Mourning My Loss:Completed!

Mourning My Loss
By: Oracle Of Magic

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the BTVS characters, they are the property of Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy productions. No copyright infringement is intended. I am writing this story purely for enjoyment.


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Part 15

I open my eyes as the light fades. I look around, I’m in a cave, similar to the last one. But in it, is what looks like a set from a TV show. A cut away of a room. I start walking toward it. There are two people standing in the room, but I am too far away to make out much more.

I keep walking closer, the scene becoming more and more clear. One of the women is a blonde, the other a redhead. They’re facing each other, talking, then suddenly there’s a gunshot, and the blonde falls. Oh god!

That’s, that’s Tara! That’s our room! The shooting! I race over, not able to utter a sound. She falls to the ground, the life gone from her. The redhead races over and holds her, starting to cry. The blood splattered all over her. I fall to my knees and start to sob.

Is this what that Goddess meant when she said I could see Tara again? I cast the spell to bring her back, and now I’ve just watched her die in my arms. For a second time.

The sobs are uncontrollable, I can’t stop. I just stare at Tara lying there. Then something strange happens. There’s a glow in the room, and suddenly Tara is standing there facing me again. The me in the scene, not me me.

I know what’s going to happen, I have to stop it. “Tara!!!!!” I shout. I hear the bullet break through the window, and then it slows, and stops, frozen in midair. The redhead disappears. Tara looks around for a moment before spotting me.

“W-willow? I-is that y-you?” she asks in a terrified voice. I just nod. She comes racing over to meet me. Before I can even stand, she’s there, hugging me. It’s all I can do to cling to her. My Tara, it’s really her.

“It’s me, baby, it’s me, I love you” I sob. “I’ve missed you so much!” She hugs me tighter, pulling me closer in our embrace.

“I love you too, baby,” she says. She’s crying too. Oh god, Tara crying, I need to help her. I start to move, to try and help her, but she stops me. “Just hold me, Willow.”

“I-I t-tried to b-bring you b-back,” I stutter. “They w-wouldn’t l-et me. I tried, Tara. I did everything I could, I never stopped. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok baby, it’s ok, I know,” she answers me, gently rubbing my back. “I’m just happy to see you. How did you get here?”

“I-I cast another spell to bring you back,” I answer, my head never moving from her shoulder.

“But how?” she asks. “What made this time different?”

“Because of the..” I start. Oh god, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t know. What do I do? What do I tell her? How do I tell her? How’s she going to react?

“Honey, slow down the babbling, it’s ok,” she whispers.

How did she? It’s Tara, of course she knows. She’s crying too, I can feel her body shaking along with mine. I take a deep breath before pulling my head back slightly so I can face her.

“I have something to tell you,” I start.

“What is it, love?” she asks. She’s so concerned, I can tell.

“I’m pregnant,” I state. Her eyes grow wide, much as mine must have when I heard the news.

“B-but how?” she asks, her eyes searching mine for an answer.

“The spell we cast, the night before you…” I trail off. I take another breath, determined to tell her. “We didn’t read all the things about the spell. If said under a full moon, and with the proper timing, and… Oh hell, here I go babbling again. Tara?”

“Yes Willow?” she answers gently.

“We made a baby,” I answer. “The spell, I don’t understand all of it, but we made a baby.” She looks at me with a shocked expression. Then it turns to a smile.

“You mean you’re carrying our baby? As in a baby that’s part of both of us?” she asks excitedly. I just nod. “That’s wonderful! Are you are ok? Are you suffering from morning sickness? What can I do honey? I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I answer, resting my head on her shoulder. “I was so lost without you.”

“I know just what you mean,” she cried. “We’re together now though, it’s all ok.”

Suddenly the words of the Goddess of Resurrections spring into my head. “A simple trade, a life for a life.” I feel the bile rising in my throat. “Oh no,” I whimper. I quickly pull away and crawl a few feet before throwing up.

I can’t do this. I can’t do this! “If you choose Tara, you and she will not be able to perform another ritual to have a child. I give you fair warning,” the voice reminds me. Then Tara is right there with me, holding my hair back, resting a hand on my back, reassuring me. “It’s ok, baby, I’m right here,” she sooths.

When I finish she gently pulls me into a hug, then lays me down so I’m leaning back against her. She’s holding me in a gentle yet firm embrace, letting me regain my strength. “I love you, Willow.”

“I love you too,” I answer quietly.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Is it morning sickness?” she asks. She has my head tucked under her chin. I love it when she does that. “We should get you home and into bed.”

“I can’t,” I whisper. She continues to hold me till I can talk again. Then asks me again what happened. I sigh, knowing I have to tell her the truth. “Tara, when I cast the spell, I thought it would be different. Cause of the baby and all. And it was, but not in a good way. They said I had to trade something to get you back. I said ok. Then they told me what I had to trade.”

“What did they ask you to trade?” she asks, going all protective.

“The life of our baby,” I say in a near whisper. She looks at me, her grip tightening slightly.

“They want you to give up our baby for me?” she asked. I nod. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

“I want you back, God do I want you back. But they’re asking us to give up our child, an innocent little baby,” I cry. I lower my voice, not wanting to speak the last part. “A-and if I choose you, we give up all rights to ever having a baby.”

I can hear her swallow, she’s steeling herself for something. “And if you chose the baby?” she asks.

“Then I can’t bring you back,” I sob. “I miss you so badly, but our child?”

“Willow?” she asks quietly.

“Yes?” I answer.

“We both know the answer,” she starts. “I could never live knowing the price we both had to pay. Especially you, you’re carrying our baby.” She gently rested her hand on my still flat stomach.

“I know,” I say. “I just don’t want to lose you again. I know what we have to do. I know that. I know that if I were in your position, I would tell you to keep the baby. That I would always watch over you, and keep our child safe from harm.”

“And that’s just what I’m telling you,” she said quietly. “I’ll always be with you, and with our child. I’ll always be there watching over you both, always, I promise.”

“I love you so much,” I say. It breaks my heart, knowing I’m once again going to lose her. That by choosing our baby, I’m condemning Tara to a perpetual, repeating hell of being shot. But it’s what we both chose. We chose together, and it’s what we must do.

“I love you too,” she answers. She’s smiling, but I can see the pain. She’s resigning herself to this perpetual hell, for our baby. “So what do we do?”

“I-I think you have to g-go back over there and…” I trail off, the tears choking off my words. She nods.

“I’ll never leave you,” she says stroking my cheek. “Don’t watch, it’ll make it easier.” I continue to sob, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She gently helps me up, being so careful.

“I’ll always be with you in spirit. And remember, I love you,” she says, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I love you too, and I will never forget,” I say, tears flowing down my face. “G-goodbye.”

“Not goodbye, our time together in this life may have been cut short, but I’ll always be with you. And when that day comes, I’ll be the one greeting you at the gates of heaven,” she says.

“Oh Tara,” I weep, pulling her close to me. “One last kiss?”

“Always, honey,” she smiles, trying to mask her own pain. We pull each other close, looking into each others eyes for a final time. Our lips meeting in a loving, searching kiss. We are both committing every second to memory.

We lose ourselves in the kiss, and in each other. One final kiss.

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tbc.....

So, whatcha think? I look forward to hearing your comments, good or bad, I want to know what you think.

Blessed Be,
Sarah