Mangled Spells and Manly Bits

After patrol, Xander practically crawled in the front door, sore from his head to his toes.

“You could have taken that last vamp,” he complained to Spike as he dropped his stake on the hall table and eyed their still destroyed living room. The repairmen were coming tomorrow afternoon, and that meant he was going to have to get out of bed early to vacuum glass and clean. And then there were the shopping bags strewn around the game room left from Spike’s mall trip. The vampire was entirely too used to having minions around the place, and right now minions were sounding good, and no, he had not just thought that—bad, bad Xander.

“Ya said ya could handle yourself,” Spike reminded him, and Xander turned to give Spike an evil glare.

“And when did you start listening to me?” Xander asked.

“Have to, don’t I?” Spike said, and Xander could hear the lust in those words. “You’re as important to me as Dru was, just a mite bit more sane. As important as Angelus, just a whole lot less of a sadistic bastard,” Spike whispered as cool hands wrapped around Xander’s waist. “If ya tell me somethin’, the demon’s got ta listen, don’t it?” Spike asked, and now Xander heard the invitation as clearly as if Spike had spelled it out.

“Oh so not fair,” Xander complained as his cock twitched in anticipation. “I’m supposed to be mad at you.”

“Ya handled yourself fine. If any of those wankers got a fang near ya, I would’ve torn them bit from bit, but I liked watchin’ ya dust ‘em.”

“You could’ve helped,” Xander repeated, but the arms around his waist tightened and now Spike rested his head on Xander’s shoulder, and Xander’s pants tightened at the thought of Spike so near his neck. Spike laughed softly, so Xander guessed he had just blasted his mate with pheromones.

“Hey, no laughing at me,” Xander insisted.

“What? Goin’ ta make me stop?” Spike demanded in a voice that sounded inviting and challenging at once. Xander spun in his grasp so that he was nose to nose with Spike.

“You think I can’t?” Xander asked, momentarily distracted by the thought that he couldn’t stop Spike from doing anything since the vampire was stronger, faster, and let’s be perfectly honest, smarter, but this wasn’t reality, and Xander felt himself harden at the thought that such a powerful creature played this way with him. An eyebrow twitch suggested that he’d just showered Spike with pheromones again, but Spike stayed in character.

“Wanker, ya don’t have the balls ta do anythin’ about it.”

“Oh, you are so going to get it,” Xander warned, and he could see Spike’s trademark smirk slowly grow.

“Think ya can take me on? Ya better be sure because ya won’t get two shots at it,” Spike said, but Xander just stepped back and gave Spike a cold glare.

“I don’t need two shots at it, and if you don’t want to end up…missing most of the skin from your back, you’ll get your ass to the bedroom.” Xander had almost threatened dust, but considering Spike’s recent brush with near-dustage, he wanted to avoid that particular subject. However, he noticed that Spike still stood with a recalcitrant expression, so Xander reached out and grabbed a fistful of leather coat, dragging the vampire up the stairs while trying not to giggle at the thought of him manhandling Spike. Spike could break him with one hand, but he had to admit that this new variation on their games made him horny enough to try anything.

When he had pulled Spike into the bedroom, he slid out of his shirt before realizing that Spike hadn’t lost a single piece of clothing.

“Oh, you are just cruising for a bruising tonight, mister,” Xander said as he narrowed his eyes. “You’ll either lose that coat or I’ll cut it off your chained body.” Xander wasn’t stupid enough to touch Spike’s precious coat, but he hoped he could do menacing well enough that Spike would drop the coat without him having to follow through, and plan A was going down in flames because Spike had crossed his arms and gone into gameface.

Realizing that he couldn’t win this without actually getting the chains on Spike so that he could have some actual control, Xander turned and walked out of the bedroom without a word, striding to the playroom where he snagged an armful of chains before heading back to the bedroom. When he got back, he noticed that Spike looked worried, and he realized that Spike was probably worried about pushing Xander too far, but this was one vampire who was about to learn that Xander Harris could play sex games with the best of them. Okay, maybe not the best since Spike had played with Angelus with the whole centuries of sexual experience thing going for him, but Xander Harris could play sex games with the relatively competent.

“Worried?” he asked, working Spike’s expression into the game. “You should be after that display of temper. Now get the coat off NOW!” Xander stalked toward the vampire, manacles in hand, and the coat suddenly slid to the floor even as Xander reached out and grabbed the vampire by a wrist, locking a manacle on the wrist before Spike had a chance to react.

“Oi, I was movin’,” Spike argued as he tried to reach for the buttons on his shirt.

“Not fast enough, vampire-mine,” Xander said as he locked the second manacle around Spike’s right wrist the minute the two hands came within six inches of each other, the length of the chain between the two manacles, and now Spike was handcuffed. Goal two: get the vampire on the bed. Easy enough.

