Saying It With Flowers

Notes: Thoughts in * * flashbacks in # #


Saying It With Flowers

Chapter 15 William

We didn’t speak as we traversed the sunlit streets, silently making our way home with the sounds of Sunnydale echoing around us. Children played, their laughter ringing out across the suburban yards accompanied by the subdued hum of traffic along the busier streets. It seemed so peaceful, as if the day held no unexpected surprises, like a still pond waiting for a stone to ripple its surface.

I glanced at Alex from beneath my lashes and wondered at the closed expression on his mobile face. He held my hand as we walked; his fingers clasped mine with a strength of purpose I couldn’t entirely feel. As if he sensed my eyes upon him, he turned his head and smiled gently at me. That smile didn’t completely eclipse the worried look in his eyes, but I read the determination there, and let that bolster my own flagging courage.

He squeezed my hand in reassurance, and wordlessly I leaned my head on his shoulder. Alex let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders hugging me tight against his side. I felt safe, walking along in the sunshine, joined at the shoulder and the hip as we drew ever closer to home.

“Home.”

The word was spoken in a hushed tone as we reached our destination. Willow’s car indicated she had arrived before us and was already inside preparing for the first spell. We stopped outside the door to our apartment, and Alex hugged me close, his lips covering mine in a lonig kiss. I sighed into his mouth and tried to take reassurance from his demanding caress. When he broke away, he swallowed down his emotions, though I could read them clearly enough in his stormy eyes.

“We’d best enter.” The words were a little less than courteous, due to my nervous condition, but Alex made no move to release me.

“Yes. Willow’s waiting for us.” Alex’s voice was low and cracked slightly as I started to move from the safety of his arms. His hold tightened against the movement and I looked up at him in confusion, startled to see a shimmer of tears in his eyes.

“Alex?” I asked.

His body trembled, and his lashes swept down as he closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them I could see his purpose was renewed. He smiled and his lips covered mine, lightly, sweetly drawing out my dawning love for him.

*My love for him. I love him, I love Alexander Harris. *

The bud of attraction I’d always felt for him suddenly and without warning seemed to blossom into love. Until that moment I had never felt such an abiding peace flow through me. Our kiss ended, faces slowly withdrawing until he rested his forehead lightly against mine. We stood there for a long moment, our arms wrapped around each other, drinking in the silence.

“Willow will be waiting, Alex,” I reminded him gently.

“Yes, you’re right. ” He swallowed, ducking his head for a moment, and when he looked back up I saw the same quiet determination I had glimpsed before.

We separated reluctantly. Alex pushed open the door and we entered the darkened room; Willow had closed the curtains against the day’s light. Scented candles lined the walls, and their guttering flames cast eerie shadows on the walls. The red-haired witch was seated on the floor, eyes closed as she meditated. Upon hearing our entrance she looked up, green eyes bright with anticipation.

“You’re all ready to go, William?” she asked eagerly.

My heart raced and I could only nod mutely in agreement. Alex gave my hand a squeeze of encouragement and turned to leave the room.

“You don’t have to go yet, Xander, the revealing spell is first.” I let out the breath I had been holding at Willow’s words, grateful, that I need not be separated from my love just yet.

Willow arose and showed me where she wished me to stand. Alex moved out of the way somewhat reluctantly, though his eyes never left me. My heart was racing and I tried to appear calm as she stepped away. With a gentle smile on her lips, she tried to reassure us both.

“It will be alright guys, trust me.”

Alex nodded, the smile he gave a little stilted as Willow started to chant. The words made no sense to me, though I recognised a little as Latin. Her hand dipped into a bag she carried, and as she spoke she sprinkled a glittering powder in a circle around my feet. When she was finished she stepped back, glancing at each of us before speaking a single word.

At her signal a brilliant flash of light nearly blinded me. I blinked, trying to clear my vision of the spots that danced in front of them. Alex and Willow were staring at me, and as the last of the damm spots disappeared I could see that they were grinning. Pure white light sheeted around me, wrapping me in its warmth as I gawked like some yokel.

