Amnesty Is Granted

Angel stopped as he stepped into the crowd. While he knew theoretically that Caritas was a bar for both demons and humans from what Doyle had said, he hadn't been quite prepared for the variety of beings gathered in one room. A tall, green demon was singing “Ain't No Mountain High Enough” on stage, and a demon that looked like a cross between an ant and a bear was waiting to go on.

Xander took a deep breath and gasped but, instead of being frightened, the younger man laughed under his breath. “Man, this is cool! We've got to come here all the time, Angel! This is like Quark's or that bar in the first Star Wars movie; the real one, not the stupid one with the amphibian that can survive in a desert. I mean, look at this! You've got, what? At least twenty different kinds of demons, vampires included, and at least one or two humans and no one is in danger of dying or getting mauled. This is so damn neat!”

Angel tried to edge over in front of Xander but Xander saw Doyle and all but jumped up and down and waved. He had to roll his eyes at his –boyfriend?- Xander's antics. Most people would have been intimidated by coming into a demon bar and Xander was treating it like an adventure.

Xander hurried to talk to Doyle and a Mistra demon let his tentacle get a little too close for Angel's comfort. Doyle had explained how there was a spell over the club, enforcing the rule of non-violence, but he still let his eyes flash as he growled at the demon admiring his boy.

“Deadboy! Quit growling and get over here. Doyle won't buy me a drink.”

“Xander, you're not even twenty. I'd have to be a eejit to order you something alcoholic.”

“Duh, Doyle. I know that. I said a drink; you're the one that brought up alcohol. I'm sure they have coke or ginger ale here as mixers.”

Angel joined Doyle and his boyfriend –there really had to be a better term for Xander- at the table and sat down without taking off his coat. He fought a chuckle at their banter as he waved over one of the waiters. The blue skinned demon came over balancing a tray and he ordered for them since they were still arguing back and forth.

He waited for a break in the conversation before speaking up. “So, Doyle, why are we here? Vision?”

“Nah. This is a visit of a more...personal nature, if you will. See that guy up there singing his little green heart out? That is the owner of this fine establishment. Name's Lorne and he's anagogic.”

Xander opened his mouth and Doyle put up his hand to stop him. “For those of us watching cartoons in class that day, anagogic means that he's connected to the mystic. Not exactly the Powers That Be, but close enough. You get up there, sing a little song and Lorne sees into your soul and gives you personal advice. Sorta like a combination of Dear Abby and Sylvia Browne.”

Angel frowned. “So, he's going to listen to you sing? Do you think he can help you with the visions?”

Doyle shook his head. “If only it was that easy. That's how I found Lorne in the first place, you know, trying to get the dammed things turned off. No go. Nope, I've brought you here tonight for you two. Specifically you, Angel. You sing, Lorne reads you and we can find out how to stick your soul on.”

“I don't sing.” Angel didn't even think twice, and ignored Lorne as he finished up his number and introduced his next victim.

Xander was biting his lip. “Wow. That's....that's a wild idea. I mean, shouldn't we do the book thing first, though? Isn't this the easy way? Don't get me wrong, this is just great and all but wouldn't it be wrong to take the shortcut? I remember that love spell; short cuts and magic is bad.”

Doyle rolled his eyes. “'S not a short cut, you gom. It's asking for help. Let's face it, none of us knows enough about magic to do something like this, so it's best to get advice.”

“I don't sing.” Angel felt the need to say that again so it was made perfectly clear.

Xander made a noise in the back of his throat. “I suppose I could give it a try. I mean, it could be fun! Like a musical fortune cookie.”

“I don't sing.”

Doyle huffed and turned to him. “Angel, man, you're gonna have to. Xander can get up there and sing the theme to Star Trek all day; Lorne will only get a reading on him, and it's your soul we're worried about.”

“Star Trek doesn't have any words. Well, actually the Original Series does but they really suck so most fans would like to forget about them. I know most of the words to the theme song to Red Dwarf, though, and It's Garry Shandling's Show but everyone knows that last one.” The waiter brought their drinks and Xander sipped his through a straw and put on his most innocent face.

“For God's sake, did you two get hit on the head on the way over here? You can sing the fecking Love Boat for all I care, although Lorne may have a stroke. The thing is, it's Angel's problem so Angel is the one that has to sing.”

“I don't sing.”

“He can't sing.”

Xander spoke at the same time he did and Angel looked over at him. “Wait, when did you...”

“Sunnydale. Angelus. There are certain things that should be forgotten but I can't. There's more than one way to strike terror in a human's heart and that was one of them. I was alone, so you don't have to worry about Willow and Buffy. I have theories about how Dean Martin died, and after this night it shall never be spoken of again.”

If he had been human, Angel would have blushed. He was sure he could remember that night, if he really tried. Instead he picked up the glass of brandy that the waiter had brought him and drank it in one go.

