Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

Xander wondered if it was possible for a teenager to have a heart attack. That’s what it felt like, at least it felt like the commercials and TV shows said a heart attack felt like. He couldn’t breathe; it was almost as if there was some huge demon sitting on his chest, trying to crush the life out of him. He felt dizzy.

“Wh—what?”

Cordelia sighed. “Look, I know you’re seeing that Pike guy…”

“Spike.”

She smiled and Xander realized he had fallen right into her trap. “Right. Spike. The guy who tried to kill Buffy on Parent Teacher Night, the guy I saw you hanging out with this summer, and the guy who I saw nearly suck your face off the other night when that Ampata girl made a pass at you. Although I don’t blame him; I wouldn’t be happy if I caught my boyfriend kissing some skanky whore. I’d make his life a living hell.”

“She was a mummy and was trying to draw out my life force.” His voice seemed far away and he watched detachedly as Cordy tilted her head.

“Oh. Whatever. Only you, Xander, Boy Blunder, would end up dating an undead serial killer.”

“Okay, I have no idea what you’re talking about and…did you just make a Batman reference? That just…destroys my whole image of you.”

Cordelia huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. Good thing he was gay now or else he would have been majorly distracted. As it was he didn’t need her…girl chest in his space, not while he was about to have a heart attack.

“Never mind that. Look, it’s okay. Whatever kinky necrophilia you’ve got going with Spike doesn’t bother me. If he was going to kill you or use you against Buffy he would have done it by now and I know a good kiss when I see it. That night at the Bronze, that was a damn good kiss. He had a chance to kill me and Willow on Parent Teacher Night, but instead he let us live. Just give me your word that he won’t try to kill me when the time comes and I’ll keep my mouth shut. Otherwise, I’m sure Giles would like to know more about your boyfriend.”

Xander sighed and winced when he tried to use his bad arm to cover his face for a moment. “You know I don’t have, like…any power over Spike at all? Right? I’ve…I’m trying to keep all of this…” he waved his hand, indicating the library and just being a Scooby in general. “All of the slayer stuff and all of the Spike stuff separate. Hell, I didn’t even ask him not to kill me. It’s not like he’s some tame circus tiger.”

“You’re stupid. You know that, right? He hasn’t killed you or used you to kill your friends and might even have kept Willow and me alive just because we know you. I would also guess that he’s the reason why you’ve had a make over, although you still need some tips and maybe a manicure. You have that vampire wrapped around your little finger. You just don’t know it.”

The warning bell rang for first period and Xander jumped. Somewhere Buffy and Willow were getting their bags and walking together down the crowded halls. Were they wondering where he was? Did they want to talk to him or were they still upset?

He looked at Cordelia. He had a feeling that dealing with her was just as dangerous as Spike. Except Spike was supposed to be evil; Cordy did it part time as a hobby. “Look, can we talk about this later? After school or something?”

“Sure. You can go shopping with me after school. I’m dating a college guy right now and I need to revamp my wardrobe. Plus, there’s Halloween to think about. Snyder is making us dress up and take some of the rug rats around trick or treating. Just what I need, a bunch of snot nosed, hyperactive, crumb catchers interfering with my social calendar.”

Xander had to grin at that. There was the shallow, vain Cordy he knew and couldn’t stand. “Cool. We can meet somewhere to look around. There’s a new costume shop downtown called Ethan’s."

She turned and gave him one of those looks that made him feel about three inches high and slower than that retarded drunk on Andy Griffith. “You’re not serious, are you? Buy something as important as a Halloween costume at some discount shop that won’t be there past November the 2nd?”

She shook her head and Xander just knew he was in big trouble. “Silly boy, you have much to learn in the ways of shopping if you’re going to be gay. The first is, always buy or rent your costume out of town so that no one will have anything remotely like yours. You don’t want any competition. We’ll skip last period and you can go…call your pet vampire or leave a post-it on his coffin or whatever and we can be in LA in an hour or two, tops. Rodeo Drive first to look around and then the Garment District and high-end places like Partytown. Bring all the cash can get out of your man.”