Xander reached down and put a hand behind Spike’s head, putting every bit of passion and desire behind his kiss as he nibbled on Spike’s lower lip before running his tongue inside Spike’s mouth. Spike opened willingly, and Xander almost lost track of his own trap as he moaned into Spike’s mouth and felt the body against him harden in response. Not giving Spike a chance to react, he pulled back and tossed Spike to the bed before the vampire had a chance to argue.

“Vampire mine,” Xander growled as he now straddled Spike’s chest, and he could feel Spike shiver. Xander tugged at Spike’s hand, and the vampire obliged by scooting up the bed until Xander could use the padlock in his hand to fasten the chain to the bolt in the wall. “Whatever am I going to do with a lover who won’t ever follow directions?” Xander asked as he lowered his weight onto Spike’s trapped cock. Spike groaned loudly but didn’t make any other response other than to glare rebelliously.

“Sod off,” Spike finally suggested, and Xander sighed dramatically before pushing himself down even harder onto Spike erection, feeling Spike squirm under him.

“All right,” Xander agreed as he got off the bed and he almost laughed at the expression of shock and horror on Spike’s face. He walked out to the sound of Spike yelling.

“Oi, not playin’ it right, wanker.” Xander walked into the playroom and considered their shelves carefully before choose a few toys.

“Did I hear you complaining?” Xander asked as he walked back into the room. “Because as far as I know, I have the right to play with you however I want.” Oh yeah, Xander smiled at the sight of a full length tremor going through Spike’s body at that comment. “Over,” he commanded with a slap to Spike’s hip, and was he going to go to hell for really, really, really enjoying this? Spike flipped and Xander pulled the vampire up to his knees, but stopped him from scooting up the bed so that his arms were now stretched out and his head resting on the bed.

Xander slowly undid Spike’s jeans, spending as much time rubbing and teasing as actually undoing the buttons, but eventually, he finished and pulled the jeans down to Spike’s knees. He realized that with Spike’s boots on, the jeans functioned as an effective hobble since the vampire couldn’t kick them off. As a girl, he’d played with Spike lots without actually understanding the benefits, but now he settled in to enjoy his work, opening a container of lube and slicking his finger before working it into the vampire. He moved until he found the happy spot and then he spent some time touching it lightly enough that Spike started swearing at him. He simply laughed and pulled out. He’d never used more than one finger, so he tried to remind himself how good it felt at the end as he pushed two fingers in. It was harder than he expected, and the hiss from Spike probably would have stopped him if he hadn’t gone through it himself, but he pushed on, getting the two fingers in before moving them and pressing into Spike’s prostate hard enough to make the vampire squirm.

Xander slapped a bare butt, and the movement stopped. For a moment, Xander froze, horrified at what he had done, but Spike’s erection hadn’t suffered, so he continued his work, slowly stretching Spike until he thought the vampire was about the size of the toy he had selected. He quickly lubed the toy and started pushing it into place, moving forward steadily until the widest part perched just outside the ring of muscle before popping into place. He listened to Spike groan happily and then he picked up the attachment. Fitting the hose in place, he slowly inflated the butt plug, watching as Spike’s muscles twitched.

“Too much?” he asked, finally unable to keep up the game without checking to see if he had gone too far.

“Not bloody likely,” Spike snarled, but with a sexy sort of snarl. Xander laughed and finished inflating the toy before reaching down for Spike’s jeans. Spike writhed in order to get his knees up off the bed so Xander could pull the jeans down, but instead, Xander pulled the jeans up, tucking the now fully swollen cock into the jeans before beginning the process of doing up each button.

“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doin’?” Spike demanded.

“I do believe we already had this discussion. Something about how I could do what I wanted,” Xander replied amicably as he finished his work.

“You soddin’ wanker,” Spike complained with a quick tug at the chains, but Xander had chosen their strongest lock, so he continued his work by taking off Spike’s boots. Xander whistled a bit before picking up another set of chains and fastening them to Spike’s ankles and locking that chain to the foot of the bed, leaving the vampire truly immobile and helpless. Laying his head down on the vampire’s shoulder, Xander summoned his most sympathetic voice.

“Comfortable?” he asked?

“You soddin’ little wanker, ya better not leave me here.”

“Yep, that sounds like you’re just fine,” Xander laughed as he gave Spike’s butt a slap and got up off the bed. “Oh, I forgot one thing,” Xander said as he reached into the nightstand. “I did tell you take off your clothes,” he said as he used a knife to cut Spike’s favorite shirt right off his back. The vampire stared thunder at him, but Xander could also feel his body attempting to hump given the very limited leeway Spike had in the chains.

