White Knight's War

This is the first time I’ve updated this fic since I found out it was nominated at the forbidden awards

http://community.livejournal.com/forbiddenawards/27103.html

So I just want to send a belated thank you to whoever sent in the nom. Looking at the other fics in my category, I feel hopelessly outclassed, but I’m incredibly grateful for the thought.

From Out Of The Past

They arrived back at the hotel and the injured were swept away by Amy and the Wiccans; this time, thank god, nobody had been hurt badly enough to need Graham’s attentions. The Reilly’s seemed to be in a state of shock, clinging together and giving the others fearful looks. Connor seemed torn between taking care of his family and talking to Xander.


Finally Xander broke away from the huddled group and headed for Angel; a worried look on his face. “We’re going to send the Reilly’s to a sanctuary we set up, some of the Slayer’s families are there, and it’s as safe as we can make it. Connor’s refusing to go with them, says he wants to be here. They didn’t object all that much, I don’t think they’re coping with this very well. Don’t suppose there’s any chance you could talk some sense into him?”


Angel looked over at his son, the young man had given him a cursory greeting as they were leaving Palo Alto, but that was all. He seemed to know who Angel was to him, but whilst he wasn’t trying to stake him on sight, he wasn’t exactly acting like this was some joyous family reunion. Much as he wanted Connor away from danger, he had to acknowledge that he had no influence over the boy and at least if he was here, Angel would be able to protect him. “I don’t think he’s going to change his mind. If you sent him away, he’d probably find a way to sneak back here. Wolfram and Hart attacked his family, he was always protective of what he considered his.”


And didn’t that thought bring up a whole new set of worries, as Angel remembered how Connor had been around Cordelia. How he’d loved her and killed for her, and now the Seer was right here and Angel had no idea how his son would react around her now that he had all his memories back. She should be waking up soon, and whilst Angel no longer wanted her for himself, he didn’t want to have to watch her with Connor either.


“Angel?” He realised that he’d been lost in his mind yet again, and hadn’t noticed Xander still talking to him. “I said maybe you should go speak to him, help him explain things to his parents.” Angel really didn’t want to have to face the Reilly’s, but knew Xander was right, he was the best person to help them understand the chaos that had obliterated their world. After all, he was the cause of it.


Xander watched for a moment, as Angel approached the Reilly’s and they began to talk. Once he was sure, things looked like they were going to be okay, he headed upstairs to look for Graham. Only to be halted on the second floor by the sound of breaking crockery, echoed by a very familiar voice. “Angel did what?” Cordelia was awake, and it sounded like someone had been filling her in on what she’d missed.


He headed for her room, and saw Wes, Gunn and Fred sidle out looking seriously dejected. The young woman had tears in her eyes and was holding on to Gunn for support, whilst the two men just looked defeated and sad. When he saw Xander, Wes motioned the others to go on, while he stayed behind to explain.


“She doesn’t remember anything about Jasmine. We had to tell her what had happened. God we hurt her so much. The last thing she actually remembers is her birthday, when we almost lost her because of the visions. Connor was still a baby, we were still a family; she actually wanted to know who was looking after him. And we had to tell her he was all grown up now.


Holtz, Quortoth, everything that happened in the last year, she didn’t know any of it; because it wasn’t her. She’d been taken over by that thing, and we didn’t notice; we’re her friends, her family, and we didn’t see that some monster had taken her place.” Wesley sounded broken, and Xander had no clue what he could say to make the man feel better.


He reached out to Wes, only to be waved away, “You should go and see her, she probably could use a real friend about now.” With that the Watcher headed downstairs, leaving Xander to wonder just how much more they’d have to face. Everyone here was broken in some form or another; the Powers used them up, and abandoned them when they weren’t needed any more. He was tired of it, tired of watching the people he loved get battered and lost, tired of burying his family and friends.


Pushing open the door, he took in the shattered remains of a breakfast tray decorating the floor and walls, and then got his first look at a reawakened Cordelia. Propped up on the pillows, looking as glorious as ever, but even her beauty couldn’t disguise the shadows in her eyes. He wanted to sweep her into his arms, to hold her tight and promise to make everything okay. But this was Cordelia, he was talking about, platitudes and subtlety weren’t going to cut it. That wasn’t how the two of them played the game.


