Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

Xander peered cautiously into the library. While Buffy was never one to show up a half hour before school like Willow usually did, he wanted to check with Giles about his reception before running into either girl.

His arms still itched. Spike had taken him to some demon healer Friday night, and he’d had accelerated healing done. On one hand, it was a pain in the ass because he’d had to act like Spike’s pet and it had hurt like a bitch. On the other hand, he didn’t have a black eye any more. His ribs were only tender and, while his arm still needed one of those braces that you could buy at Drug Emporium, at least he wasn’t going to be stuck in a cast for six weeks.

He listened for a few moments but didn’t hear anything but Giles moving around. If Wills was in there she’d be talking or typing or…sobbing. God, he hoped it wasn’t the last. He hadn’t even tried to talk to Giles or the girls over the weekend. He wasn’t sure of his welcome and, well…it had taken a while to convince Spike not to kill them all. As it was it was still up in the air about his Father. He didn’t want him dead, all the time, and if his Dad was found with a railroad spike through his head it would be kind of obvious.

Well, to Giles at least. He still wasn’t sure if Buffy had read up on Spike yet. He knew for a fact she hadn’t researched Angel’s history.

He carefully walked into the library but he didn’t see anyone. Giles was working in his office, a cup of what smelled like tea in one hand and papers in the other. He scuffed his feet loudly and cleared his throat. Giles looked up and actually smiled at him and waved him into his office.

“Xander! I was hoping I’d see you this morning. Actually I had hoped that you would have come by my flat at some point in time this weekend but, still, I’m glad to see you. How are you doing?”

He sat in one of Giles’s chairs that wasn’t overflowing with books waiting to be reshelved. “I’m not sure. I’ll know more about how I’m doing when you tell me what Buffy and Willow are thinking. Do they…hate me?”

Giles made a sort of stuttered sighing noise. “I feel sure that once they…calm down and think about things rationally they won’t hate you. Right now they are very upset and I believe there is a countywide shortage of ice cream from the way both of them were going at it when I talked to them yesterday.”

Xander sighed and pulled down the sleeve of his shirt nervously to cover his brace. “Great, I’ve sent my best friend and the slayer into the land of diabetic shock.”

“I know it seems difficult right now, Xander, but I do believe you did the right thing. Well, perhaps you shouldn’t have shouted it in the hallway, but I of all people know how insistent Buffy can be.”

Xander gave a half smile. “Yeah, the Buffster, she doesn’t like to listen to things she doesn’t want to hear. I was trying to get in here at the very least, get it out of the hallway but she grabbed my arm.”

Giles frowned. “I hadn’t realized she had hurt you so badly that it needed a brace.”

Xander started. He’d purposely worn one of Spike’s long sleeved shirts to hide the brace. It was a little tight across the shoulders but it would do until he and Spike had a chance to break into his house and get the few things he’d left there. “N—no. It was something else.”

Giles leaned back in his chair and gave him a look. It was at times like these when Giles wasn’t stuttering or doing the mild mannered librarian routine that Xander wondered about what he did in his free time when they weren’t around. It was like…seeing a glimpse of Superman in Clark Kent. It was weird.

“Does it have something to do with the fact that when I called your home on Saturday afternoon your Father started screaming about how you were violent and he had kicked you out?”

He had two choices: lie and have Giles call him on it or just tell the truth. Well, most of it. Telling the truth would mean he didn’t have to quickly think up a lie and make his head worse more than it was starting to.

He shifted in his seat and sighed. He’d never really talked about his parents like this before and wasn’t sure where to start. “Well, my parents found out I was gay and when I got home Friday Dad wasn’t happy. He…started hitting on me. For the first time I stopped him and left. He did kick me out and I did knock him on his ass but not before he whaled on me pretty good.”

Giles looked at him for a moment and then sighed. “I wish you had told me sooner but I can understand why you didn’t. It’s been going on for quite some time, hasn’t it? And Willow doesn’t know?”

He could only nod. He still didn’t want to go into the details. Only Spike knew those and not all of them. If he knew them all... well, it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Are you alright? Do you have a place to stay?”

