Lost in the Dark, Cleansed in the Flame

Title: Lost in the Dark, Cleansed in the Flame
Author: Margie
Rating: NC-17 (for the naughty sex parts)
Pairing: X/S

Summary: I don't know. I like the idea of a psychic link through a
Claim, and the plot devices bringing back the Initiative can do for you.
So I put the two together.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Joss owns it all damn him!
Feedback: Yes please! margaritagomez1@msn.com
Archive: If you want it just email me to tell me where it's going. It will
eventually be on my own website when I get the chance to update
(www.angelfire.com/indie/margarks/index.html)

Author's Note: ** Warning ** This fic may get a little dark in the angst
and torture of Xander and Spike sort of way. Nothing too physically
bad (at least that I will describe, your imaginations are your own), but
the mental anguish may hurt a little…

Okay - in my world X/S are together already. Spike has claimed
Xander, and created a psychic bond between them. Spike is chipped.
Anya doesn't exist. And Buffy has accepted and understands X/S's
relationship. It's pretty much AU, and I have no idea where exactly it
would fall in the timeline of the show…Sometime after S4 but before
Buffy dies in S5? Or something like that.

***

Chapter 16 - Awakenings

Spike could hear the others gathering the things they would need for
the spell. They would be up the stairs and in this room in just a few
minutes.

He looked down at Xander's body, studying his face. At least there
weren't any lines of pain visible there. Spike shuddered at the agony
Xander must have gone through when the spear had pierced his
body.

The vampreacreached out and gently took hold of Xander's cold hand,
letting his thumb trace circles on the open palm. "Xander, luv, if you
can hear me..." Spike's voice trailed off for just a second as he tilted
his head back, as though trying to stare through the ceiling at the
heavens above. "I don't know if we're doing the right thing, if I made
the right choice. But I want you to know that I tried. That I wanted to
do right by you, for you." Spike's free hand ran roughshod through
the mass of curls atop his head. "Please believe me, Xan. I love
you." He got in a quick peck on cold lips before the others arrived.
Quietly he wiped away the last traces of his tears as Angel walked in
carrying the sword.

At least they knew why the two hereos were of 'necessity' immortal.
None of the others could even touch the sword. The flame burned
dangerously hot for everyone but Spike and Angel. If Angel's demon
didn't precludm ofm of being 'of the light', Spike would have suggested
the two of them fulfill the prophecy. But no matter how many people
Angel helped, he would forever be 'dark', at least while his demon
remained.

Spike took a moment to wonder at the irony. Two demons, previously
the Scourge of Europe, were currently charged with the protection
and proper use of a mythic holy weapon. A weapon, Spike assumed,
forged by God himself. Not only that, but they were about to steal
away one of God's flock. To bring back a white hat, out of God's
kingdom, in order to prevent the destruction of a world that God
created.

Holy fucking irony.

The others were piling into the room. All except Dawn and Buffy, who
were downstairs waiting, probably impatiently, but neither were
needed for the ceremony. And both would probably just get in the
way. Spike wasn't strictly necessary either, although Spike or Angel
were needed to hold the sword. But there was no way in hell Spike
was going to leave Xander's side until the ritual was complete. Until
Xander's eyes fluttered open and he realized what they'd done.

Spike tuned out the sounds around him, concentrating only on
er'ser's still form. The sounds of Willow and Tara's chanting buzzed
about his ears, but he ignored it. Through the corner of his eye Spike
saw Angel lower the sword, pointing the tip of the blade at the seed
Giles had placed in an ornamental bowl. A lick of heated flame shot
out and engulfed the bowl, setting the seed and the immediate air
around it on fire.

The sound of chanting grew louder, joined now by Giles' low,
masculine voice. The noise increased until Spike wanted to cover his
ears, and then suddenly the flame surrounding the seed flared
upwards into a column of fire. It burned steadily for several minutes
until all chanting ceased, then it finally recteected itself. In a snaking
path it made its way toward Xander and enveloped his entire body,
making Spike cry out in alarm.

Xander's body convulsed once, twice, before collapsing back on to
the bed, as the flame extinguished. Amazingly, Xander's body had
been left completely unmarked by the fire, though his clothes were
now cinders. Reverently, Spike's hand shot out to cover the area the
spear had wounded, which was now fully healed. More tears sprang
to Spike's eyes, and he wiped at them furiously. Bugger! He hadn't
cried this much since he'd been mortal.

Xander groaned, his head thrashing on the pillow. Spike quickly
retrieved a blanket to cover him, not wanting his love to wake and find
himself naked in front of all his friends. Spike grabbed for Xander's
hand as he reached out, eyes still closed. The thrashing finally
ceased, and Xander let out a harsh sigh on a ragged breath.
Xander's eyes fluttered open and Spike waited for him to speak.
Holding his hand, and gazing into his dilated pupils, Spike remained
silent.

{Spike?} Xander's eyes wandered the room, taking in the other
occupants, but he did not speak aloud.

Spike was almost floored by the intensity of feeling he suffered from
hearing Xander's mind voice after having thought the boy was gone
forever. He bit his lip until blood gushed to stave off another bout of
tears. {Yes, luv. I'm sorry.}

Xander nodded and turned away, Spike's heart breaking. Spike
stood and ushered everybody out of the room. They went grudgingly,
Willow stopping long enough to kiss Xander on the cheek and burst
into tears. The boy smiled reassuringly and squeezed her hand, but
didn't say a word.