Taking a deep breath he launched his opening salvo. “Room service wasn’t up to your standards?”


“Hardly, have you any idea what that pile of cholesterol laden junk would have done to my figure?”


“Well, if you will sleep in past regular meals, you have to make do with leftovers. If you put in an order now, I’m sure we can come up with something satisfactory for dinner.”


“I doubt it, if this place is Slayer central, I expect it’s all red meat and carbs. Though at least you didn’t prepare it, I couldn’t have stomached a tray full of Twinkies.”


“You really think I’d give up my sugary goodness for you, think highly of yourself, don’t you?”


“Well duh? I know it’s been a while, but have you forgotten who I am?” The words were her usual sarcasm, but her voice broke at the end; and he moved without thinking. Wrapping his arms around her and holding onto her trembling form, whispering words of comfort; trying desperately to reassure her. To let her know that she was remembered and that she was still loved.


She let herself enjoy the comforting embrace for a few minutes, just resting, and getting ready for the next round. When he rested his forehead against hers for a brief moment, she registered the eye-patch for the first time. She let her fingers trace the edge of the worn leather, and then pulled back. “Explanation please.”


“You going to buy the running with scissors excuse?” At her dismissive snort, Xander continued. “Big evil, blathered on about how I could see too much……yadda, yadda…..usual big bad posturing…. next thing there’s a dirty great thumb heading for my face, a little pop; and hey, Xander the pirate was born.”


“Well it’s not that bad a bad look for you, kind of makes you seem less like a perpetual loser.”


“Was that a compliment? Do we need to get a doctor up here to check you over?”


“Please, I said you looked better, not great. It’ll take more than a little maiming to get you up to anything approaching my standards.”


“Not that I’m not enjoying this little bitchfest you’ve got going on; but isn’t there something else you want to do?”


“A shower, I want a steaming hot shower.” Cordelia closed her eyes for a second and shivered a little. “I really want to feel clean.”


“Graham said you’re likely to be kinda weak for a while, would milady settle for a bath?”


“With bubbles?”


“But of course, expensive bubbles even, would I offer Queen C anything less?”


Cordelia watched as Xander opened the door to a brand new bathroom and started filling the tub; holding up a bottle for her inspection, before adding a generous amount to the water. Pushing herself to her feet, she started towards him, but was just too unsteady to make it. Before she even realised she was falling, Xander crossed the room and literally swept her off her feet.


She hated feeling this weak, no matter how good an excuse she had; it wasn’t her. Burying her face into his neck, so that he wouldn’t be able to see how upset she was; she thought back over the last few minutes. Xander had covered almost twenty feet in a split second, now he was supporting her entire weight with one arm, whilst he adjusted the taps with the other. She grabbed an ear and twisted his head ‘round to face her. “You went and got yourself possessed again, didn’t you?”


“Just a little bit, I promise it’s all of the good. Just a little upgrade in the body department.”


“Uh-huh. You will be explaining properly.”


“One of those long stories, lets get you in the tub first.” He set her down on the edge of the bath, stepped back and turned around.


“A little privacy.”


“We just got you back, not risking you drowning in the tub. Just get under the bubbles and I promise I won’t let your luscious form make me drool.”


He heard her clothes drop to the floor, then the slight disturbance of the water as she got in; and turned back around just in time to hear her say. “Are you implying I’m not droolworthy?”


“Would I say such a thing? Only Graham tends to get a bit pissed off if I go around drooling over women. Apparently it’s not good boyfriend behaviour.” He made sure that he was looking right in Cordelia’s eyes when he spoke; and he couldn’t resist a little giggle at the expression on her face. She hid it quick, but her jaw definitely dropped at that bit of news. It wasn’t often he got to put one over Queen C and he was definitely going to enjoy the feeling.