He looked down and took a deep breath and tried to find his voice. It seemed to get lost for just a moment. “Y—yeah. I’m good, actually. I went over to Will’s afterward and he was there. He’s…”

Xander stopped for a moment and looked at Giles from under the cover of his hair. “He’s the guy from this summer I was telling you about, and we’ve…dated. He’s my boyfriend.” At the thought of being able to claim that William the Bloody actually liked him he straightened up in his chair and looked at Giles straight on. Giles had a worried look but was smiling a bit too, so he figured that was good.

“He…kinda knows about the real Sunnydale. Vampires and demons and witches oh my! He took me to a healer. Which was a really good thing because otherwise I’d be in a cast for like six or seven weeks. Dad fractured my arm in two places. Well, actually I did because if I hadn’t moved to block him he wouldn’t have broken it.”

“Were there…other injuries?” Giles sounded like he was ready to go beat the crap out of his dad himself which was…kinda weird and kind of nice. Now Giles and Spike had common ground to bond over, and wasn’t that a weird thought? Maybe his brains were still scrambled.

“Ummm, yeah. Ribs, black eyes, slight concussion. All good to go now. Well, my arm is still tender but the healer said I could take off the brace in a week.” Actually the lizard like demon had told Spike he could take the brace off in a week and suggested that Spike keep him cuffed to keep his pet from trying to take it off. After they’d left he’d had a giggle fit, partially from the relief of having all of the pain gone but most of it from imagining himself with one of those big cones the vets put on dogs on his head.

“And this…William took care of you? That’s…rather nice of him, isn’t it? You did say he was older than you?”

Now he was really squirming in his seat. He didn’t want to lie, not to Giles, but he was afraid if he told the truth Giles would do something…well, bad. Like stake Spike or lock Xander up for his own good.

“Yes, he’s older than me but he’s not trying to get in my pants. Well, he is, but not right now. He actually likes me, Xander. He makes fun of Star Trek but he watches it with me, and he’s been teaching me how to fight a little bit and basically been a good friend. Now we’re…friends with kissing.” Lots of kissing, but he wasn’t going to say that. “We haven’t even made it to second base yet, or second wicket. I get confused with cricket, still.”

He stopped there. Any more clues and his babble would all point to William the Bloody. An older man, named Will who was British. Yeah, if Giles really wanted to figure it out, the clues were mostly there. Hopefully, he wouldn’t want to.

“That’s…good, I suppose. I’m glad he’s supporting you through this. I don’t suppose I’ll get to meet him anytime soon, though, from your state of nervousness. Are you staying with this…Will person?”

Xander bit his lip and nodded. He was afraid to say anything else, really. Giles sighed again and he felt guilty. He really did want to tell Giles everything; he was just afraid of disappointing him. He watched as the other man opened a drawer on his desk and slid a key over to him.

“If you ever need me, Xander, for anything, call me or let yourself into my flat, do you understand me? I won’t have you…larking about the Hellmouth if you have nowhere else to go. I have to admit I’m not comfortable with the idea of you living with your…boyfriend, but I am going to trust your judgment. I realize now that you were afraid to tell your parents about your sexuality for a good reason, just…don’t do anything stupid. Don’t let him…force you into anything before you're ready.”

Xander swallowed hard as he picked up the key and held it tightly in his hand. He didn’t know what to say so he kept it simple. “Thanks, Giles.”

“You’re welcome, Xander.” Giles adjusted his glasses and sipped at his tea, making almost the same face that Spike made when he drank cold tea. It must be an English thing.

“There is one thing you can do for me, Giles. I’m going to talk to the Guidance Counselor. I’m kinda flunking chemistry and, well, I don’t see myself as the college type so I don’t need to take it. And if I ever do want to go I can take it then. It’s just…both Buffy and Willow are in that class and it would be majorly weird to have to deal with them both. I have it right after lunch, so do you mind if I ask to be switched to a study hall here in the library? I figure you can kind of teach me like you’ve been teaching Buffy, only without the slayer stuff. I’m actually interested in learning more about demons and stuff, though, and I want to learn how to fight better.”

Giles looked shocked and pleased all at once. “I must say, I cannot believe you are asking to actually do research and open these, and I quote, ‘musty old books’ on your own. And I thought this Will was teaching you to fight?”

“Actually, it was kind of his idea. That way you can teach me too, so I can sorta learn all I can. Knowledge is power and all that stuff. He figures the more I know about the Hellmouth and the things that go bump in the night, the less chance I have of getting killed.”

