Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

He shouldn’t have gotten out of bed, that’s all there was to it. Better yet, he should have gone over to Spike’s last night after the big dance and just…not come out of the house. For a year maybe. And he was really trying to ignore the fact that Spike would probably be more than happy to hurt his two best friends right now and that they’d deserve it.

Xander should have known not to tempt fate like he had, but as soon as he'd opened his big mouth Willow had come into the library saying Rodney Munson was missing. Only he wasn’t missing, he was just back at the museum looking like he’d been through one of those Ronco Food Dehydrators that was on the infomercials late at night. And a big guy with a big knife attacked them.

And the girls didn’t even notice he was able to flip someone over his shoulder. Giles had looked at him oddly but he'd just grinned.

Then there was Ampata. She had been beautiful, but still didn’t ring his bells. Or chimes or whatever. He was still steering clear of the whole plumbing thing. But just because he was nice to her and tried to distract her so Buffy and Willow could figure out how and why the mummy did the shuffle out of the museum didn’t mean that he liked her. Liked her, liked her.

Then there was this whole…thing with Willow. Every time he tried to talk to her she changed the subject, or asked about what he was wearing to the dance and then fussed at him for not wanting to go to it. Xander used to think he was the king of babble but Willow had turned into the High Queen because she just didn’t give him a chance.

And Spike wasn’t happy with Xander patrolling with Giles, not that he thought that Giles was moving in on his territory but the vampire didn’t think he’d be safe. It was kinda cute in a rather growly sort of way.

So he ignored the fact that he had a blonde shadow when he and Giles went to talk to Buffy before the dance, and if it hadn’t been for Spike he would have had the life sucked out of him. Literally.

But now it was the next day of school, a Friday, and he had to deal with Buffy and Willow teasing him about having yet another close call with a deadly female. As far as he was concerned, it had only made him gayer. If that was possible. His meat and two veg, as Spike would call them, had had two close calls with dangerous women, therefore they didn’t want to be around any more and he was all for that.

And the vegetable thing was even worse than the plumbing.

At least the actual school day was over. Hopefully the girls would get tired of teasing him and move on. Or, more likely, a giant meteor would fall on the school, wiping out everyone left in the building.

And while he wanted to live until he at least got to third base with Spike, he was just about ready to wish it to happen.

“Tell me, Xander, was she all wrinkly when she started kissing you? Did she taste like dust?”

Buffy was being smug and Willow was moping. Yeah, that meteor could crash here at any time. The school was just starting to empty out at the end of the day, the few buses had left but there was yet another football game that night, this time away, and there were still a lot of kids hanging around. He just wanted to escape to the library, or better yet just to…leave. Go home, grab some stuff and spend some time with Spike.

“Really, Xander, you need to start looking for nice, normal girls to date. Closer to home. Not me, though, I have Angel. You need someone who understands you like Angel does me.”

He’d grown a bit over the summer, and thanks to Spike he had more muscle. Usually that was a good thing but right now it was bad, it meant that he couldn’t hide in a locker until the girls went away. Maybe this uneasy feeling was what little kids called cooties.

“Buffy, it’s not going to happen. For three reasons: first, I didn’t like Ampata like that. And secondly, Willow, I love you like you’re my sister. Sister, Wills, not girlfriend. Thirdly, there is no way in hell I’d want anyone like Angelus near me.”

Buffy got that furious look on her face that she always got when he put down her sweetie pie Angel, and Willow looked like she was going to cry. Her eyes were all big and watery and her lower lip looked trembly. He turned and walked as fast as he could for the library. He didn’t want to tell them both at once, he felt like Willow deserved to know about his sexual orientation first, but if it was going to happen now he could at least take it somewhere private.

He didn’t get the chance. Buffy grabbed his arm and turned him around. “First, don’t you ever talk about Angel like that again. He has a soul, and that means he’s good.”

There were so many things wrong with that statement it wasn’t even funny, but when he opened his mouth Buffy shook him slightly. It was probably only with a fraction of her strength but it was enough to make Xander shut his mouth. It wasn’t worth the extra hassle.

