Losing It

Okay. Okay. I'll admit it, I'm weak. I just HAD to add ONE more "mushy" chapter before I got to the good stuff...^_^...I know I'm weak. I promise I'm working on the "Losing It" chapter as fast as my brain can shoot it out, but I just felt I needed this last chapter to help me set up the final one. I hope I haven't lost your interest and thank you sooo much for hangin' in there with me. You don't know how much your support means to me. I hope you're not at the end of your rope just yet...thanks for holdin' on. I promise...good things come to those who wait. ^__^

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Faith’s POV

We’re almost there.

I let out a content sigh as I look over at Buffy.

She just continues to stare straight ahead. She lets out a little sigh of her own and she leans her head on my arm.

I smile softly as I turn my eyes ahe ahead as we continue to walk in silence. I flex the muscle in my arm and I feel Buffy give my hand a gentle squeeze.

It’s the moments like this that make life worth living and love worth loving. And I do. I love and live for Buffy.

Ah, damn. There goes that sappy shit again. I swear, this girl has turned me into the biggest pussy this side of the equator.

Ugh. I must really love torturing myself.

“Faith?”

“Yeah, baby?”

I let out a sigh and shake the last thought out of my head.

Buffy suddenly comes to a stop at the edge of my driveway, so I stop too. She has this look on her face like she is thinking about something real hard. I dip my head a little and smile.

“Hello? Earth to gorgeous blonde?”

She shakes her head and looks up at me with a big smile.

“Sorry, baby. Just thinkin’.”

I interlace our fingers and tilt my head to the side a little. I give her my best ‘interested’ look.

“Bout what?”

She looks off in the distance for a second longer before shaking her head again. She closes the gap between us and lays her head against my chest. She takes in a deep breath and then lets it out slowly.

Okay. She’s really starting to freak me out here.

I lift my hand and gently run it through her golden strands.

“Baby, you can tell me. What’s on that beautiful mind of yours?”

Buffy pulls away from me and looks up into my eyes. She has a soft smile on her face and I can almost swear I see the beginning of tears in her perfect hazel eyes.

“I love you so much Faith. You make me feel so…you make me feel like a Goddess.”

She just now figuring that out?

But she is…and she’s *my* Goddess.

I pull B tightly into my body and look down at her. I give her a little grin as I wrap my arms around her waist.

“You are my Goddess, baby. You just now figuring that out?”

She smiles and shakes her head before leaning up and planting a soft kiss on my lips. When she pulls away, it takes me a second to regain the breath that she takes away every time she kisses me like that. I swear, one day I’m gonna forget how to breath again, and I’ll die the happiest girl alive.

She leans her head against my chest again and I close my eyes with a sigh.

We just stand there for a moment, loving the feel of each other.

Then I feel Buffy pull away from me and take me by the hand. She doesn’t say another word as she slowly and quietly leads me into the house and closes the door behind us, locking the dead bolt.

I stand behind her and watch as she takes off her jacket and places it on the hook. She turns to me and reaches for the lapels of my leather jacket. She doesn’t say a word as she quietly slips it from my shoulders and places it on the hook next to hers.

She turns back to face me and smiles innocently. She leans up and gives me another quick kiss before letting out a deep sigh. She takes me by the hand once again and starts to pull me towards the stairs.

“Come with me.”

I feel this pull inside of me and before I know it, I’m following her up the stairs. She runs her thumb against the inside of my palm as we walk up the stairs slowly and it sends a thousand sensations throughout my whole body. I really love this Buffy.

We get to my bedroom door and Buffy reaches for the knob. She turns it slowly and pulls me into the room behind her. She stands there for a minute facing the door with her back to me. Just as I am about to ask her what’s wrong, I hear the lock click into place.

My pulse quickens and my throat is suddenly dry.

Buffy slowly turns to face me and leans her back against the door. She rakes her eyes over my body and I feel the flame in my groin start to spark. Just like it always does when she looks at me like this, but for some reason, this spark is stronger and *a lot* more…intense.

She pushes herself off the door and slowly starts to walk towards me. I’m frozen. Every nerve cell in my body is on fire, and yet I’m frozen in place. Her eyes bore into my as she approaches me seductively. She looks so fuckin’ hot. I almost want to pinch myself just to make sure this isn’t another one of my many a varied Buffy sex fantasies, but I’m afraid that if I do, it will be, and I don’t want it to be.

I *really* don’t want it to be.

Buffy comes to a stop directly in front of me. She looks at me and I can hear her as she swallows hard. Her actions soon turn from seductive to nervous and I watch as she lifts a shaky hand and places it on mine. She sucks in a deep breath as she slowly starts to pull our hands higher. She lets it out slowly as our hands get closer to our chests.

I suck in a deep breath of my own when she gently brings our hands to rest on her left breast. I can feel the heat of her skin through her top and how hard her nipple has become against the inside of my palm.

It feels so good. I don’t ever want this moment to end, but as I look down into her eyes, I can see how nervous and how terrified she is. That’s one look I never want to see from her again. So, I slip my hand from under hers and let out a deep breath. I walk over to the bed and fall down onto it with a deep sigh.

I run my fingers through my hair and bring my eyes up to meet hers.

I can see the tears silently falling down her cheeks.

Fuck. She thinks I’m rejecting her?

Shit. Way to go Faith. You fuckin’ asshole.

I immediately push myself off the bed and rush over to her. I pull her into my arms and gently stroke her back as she cries softly into my shoulder.

“Baby, please don’t cry.”

She lets out a little sob.

“But Faith…I thought this is what you wanted. I thought *I* was what you wanted.”

Fuck.

“You are what I want baby. You know that. There is no one else in this universe that I want besides you, and I do want…this. But not like this. Not when you are so…not if you feel like you *have* to, instead of you *want* to.”

See? I’m learnin’.

Buffy pulls her head up from my chest and looks up at me through tear-filled eyes. The most perfect tear-filled eyes I’ve ever seen.

“You…you really mean that Faith?”

I run my thumb over her cheek to wipe away her tears. I smile down at her softly.

“Of course I do baby. There is nothing I want more than to make love to you…but not if its something you feel you have to do with me. When we finally do make love, I want it to be because you want me and need me to know how much you love me, cause that’s when I want to make love to you B. I want to express my love for you physically. I want to give myself to you and I want you to know that for the rest of my life, you are the only one I’ll ever love. That’s when I want this baby, and not a second sooner.”

I’m gettin’ really good at this sappy shit. I may just be able to pull this whole love thing off after all. With a teacher like Buffy, I know I can.

Buffy starts to cry again, but this time, they are tears of joy. She buries her face in my chest and my heart swells.

“Gwah…Fath…I wove woo so muchh.”

I let out a little laugh.

“I wove you too B.”

She pulls her head up from my chest and smiles. I let out a deep sigh and take her by the hand. I gently pull her over to the bed and I push her back onto it softly.

Her head falls back against the pillows and her eyes start to close sleepily. I smile and reach down to pull off her shoes. She lets out a content little sigh and I pull off my own shoes before crawling into bed behind her. I reach down and pull the covers up over us and then place my arm around her waist protectively.

She interlaces our fingers and pulls my hand tightly against her. I give her a gentle kiss on her ear and then I lay my head down beside hers.

I swear as long as I live, this is the only way I ever want to fall asleep.

With my Angel in my arms.