Therapy

Chapter 16/ Therapy
Disclaimer in chapter 1

Tara was standing at the door to Spike's crypt, knocking. She eased the door open after hearing him answer.

"Hey Spike. I'm not disturbing you am I?" she hesitantly asked.

" Glinda, Come on in. I won't eat you." He grabbed a beer from his frig. "What's wrong?"

" Nothings wrong, I need to ask a favor." She said.

" What can I do for you?" he gazed at her quizzically.

" Well, I need to talk some things out, about Willow, and I think you might understand it better than the others. You know?"

" What makes you think that pet?"

"You've kinda been through the same sort of thing."

"I've never had a witch as a lover, Tinkerbell." He replied.

" No but you've had to deal with someone else messing with your mind. You've got your chip, and I had Glory in mine." She almost pled.

"Yeah, I guess that is similar, so what do you need to talk about?" Spike asked.

" I want to talk to Willow about how much she hurt me, how much she betrayed my trust." She plucked at her shirtfront.

" Come on have a seat and tell me what's on your mind then." He sighed.

Tara sat on Spike's couch as he flopped into his chair.

" I've been seeing a therapist, and she suggested I practice so I would be clear when I talked to Wil." She said.

"Practice away, luv." Spike answered.

" Ok, I worked long and hard to gain my self esteem when I began to be a part of the gang. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. When Glory took part of my mind, she violated me. She put me in a dark ugly place."

"Even though Willow brought me back and regained my mind for me, it's still a tender place, one that I guard very much. It's private. " She looked into Spike's face.

" But when Willow worked a Lethe spell to make me forget our argument, when I found out I felt like I had been raped in a way. I became afraid of her."

Tara's eyes began to water, " She is so powerful, that not only can she go into my mind and change it the way she wants. I couldn't even tell she had done it, much less stop her."

"Pet," Spike moved over to sit by Tara, " I ... do you need a hug?"

Tara nodded her head like a little girl, and snuggled into his arms much like Dawn did.

" Hurts don't it? Yet you still love her." He murmured as he stroked her hair.

" I want to go back, to be with her, but I'm still afraid. I know she's quit using magic. But she still thinks it was all about that." She said.

" Why not tell her just what you've said to me? You made it real plain." He suggested.

" Yeah, but you know what it's like, to lose your free will. Don't you?" she asked.

" I do. It's soddin' terrifyin'. Ya see the mind is what makes you who you are. When some git goes muckin' about in it, you aren't you anymore." He answered.

Tara replied, " It makes me wonder if I Love her, or if it's something someone put it there? I know I love her, but is it really me?"

Spike looked stunned. " You loved her before all this mind messin' started dint ya?"

" You're right I did." She answered brightly.

" You got one up on me then, I don't know if it really is my choice or if it's this blasted chip." He growled.

" Why didn't you kill Buffy before the chip?" Tara asked.

"I couldn't, never took her in a fair fight." He answered.

" Why was it so important to 'take her' in a fair fight? Why not knock her out, shoot her, use a dart gun? "

" I ...respected her, and as the Big Bad, I could be sneaking up on her like some sorta coward. Had to be face to face in battle." He snapped.

" If you say so, I think its cause you were in love with her even then."

"You're too much of a romantic for your own good witch." He snarled.

" Yeah I'm a witch, and I know you didn't ask me and neither did Buffy, but I can see the aura around the both of you. It's real, it's not the chip, and it's not a spell." She stated.

" You can see that?" Spike asked. " Just by looking at us?"

" Yes I can. I hope that answered your uncertainty."

" Thanks Glinda, it did, and I hope you can talk to your girl now." He replied.

" You know I think I just might be able to. Thank you Spike."

" If you want to thank me, how bout helpin' out with a little research I need done?" He asked.

" I am sure the gang can help." She answered.

" No, none of them can know anything about this." He stated.

" Ok, I can research but what is it?" She was confused.

" I need to know about mating claims, Vampire-human claims to be specific." He stared at her.

" As in you want to claim Buffy?" Tara looked frightened.

"No as in ...you can't tell a soul do you hear me!" he commanded.

" I hear you, what is it?" she hesitated.

" Buffy claimed me." Spike closed his eyes and swallowed. " I need to know what could happen, can it be reversed, and do I need to."

" Why would you want to?" Confusion bloomed on Tara's face.

"Ok 'When two shall exchange blood, make their claim and accept them whilst in consummation, they are mated well and truly for all times, even beyond this earthly plane' is the wording." He answered.

"I need to know if she's in danger. That line about beyond this earthly plane is mucking with strong mojo."

" I can see why you're concerned. Are you in any danger?"

" Not that I can tell, but I'm connected to her emotionally now. I feel everything she does." Spike whispered.

" That's got to be scary. I'll see what I can find out." Tara promised.