The White Hat

A/N – For all of you who are not inside my head and got a little lost, Oz cheated on Willow with Veruca the Werewolf ho, Willow caught him and was upset. She left and found Angelus, who had been recently ensouled. Willow and Angelus are deeply attracted to each other, and have acted on their feelings although Angelus has amnesia – from being ensoulled - Only Giles and Jenny know he has a soul now. Sometimes I LOVE Angelus and I have been feeling really sorry for him lately and wanted to give him a kind of happy part in a fic. Do not worry this IS and always will be SPUFFY, cause really that’s why we’re all here isn’t it?


Cravings

“Slayer.” The lead vampiress squealed. “Yes…just what I need. I’ve always wanted to taste slayer’s blood.” She giggled rushing at Buffy.

Buffy sidestepped and smashed her in the heart with her carefully concealed stake. “Well…just what I’ve always wanted vampire dust covering me.!” Buffy said raising her eyebrows at the two remaining vampires.

They took one look at the rage and hostility on her face and ran.

“FUCK.” She screamed in frustration. She walked over to where the victim was laying. “Poor guy’s dead.” She thought taking in the chunks of flesh missing from his body.
~~~~`

Angelus took a deep breath and shook his head, his demon fought to stay in control. He growled softly and rolled on to his back. His demon façade melting back into his human features.

“Wow, You are amazing.” Willow smiled timidly. “I’ve never felt that way before.”

Angelus grunted and turned towards her, still not touching. “You …really?” He asked shyly.

“I’ve never felt anything even close to that…the things you make my body feel…I’m all trembly.” Willow blushed.

“I thought it was just me…God you blew my fucking mind Willow. I almost lost control.” Angelus said gently stroking her stomach. “I wanted ….Sorry.” He said shaking his head.

“Wanted what?” She asked

“Nevermind…it’s a vampire thing…” Angelus said softly, bringing tears to his eyes.

“What kind of vampire thing?” Willow asked curiously.

“I wanted to bite you…taste your blood as you…you know.” He said shyly.

“Angelus, you are a vampire, I’d be insulted if you didn’t *want* to bite me.” She said softly. “It’s …It’s in your nature…but…why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to scare you.” He replied. “You shouldn’t have to see the monster in me.”

“I wouldn’t …I …ok.” She said.

“Will you do something for me?” Angelus asked looking into her eyes anguish written all over his face.

“What is it?” She asked timidly.

“Will you stay with me awhile? Let me hold you? Please …at least until sunrise…I…I don’t want to be alone.” Angelus closed his eyes and waited for her to speak.

Willow leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss. “I’ll stay as long as you want me.” She said softly cuddling into him.

“How’s forever? Does forever work for you?” He whispered.
~~~~~~`

“But how is this…I can not believe…it’s not…” Giles sputtered.

“Look Rupert…we need to find him…he could be half crazed…he could…I don’t know what he could do but…we can’t just leave him out there…all alone with a shiny new soul.” Jenny said compassionately.

“Ok, let me get my jacket and we will try to find him.”
~~~~~`

Buffy walked slowly up her street. She walked into the house and went straight up to her room. Buffy crawled under the covers and cried herself to sleep. In minutes she was in a deep dreamless sleep.
~~~~~`

“Mus’ be shumptin’ else ‘round ‘ere ta numb the pain.” Spike mumbled to himself tossing his second empty bottle of whiskey into the wall. It shattered in a thousand pieces. “Jus’ like my bleedin’ ‘eart.”

Spike stumbled and fell through the bathroom door and went sprawling. “Bloody ‘ell.” He moaned rolling on to his stomach trying to get to his feet. “Shtupid fucking …’ey…Where was I going?” Spike lurched to his knees and crawled back into his bed room.

“Jus’ a lil resht.” He mumbled climbing up on to the bed. He lay back and closed his eyes. An image of Buffy’s smiling face popped into his head as he inhaled her scent lingering on his bedding. “Shlayer….shit not ‘nough ta drink.” He murmured.

Spike rolled over and fell to the floor, he pulled himself to his knees and unstedily to his feet. Spike pulled a bottle of whisky out of his closet. “Yup shtill got shum.” He said to himself grabbing his third bottle. He used the wall to support himself and opened the bottle. The cap fell from his drunken numb fingers and rolled under the bed.