I watched as Willow circled around me, checking my aura from all sides. Alex sighed in relief as she completed her careful examination. She waved her hand, and the light vanished. I blinked again as my eyes adjusted to the sudden absence of the radiance.

“Well, you’re all clear. I can’t see any physical reason for the memories.” Willow’s confident words broke over me and brought me back to earth.

“William, are you okay, sweetheart?”

Alex took me into his arms and I went gratefully, my right hand placed over his heart, my left arm sliding around his strong body. I leaned my head on his shoulder and rested against him, secure again in his warmth.

“I am quite well, Alex.”

His breath stirred my hair and I could feel his warm lips brush over my forehead

“Good.”

We watched as Willow took a piece of chalk and drew some strange symbols on the floor. When she was finished, she took some fat candles from her pack and set them around the room, lighting each one as she went. Alex’s arms tightened around me and I looked up at him. Worry for me was evident in his dark eyes, and he seemed to be struggling to say something.

“Alex, what is it?” I asked, needing to know if I could help him.

He took a deep breath, and calm seemed to return to his features. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you.” His voice was thick with emotion, his eyes brimming with honesty. “What we have between us is real, and when Willow has finished I’ll be waiting for you, with open arms…and heart.”

The smile that I felt cross my lips was a happy reflection of the joy I felt in my heart. My feelings for Alex were reciprocated; my love was accepted and returned. I felt like I was flying, and mere words could not convey my feelings to Alex.

I reached up, placing my hands on either side of his neck, and held him still as I kissed him thoroughly, the hunger inside me intensified by his confession. He moaned under the weight of emotion I put into the meeting of our lips. I let my tongue boldly run around his teeth, enticing his to come and play. I knew I had teased him enough when he squeezed me tighter. His lips clamped down and his tongue took control as he ravished my mouth.

“Hmm, guys?”

Willow’s gentle reminder reached our ears, and with a last swipe of his tongue Alex reluctantly withdrew, leaving me somewhat dazed in his arms. I leaned on him for support as I gathered my scattered wits. I could not believe how brazen I had become with him, showing such open affection in front of others, but my heart could not be held by conventions that were long dead.

“Sorry, Willow, are you ready now?” Alex inquired.

“Yep, all set to go,” she concluded. “I just need William to come and stand over here.”

I blinked and hugged Alex before extracting myself from the protection of his arms.

“I’m prepared, Willow.”

I watched with apprehension as Alex turned and left the room, indicating that he would be right outside the door. Willow smiled reassuringly at him and waved him away as he hesitated on the doorstop.

“It’ll be okay, Xander, trust me,” she urged him, and he smiled rather worriedly as he answered.

“You know I trust you with my life, Willow.” His gaze left her and he stared into my eyes. “ I’ll be right outside the door, let me know when it’s done, okay.”

I smiled gently, nodding to him that I’d be all right, though my smile faded as he closed the door.

“William, I want you to come and lie down here for me.” Willow indicated a place inside the marked lines, and I carefully made my way to where she pointed. She reached out and took my spectacles off, carefully placing them on a side table out of harm’s way. I lay down on the floor, shivering slightly at the cool wooden boards beneath my back.

I looked up and around, using this last reprieve of time to take in the now familiar surroundings. Above me I could see some of the many flowers I had given Alex, coincidently, they were replicas of that first bouquet. They lay limply in a vase on the side table, their colours softly faded, washed out by time, their petals shed like tears, with only a few still clinging to the heads.

“I’m going to start now, William. I need you to concentrate for me.” Willow’s voice startled me out of my reverie, and I jerked my head around to see her standing beside me.

“Concentrate on what, Willow?” My voice squeaked and I tried to use her calmness to dampen my own fear. She knelt down beside me, and her hand reached out to touch my shoulder in a comforting grip. She spoke softly, yet with such urgent conviction that I felt my own faith rise.