When they were all finally gone, Spike sat down once more, this time
in a chair beside the bed. He kept his distance, even though
everything in him screamed at him to touch his mate. Xander
watched him, his eyes trailing the vampire's movements, but still he
said nothing.

Finally Xander blinked, and swallowed. His words sounded harsh, as
if his mouth were dry and his throat sore. "How long?"

"Two and half days. How long for you?"

"Longer." Xander swallowed again, his adam's apple bobbing in his
throat.

"Was it...what was it like?" Spike finally asked.

"It was...different. Quiet, peaceful." Xander sighed and turned away.
"As if there was nothing left for me to worry about. I finally could
just...be, you know?"

"God, luv. I'm sorry!" Spike let the silent tears roll down his face.
Was this any better than turning him? Spike had been right the first
time. There was nothing, *nothing* worse than having Xander here
with him, and hating him.

"For what?" Spike was thrown by the genuine sincerity in the
question.

"For what?!" The vampire repeated, incredulously. "For bringing you
back, for taking you from pea peaceful place. For putting you back
here, to fight, and worry, and...fucking save the world again!"

Xander only shook his head. "*You* didn't do anything, Spike."
Xander reached for his hand. "If I was meant to come back, I was
meant to come back. One way or another it would have happened.
And I'm grateful for the time I did have in that place. In heaven, or
whatever it was. It was beautiful." Xander's expression was wistful.
"But I know I'm needed here. So I'm glad I'm back. I just need some
time to adjust."

"So, you don't hate me, luv?" Spike asked, his voice small and
remarkably vulnerable.

"No!" Xander's answer was immediate, as was his reaction. He
grabbed Spike's hand and hauled the vampire to the bed, wrapping
him up in an embrace. "God, no. I love you, you know that."

Spike was crying, his shoulders shaking as he hugged Xander back.
They stayed that way for a long time, until finally Spike pulled away.
"There's something you still don't know, Xan." Spike braced himself
for Xander's response. "We didn't just bring you back, luv. You're
here to stay. You're immortal. It was the only way."

"Immortal?" Spike couldn't read the look on Xander's face. "You
mean like that guy from Highlander?"

Spike barked out a laugh. Only Xander would think of his life in terms
of a television show. "Sort of, luv. But I doubt there are going to be
any others showing up to take your head." Then his eyes turned
serious. "But if they do, I'll be here, right beside you to stop them."

Xander smiled, his mouth curving up in a lazy grin. "I know you will."
Then he kissed him. Spike was on such an emotional roller coaster
that he wasn't even sure what he was feeling at the simple sensation
of Xander's lips against his own. God, he thought he'd never feel
those warm lips again. He hardened immediately, his hand stealing
out to touch Xander's naked chest.

"Xan, pet, I need you." Spike muttered, his hands already pulling the
blanket off his lover. "God, luv, I thought you were gone. I thought I'd
never be with you again." And then he was crying again. "Fuck! I'm
such a nancy boy." He swiped at the tears, momentarily forgetting his
mission to have Xander hard and inside him.

Instead of disagreeing Xander only pushed Spike's hands out of the
way and began to kat tat the falling tears. And then Spike found
himself on the bed, underneath Xander, being kissed and fondled and
loved. He'd somehow gotten his shirt and pants off, and could feel
Xander's hard cock brushing against his own leaking penis. He
groaned loudly and spread his legs further, lifting them until he could
secure them over Xander's shoulders.

"Please, luv. Need you inside me. Need to feel you. To feel your
life, your seed, God!" Spike cried out, despe toe to feel his lover. To
know that he was alive, and that this wasn't just a wickedly torturous
dream.

Xander fumbled around until he found Spike's discarded jeans,
digging in the pocket until he found what he was looking for. He
pulled the small tube out with a triumphant smile and then got to work
readying his mate.

The feel of Xander's warm fingers sliding in and out of him almost
made Spike cum right then and there. But he gritted his teeth a hel held on, determined to have his lover inside him before he came.
Before Xander could toss the tube aside and enter Spike, the vampire
started begging for absolution, which nearly broke Xander's heart.
"Luv, please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry!" Spike couldn't
seem to get the words out fast enough. "I'm such a selfish fucking git.
They said we needed you, but I did it for myself as much as for the
world. I couldn't let you go. God, I'm sorry!"

Xander thrust until he was all the way inside, his balls slapping
against Spike's cool flesh. "Shhh. Spike, shhh. There's ing ing to
be sorry about. I love you. I love you." Xander repeated those three
words over and over again, all the while thrusting in and out in a slow
rhythm.

"Xan, you died for me." The words were whispered in awe. "You
gave your life up, for *me*."

"I love you," was Xander's only response.

And then they stopped talking altogether. The only sounds were
grunts and moans of pleasure. Xander's rhythm increased, his hand
reached down to grasp Spike's cock and pump it furiously. The
vampire whimpered and met each hard thrust, his eyes open and
watching his lover's face. They both exploded together, crying out
each other's names.

"I love you, too." Spike declared before they both drifted off to sleep,
limbs entangled, and arms wrapped around one another.