew she’d get it. She always does.

I lean in and kiss her softly. We both let out a little moan and I pull her closer to me. Her tongue slips in my mouth and I let out a deeper groan.

Suddenly, I don’t feel so tired anymore.

I know I just gave that long, sappy speech…but technically…I’m still a virgin. Tonight was about me losing my virginity and that hasn’t happened…yet. I can’t go breaking my promises, now can I?

“Faith,” I whisper into her lips.

“Hmm?” she whispers into mine.

I snake my hand down around her stomach and rest it on her belt buckle. I give it a light pull and she breaks away from the kiss to look down at me with lust filled eyes.

“You know…technically…I’m still a virgin…and I *did* plan to lose my virginity tonight.”

I look over at the clock on the wall and her eyes follow mine.

“It’s already…10:45…”

I turn my head back to look into her eyes. I can almost swear she looks scared. I lean in close to whisper with a smile.

“I hope you can get it up really fast…”

I lean in even closer to whisper in her ear. I give it a little nibble first.

“Cause I plan on riding you until your eyes roll back in your head and you come so hard, you pass out from the force.”

She lets out a deep groan and sweeps me up into her arms. I look up into her eyes all innocently and she smirks.

“Where did you get such a dirty mouth, hmm?”

I shake my head with a look of innocence.

“ I don’t know what you’re talking about. There are no dirty mouths here.”

Faith leans in and whispers really low in my ear.

“Speak for yourself.”

Then she sucks on the sensitive flesh just below my ear and I can feel it start to rise in the pit of my stomach once again.

I’m so pathetic. She hasn’t even touched me yet and I’m already burning up, or maybe that’s justt a t a soul mate will do to you. Huh.

She looks deeply into my eyes and then kisses me softly.

“I love you Buffy.”

I smile softly and run my fingers through her hair.

“I love you Faith.”

And with that, she slowly walks out of the kitchen and starts up the stairs.

I lean my head on her shoulder and close my eyes as my love carries me to the place where she will claim my innocence, and my soul.

Forever.

**
Oops. Sorry about that little 'vehicle mix-up'. It was late when I was writing this and I got my stories mixed up. I hope you can forgive me. *puppy eyes* ^_^