She narrowed her eyes at the amusement spreading across his face, and he knew he’d be in for an interrogation; he was even sort of looking forward to it. Losing Buffy and Willow had about destroyed him; but now he had Cordelia back and, for the first time in months, he was starting to have a good feeling about the future. He took a seat on the edge of the tub, letting his fingers trail in the water, before flicking some bubbles at her still open mouth. Laughing a little more at the angry spluttering his actions caused, he settled in to tell her everything.


***************************************


Lindsey sat in his shadowed corner and looked around the room in disgust, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do now. They’d gathered him up because Lorne had seen that he knew something important. Turned out the only thing they needed from him was access to his tattoos. So they’d stripped him down and photographed every inch of his body; before dismissing him like so much unwanted baggage.


An hour or so later he’d felt a wave of magic sweep through the building, as they used the knowledge it had taken him months of painstaking research to discover; to strengthen the wards. The hotel and everyone in it were now hidden from the Senior Partner’s sight, and they hadn’t had to follow his example and paint themselves from head to toe to do it.


It was galling, the way they were treating him. Studiously ignoring his presence, acting like he was irrelevant. Oh he had no doubt that they were keeping an eye on him, and he was sure there was no way that they’d let him leave. He knew too much to be allowed to run loose, but he had begun to realise that to these people he was nothing more than a passing nuisance.


He wasn’t used to feeling this way, if he had to be stuck here then he needed to find someway of making them need him. There had to be something he’d learned, some piece of knowledge or magic from his time working at Wolfram and Hart; that he could use to get himself a place at the table. It was just that right now he couldn’t think of anything they didn’t already know.


Something was telling him that this time he might really be out of his depth. He’d been around magic and demons ever since he’d first come to work in LA; but the amount of raw power in the hotel was fucking terrifying. Compared to most people here, his own meagre gifts were pitifully weak.


They might not be talking to him, but they weren’t hiding things either. They talked freely, not letting his presence get in the way of their work. He’d heard a lot about the protections on the building and the search for something to use against the lost Slayers and Cuore. He’d heard about Angel’s newly merged soul, and Cordelia’s awakening. And he’d heard about Alex, his changes, his place in the prophecy; and the way everyone here followed him.


It was hard for Lindsey, to equate his memory of a carefree lover with the hardened warrior these people were describing. But in the end the changes didn’t matter to him, one glimpse of Alex had caused his old feelings to come rushing back, and now he needed to see him. Needed to talk to him, find out why he’d left the way he had.


Just then he saw the healer slipping into the kitchen, he’d heard a lot about him too. Graham, the former soldier who was Alex’s new lover, another all round good guy who seemed to be liked by everyone. Not bad looking, fair hair and blue eyes, looked like Alex’s tastes hadn’t changed all that much. If he couldn’t talk to Alex, he’d settle for the next best thing.


He didn’t get to talk to Graham, didn’t even make it halfway across the room; before his arm was grabbed and a familiar and hated voice growled in his ear. “Don’t even think about it.”


Spinning round and wrenching his arm away, Lindsey growled back. “I was just going to introduce myself, not that it’s any of your business.”


Angel had been keeping a watchful eye on Lindsey ever since he’d returned to the hotel. He’d sensed the lawyer’s unease with the situation and knew it wouldn’t be long before he started causing trouble, when he’d seen him heading for Graham, he’d felt he had to intercede. “In case you hadn’t noticed, the people here are fanatically loyal to Xander, you go upsetting things for him, or his lover, and you’re going to find yourself in a world of trouble.”


“Like I said, I was just going to say hello, figured we had a lot in common.” All that got was a disbelieving snort from Angel, so Lindsey continued. “Alex loves both of us.”


“No, Xander loves Graham, you’re just a bad memory.”


“He did love me, I know he did.”


Wandering just how he’d wound up playing agony to someone he hated, Angel tried to explain. “He cared for the man he thought you were. Finding a file with his name in it, along with the names of everyone he loves, well that kind of made him realise what you really are.”


“The file.” Lindsey remembered that file; he’d been working on it the last night he and Alex were together. Now that he knew who Alex was, he finally understood why he’d left. He gave a bitter laugh and continued in a pain filled voice. “Do you know where I was, when he was packing up and running? I was in your office, on my fucking knees begging for your help.