“Secondly, you could do a hell of a lot worse than Willow and how dare you hurt her like that? Throwing yourself at Ampata…”

He jerked his arm out of her hand and turned to face her. A small voice in the back of his head said to just shut up and walk away but he was too fucking angry to listen. There was no way he'd thrown himself at Ampata; he had gotten her out of the way while the gang researched that seal and talked to her, that was it. His boyfriend had been there for god’s sake; if Spike hadn’t pulled her off of him he would have been mummified too.

“Shut up, Buffy. I was looking for Ampata so you could do the slaying thing. In no way, shape or form did I want the hussy to kiss me. I really don’t think it’s funny that she almost killed me, but hey, my death isn’t funny to me. Maybe it is to you. And I love Willow; one day she’s going to find someone that appreciates her as she is and loves her as she is because she’s beautiful and special and deserves that, it’s just not going to be me.”

“You can’t keep chasing after me, Xander. I love Angel with all my heart…”

“Please, get over yourself, Buffy. In case you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t chased you since you got back from LA.”

“Then why don’t you want Willow?”

Xander felt really guilty. They were both talking like Willow wasn’t there but she was, and she was crying and he just wanted to hug her and make her feel better. But when he moved towards her she flinched and it just hurt, deep down in his chest. “Because she’s my family, she’s my sister. I love you too, Buff, you’re a good friend but Willow’s been there for me forever.”

“Well, just look at her as someone else, someone who isn’t your sister. You’d make such a great couple, Xander, if you only tried…”

“Damn it! I’m gay, Buffy, it’s not going to happen!”

*****

Spike woke slowly, the sun not yet having set. He was glad to see autumn coming, he got so bloody bored sitting inside for twelve hours a day and more during the summer. Daytime telly sucked. Well, except for Passions, and he really only liked that because it wasn’t expected of him.

Only he wasn’t so bored when Xander was around. The boy had enthusiasm to spare about anything and almost everything.

He was still getting over the shock of being with a lover that didn’t play games with him, didn’t even know how to play them. Xander didn’t try to make him jealous, or push him away. He hadn’t even made any sarcastic remarks the night before when he’d pulled that…that mummy and her lips off his boy.

And wasn’t that odd, having an actual mummy trying to drain the life force from his teenaged lover? And here he thought his life would be mundane now that Drusilla was gone.

And Xander could have reacted badly, but no. After the mummy girl, Ampata Xan said her name was, had run off he’d been pulled into a searing kiss. For all that Xander said he was new to snogging, he sure knew how to use those luscious lips of his.

And what he’d said! Spike still was laughing at it when he’d gone to bed, the sun rising in the sky. “My hero! However shall I repay you for such a noble deed?”

Xander was silly and fun and just plain a pleasure to be around. He had no idea how much Spike wanted to pin him to the couch or bed and just fuck him stupid with fangs and cock. He wanted to claim him, keep him forever and eventually turn him. He wanted Xander forever.

Spike was willing to admit he was slightly obsessed.

Still, instead of keeping a court that befitted a Master, Spike had gone through and killed all of the Anointed One’s minions, for the most part. Two or three of the smarter ones were still around to do his bidding, do his laundry and things like that. Normally, though, a Master would keep as few as twenty and as many as two hundred minions.

But Spike didn’t need them, didn’t need their brown nosing and fawning all over him. All he really needed was Xander.

Well, that and someone to pick up the house once a week.

He heard a key in the lock and knew that since the sun wasn’t quite down yet it must be Xander. The minion that picked up things for him knew a human visited, he even kept the shelves stocked with a bit of human food. They thought it was part of his plan to take down the Slayer. In reality, Spike didn’t give a damn about the blonde bimbo; she was stupid and self involved.

He rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt before opening the door. As soon as he did he was hit with the smell of blood and pain and misery. He rushed out into the living room to find Xander huddled on the couch.

He’d been worked over pretty good. One eye was swollen and he had a split lip. He was holding himself awkwardly, one arm closer to his body than the other. Spike growled low in his chest and at the sound Xander turned wide eyes onto him.

“Xan, luv, what happened?”

Xander all but threw himself at the vampire and Spike took him in his arms and guided him back to the couch. Spike knew he’d need to take the boy to a doctor or something but right now he needed to get Xander calmed down.

