Lonely No More

Chapter 18

"Don't you have anything less revealing?" Spike asked Buffy as he followed her down the water the next day.

She looked over her shoulder and smirked at him. "No."

"Maybe we could look into that. Didn't birds wear that full length bathing
suits back in the day? You know, a bathing SUIT, covering all parts?"

Buffy giggled. "Spike, is my bikini making you nervous?"

"I don't like other blokes lookin' at you, kitten," Spike purred and grabbed
her round the waist, bringing her closer to him. "Maybe I should bite you,
mark you as mine," and he leaned in bit down softly on her neck, growling
lightly.

She trembled at his words; no one had ever been possessive of her like that
before. It was equal parts thrilling and frightening. She did the only thing
she could think to do at that moment: cling to him.

Spike drew back and studied her. "You all right?"

"Did you mean it?"

He looked confused, "Mean what?"

She shook her head and shooed him away, "Nothing." She started wading
out in the water, letting the waves lap at her.

Spike was not one to be deterred though –and she should have known
better than to think he could be easily put off. He took her hand and kissed,
following her in. "Tell me."

"Spike—" she sighed.

"Buffy, just tell me."

"God, you're impossible!"

He grinned, unrepentant. "I know. It's what you like most about me."

"I don't know about that," she muttered. Though, she did like his
stubbornness when it came to her. Made her feel as if she were something
worth fighting for. He just never gave up on her.

He tugged on her arm.

She looked at him, "Okay, okay. When you said you'd bite to mark me as
yours . . . Did you mean it?"

"That I'd bite you?"

"Yeah," she said uncertainly.

He narrowed his eyes. "Or that you're mine?"

She averted her eyes and bit her bottom lip.

He tugged her to him and kissed her thoroughly. "What do you think?" he
whispered.

She pushed at him lightly, freeing herself. "I'm so pathetic!" she exclaimed
and ran into the water with gusto and then diving in.

She kicked and pumped, pushing herself through the water, wanting the
salt water to wash away her insecurities and the fear she had that she could
most definitely fall in love with Spike and lose herself in him. She wanted to
just cling to him and never let go and it scared her; scared her because if
she clung too hard, he'd grow tired of her and leave her.

Kicking and pumping, she swam hard until her lungs started to burn and
she burst through the surface, wiping the water from her eyes so she could
see. She couldn't quite touch, the tips of her toes just grazing the sandy
bottom.

Arms came around her and hauled her against a hard chest.

Spike.

He wrapped his arms around her. "I can touch, can you?"

She shook her head.

"Why do you think you're pathetic?" he asked huskily.

She paused, trying to find the right words so she wouldn't scare him off
completely.

"You might as well just tell me, luv. You know I'm not going to quit until
you do."

"Because I'm so insecure," she blurted out.

He tried to spin her around and she braced herself against him to stop him.
"No. I – I feel more comfortable not looking at you right now."

"All right then. What are you insecure?"

She rolled her eyes, "You do remember what I've told you about my ex
boyfriends right? I was a fool each and every time."

"It wasn't you, Buffy. It was them."

"How do you know? I could have driven them away."

"By--?"

"By clinging."

"You think you're clingy?"

She nodded. "Yes. I think I'm clingy." "Not possible," and she felt him
shake his head.

"How the hell would you know?"

"Because I'm laying myself out here kitten, giving myself to you—I'm the
one that's clinging and not wanting to let go. You're the one diving away
from me. Except right here; right here where you can't touch and you need
me because I can."

"I can wade."

"But for how long until you get tired?"

"Then I could just swim in."

"You could, but isn't it more fun out here with someone to share it with?
With someone to hold you?"

She nodded, swallowing hard.

"So you see, you can do it on your own, but I'm right here and I'm telling
you it's okay to lean on me when you need me or just because. You're not
clingy, Buffy. You're strong and fiercely independent."

"I ha-have been before when I knew they were leaving me," Buffy
whispered.

"Who doesn't try to hold onto something they love when they think it's
leaving?"

"Spike—" she gasped.

"What, Buffy? Tell me," he whispered.

"I—I want to cling to you."

He spun her around, his gaze smoldering, and looped her arms around his
neck. "Then cling to me, Buffy."

She kept her gaze on his and reached up to kiss him, wrapping her legs
around his waist and she heard him moan as she fell into the kiss with him,
letting it take her over. Letting him take her over.

When they split for air, Spike nuzzled the side of her face and made a path
to her neck, saying her name reverently.

"How did you happen to come into my life?" she whispered.

He looked down at her, smiling gently, "Magic."

She smiled, "I like that. Magic. I hope the spell doesn't end anytime soon."

"Me neither, Buffy, me neither."

*****************************************************************************************

Lying back on the beach, Buffy rolled onto her belly and looked up at Spike
who was leaning back on his elbows, gazing down at the surf. He looked
over at her and grinned. "What are you thinking kitten?"

"Oh nothing," she said innocently.

"Balls."

She laughed, "What does that even mean?"

"It means I know you're shitting me. What are you thinking?"

"I want you to tell me a story."

"About?"

"Something from your childhood."

His grin disappeared. "Why?"

"Because I want to know about you, Spike."

"You know all you need to know."

"I beg to differ."

"Maybe you should stop ‘differing' with me."

Raising an eyebrow, Buffy rolled over and started putting her things in the
bag they'd brought to the beach.

"Buffy," Spike started on a slight whine.

"You want me to tell you all this stuff, Spike. But when I ask you a simple
question about you, you clam up. How am I supposed to get to know who
you are if you won't share with me?" She stood and grabbed the bag.

"Buffy, don't go."

"I don't want to be around you right now," Buffy said and stalked off.

Spike sighed heavily and fell onto his back, closing his eyes tightly. Bugger
all. Why didn't he just lie to her? No. He couldn't. He couldn't look at her
and lie to her.

"Well, isn't this a fine pickle you've gotten yourself into."

Spike's eyes flew open and he groaned. "Hi Mom."