When I heard about that case, those kids, I knew I’d have to find a way to stop it. Sooner or later Alex was going to find out about my job, and I knew I couldn’t stay with him if I had those deaths on my conscience.”


Suddenly everything that had happened back then made so much more sense to Angel. From Lindsey’s desperation when he’d first asked for help; to the callous indifference he’d shown after his return to Wolfram and Hart. “You asked for my help because you didn’t want to lose him? But then you went back there anyway.”


“He’d gone, I didn’t have a reason to leave any more.”


Another voice interrupted their conversation. “So you didn’t suddenly decide that working at Wolfram and Hart was wrong, you just knew that if you got caught your lover would leave.” Ethan’s voice was mild and questioning; much nicer than the angry, judgemental tone Lindsey had been getting from Angel.


“I was willing to leave for him.”


“But not for yourself, and that’s why it would never have worked out between you.” Ethan looked Lindsey directly in the eyes, letting the younger man see the pain that coloured his own.


“You can try to change for someone else, but it never lasts. Sooner or later you snap, because you can’t keep pretending to be something you’re not. So you do something, maybe even for good reasons, but it’s something you know is against everything he believes in.


Then it all falls apart on you, contrary to popular belief, love doesn’t conquer all. However much you loved him it wouldn’t work, not if you weren’t being honest about who and what you are. And if you were honest, behaved in a way that was true to your nature, well he’d never compromise himself that much. If he did, it would destroy him, if he had to put aside everything that makes him who he is, then he wouldn’t actually be the man you love, would he? No my boy, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the Alexander Harris’s of this world aren’t for the likes of us.”


Angel didn’t want to listen to them any more, watching Ethan expose himself and his own past with Giles was painful. He left them to it, trusting the mage to keep Lindsey from causing any trouble, for the moment at least. He had troubles enough of his own, he didn’t need to take on theirs.


His instincts were telling him to gather his family. To get them together so he could watch over them, protect them. Unfortunately they didn’t seem to want his help. Connor was spending a few last hours with the Reilly’s trying to re-connect and reassure them. Cordelia was with Xander, and whilst he knew that the young man was probably doing a better job of taking care of his precious Seer then he ever could, he still wished that he could be the one to comfort her.


Wes was caught up in his research. Burying himself in his books, so that he didn’t have to deal with either Angel or Cordelia. Gunn and Fred had disappeared together, locking themselves away in an empty room. It seemed that the anguish caused by the knowledge of Cordelia’s suffering; had caused the fluttering embers of their fractured relationship to re-ignite. It was good news, they made each other happier and stronger, but it meant they needed time alone, time without his interference.


He’d tracked down Spike earlier, had followed his scent to the abandoned garden in the rear of the hotel. His Childe had obviously just been gifted with a pendant to match the one Amy had given him earlier. He watched as Spike strolled out into the blazing sun, head tilted back and arms stretched wide. Looking like some pagan god, bathed in light, beautiful in his obvious joy.


Angel had been about to join him, to try and start fixing their broken relationship, but then Dawn had stepped out of the shadows and thrown her arms around Spike. There’d been tears glistening in her eyes, and a look of awed love on her face. The two had settled on one of the benches, hands entwined, heads bent together. They’d looked happy and content, sharing tiny kisses and whispered words; and Angel had once again felt like an intruder. So he slipped silently away, unseen by the new lovers.


He needed something, anything to make him feel useful. It seemed everyone had a role to play but him. He felt a tugging at his sleeve, and turned to find Dana, staring up at him with a shy smile. Great, now he was brooding so much, he didn’t even notice a Slayer sneaking up on him. He suppressed the growl he really wanted to make and smiled down at her.


“Faith says you know how to fight real well. I got to know how to fight, got to protect Faith when the bad man comes. She can’t teach me ‘cos of the baby, can you help?”


Angel could just see Faith’s smirking face across the room and knew she’d set him up; but right now he was actually glad of the distraction. It wouldn’t exactly be the first time he’d acted as punching bag for a training Slayer. At least this was something he knew he could do well. Taking Dana’s outstretched hand gently in his, he led her off for her first lesson.


tbc……..