“Shit.” He muttered. Spike stumbled and got to his knees to search under the bed. ~ Hmmm More comfy here. ~ He thought. He laid himself on the floor and closed his eyes. Spike fell into a deep dreamless sleep.
~~~~~`

THREE DAYS LATER >

Buffy awoke to someone pounding on the door. ~ Who the hell is here this early? ~ She thought to herself glancing at the clock. ~ OH MY GOD. It’s 5:00 in the evening? ~ She thought to herself as she threw on her robe and raced down the stairs.

Buffy hadn’t paid attention to anything other than the constant craving she had for Spike, she didn’t answer the phone or the door afraid it might be him. More afraid she’d give in to her heart and body. She needed to be strong, she needed to stand by her convictions.

Even though her eyes were puffy from crying the last three days away. ~ Giles will be happy I’m staying away from him. Evil vampire I was born to kill after all. ~ She thought opening the door.

“Giles? What is it? What’s wrong?” She knew Giles wouldn’t have stopped by unless it was something huge.

“Willow is missing. She’s been missing for three days.” He sighed deeply. “There’s more.” He saidly dly when Buffy’s eyes started to tear up.

She nodded for him to continue and she held in her tears. “Jenny’s Uncle has been murdered by vampire’s, before he was killed he seems to have cursed Angelus with a soul and was on his way to perform more soul restoring rituals on the vampires around Sunnydale when some of them caught up with him.”

“So how does this fit in with Willow?” Buffy asked, not letting her emotions show.

“Well, we ran into Xander earlier and we asked him to help us research with Willow and Cordy. He mentioned Willow wasn’t home and he hadn’t seen nor heard from either of you in three days. Next we called Oz, It seems they had a fight three nights ago and she ran, Just when Angelus would have been in that area, newly ensouled. No one has seen him either. None of my contacts.”

Buffy gasped. “We have to find her Giles. God, I’m soooo gonna kick his ass.” She said angrily.

“Yes well, Go get Spike, I’m sure he would be a great help in finding Angelus.” Giles said startled with the look Buffy had on her face. So sad. ~ I hope nothing has happened to the vampire? ~ He thought to himself.

“I…uh…I’ll go get him. He’s at home.” She said the tears at Spike’s name overriding her need to protect Willow. ~ Pain, sadness, regret, loneliness, hollowness, emptiness. I miss Spike. But…But he’s killed Slayers. So I’m not allowed to miss him. This is for Willow’s safety only. ~ She lied to herself.
~~~~~`

Buffy had been knocking for 10 minutes when she finally heard movement beyond the door. "Spike...please open up…it’s Buffy.” She yelled. She listened quietly and heard a loud moan from deep within the house. ~ What was that? ~

“Spike…Please open the door. I need to talk to you.” She tried again. Hearing nothing she kicked in the door expecting to find him behind the door.

“Buffy….” Spike called out weakly catching her scent. He had heard her doairsairs but was to week to call out. “Please….” He groaned. Buffy felt her stomach lurch at the thought of Spike weakened in any way. ~ Need him. ~ Her body, her heart and her soul were all abandoning her convictions at the thought of her vampire so near.

“Buffy!” Spike cried out. She didn’t hesitate, She was in his room and had him in her arms “Spike …please be ok please…” She moaned rocking his lithe form in her arms.

“Feed Luv…gotta…could you bring it? In the fridge…” Spike whispered. She had to strain to hear him. Spike had not feed since she left him. ~ He is still tangled in the same sheet he held me in. ~ Buffy’s breath caught in her throat. She leaned over him and pressed his mouth into the delicate skin where he marked her.

“I can’t leave you alone like this drink from me…Slayers blood powerful stuff.” She whispered pressing her tender flesh against his mouth. Spike shook his head stubbornly. “No.” He said firmly turning his head slightly.

Buffy didn’t know what to do. Spike was weak. His skin was papery against his bones, he looked almost skeletal. ~ He has to have some blood. ~ “Spike please…Just take a little…just enough to give you some strength.” Buffy pleaded.

“No…don’t want me to Buffy…don’t trust me, don’t trust my love.” He croaked closing his eyes and turning his head further away.

“Spike…I’m sorry…I’m an idiot. I was scared…and I’m so sorry. I can’t live without you. I don’t *want* to live without you.” Buffy sighed. “Spike I do love you, when I’m not with you I’m miserable, I have been for the past three days. I want to be with you and I do trust you.” She leaned towards him again. “I’ve tried to stay away…to make myself care that you killed those Slayers, but I can’t …you’ve changed Spike…I need you.” She whispered softly.

“Buffy.” Spike breathed turning towards her and inhaling her scent. “Love you.” He said softly.

“If you love me please…please Spike let me give you this…I need you to be strong…” She kissed him softly on the lips and turned her head once again presenting him with her tender neck.

Spike softly eased his fangs into her skin and drank deeply. Buffy arched her back as an intense orgasm ripped through her body. ~ Yes. Missed this. Missed him. ~ She thought to herself.

When he had enough to give him some strength back he pulled his fangs out and licked her wounds clean. “Mine.” He growled softly into her ear. “Yes Spike always yours. I’ll never be foolish again to let myself believe I could give you up.” Buffy said softly leaning her head against her shoulder.

Spike inhaled her scent and sighed contentedly. “I love you Buffy, I’d die without you. Nearly bloody did.” He said softly.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him. “I love you.” She whispered.

After a few minutes of her blood rushing through his veins Spike felt better. “What changed your mind Luv?” He asked suddenly.

“Oh…Oh god Spike …I almost forgot being near you…Willow is missing…can you …hunt Angelus?” She asked
~~~~~`