She turned around and quickly made her way out of the stacks and Xander stood there, stunned for a moment, before following. “Cordy, you do know that whole gay man shopping is a stereotype, right? Cordy?”

******

Spike grinned as he looked at the set up in the old warehouse. Dalton, one of the minions he had allowed to live, might be a sniveling little coward who couldn't find his arse with both hands, but he could read and follow orders. For a minion, he was Mensa smart.

The sycophant had actually followed each of Spike’s orders. It was perfect. It had a good power supply, plenty of room and a big blast furnace. In one room there was a magically reinforced gibbet hanging in front of the east facing windows.

A long, low table held a variety of items, from mundane branding irons and fireplace pokers to a cat-o-nine tails, to an iron whip and the more medieval Pear of Anguish, a Cat’s Paw and a foot press. It looked…odd next to the state of the art tazers and car battery. There was a good, old fashioned ladder rack that looked like it came right out of the Tower of London set up in the middle of the room, positioned so the person on the rack could see everything the torturer was about to do to them.

It was a vampire’s dream playground. Angelus himself would be proud, which was very ironic since it would be Angel that ended up getting…played with. He laughed under his breath. He was getting tired of waiting for revenge. He’d been patient, more so than usual. Thankfully, Xander was more than just a distraction and, while Spike still missed Drusilla, he couldn’t imagine his unlife without the boy.

He was turning into a fucking sap.

He growled to himself and Dalton jumped. Part of him hated that he was turning into such a…ponce over some human child. Then there were days when Xander just gave everything he had to him, trusted a vampire even though it went against everything he’d been taught. Everyone had either left or betrayed him, not always willingly but it was true. As much as he had loved Dru, she’d get it in her head to traipse off after Angelus or some other demon, leaving Spike for days, if not weeks.

Xander thought of him first these days, even over his friends. He’d followed the lad to school on Monday, just to make sure no one was going to give him any trouble. It was hard, going through the sewers and coming up through the boiler room and then finding that secret passage into the library that Xander had only mentioned once.

He heard the dark haired chit’s proposition quite well. In fact, part of him admired her for it. It was a prize bit of blackmail and manipulation. He’d waited to see what Xander was going to do. Anyone else would have lied and tried to screw with him.

Not Xander, though. No, the boy came straight to him and told him everything, nearly word for word. He still didn’t ask for Cordelia’s safety. Didn’t ask Spike to act against his nature. Just…told him what she’d said and left it at that.

So of course he’d said he wouldn’t kill the little chit, as long as she didn’t try to kill him. Xander had laughed and said that he’d probably end up closer to death because she was dragging him shopping.

Tonight, though, Xander was at home. His new faghag, Cordelia, had some college party to go to and, while Xander said he’d been invited by the Watcher to a Scooby meeting, Xander wasn’t going and it wasn’t as though Spike was going to encourage the lad to hang out with the Slayer.

He made a final inspection of the warehouse and, aside from maybe a giant dunk tank filled with holy water, it was ready for Angelus. Still, it needed to be…tested.

“Did you make all the arrangements?”

The minion jumped and scurried to Spike’s side from the corner he’d been cowering in. “Yes, Master Spike. It’s been arranged.”

“Tell me again.” Spike pulled out a cigarette and lit it while the minion pulled out a day planner, of all things. You couldn’t kill good help these days; no respectable vampire had a fucking day planner.

“We arranged for a call to be made for a job offer out of town. Not too good, but better than what the human has here. His wife is going out of town thanks to a “trip” she won from a contest she doesn’t remember. She’s leaving on the 30th, and he’s supposed to leave the evening of the 31st.”

Spike grinned. “Good. Make sure everyone knows he’s leaving, I don’t care if you have to get him drunk and drag him through town boasting that he’s leaving.”

“Yes, Master Spike.”

Spike had to grin. For once, everything was coming together. If he did this right, no one would ever suspect it was him and Xander wouldn’t have to answer any questions. “We’ll have a very lovely trick waiting for Mr. Harris then, won’t we?”