Deja Vu - the updates
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AtS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Angel(us)/Spike(William)
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Category:
AtS AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male › Angel(us)/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
52
Views:
4,105
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Angel: The Series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 77
Deja Vu
Pairing: Angel/Spike
Rating: NC17
Author: Jane Alexander
Disclaimer: No infringement of copyright is intended. The characters belong to Joss. I’m just borrowing them. I’ll try and return them undamaged, honest!
Document version: 20 December 2004
Feedback: janealexanderxxx@hotmail.com
Archived at: http://www.foreverfandom.net/viewstory.php?sid=4394
This story is AU and is a sequel to The Guy in Question.
Warning: includes character death.
Chapter 77
Angel’s apartment - later the same night
*******************
“Fancy a nightcap, Pet?” Spike asked as they headed downstairs.
There was no sign of Angel but Spike could sense his presence - still hiding in his office then.
“Yes, thank you. That would be most welcome,” Wesley replied.
If Angel didn’t wanna be sociable that was his problem.
“It’s over there, Pet,” Spike said, gesturing to the liquor cabinet as they entered the sitting room.
Spike slumped down on the couch whilst Wesley headed in the direction he’d indicated.
Spike watched as Wesley selected a bottle and then hesitated.
“You don’t think Angel will mind, do you?” he asked, holding the bottle of Jameson’s special reserve up for Spike’s inspection. “He said I should make myself at home but, on second thoughts, perhaps he hadn’t intended I should help myself to his whiskey.”
“Nah, you’re safe. He’ll assume it was me who raided his supplies.”
“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be the cause of any… unpleasantness between the two of you…”
Spike laughed.
“Had a lifetime of that, Pet.”
“Oh?”
Wesley poured two large measures.
“Yeah…”
Spike took the glass Wesley was offering him.
“Thanks, Wes,” he said. “Cheers!”
“Salut!” Wesley said, knocking back his drink in one go before refilling his glass.
“That’s what he’s upstairs brooding in his office about,” Spike explained.
He wasn’t sure how much of their history Wesley knew. No time like the present to fill him in.
“The burden of all that guilt he carries around gets to him. He can’t forgive himself for all the atrocities he’s committed… people he’s tortured… people he’s killed…”
Spike sipped his drink before continuing.
“… people he’s turned…”
“Yourself in particular?” Wesley asked.
“Yeah, you got it, Mate. Doesn’t seem to make any difference that I forgave him years ago…”
Wesley was refilling his glass.
“Nothing to forgive, anyway,” Spike continued. “I welcomed it.”
Wesley looked doubtful.
“No, really. I did,” Spike said.
He stared Wesley straight in the eye.
“How much do you know about my life before I was turned, Wes?”
“Born in 1857…” Wesley began.
“1851,” Spike corrected.
“Oh! I’d always assumed you were younger than Angel - in mortal years, I mean.”
“Yeah, people always say that,” Spike admitted. “As a matter of fact, Angelus took me for only nineteen when we first met. Course he always did like ’em young… Er, anything else?”
“You were the son of a barrister…”
“QC, I’ll have you know.”
“… an accomplished writer?”
“Aspiring’s more like it.”
“Your father died when you were at Oxford studying for your doctorate. You failed to complete your studies, leaving university to look after your ailing mother. Consumption, wasn’t it?”
Spike nodded. Wes had done his homework.
“Angel tell you this?”
“No, we’ve never discussed your background. I’m going by what the watchers’ journals of the day recorded.”
“Did they tell you I killed her?”
“Er… no. The journals were unclear on the manner of her death. I think it was assumed she died of natural causes…”
“Bleedin’ unnatural, more like. I turned her ’cause I wanted her to be well again… wanted her to live forever. Course, it didn’t work out like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Wesley said. “What happened? Was it…?”
“Angelus? Nah, he never met her, thank Christ. Darla dragged him off somewhere a few days after he’d turned me. She didn’t like the competition…”
Spike grinned to himself. Bitch had already lost him…
“Then, it was Drusilla?”
“Nah. Staked her meself… but not before she’d said some really nasty things to me… Messed up me head for years, did that.”
Wesley was clearly waiting for more details but Spike wasn’t quite ready to share all his secrets.
“Let’s just say she wasn’t the woman I’d known and loved all me life. I realised me mistake right away.”
Spike shrugged.
“But, I don’t regret what I did. She died quick and at least I put her out of her suffering. A coughing fit would’ve taken her sooner or later.”
***************
“I see,” Wesley said not that he was at all certain where this was leading or what it had to do with Angel’s current mood.
“What kind of life would I have had if he hadn’t turned me?” Spike asked.
Wesley hoped it was a rhetorical question.
“I didn’t have much of a future to look forward to,” Spike continued. “Don’t get me wrong. I was happy to look after me mum when she needed me. I wouldn’t ever have abandoned her but she wasn’t gonna last much longer. What did I have left after she’d gone? I had little in the way of a social life. Cecily had made it plain she didn’t want me and publishers weren’t exactly clamouring for my favours…”
Spike was staring thoughtfully into his glass.
“Cecily?”
