Therapy

Chapter 15/ Therapy
Disclaimer in chapter 1

Tara stopped by the 'Espresso Pump' on her way down the street. As she stood in line to place her order, Buffy and Willow came in the door and called out to greet her.


"Hi you two." She said.

"Hi yourself." Responded Buffy.

Willow timidly greeted her, "Um, ah, hi, how are you ?"

" I'm studying for midterms. How have you been? You're looking so much better." Tara answered.

"Thanks" Willow replied.

" Tara you haven't heard the news," Buffy said, " The council has decided to pay me, so I quit DMP, and Wil moved back to the dorm. Dawn and I need to work on our relationship, and Wil wants to be on her own."

" OH, Buffy that's great, Dawn really needs you. You know that. And Willow I am proud of you. I knew you could be strong." Tara answered.

" Maybe I'll see you around campus." Willow said hopefully.

"I'm sure you will, but right now I've gotta run, I have an appointment in about 10 minutes. I'll see you." Tara said as she took her coffee and left.

" See" Buffy said, " She still wants to see you, and I'm sure you two can work it out Wil."


Tara entered Jule's door jingling the bell to announce her presents.

"Good morning Tara" Jule called. "Come on back."

Tara walked to the office, "Hi Jule."

"Well let's get started" Jule said.

"Sure, Um I just ran into Willow, and she is looking much better." Tara told Jule.

" How do you feel about that?"

" I'm glad she's healing. But it's still hard to see her."

" In what way is it hard?" Jule questioned.

" I just want to hold her, but I'm still afraid of her in some way. I mean she still hasn't figures out what she did wrong. " Tara answered.

"After my mom died, my father and brothers treated me like I was property, not a person. They kept drumming into my head that I was a demon, and I couldn't ever live away from them after I turned 20. No one would want me."

" But then I met Willow, and the whole gang. They fought for me, made me believe in myself. I became a person. I am someone, not something, not chattel."

" When Glory stole my mind, she but me back in that 'place' she left me feeling alone, loathsome, and dirty."

"Do you mean physically or sexually?" Jule queried.

"Both, it was awful. I couldn't find a way out; I just kept getting deeper into the darkness, more lost. Some part of me knew it wasn't real, but I couldn't get out."

" Willow found me, she pulled me out of it. I don't think she knows what she saved me from. I think she thinks she just 'fixed' me." Tara sobbed.

"Why do you think that?"

" If she had been there, in that place, she never would have played with my mind. She would have known how awful it was."

"It's like she has no respect for my rights, or my self esteem. She doesn't value my privacy."

" Have you talked to her?"

" I tried before I left but she wanted to make it all about her magic use. That was part of it, but the worst was the way she violated my mind. All of the gang think it was just the magic use."

" Do you think any of the gang understand what it is you're feeling?" Jule asked.

" I think Spike might, His mind was violated by the Initiative physically when they put the chip in."

"Interesting, do you feel it necessary for them to understand your point of view?"

" Yes and no. They are really Willow's friends, but after all this time, I feel like Anya, Spike, Dawn and I have sort of formed a secondary gang." Tara sighed. " The originals are Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles, so we sort of orbit around the rest of them."

" Wish I could help Dawn to understand what's happening with us all, but I want to protect her innocence from the pains of grownup life. I'm sure Anya knows more than she lefts on, but she has a problem with when to say things." Tara shook her head.

"Maybe you should talk with the 'secondary team' it might give you the practice to talk with Willow." Jule suggested.

" You have a point, I think I'll try Spike. I know he can keep his mouth shut." Tara declared.

"Why do you say that?" Jule asked.

" I know a couple of secrets, that he knows. He hasn't spilled them, and I'm the only other one that knows them." Tara confided.

"Plus I think he'd be the one to understand the feeling of your mind being violated. He honestly seems to be more empathetic them any of the others. I guess it's because he has lived so long."

"Doesn't it bother you that he's a vampire?" Jule was perplexed.

" No, he's only 'hurt' me once. And that was to save me." Tara stated.

"How did he 'save' you?"

" My father and brother showed up to take me back to Oregon on my 20th birthday. The gang was arguing with them, and when Anya asked 'What kind of demon is she?' they couldn't answer. Spike jumped in and said he could solve the problem, then he punched me in my nose."

"How did hitting you save you?" Jule asked.

" It hurt him, the chip said I was human, 100% human." Tara chuckled." Then he backed my father down and I stayed here. I was free of the 'family curse' and became a member of the gang."

" I see. What is it you want to say to Willow that you're having such a hard time saying?" Jule asked.

" I want her to see just how much she damaged my trust in her. It's more important to me than the misuse of magic. But that the magic is a big part of it to." Tara exhaled.

" We use to share our views on magic and how it should be used, but she became dependent on it. She used it to even turn pages in a book. That's too much. You have to stay in balance with the energy of the whole." Tara stressed.

"Sometimes just being around her effected me, made me feel out of kilter, dizzy sort of. Does that make any sense?" Tara asked.

"Yes it does. I think if you go over what it is you want to say a few more times you'll feel at easy saying it." Jule replied.

" I think I'll invite Willow for coffee when I'm ready. You really have helped me. It is so hard to say these things in you head and have them make sense."

" Well Tara time is almost up. Do you want to make another appointment?"

"Yes, but I think I'll call you later to set the date, I need to get to the library for some last minute studying this morning, I have an English Lit midterm in about 2 hours." Tara answered.

" Ok then, I look forward to your call." Jule said rising from her chair.

" Yep I need to run, see you later." Tara called as she headed out of the office.