Life (or Unlife) Goes On

Title: Life (or Unlife) Goes On
Author: AddictedtoBuffy
Disclaimer: See above. The song in this chap is Self-Esteem by the Offspring. Not Mine
Distrubution: Ask and you will receive
Spoilers: All of Buffy and Angel could be used
Rating: R for language
Warning: M/M if you don't like you shouldn't be here. LANGUAGE - Spike is very pissed off this chapter. There is Another warning but its supposed to be a suprise so if you feel you need to know what it is before reading it is at the end of the chapter
A/N: Thankyou for everyone who reads, I hope you are enjoying, speacil thanks to those who reveiw
// = remebered conversation
Reveiws:
Christine- Thankyou for your continued support. If Angel went after Spike that would be just to easy and he has to rescue Nina. Glad you like seeing the updates. Xander will be mentioned (at least) in every chapter from now on
Sir Magus- I'm glad the Spangel chapters were hot, it was my aim. The Buffy/Spike relationship was definitely not healthy for either of them but watching those eps were hot. That was the two things I tried to convey in the alley scene. Glad you like the updates

Chapter Seventeen

Angel’s POV

Everybody stands in silence for a moment but then I remember the urgent phone call that has put in motion tonight’s events and the reason why Spike isn’t here. I hope he doesn’t do anything too foolhardy. I don’t like the way Buffy hit him before and then initiated that extremely hot kiss. I hope that wasn’t what their relationship was like.

“Giles, can you please organise the details for the funeral, he can be put in the hotel garden if you like. I would like to help you but we have a situation so Gunn can you help Giles please.” I look at the last remaining human AI member. I have been neglecting him the past few days its just seeing Gunn reminds me of who we have lost and how close I came to losing him as well. He returns my gaze and I think he is a little shocked that I said please, one of those human traits that Cordy was always trying to get me to embrace. Oh God Cordy. A year and we didn’t even notice til it was too late. Gunn nods once and I am suddenly brought back to the present. “Maybe, we can make a memorial to all the fallen.” I can’t dwell on this anymore, I have to stay cool and unfazed. “Oz,” I ask changing the subject and getting on with business. “What do you know about a werewolf hunter names Cain.” The three original Scoobies who are here and Oz all gasp. I turn to Giles, “I take it you have crossed paths in the past.” Giles replies,

“Yes, I believe it was while you were evil.” Giles has always been short with me and I can’t blame him with how much I or Angelus hurt him when he was loose in Sunnydale both for Jenny and for torturing him, so I just nod and he continues, I think enough time has passed to dull the pain a little. “Cain, went after Oz, well we didn’t know it was Oz at the time and he resented Buffy’s and mine interference, apart from that we only know that he had killed eleven werewolves at that stage, he was in it for the sport and of course the money. Why? What has happened?” Giles asks. Gunn, looks at me questionably and then asks the question I was waiting for.

“What happened to Nina?”

“I sent her, her sister and niece out of the country before we took on the Black Thorn well her sister just rang. They never made it onto the plane. The niece is dead, Nina and her sister were abducted because Cain didn’t know which one was the werewolf but he had been tipped off that one of them was. Anyway, Nina’s sister escaped and before she did Nina gave her this number and told her to contact me once she was out of the country and not before. I have the address of where they were thanks to the sister and hopefully between Oz’s and my nose we will track them down but it has to be tonight because tomorrow is…”

“The night before the full moon,” Oz finishes for me, well he would know more than me anyway. I wonder how that effects his ability to change shape. Yes, I know I’m ignoring thinking about Nina and Spike and Buffy and Wes but I’m allowed to and I know I’m talking to myself in my own head, wonder which sign of madness that is. Anyway, I have passed it along time ago because in the early days Angelus would always talk to me in my head but after ignoring him for fifty years he finally went silent. I feel prickles down my spine letting me know there is a slayer behind me. I turn.

“Buffy, Thyme is in the basement your welcome to relieve Robin, now what is this favour and can it wait for us to discuss it when I get back.”

“Sorry Angel, it can’t, this might take you all night and I have to leave first thing in the morning and I’m taking Willow and Kennedy with me they are needed in Burma.” Kennedy stares at her, this is the first they heard of this and it looks like she resents not being asked but Willow looks resigned that lets me know that this has occurred before. “As for the favour I need you to take Xander off my hands for a while.” What??? Buffy wants Xander to come here be part of my team when we all know how much he despises me? Of course she doesn’t know the reason why but only three people do including myself and Xander.

“Buffy, no,” Willow gasps, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this is a bad idea. I don’t think I will be able to deal with the guilt if I see him again, not to mention my unresolved feelings towards him. Unfortunately, Buffy ignores her and keeps talking.

“He can’t be at slayer central he is disturbing the young slayers and watchers, you have lots of room you can lock him in a room or something. I can’t go Xander-sitting anymore, I have too many other responsibilities.”

“Buffy w…” Giles begins before being rudely cut off. Nobody else speaks, if they are anything like me they are too shocked to speak. Buffy calling Xander a responsibility? Sure the boy had a tendency to get himself into trouble but without him the Scoobies would have lost a number of fights from what I’ve heard. And yes I have kept an eye on Xander, it was the least I could do after what I did.