Doyle sighed and took a drink of the beer Angel had ordered for him. “It's up to you two. It's not gonna be a quick fix, but at least we'll have an idea of how to keep Angelus locked inside without worrying that you two snogging is gonna let him loose. But hey, it's just a thought, although I would have thought the two of you had the most to gain out of this. It's okay, we'll just sit here, have a drink and leave. Really. It wasn't hard to set this up or anything.”

******

“All right, demons and demonettes, we've got a real special treat for you tonight. It's the City of Angel's one and only vampire with a soul. It's his first time, so let's make him feel real welcome so he'll reach down into that great big soul of his and give us all a treat. Put your flippers together for...Angel!”

Angel put a hand in front of his face for a moment to block the glare from the spotlight. He could almost hear Xander muttering to himself as he slouched down in his seat. Xander hadn't asked this of him, he knew why this wasn't a good idea, but if Doyle was right and it could get him a lead on how to fix his soul on it was worth every painful moment he was about to go through.

At least he wouldn't be suffering alone.

He realized the music had started and he gripped the microphone tight as he took down his hand and resigned himself to being blinded. It was time for him to sing.

You remind me I live in a shell,
Safe from the past,
and doin’ okay,
but not very well.
No jolts, no surprises,
No crisis arises:
My life goes along as it should,
it's all very nice,
but not very good.
And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again,
Ready to put my love on the line with you.
Been living with nothing to show for it;
You get what you get when you go for it,
And I'm Ready To Take Chance Again with you.
When she left me in all my despair,
I just held on,
My hopes were all gone.
Then I found you there.
And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again
Ready To Take A Chance Again with you,
With you...

Lorne came up onto the stage and all but jerked the microphone out of Angel's hand. “Hey! Hey, how about that, folks? I can quite honestly say I've never heard Barry Manilow sung quite like that before. Listen, I'm going to have a talk with Mister Tall, Dark and Tone Deaf, but in the meantime we have Groalock the Destroyer and I know he'll get a big welcome after that. Groalock is going to give us all his rendition of That's What Friends Are For, so let's hear a little applause, huh?”

Angel gratefully gave up the stage, all but running after Lorne as the tall, green demon led him to a secluded booth. He didn't even say anything once they sat down.

“Well. One thing I know for sure without looking into your soul is how much you love that young man you're with right now. Otherwise I think it would take the end of the world to get you up on my stage and, between you and me, I hope that's how it stays from now on.”

Angel just shrugged. There wasn't much for him to say about that.

“Okay, Angelcakes, this is how it's going to work. You've actually started down the right path, but most of that is your Beloved's doing, out there. What's his name?”

Angel actually smiled. Beloved, he liked that for Xander. Better than boyfriend, at any rate. “Xander, his name is Xander.” His Muirnin 1.

“Xander. Cute name. Anyway, he's actually straightened your head on right, but you already know that, don't you? The trick to caging your inner beast is going to be hard, though. In fact, it's not caging it up at all. What you need to do, my anally retentive friend, is accept yourself.”

Angel frowned. This sounded more like some of the flakes that hung out in Haight-Ashbury than an actual conversation with someone connected to the cosmos. “Accept myself?”

“That's right, Angel. You need to accept yourself, and stop trying to shove the parts of yourself that you don't like away like an ugly stepchild. And I don't just mean your evil twin, either, I mean what you were as Liam, and what you yourself as Angel did before you had your epiphany courtesy of one fourteen year old girl. By the way, can I just say ew to that? I mean, come on, I know once you reach a certain age you pretty much are a cradle robber if you're dating anyone under the age of fifty, but that young? She was still stuffing her bra, for Judy Garland's sake!”

Angel winced. Not many people had come out and just said that to him. In fact, the only other person to call him on Buffy's age when he'd first seen her had been Xander himself, which was ironic, to say the least. “She was just so...innocent and good. That captivated me.”

“And you thought that would rub off, huh? No going, handsome. Once you lose your innocence there's no going back, and you had lost yours long before you met your death in that alley. But there's one thing you're forgetting, and that's the fact that innocence and goodness don't always go hand in hand. Yeah, that works sometimes, but once you reach a certain age without losing your innocence you're just being ignorant instead. That's why I'm not giving you a hard time over your Junior Stud Muffin over there waiting on you, because, while he's still a good kid at heart, his innocence is long gone. Now, I've got to go have a chat with Groalock so you just run on home and work on getting your head together, okay? It's not an easy fix, so I wouldn't recommend attaining perfect happiness just yet, but accepting yourself and moving on is a big step towards your goal.”

Angel got up and went to leave but turned around. “How will I know? When I've accepted myself, that is?”

Lorne patted him on the cheek. “You'll figure it out. That's the best part about it. See, one day you'll wake up and perfect happiness will have snuck up on you from out of the blue and you won't find yourself killing, you'll find yourself happy and wanting to sing. But do us all a favor, okay? Hum instead.”

*****

1. Muirnin- Beloved in Irish Gaelic.