“Upper class bit of skirt I knew,” Spike explained. “Said I was beneath her…”
“Why the accent, Spike? I can’t imagine for one moment that you grew up speaking as you do now.”
“Too right, Pet. ’S all part of the image. No one’d believe the bad-boy persona if I sounded like you now, would they?”
Wesley smiled. Just as he’d suspected.
“But what about your writing?” he asked.
Spike laughed.
“And how much call do you think there was for mediocre poetry, even back in the 1880s?”
A poet then. Interesting. Wesley had always assumed William was a novelist.
“Were you ever published?” Wesley asked.
“Yeah,” Spike admitted. “Not long before me death, as it happens. Publisher was a former client of Father’s.”
“So, you never had a chance to gain public recognition,” Wesley said. “Perhaps Angel regrets terminating your career so abruptly.”
“Oh, he regrets a lot of things, Pet. That was only the start of it…”
By all accounts, William had been a good man and a devoted son - quite a contrast to the vampire he’d become under Angelus’s tutelage. Wesley could readily understand the basis for Angel’s guilt. Not only had he robbed a sick widow of her only son and the country of a potential Poet Laureate but he’d also unleashed a monster of unspeakable evil, second only to himself in reputation and body count.
“I loved him… with all my heart,” Spike said, his voice barely a whisper. “I worshipped him. I wasn’t interested in the maiming and the torture but I wanted to please him. I did everything he asked… but it wasn’t enough.”
Wesley was confused now.
“It was never enough,” Spike continued. “Even now…”
“I’m sorry, Spike. I’m not following you…”
“I just wanted him to love me…”
“But, I thought he did…”
“Yeah, he does now,” Spike said. “Turns out, he did then too but he could never tell me. Didn’t fit the image he’d created for himself. Part of him always hated me for making him feel the way he did - probably still does. Took it out on me the only way he knew how…”
“You don’t mean… he tortured you?” Wesley asked.
He’d had no idea.
“Regularly and often,” Spike replied quietly.
Wesley knew there’d been a certain rivalry between the two vampires not to mention a kind of love/hate relationship but he hadn’t suspected Angelus of this. He’d assumed their differences had to do with Drusilla.
“But I don’t understand,” Wesley said.
Why had Spike and Drusilla stayed with Angelus and Darla as long as they had?
“You could have left at any time…”
“No, I couldn’t, Pet. You see, I loved him whatever he did to me… however he treated me. Leaving was never an option.”
“Oh, I see.”
Now he really was beginning to see the source of Angel’s suffering and remorse: he’d caused the greatest hurt to the one he’d loved the most, someone who adored him and was devoted to him, and that hurt evidently continued to this day…
*****************
Pairing: Angel/Spike
Rating: NC17
Author: Jane Alexander
Disclaimer: No infringement of copyright is intended. The characters belong to Joss. I’m just borrowing them. I’ll try and return them undamaged, honest!
Document version: 20 December 2004
Feedback: janealexanderxxx@hotmail.com
Archived at: http://www.foreverfandom.net/viewstory.php?sid=4394
This story is AU and is a sequel to The Guy in Question.
Warning: includes character death.
Chapter 77
Angel’s apartment - later the same night
*******************
“Fancy a nightcap, Pet?” Spike asked as they headed downstairs.
There was no sign of Angel but Spike could sense his presence - still hiding in his office then.
“Yes, thank you. That would be most welcome,” Wesley replied.
If Angel didn’t wanna be sociable that was his problem.
“It’s over there, Pet,” Spike said, gesturing to the liquor cabinet as they entered the sitting room.
Spike slumped down on the couch whilst Wesley headed in the direction he’d indicated.
Spike watched as Wesley selected a bottle and then hesitated.
“You don’t think Angel will mind, do you?” he asked, holding the bottle of Jameson’s special reserve up for Spike’s inspection. “He said I should make myself at home but, on second thoughts, perhaps he hadn’t intended I should help myself to his whiskey.”
“Nah, you’re safe. He’ll assume it was me who raided his supplies.”
“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be the cause of any… unpleasantness between the two of you…”
Spike laughed.
“Had a lifetime of that, Pet.”
“Oh?”
Wesley poured two large measures.
“Yeah…”
Spike took the glass Wesley was offering him.
“Thanks, Wes,” he said. “Cheers!”
“Salut!” Wesley said, knocking back his drink in one go before refilling his glass.
“That’s what he’s upstairs brooding in his office about,” Spike explained.
He wasn’t sure how much of their history Wesley knew. No time like the present to fill him in.
“The burden of all that guilt he carries around gets to him. He can’t forgive himself for all the atrocities he’s committed… people he’s tortured… people he’s killed…”
Spike sipped his drink before continuing.
“… people he’s turned…”
“Yourself in particular?” Wesley asked.
“Yeah, you got it, Mate. Doesn’t seem to make any difference that I forgave him years ago…”
Wesley was refilling his glass.
“Nothing to forgive, anyway,” Spike continued. “I welcomed it.”
Wesley looked doubtful.
“No, really. I did,” Spike said.
He stared Wesley straight in the eye.