“Okay, so I came out of the closet to Willow and Buffy, not about you but about being gay and that I didn’t like Ampata like they were saying and why I didn’t like Willow like a girlfriend because eww, she’s my sister. Was. Anyway, they said some things and I said things back until Giles finally got them to back down. I wasn’t lying to them, either! I mean, I said that there was this guy I really liked and, hello, you are a guy. Sort of, I mean, hello, vampire, but I was having enough of a problem telling them I was gay and getting them to believe it without going into the whole ‘I’m in love with William the Bloody’ thing.”

Xander took a few deep breaths and Spike tried not to grin at the part where he admitted he was in love with him. The boy probably didn’t even notice it himself.

“Anyway, the girls didn’t want to believe me, kept on using preying mantis woman and Buffy as examples of why I couldn’t be gay, but hey, I’m gay, I’m not dead. Just because I notice a pretty girl doesn’t mean I want her though. I pointed out that before I knew him I thought Angel was very handsome and don’t growl because I hated him as soon as he opened his mouth but you’ve got to admit he’s rather hunky.”

Spike chuckled. “Got that right, pet. Angelus is rather sexy until he opens that big gob he calls a mouth, but how did you get the bruises, luv? If the Slayer beat you I’ll…”

“No, it wasn’t the Slayer or Willow. I’m getting there. See, the girls just didn't want to believe what I was saying and refused to listen so Giles just told us all to go home and we’d deal with it later. He said for me to call later during the weekend and in the meantime he’d try to talk to the girls and that he was proud of me.”

Xander smiled at that and Spike made a note not to kill the Watcher unless he absolutely had to. He was glad his boy was getting some support, at least.

Then the smile faded. “I went home and was gonna talk to my Mom and then come over and spend some time with you. I mean, I still owe you a reward for saving me last night.” Here Xander blushed and Spike leered at him. He knew what kind of reward he’d like but he wasn’t sure Xander was up for it now. Still, it was nice that he’d been thinking that way.

“I shouldn’t have gone home, I know that now. See, I told Buffy and Willow I was gay in the hall at school. I should have known someone would say something; hell, it might even have been Buffy or Willow. I really hope not. So, my Dad was waiting for me. Said he wasn’t going to accept some queerboy for a son. He started to show his…displeasure on my face.”

Xander chuckled but it was a dark sound. “You know what’s funny? In the first moments of the beating, all I could think of was how my boyfriend could and probably would kill my father. How easy it would be for you to snap his neck, or make him bleed. What was almost worst was the fact that Mom just…sat there. Doing nothing. It was creepy; I kinda think he might have started on her first for having a gay son.”

“Anyhow, I was thinking of what you’d do to him, but I kinda realized that I didn’t want you to kill him, not now at least. I don’t want Buffy coming after you. And the next time he went to hit me I blocked it. I think it jarred my arm or broke a bone or something. I got so mad that he’d hit me hard enough to break something that I…hit him back. And it was like I saw red and didn’t stop hitting for a few minutes. He’s still alive, Mom was taking care of him. But…for once in my life I fought back. I stopped him, Spike! And it was thanks to you!”

Spike gently hugged his lover. “It was you that found the courage to do it, pet. That was all you and I’m proud of you. Don’t mean I’m not gonna kill the wanker, though. Bloody bastard hurting his own child. No better than Angelus. But you did good, luv. Can’t tell you how proud I am.”

Xander took a few deep breaths and nuzzled into Spike’s neck. His head was on his shoulder and Spike could feel the tension and hurt and everything start to fall away. Pretty soon the adrenalin would wind down out of the boy and he’d be in even more pain from his beating and tired and cranky. Spike needed to get him to a doc before that.

“Spike…Dad did kick me out, though, and I’ve got to admit that I’m scared to sleep in the same house as him right now. Can I stay here? All the time? I’ll work or do laundry or something to help with rent and…”

“Sure, Xander. For right now, don’t worry about all that. I’ll take care of you. Took care of my Dru for a hundred years, didn’t I? I’m good at taking care of someone I care about.”

“Thanks, Spike. It’s just…weird, you know? That right now I trust a soulless vampire more than anyone else I know."