And it had actually been Spike’s idea; well, in a way. He’d actually bitched about why Giles hadn’t taught him more defensive skills. Which made Xander wonder too, but now he was actually asking, and maybe that had something to do with it.

“Well, I certainly don’t mind. In fact I’d be rather pleased to help you out.” There was only a half hour left before school started but for most of it they spent talking about training. Xander didn’t want to just learn how to fight, he kinda…wanted to learn all he could. If he stayed with Spike in the long term, and that’s what he’d like to do, he’d have to deal with a lot of different demons, plus, hello, vampire.

They finally left the office and Xander had a book of beginning demonology to read that had a Garfield book cover over it. Willow’s work, he was sure.

“How fast do you read, Xander? Do you think you’ll have time to finish the first five chapters by next week? If so, I’ll test you on the different ways to identify the demons listed and how to kill them.”

“I think I can have it done by then. It’ll be easy since I’ll probably avoid the Scooby meetings for a while.” It would also be easier to read because he wouldn’t have his father drinking and shouting, and if he ran into problems he could ask Spike to help. Spike liked killing things, no matter if it was demon or human. “Hey, does Buffy do this? Because I’m sure I would have heard her, umm, complain about it.”

“No, I’m afraid not. While these studies would help Buffy in her work as the slayer, well, usually the girls don’t…live long enough to finish the book. More effort goes into teaching the slayer what she needs to survive and physical training, of course.”

Giles had a sad look and those words chilled Xander. It wasn’t worth teaching a slayer because she’d end up dead anyhow. Then again, Buffy was supposed to be permanently dead already. “Cheer up, G-man, Buffy isn’t like most slayers.”

“What? Oh, yes. Of course, you’re right about that. No, these studies are the sort young children in Watcher families might do, to prepare them for training to be a Watcher.”

Xander grinned at that. “Really? Cool!”

Just then the library doors opened and Xander found his heart in his throat. He really wasn’t ready to face the girls yet.

Luckily, it was just Cordelia. And wasn’t it odd that he was glad to see her?

“Good, you’re here. I thought you’d be moping like your little friends. I need to talk to you.” She walked up to him, her heels clicking on the tile floor and started dragging Xander back to the stacks.

“And a good morning to you too, Ms. Chase. A lovely day it is, thank you for asking.”

“Whatever, Giles. I need to talk to Xander. Alone.” She had a firm grip on his good arm as she dragged him up the stairs and into the stacks. She finally stopped when they were near the back wall and as far away from Giles as she could drag him without leaving the library itself.

“What the hell?”

“Is it true?” Cordy looked him up and down as if she was looking for flaws, and for all he knew she was. He didn’t even have to ask what she was talking about.

“Umm, that whole me being gay thing? Yeah.”

“Oh, thank god!”

He did a double take. “What?”

“I have actually flirted with you three times this school year and you ignored it instead of throwing yourself at my feet and begging for my attentions. Do you know what that could do to my reputation if you weren’t gay and someone found out I couldn’t hook a loser like you?”

He sighed, but was secretly relived that at least one female he knew wasn’t going to pitch a fit. “You really want to be Blair Warner when you grow up, don’t you Cordy?”

She shrugged and smiled. “But of course, and you can be Jo, only not as butch. Listen, I have a proposition for you.”

“Umm, hello. Gay men don’t take propositions from women.”

She slapped him, but it was on his good arm so he only winced a little. What was it with women wanting to beat up on the Xan-man? “Not that kind of proposition, moron. Something that can be mutually beneficial. I may be just a Junior but you know I pretty much rule the school. I will…pave the way for you to be socially acceptable. Of course, I can do nothing about your little friends being all pissy with you, but I can keep most of the jocks from hassling you just by giving you the great pleasure of sharing my company.”

He narrowed his eyes and looked at her. It made sense in a twisted sort of Cordelia way. “But we don’t like each other.”

“Pfft. As if that matters. I have Aura and Harmony and Dawn for mindless obedience. I need someone I can be bitchy with.”

Bitchy he could do, he just needed to find a more manly way of putting it. Still...“What do you get out of it?”

Cordelia smiled but it wasn’t a nice kind of smile. “Oh, that’s the good part. You keep your undead boyfriend away from my neck.”

*****