Lost Memories

“You’ll do it? Just like that? N-no guilt trip? No worries about screw ups? You’re not going to lecture me?” She was a little shocked that he had so readily agreed, and truthfully it hurt a lot that he would so willingly throw her away. But, it was better than trying to convince him to do it she supposed.

“Not one of your bloody scoobies, luv. But yeah, I am a little concerned that things won’t go according to plan. Don’t fancy losing my memory again. That’s why I’ve got a couple of conditions.” He would do anything for her, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t at least try to work this to his advantage. And there was no bloody way he wanted to lose the best few weeks of his entire life.

“Ok, I guess that’s fair. What are they?”

“First, I don’t want you messing around in my head. If you need to forget, that’s fine, but I’d rather just keep what’s in here.” He pointed to his head and was only slightly relieved that she didn’t notice his hand cover his heart at the same time.

“Spike, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, what if you accidentally slip up and say something?” He wanted to keep his memories of her? Or did he just not trust her to do the spell without screwing it up?

He knew what she was really asking. “I won’t tell, pet. Why would I? Aside from the fact that it’s nice to have one person in this whole soddin’ world who actually trusts me, I stand to lose a lot more if the truth comes out than you do.”

“I do trust you, Spike. If you say you can handle it, that’s fine. I’ll just cast the spell for myself. What’s number two?”

“There needs to be some way for me to break the spell if I need to.” He may have no choice but to lose her, but he wasn't going to give up all hope of ever having her again.

“No, Spike. This needs to be final. Allowing some way for the spell to be broken would leave me vulnerable to the possibility that my memories might return.” And that could never happen, she couldn’t permit it.

“Red, Willow, think about this. You haven’t practiced magic in weeks. There is a chance, however minor, however much you don’t want to admit it, that things could go a little wonky. At least one of us should know how to break the spell.” Logic, he knew with her, would turn out to be his best ally.

“Well, I guess I could make a slight adjustment to the spell that would make it possible for you to break it. But you’d have to promise that you would only do it if it were absolutely necessary. That will set me back a day. I was planning on doing it tonight, but if I alter the spell I’ll need at least another day to prepare. Making even a minor change could mean that things will go crazy where they might not under normal circumstances.”

“Which is perfect, because that leaves us time for my final condition.” And this one was the kicker, might even be the deal breaker.

“Final? You said a couple. A couple is two.” Why was he insisting on making this so hard?

“Sorry, luv. Should’ve said a few I suppose, since I actually have three.”

“Ok, what’s the third then?”

“You have anywhere to be tonight?”

“Why?” This was so not good, she had a pretty good idea where this was going and that would not make this any easier.

“Answer my question, then I’ll answer yours.”

“Well, I really need to be home when Buffy comes in from………… ‘patrol‘.” To her credit the last word was said with only a hint of sarcasm.

“Right, so here’s my final stipulation. Buffy’ll be here in about an hour. I’ll patrol with her, piss her off - bad enough that she won’t want to shag - and send her home. When she gets there, make sure she sees you, then go to bed. I’ll be waiting for you outside your window. I want one more night with you, Willow. One night without having to worry about getting caught. One night to do with as we please. You can relax and enjoy being with me for a little while knowing that in a few hours you won’t remember there’s anything to feel guilty about.”

“And what do you get out of this, aside from the obvious?”

Now that was a loaded question. One that would get him in a world of trouble if he answered honestly. He didn’t think she’d react so well if she knew that he’d been waiting for another chance to make love to her. He wanted to be with her at least once now that he’d figured this out. Now that he knew……… well, that was best not thought about.

“Isn’t the obvious a good enough reason? Do I have to keep reminding you that I’m evil? Don’t worry about it though, ducks, promise you’ll enjoy it too.” Best to just give her the answer she expected, but his heart wasn’t in it, and he was fully aware that his evil grin was a barely disguised painful grimace.

“Fine. It’s a deal. Not like it’s something we haven’t done before, right?”

Oh, she had no idea. She might think they’d “done it” before, but she was in for a hell of a surprise. He was finally going to get his chance to worship her. He had every intention of making it so bloody good she wouldn’t want to forget it. He knew enough to know that if she wasn’t completely dedicated to her magic and absolutely focused on the outcome, that it might not turn out the way she intended. She might be able to mostly forget him, but just maybe he could find some way to lurk in her subconscious. If he couldn’t have her reality, he would have to settle for having her dreams.