“Giles, don’t. I already know what you think and I’m not going to change my mind.” Buffy snaps at her watcher. Giles sighs before answering.

“I was merely going to ask where Xander is now as I know you brought him with us, as the beverages bill undoubtly confirms”.

“He ran off to somewhere, probably the nearest bar or club. Don’t worry he will come stumbling in sometime near sunrise.”

“Jesus B. If that your ‘tude I think it’s a good thing Xander’s moving in here with people who actually give a damm.”

“Why F when do you care? When you used him or when you strangled him?” Buffy moves forward menacingly and Faith stands her ground, unblinkingly.

“Cut it out.” I forcefully step in between the two of them. “Faith we have a werewolf to find, Buffy go talk to Thyme but you had better play nice, I have already kicked one person out of here tonight.” Was she always so self-centred? So caught up in her own life that she couldn’t see what was going on around her? “Now my team let’s go, we have already wasted enough of the night.” Without another word, I turn, grab my sword and walk out of the door. All I really want to do is lock myself in my dark office, I have some serious thinking to do.

Spike’s POV

Bloody fucking Angel, stupid slut-cow Buffy, stupid fucking screw-with-Spikes-life PTB’s. Whole fucking stupid shit-eating world. I stumble out of an alley wiping vamp-dust off my duster and talk another scull of my three-quarters empty bottle of Jack. What am I supposed to do, I always end up in the same place, love’s fuckin’ bitch.

/Dear Sweet William back where you belong and this time I’m never letting go/

Is their an invisible sign above my head which says, use me, abuse me, then lose me? Oh fuck it all, I’m bloody brooding, like that… Oh shit, aren’t I the gullible fool, I thought this time would be different, but I always think that. When am I going to learn but even now all I want to do is crawl into his arms, the only place I have ever felt completely safe. What a pathetic vampire I am but you gotta love the irony. The only place I feel completely safe is the arms of the person who has hurt me the most. A fool for love I am, completely and utterly. I stumble along, making sure I enter all the alleys and dark places hoping to attract the attention of vampires or thugs, I don’t really care which. I start singing a song I have always related too, as the only time I was the user was with Harmony and that was the whole intention of that fling. Treat her as I’d always been treated.

I wrote her off for the tenth time today,
And practiced all the things I would say,
But she came over,
I lost my nerve,
I took her back and made her dessert,
Now I know I’m being used,
That’s okay man ‘cause I like the abuse,
I know she’s playing with me,
That’s okay I’ve got no self esteem

And that’s the truth innit? I knew as a human, deep down how much my poetry sucked, how pathetic I was and I went after Cecily. The most domineering, strong girl out of them all and that’s been the idea ever since. I’m still the snivelling weak William who needs, no craves, someone stronger to control me and use all that I am. Pathetic. I scull the rest of the bottle of Jack and turn into another dark alley, aware of the eyes watching me. I start to sing again from the next part I can remember.

When she’s saying that she wants only me,
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends,
When she’s saying that I’m like a disease,
Then I wonder how much more I can spend,
Well I guess I should stick up for myself,
But I really think its better this way,
The more you suffer,
The more it shows you really care,
Right?

The bottle is thrown into a wall and I grab another out of my duster, you would be surprised by how much I can keep in those pockets. I hear footsteps behind me but pretend to ignore them even while I’m getting ready to turn. I know it’s a group of fledges and they can’t even tell I’m a Master Vampire and not a human. They can be so stupid sometimes. I hope they can fight though cos my mind keeps flashing back to how I awoke this morning and the tender moment straight after and part of me cannot believe that was a lie. So I need to fight in order to stop feeling like this, like my unbeating heart has been torn out of my chest and all that is left is a huge gaping hole. The vamps try to sneak up and one goes to put his arm around my neck, well I turn and break it then grab a stake and in a minute there are five less vampires in this alley. Pathetic.

“Your all pathetic, you know that. First you stalk a Master Vampire, then you try to sneak up on me as quietly as a herd of elephants in a stampede through a forest and then, then, you can’t even fight your way out of a paper bag. Your so pathetic, I don’t even think I could bother to kill you. Now whose the boss?” Of course, I’ll kill them, maybe I’ll let one go to help spread the word that William the Bloody is on the warpath.

“Hello Blondie-Bear, ready to beg me to spare your life and tell me you’ll do anything just as long as I don’t stake you.” Oh bloody hell. I should have known, nobody else would bring together such a stupid crew and think of such a crappy plan. Her planning is worse than mine. She stalks up to me in another ridiculously pink outfit, looking so smug, thick as a plank is Harm but I’ve had enough. I lunge forward and stake her straight in the heart. She looks at me, then down then at me again.

“But Baby…?” And she’s dust. If only I could do that to all my other ex-lovers. Her ‘minions’ run away and I can’t be bothered chasing them, instead of feeling glad, I feel kind of hollow. I take another big swig and continue down the alley.

“Now I’ll relate this little bit,
“That happens more than I’d like to admit,
Late at night she’ll knock on my door,
She’s drunk again and looking to score,
Now I know I should say no,
But that’s kind of hard when she’s ready to go,
I may be dumb,
But I’m not a dweeb,
I’m just a sucker with no self-esteem.”

*****
A/N: Warning, minor character death. So what do you think?