“I have to go clean up the downstairs,” Xander said as he put the knife back and walked toward the door. “Someone left a mess, so I’ll be back when I’ve finished.” Xander laughed as Spike reeled off an entire litany of British curses, most of which Xander couldn’t even guess at.

By the time Xander rushed through the housework, enjoying it more than he’d ever enjoyed housework in his entire life, he practically ran up the stairs with his own cock screaming for release. He’d wanted to do a slow torture, but right now all he could think of was finishing this before he had to go to the hospital for a broken penis. When he looked at Spike’s body straining against the chains, his shoulder muscles corded and his head thrown back, he pulled his own jeans off even as he hopped one footed across the room to unlock the leg shackles.

The minute the chains were off, Spike pulled his butt up into the air, and the very sight of Spike nearly made Xander come. He had to lean against the side of the bed to regain control before he crawled up behind the panting vampire and undid the straining jeans, yanking them off before releasing the valve in the toy. Xander worried that he might not be able to get inside Spike considering how difficult he’d found it to just slip fingers in. He really didn’t want to bruise his cock, but the minute he positioned himself at Spike’s entrance, holding his erection firmly and taking a deep breath, he found Spike taking away the uncertainty by driving himself back with such force that Xander found himself fully inside Spike and gasping at the tightness.

Before he could even process what had happened, Xander started instinctively thrusting, driving into Spike over and over before he felt the orgasm rip through him. Over and over? Yep, he got in at least two thrusts before coming, he was fairly sure. He would have been embarrassed about his lack of staying power except Spike had managed to come all over the bed, and Xander kicked himself for not remembering to put down a towel because last time Spike had somehow maneuvered him into the wet spot.

“Oi, bloody brilliant for someone who insisted that he doesn’t do the whole ownin’ thing,” Spike commented after regaining his breath. Xander was still trying to get oxygen to his own panting body which currently lay in a boneless pile on top of Spike.

“Playin’ not ownin’,” Xander muttered as he slid off to Spike’s side. He caught an expression in Spike’s face, and he suddenly realized that he couldn’t change Spike and trying to make him play by human rules just wasn’t fair.

“You’re mine, but it’s not ownership,” Xander said as he struggled to come up with a compromise that didn’t make him feel like a fat southerner in the 1700’s sitting on the porch of his manor house. “It’s more of a contract thing. I promise to always keep you and do dirty sexual things I could never describe to Buffy and Willow and pick you over my occasionally clueless friends, and you promise to not drive me insane and keep me from doing really stupid stuff and kill the demons that always seem to want to eat me.”

“So, as long as I keep up my end of the contract, you’ll keep up yours,” Spike summarized with a knowing smirk.

“Yep, but it’s not ownership.”

“Long as ya keep me, demon’ll live with that. So, ya doin’ ta unlock the chain now?”

“Nope. I’m going to cuddle with my chained vampire…and I did not just say cuddle because men don’t do that. I’m not cuddling, I’m saving on the cost of heating by sharing body heat.”

“I don’t make body heat,” Spike pointed out in a reasonable tone of voice.

“Shut up,” Xander groused, and Spike simply laughed as they settled in for the night.

The next day, by the time they had gotten the workmen out of the house, it had been dark for several hours, and Xander was anxious to get to the library. After all, he actually had a vampire count to share. Not Buffy, not Angel, not even Spike, but Xander the demon magnet. Three vampires in one night, and that was slayer-type good, although slayers didn’t usually have a vampire with a nose for tracking newly risen minions, or actually, yes, Buffy did have her own vamp, so he did as many vamps with Spike’s back up as Buffy normally did with Angel as her back up, and score one for the Xan man.

He suspected that Spike understood his enthusiasm because the vampire didn’t even complain when Xander practically ran to the school. However, when Xander burst into the library with a loud, “Xan man with the staking gang reporting for duty,” he found Willow, Oz, and Giles at one end of the table with a serious looking older man on the opposite end.

“And I suppose this is another one of these children who has become involved with the slayer?” the man asked in obvious disdain, and Xander found himself looking at Spike’s back as the vampire obviously went into game face from his friends’ expressions.

“Vampire!” the man shouted as he stood so suddenly that the chair scraped across the floor with a hideous screech.

“Yes, quite. We had rather noticed,” Giles commented. “Xander, Spike, this is Quentin from the council. Quentin this is Alexander Harris the young man who brought the slayer back from her death at the hands of the Master and Spike; I believe you know him as William the Bloody.”

Xander enjoyed watching the man visibly pale, but the man’s next words stopped him cold.

“Rupert, I fear that the council really will have to take action to clean up your incompetence in Sunnydale. I had thought your reports bordered on the fanciful, but seeing this, you can expect a full council team with appropriate demon hunter units within the week.”