Therapy

Chapter 17/ Therapy
Disclaimers in chapter 1


Buffy walked into Jule's office for her session, and Jule called her back.

"So how's it goin'?" Buffy asked as she sat down.

"Fine and how have you been?" Jule responded.

" I've had a wonderful week. Wil moved back to campus. Dawn and I are actually talking to each other. And I have made some decisions about who and what is important in my life." Buffy spouted.

" What decisions would those be?"

" Well, the gang will just have to live their own lives. It is not my job to be there for them. I quit the DMP cause the Council is paying me now." She smiled.

" I've applies to UCSunnydale for next term. And I guess the biggest change is I have decided to be open with a relationship I've kinda been in for a while." Buffy confessed.

" What relationship is that?" Jule asked.

" Well you know how I talked about being numb, and that there was only one person I felt comfortable with." She hedged.

" Yes."

" Well Spike and I have been having an affair, the sex has been earth shaking and but I was afraid to let anyone know." She stammered.

"You and Spike?"

" Yeah, but I told Dawn, and now I think I'm ready to tell the rest of the gang."

Jule rubbed her chin, " Buffy why are you afraid to let people know?"

"After what Angel put everyone through I've been nervous."

"Is that the real reason?"

" I kept telling myself it was because he didn't have a soul." Buffy admitted.

" With that in mind, are you sure you know how serious you are about this relationship. You said it was an affair. Is it more than sex?" Jule questioned.

" I want it to be, I know ---I know, me slayer, him vampire. He's an evil soulless thing, butshe she shrugged.

"He loves me, not for being the slayer, and not as some girl he wants to put on a pedestal. He loves all of me." She blinked.

"He takes whatever I throw his way and comes back for more. I trust him, not completely, but more than any one else in my life." She stated.

" Why is trust so important to you?" Jule quizzed.

" Everyone I have every trusted has left. But I know he won't. I can be a real bitch. I've beaten the hell out him regularly, for the last two years."

" You've been violent toward him? Does he return it?" Jule asked.

" No, not until the first night we were together. He has the chip." Buffy acted put out.
"Besides beating on him is like third base. He's a vampire remember."

" You really believe that? Do you know anything about vampire hierarchy?"

"They form families, ruled by eldest Sire. The 'Sire' of the family rules with absolute violent discipline." Buffy parroted.

" No Buffy, that is only rarely the case. The majority of Sire/ Chylde bonds are built on love, and protection."

Buffy sat with her mouth open, " The Master, Darla and Angelus...."

"Were the exception, not the rule. The violence is common in some of the older bloodlines." Jule explained.

Jule continued, " Sexual relations within a 'Vampire Family' may appear violent to a human, but it's because they feel lust so deeply, and they are inhumanly strong."

She cleared her throat, " Vampires feel every emotion more intensely than humans."

"But they're demons, Hello, not suppose to have feelings." Buffy quipped.

" Would it surprise you to know that right now 33% of my practice is vampires?"

" Why do they come to you?" Buffy scrunched her forehead.

" Most of them are here to handle emotional pain or stress. They have trouble with grief and rage mostly, but some have been scarred by abuse."
"What kind of abuse would scar a Vamp?" Buffy asked.

" Being demeaned by a lover, or family member, is usually the cause." Jule replied.

"Demeaned, in what way?"

" Being told they aren't up to standard, or aren't 'good' enough to be part of the family. Actually it's like being bullied in school. The constant put down of self esteem." Jule answered.

"Spike doesn't have that problem, He's always strutting around like he's the 'Big Bad' cocky you know?" rationalized Buffy.

" Vampires like humans, tend to put up a front to avoid pain. Look at the 'cocky' humans you have known." Jule directed.

"You mean like Larry and the 'jocks' in high school?" Buffy asked.

" Exactly. Most were probably scared to show they softer side for fear of being hurt."

" Oh, I hadn't thought about it like that." Buffy stared off into space.

" You said he fought you, the night you started your affair. Why was that the catalyst for the relationship?" probed Jule.

" He was bugging me, following me around. Saying he loved me. Getting on my nerves about a kiss or two." She snorted.

" Did he initiate the kisses?" Jule posed.

" No, I kissed him, I was feeling lost, alone. It just happened." Buffy explained.

" I find that hard to believe, you're the slayer. Kissing a vampire doesn't just happen." Jule chided her.

" Honestly... There has always been this tension between us. A kind of electric spark. Has been since the first time we met." Buffy admitted.

" Going up against him in a fight always left me twitchy, off balance. He said we were just 'dancing'. How lame can you get?" She snickered.

"But in a way he's right. It's like we know just what move the other will use, we land blows but neither one ever wins. We're like a matched pair." Her eyes had a far away gaze.

" If he has the chip how did he fight you?" asked Jule.

"At the time, he said it was because I came back wrong, but Tara checked. There is a sub-molecular difference in me, and his chip doesn't register me as human." Explained Buffy.

"When we fight it's not just physical, but verbally too. He was really getting to me. I kissed him to shut him up. And all of a sudden, I wanted him. I needed that fire. I started it."

"You are aware that biting is often a climactic part of sex to a vampire. Aren't you leery that he may hurt you?" Jule questioned.

" No I trust him." Buffy declared.

" That's twice you've said that you trust him. Not to bit you, or harm you. And not to leave you. Why?"

"I...eh... sorta claimed him." Blushing Buffy looked at Jule.

"As the slayer, I assume you realize just what that means?"

" Yeah he's bound to me." She chirped.

"Buffy, You are a human. The only type of claim you could make on a vampire, a Master vampire, is one of mate." Jule stated.

"Yeah, I know that. But short shelf life here. Slayers don't live long. It's not like I'll ever get mad." d."

Jule resettled in her chair, " Do you know what this does to him? What it should do to you? You will be feeling everything that he feels, you become a conduit for his emotions.What danger it puts you both in?"

"What danger? I mean I'm not feeling his emotions. It just means that he won't ever leave me. That's all." She looked perplexed.

" It means cannot leave; not won't leave you. And it marks him to all the other demons as impure. It will imply weakness." Jule intoned.

"What weakness? He's as strong as I am."

" Who do yhinkhink is the most hated human on earth by the demon population?" Jule asked.

"Oh" Buffy looked thunderstruck.

" Demons may try to use him against you. Your weak spot." She stressed.

"Oh No. I should have thought about that. The local demons hate him as it is. Because he fights with us, I ... oh god what have I done?" Buffy wept softly.

" I think you reacted from a primal emotion. But I believe you need to discuss this with him. Openly, and listen to what is said. Ask questions if you are not perfectly clear of the ramifications." Jule counseled.

" I can't question the claim, it means too much to him. He thought I wanted to deny it at first. It broke my heart I felt so sad, so empty just to see the pain in his face." Buffy sobbed.

" He actually cried. I can't hurt him like that."

"Are you sure that you were not feeling his emotions? I didn't say deny it, I said discuss it, and all it means. You have every right; after all you are not a vampire. The lore is not common knowledge." Jule clarified.

" I can do that. I need to do that and so does he." She smiled gently.

"Good, Now I'll see you and Dawn both Friday. Have a good week." Jule said.

" Till Friday then, Bye." Buffy called as she left the office.