“I need you to concentrate on your life, William. This is important.” She paused for effect, making me very aware of her words. “It must be your life, not Spike’s. Think about where you grew up, your family or your life now. The flower shop, and Xander, think about Xander. How you feel about him, the things you share. William, do you love him?”

When she asked me that question, I felt the happiness in my heart reach into the smile that crossed my lips. Radiant, like the sunshine, sparkling like the smell of clean rain and timber that clung to Alex when he came home from work. Willow’s answering smile was almost as happy.

“Well, I suppose I don’t need to give you the shovel talk,” she laughingly added.

Bewildered I echoed her words. “Shovel talk?”

Willow laughed again, lighter this time, and squeezed my hand, brushing aside my question.

“It’s an old joke, William. Ask Xander and he’ll tell you.”

As she stood and stepped back, I resolved to question Alex after the ritual - that is. if I remembered him. Worry clutched anew at my heart and I tried to ignore it.

*Of course I’ll remember him. I must focus as Willow says and remember all that is important to me. *

Willow set out the things she’d need for the ritual, and I watched curiously as she set up a small brazier. Smoke drifted as she burned some of the plants I’d seen her counting out earlier.

Softly Willow started to intone the ritual, calling on Mnemosyne goddess of memory to bless her endeavour. I tried not to listen to the words, focusing instead on my life.

I began to feel relaxed and I felt myself drawn back to when I was much younger.

#As a child at Christmas, gathered around the table with my mother and my sister. My father welcoming our guests as they arrived for dinner. #

A soft wind started to blow, I could feel it whisper over my body.

# Older now, at school reeling from a blow delivered by the local bully. Blood smell thick around me as I lay in the dust, wiping at the flow from my nose. #

Willows voice became fainter, a soft buzz started to build in my ears.

# Standing silent at my father’s grave, hearing my mother and sister weeping. Cold tears blinked away, I must be strong, I must look after them now.#

The floor beneath me began to shiver and I tried to concentrate fiercely.

# Hugging my sister to me as she leaves the church, her white gown sparkling in the sun. Shaking hands with the man who would love and cherish her for the rest of her life. #

Magic swirled around me - I could feel the supernatural forces - and apprehension grew inside me as I felt myself waver. Spike’s evil visage slipped across my mind’s eye and I shook my head trying desperately to dispel him. Willow’s voice whispered across my consciousness. ‘Alex, think of Alex.’ A flower, six velvet-soft petals splayed wide-open, ruby red blush staining the outer edges, fading to pure white on the inside.

#You have beautiful eyes. #

Alex’s eyes, deep, dark, the colour of the richest chocolate, warm and liquid.

# I just want you to know that I’m here for you. What we have between us is real, and when Willow has finished I’ll be waiting for you, with open arms…and heart.#

Dear Alex. His face appeared in my mind, dark hair falling across his forehead, eyes sparkling with mirth. His smile was happy and relaxed, just as it had been this morning when we lay together.

Willow’s voice was so soft I could barely hear it. Something was happening within me, I could feel it deep in my bones. It swirled around in my mind, and wisps of memories lifted, drifting away like leaves in a whirlwind. Tattered bits of Spike and Dru, Angelus and Darla, and their countless victims wailed their final death cries as they washed away into the vortex.

# Alex's hands roaming over the warm skin of my back, his lips taking mine in a kiss fuelled by want, driven by the need, by love. #

I felt myself go rigid, gripped by the overwhelming forces as they rent Spike’s memories from my mind. With a final curse I felt the last of his presence disappear. My mind reeled with the shock of his departure; a heavy weight bore me down towards unconsciousness, and Willow’s tired voice echoed in the quiet recesses of my mind.

“Sleep now, William, let slumber heal the rifts in your memory. When you awake all will be well, rest.”

The last thing I knew was Alex’s laughing eyes, and his lips on mine, or was that a memory?

tbc