Solace

Willow felt herself stagger. She collapsed on her knees emptying the contents of her stomach. It was not until she looked up that she realized she was on her knees in her living room. Their bags from the trip sat neatly stacked next to the front door. She stood on shaky legs and saw the tail end of the Desoto in the driveway.

She walked slowly to the kitchen and grabbed paper towels, a bag, and cleaning supplies and went about cleaning the floor in the living room. She switched on the lights as she went pulling the house out of the darkness of night. As she finished she thought that she could hear movement upstairs.

She tossed the bag in the garbage and washed her hands. She grabbed a stake from one of the drawers in the kitchen and walked slowly up the stairs towards the sounds. As she neared the top of the stairs she could hear whimpering and talking. The deep baritone sounds of Spike’s voice filled her ears and she dropped her stake. She rushed towards the spare room.

Her mouth dropped open at what she saw, Spike was pressed into the far corner of the room, squatting and rocking. The fingers of his right hand dug into the flesh of his chest above his heart. The rest of his body was covered in bruises, cuts, gashes, and holes. Willow rushed to him and put her hand over his desperate fingers.

“Gonna take it out. Turn it off. I had a speech… I learned it all… Oh god, she won’t understand, she won’t understand.”

“Spike?”

“William’s a good boy. Carries her water, carries her sin. Supposed to get easier, isn’t it. Supposed to help to help, but it doesn’t. Still so heavy.”

Willow’s green eyes filled with panic when Spike jumped up and started pacing the room. His long fingers threaded in his curly hair, his eyes trained to the floor, mumbling more incoherent words. Willow slowly stepped backwards from the room and into the hall. She grabbed the phone that sat on the hallway table and hit the speed dial.

Two rings and the other end picked up. Buffy’s voice was laden with sleep as she struggled to answer, “ello?”

“Buffy it’s Willow.”

“You’re back?” Buffy squealed now a little more awake. Willow could hear the sounds of Buffy pulling herself from bed before she continued, “Why wouldn’t you tell me you were going somewhere?”

“Buffy look I’m really sorry but I need your help.”

“Feed on flesh. My flesh. Nothing else, not a spark. Oh fine. Flesh, then. Solid through.” Spike screamed from the spare room and Willow winced hoping Buffy hadn’t heard him.

“What was that? Is that Spike?”

“Yeah Buffy. Can you please come over? I don’t know what to do and I’m really worried I need to research but I don’t want to leave him alone to long.”

“Wills what’s going on? I’m calling Xander he can get there faster than I can.”

“BUFFY NO!” Willow startled herself with the anger that spilled from her lips.

“Wills?”

“Buffy just you please?”

“Ok but there better be some serious explaining once I get there.”

“Deal just get here…”

Spike’s next outburst came from the hall right behind her making her jump. “There’s no spark. Ain’t we in a soddin’ engine?”

“I’m on my way.”

Willow followed Spike down the stairs and started to close all of the curtains. If he was still walking about in this state when the sun came up she wanted to be prepared. She watched him with sad eyes; he kept digging at his chest screaming about the burning within him. She wanted to restrain him but in his current state she was afraid of the consequences. She went into the kitchen, listening to Spike keeping a mental track of his whereabouts, and made a glass of hot chocolate.

“Whipping boys get no prezzies. Get no treats. Bad boys get spanked and slaughtered.”

Willow jumped at the sound of his voice. The cool breath tickled the back of her neck. He trapped her to the counter using his arms and leaned in so his mouth was right next to her ear.

“Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you? Feed on flesh. My flesh.”

“Oh goddess no Spike!” Willow turned to face him. Her small fingers pulled at a small curl that rested on his forehead. “Spike you ignite me and ground me.”

Confusion filled his eyes as he looked at her. “I tried to find it. The spark. The missing…the piece…that fit. That would make me fit.”

Willow pulled his head down towards her shoulder. She could feel the tension in his body evaporate. He clung to her as his cool tears left small dark circles on her t-shirt. Her hands ran small trails up and down his bruised and battered back. She could feel the cool blood seeping into the front of her shirt from the self inflicted wounds on his chest.

Just a quickly as he had succumbed to her gentle ministrations he stiffened. A deep growl erupted from his chest and he turned towards the doorway to the kitchen. Willow stood silently, fear etched on her face as Spike took a fighting stance. He snapped his now elongated teeth and then he pounced, his human face slipping back into place as he tackled Buffy to the ground.

“Out! This is my place! You need permission to be here! You need a special slip with a stamp!” Spike screamed in her face as he pinned her to the ground.

“What the hell?” Buffy looked at him confused, then worry when she saw the amount of damage to his body. She lay still under him, not wanting to hurt him more. She watched the surge of emotions roll over his features and could feel the panic rise in her chest.

“Spike! No get off of her!” Willow yelled from the kitchen and Spike jumped up, his head held in shame.

“I’m sorry. Right. Wrong. Wrong maneuver. Not hardly helpful.” He turned to Willow desperation filled his deep blue eyes, “God, please help me. HELP ME!”

Buffy pulled herself from the floor and dusted the back of her pink sweat pants off. She looked from Spike to Willow. Tears filling both of their eyes, “What is going on here? Have you lost your mind?”

“Angel he should have warned me. He makes a good show of forgetting, but it’s here in me… all the time. The spark.”

Buffy looked at him for a moment before realization set in. She felt her legs threaten to give out and took a seat at the kitchen island. Her fingers reached out for Spike’s chest but never touched him as they moved over his new gashes. Her eyes were wide in shock and empathic pain. Tears silently fell over onto her thin cheeks as she looked at Willow.

“Gonna take it out. Turn it off. I had a speech… I learned it all… Oh god, she won’t understand, she won’t understand.” Spike started to dig at his chest again, opening old wounds and creating new ones.

Buffy stood from the stool and reached into the back of her sweat pants, underneath the matching hoodie, and pulled out a small gun. Willow gasped as Buffy aimed it at Spike but did not have time to react before she heard the gun fire. Spike took a few staggered steps before he crumbled onto the kitchen floor, a small red dart sticking out by his neck.

Willow rushed to his side, pulling his head into her lap. She brushed his unruly curls from his face. Tears fell from her eyes and landed on his chiseled features. She let the sobs consume her as she cradled the unmoving body in her arms.