“How much do you know about my life before I was turned, Wes?”
“Born in 1857…” Wesley began.
“1851,” Spike corrected.
“Oh! I’d always assumed you were younger than Angel - in mortal years, I mean.”
“Yeah, people always say that,” Spike admitted. “As a matter of fact, Angelus took me for only nineteen when we first met. Course he always did like ’em young… Er, anything else?”
“You were the son of a barrister…”
“QC, I’ll have you know.”
“… an accomplished writer?”
“Aspiring’s more like it.”
“Your father died when you were at Oxford studying for your doctorate. You failed to complete your studies, leaving university to look after your ailing mother. Consumption, wasn’t it?”
Spike nodded. Wes had done his homework.
“Angel tell you this?”
“No, we’ve never discussed your background. I’m going by what the watchers’ journals of the day recorded.”
“Did they tell you I killed her?”
“Er… no. The journals were unclear on the manner of her death. I think it was assumed she died of natural causes…”
“Bleedin’ unnatural, more like. I turned her ’cause I wanted her to be well again… wanted her to live forever. Course, it didn’t work out like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Wesley said. “What happened? Was it…?”
“Angelus? Nah, he never met her, thank Christ. Darla dragged him off somewhere a few days after he’d turned me. She didn’t like the competition…”
Spike grinned to himself. Bitch had already lost him…
“Then, it was Drusilla?”
“Nah. Staked her meself… but not before she’d said some really nasty things to me… Messed up me head for years, did that.”
Wesley was clearly waiting for more details but Spike wasn’t quite ready to share all his secrets.
“Let’s just say she wasn’t the woman I’d known and loved all me life. I realised me mistake right away.”
Spike shrugged.
“But, I don’t regret what I did. She died quick and at least I put her out of her suffering. A coughing fit would’ve taken her sooner or later.”
***************
“I see,” Wesley said not that he was at all certain where this was leading or what it had to do with Angel’s current mood.
“What kind of life would I have had if he hadn’t turned me?” Spike asked.
Wesley hoped it was a rhetorical question.
“I didn’t have much of a future to look forward to,” Spike continued. “Don’t get me wrong. I was happy to look after me mum when she needed me. I wouldn’t ever have abandoned her but she wasn’t gonna last much longer. What did I have left after she’d gone? I had little in the way of a social life. Cecily had made it plain she didn’t want me and publishers weren’t exactly clamouring for my favours…”
Spike was staring thoughtfully into his glass.
“Cecily?”
“Upper class bit of skirt I knew,” Spike explained. “Said I was beneath her…”
“Why the accent, Spike? I can’t imagine for one moment that you grew up speaking as you do now.”
“Too right, Pet. ’S all part of the image. No one’d believe the bad-boy persona if I sounded like you now, would they?”
Wesley smiled. Just as he’d suspected.
“But what about your writing?” he asked.
Spike laughed.
“And how much call do you think there was for mediocre poetry, even back in the 1880s?”
A poet then. Interesting. Wesley had always assumed William was a novelist.
“Were you ever published?” Wesley asked.
“Yeah,” Spike admitted. “Not long before me death, as it happens. Publisher was a former client of Father’s.”
“So, you never had a chance to gain public recognition,” Wesley said. “Perhaps Angel regrets terminating your career so abruptly.”
“Oh, he regrets a lot of things, Pet. That was only the start of it…”
By all accounts, William had been a good man and a devoted son - quite a contrast to the vampire he’d become under Angelus’s tutelage. Wesley could readily understand the basis for Angel’s guilt. Not only had he robbed a sick widow of her only son and the country of a potential Poet Laureate but he’d also unleashed a monster of unspeakable evil, second only to himself in reputation and body count.
“I loved him… with all my heart,” Spike said, his voice barely a whisper. “I worshipped him. I wasn’t interested in the maiming and the torture but I wanted to please him. I did everything he asked… but it wasn’t enough.”
Wesley was confused now.
“It was never enough,” Spike continued. “Even now…”
“I’m sorry, Spike. I’m not following you…”
“I just wanted him to love me…”
“But, I thought he did…”
“Yeah, he does now,” Spike said. “Turns out, he did then too but he could never tell me. Didn’t fit the image he’d created for himself. Part of him always hated me for making him feel the way he did - probably still does. Took it out on me the only way he knew how…”
“You don’t mean… he tortured you?” Wesley asked.
He’d had no idea.
“Regularly and often,” Spike replied quietly.
Wesley knew there’d been a certain rivalry between the two vampires not to mention a kind of love/hate relationship but he hadn’t suspected Angelus of this. He’d assumed their differences had to do with Drusilla.
“But I don’t understand,” Wesley said.
Why had Spike and Drusilla stayed with Angelus and Darla as long as they had?
“You could have left at any time…”
“No, I couldn’t, Pet. You see, I loved him whatever he did to me… however he treated me. Leaving was never an option.”
“Oh, I see.”
Now he really was beginning to see the source of Angel’s suffering and remorse: he’d caused the greatest hurt to the one he’d loved the most, someone who adored him and was devoted to him, and that hurt evidently continued to this day…
*****************