Kindness, Love, and Acceptance

Part 17

"Spike, I said I was sorry!" Xander pouted when his apology fell on deaf ears. He really hadn't meant to jinx them; sometimes he just spokthouthout thinking. Connor wrapped his arms around him from the back and rested his face against Xander’s shoulder.

"It's okay, Xan. This was bound to happen sooner or later. Best to just get it over with." Connor wasn't looking forward to the confrontation with his father, but it was a long time in coming as far as he was concerned. He needed his father to understand that he wasn't a child - that he was a man; that he was capable of making his own decisions. He needed to tell him why he was so angry, and why he could never forgive him.

It wasn't about Cordelia. Time and distance had given him the clarity to see that while what he felt for her was genuine, it wasn't right. She had always loved his father, had seen herself as a mother figure to him when he was an infant; she would always love him - just not in the way that he had wanted. He was okay with that now, he was even okay with her and his father - provided she didn't make him happy. He didn't want to see the demon in control again anytime soon.

Spike snarled in annoyance. "No it is not soddin’ okay! Angelus is my sire, damn it! He may be a wanker and a souled up nancy-boy but he's still my sire. And that means he can order me away from you. From both of you." Spike turned a desperate look on his lovers. "I couldn't take that - I'm no good on my own, Xander; you know that."

Xander held his arms open and Spike moved into his embrace. Xander held Spike and Connor moved around so that he embraced him from the other side. The three stood together for an all too brief moment before breaking apart.

"He cannot order me to leave, Spike. If you go, I'll follow - as will Xander, I'm sure." Xander nodded his agreement and Spike sighed in relief. He looked back toward the shop where he could see Angel and two women getting out of the car. "Shall we get this over with, or go home?"

"Home. Deadboy doesn't have an invite to the apartment. He can talk to you through the barrier." Xander wasn't taking any chances that Angel wouldn't stake his lover. A mystical barrier sounded like a very good idea. Connor grinned at the nickname and then took Spike's hand. "Xander's right. Let's go home."

~!~

They had just opened the apartment door when the sound of Buffy's voice on the answering machine split the air. Xander grimaced at the shrill tone; he had never thought Buffy could sound so ... shrewish.

"Xander? Xander pick up. I know you're there. Why didn't you tell me that Connor was Angel's son? Xander? If Spike has done something.... "

There was a beep and the machine clicked off. Spike shook his head. "When is that bint going to get it through her thikullkull that I'm not corrupting you? Hell, Xander. Doesn't she realise that you were the one who kissed me the first time? I never would have made a move otherwise; thought you were straight, I did."

Xander smiled sheepishly. "It never actually came up. Buffy never asked and I never offered details. I guess I should have told her, huh?"

"You think?" Spike rolled his eyes and sank into the chair. He was becoming increasingly tired of this crap. Some days it was all he could do to keep from packing them all up and moving away from this godforsaken town.

Xander crouched in front of Spike and looked at him with a serious expression. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault; I should have told them." Spike couldn't let Xander blame himself for this mess. It wasn't the boy's fault. The slayer would have blamed him regardless, and with Robin filling her ears with all those poisonous accusations, it was a miracle it had taken this long before everything went to hell.

"Not yer fault, love. C'mere." Spike pulled Xander onto his lap and kissed him gently. He held the man in his arms and rubbed his back soothingly. He was so set on making Xander feel better, he didn't see Connor slip out of the apartment.

~!~

Connor made his way back to the shop quickly. He knew that none of this was Xander's fault; it was his. He knew that things had gotten worse for his lovers r hir his involvement with them had been made apparent. He also knew that Angel wouldn't be here if it weren’t for him. He would not allow his father to hurt Spike; he wouldn't allow him to take away the only people who had ever made him feel like he belonged.

Connor waited outside the shop in the darkened street. He knew that his father could sense him, and that he would come out to him. He was counting on it. There was no way he was going to have this confrontation in front of Xander's friends. They didn't know anything of his life before Sunnydale, and he planned to keep it that way. He wouldn't have their pity.

~!~

The door opened and Angel stepped out. He scanned the street and his eyes locked on Connor's form. He strode toward him with a purpose and then stopped short before switching into game face and snarling. "Spike!"

Connor realised suddenly that Angel could probably smell Spike's claim on him. He called himself a thousand kinds of fool for not thinking about that before rushing off into the night. It was too late to turn back now though, so he squared his shoulders and walked calmly toward his enraged father.

"Hello, father. What brings you to Sunnydale?" Connor stopped just out of reach of Angel and studied his face. He hadn't seen his father's demon face for this long before. It was funny how he was no longer disgusted by it.

"Connor, what have you done? Spike is an animal - a soulless monster! Is this your way of getting back at me? I'll kill him!" Angel turned and tore off down the street. He had been given Xander's address by Buffy's boyfriend - hell it was Buffy's boyfriend who had called him and told him where Connor was eginegin with.

Connor ran after his father; there was no way he was letting him anywhere near Spike - or Xander, for that matter. He wasn't thinking clearly; the demon had control right now, and the demon wouldn't care that Spike had a soul or that Xander was human. "Stop! Angel, father, ANGELUS!" Connor screamed at the fleeing vampire and was relieved when he stopped and turned to look at him.

"What?" It was more a growl than a word, but at least he wasn't running anymore.

"Spike has a soul. If you kill him, it will be murder. And besides that, I love him." Connor hoped that Angel believed him. "I love both of them and they love me."

Angel growled softly. He wondered what kind of game Spike was playing. Surely, if he did have a soul, Buffy would have told him. Or Spike would have come to him for guidance, assistance. It had to be a trick. "No. He's lying to you. He's using you to get back at me - I'm going to tear him limb from limb." Angel turned and began walking away.

Connor shook his head sadly. "Why do you hate me, father?"

The earnestness behind the question stopped Angel dead in his tracks. He turned back and looked at Connor, a serious expression on his face, "I don't hate you. How can you even think that? Connor, you are my son. I love you."

"Then leave, father. I'm happy here. I have a job, people who love me, accept me, and actually want me in their lives. Please, don't take this from me the way you took my child. I couldn't bear it, not again." Connor wept silently at the reminder of that horrible time in his life.

Angel's resolve crumbled. He, too, was reliving that horrible night. He could see the anguish on his son's face, the hurt and betrayal. He saw it every time he closed his eyes, every time he tried to sleep; his nightmares were filled with it. "Connor," Angel's voice broke as he tried to speak.

"You killed my child; you took him and just... killed him. I understand why, but you didn't even let me say goodbye; you never gave me the chance to accept any of it. Do you know how that felt? To know that the people who were supposed to be your friends - your family - were plotting to kill your child?"

Angel could only nod his head. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. He swallowed and tried again. "Yes. When your mother, when Darla first came to me, the others - Wesley and Gunn - they were convinced you were evil, they wanted to killed you at birth." Angel remembered the anger - the rage - he ftowatoward them. Even after Connor was born and they had determined he was human. He could understand if Connor hated him. "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make it up to you, doesn't change what happened, but it's true. I am sorry."

Connor nodded. "I believe you. I can't forgive you, but I believe you."

Angel closed his eyes. He knew he didn't deserve iveniveness, but hearing those words from his son cut him to the quick. He opened his mouth to speak but never got the chance as he was tackled from behind.

~!~