You Mean The World To Me

Chapter Seventeen


On her way to Spike's after a teary, yet happy meeting with her mother, Buffy felt restless. Actually, it was the feeling of sudden foreboding that had her feeling restless. Something was coming. She could feel it in her gut. She just wasn't sure what it was. Perhaps she wasn't meant to.

She was mulling it over when she arrived in front of Spike's door. She didn?t have a chance to say hello, however, when the door flung open and Spike vaulted himself at her. He peppered her face with kisses and all she could do was giggle.

"Miss me?" She asked coyly.

"Always when you're not with me. And even sometimes when you are."

She looked up at him questioningly.

"When you hide inside yourself and I can't reach you."

"I promise to be better at that."

The smile he gave her was one of gratitude. "Thank you, pet."

She nodded. She wanted to tell him what he meant to her, but the words were trapped in her throat and now was not the time.

"Um, I didn't know what to wear so I dressed somewhere between casual and dressy." She told him, pulling away.

He took a step back and observed as she opened her black pea coat. She had decided on black boot cut pants and a red and white speckled blouse. It fitted to a V at her chest and she saw that Spike was trying not to stare at her cleavage.

"So subtle," she giggled. "Just like a man."

If he could have blushed he would have. Instead he ducked his head. "Right then," he tossed her a sheepish smile which was just the cutest smile ever.

"It's perfect for what I have planned. So now I need to go change."

"What do you have planned?" She asked, following him to his bedroom.

"Not tellin.'"

"Oh, come on Spike! You know I hate to wait! You know I hate surprises!"

"I also know that you're full of it. Except for the waitin' part. So, unless you want to help me change, I suggest you stay here."

She stopped at his door and glared at his back.

"Glarin' isn't gonna help!" He yelled through the closed door.

She stuck out of her tongue.

"Neither is stickin' out that lovely tongue!"

"Oh for crying out loud!" And she stomped away, hearing his laughter through the door.

***

When he came out, finally, her mouth went dry at the sight of him. He wore navy blue cargo pants, light blue button down and a navy tie. He wore his short leather jacket over the ensemble and Goddess, he was gorgeous. The blue in his shirt brought out the blue in his eyes and she knew if she tried, she'd get lost in them.

Oh God, she was nervous. And feeling shy. With Spike. This would not do at all.

"You all right, luv?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Yeah, why?"

"Your heartbeat is racin'."

"Well, you shouldn't be listening!"

He was taken backher her outburst. "I can't help that I hear it. Super hearing and all that comes with the vampire gig."

"Yeah, I know," she muttered.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she shook her head and looked at the ceiling. "God, it's nothing."

"Nothing huh?"

She shook her head. "You um, you look really nice." Her face had to be beat red by now. Had to be.

He grinned, "thank you, pet. Have I told you how gorgeous you look?"

"No, you were too busy checking out my rack."

He burst out in laughter, grabbed her and embraced her. He softly kissed her lips and looked down at her. "Well, you look gorgeous. You could wear a paper bag and look gorgeous. Beautiful. You always do you know."

"No, I didn't, but thanks," she murmured.

He kissed her again, leaving her dazed. He broke apart prodproduced a navy blue scarf.

"Kay, haven't had sex yet, so not so much into the kinky."

He laughed again and shook his head. "No, luv, I want to surprise you. Which means, I want to blindfold you so you don't know where we're going until we get there."

She hesitated.

"Trust me,' there was a slight begging in his tone.

"I do," she told him. "I just like to be aware of my surroundings. That whole control thing I have."

"Don't I know it. Can't wait to see where else--" At her quirked eyebrow, he stopped abruptly. "Please?"

"You're lucky you're cute," she told him and turned around so he could tie the scarf around her eyes.

He chuckled as he pressed his chest against her. The contact sent shivers down her spine. He placed a tender kiss on the back of her neck and she trembled. He tied it tight enough to hide her eyes, but loose enough to be comfortable. He spun her around.

"Okay, luv?"

She nodded.

"Off we go, then. Hold on to me, I"ll guide you."

She giggled, "the blind leading the blind."

"Hey!"

***
She was starting to get fidgety and Spike knew he couldn't keep the blindfold on much longer. She had been a good sport about it until now. She was surprised when he actually used his car and had commented that they must be going someplace far away to be using it. She had even tried to keep track of where they could be going by the turns he took. He laughed at her attempts, and she pouted.

When they finally arrived, he led her out of the car and she could sense the huge crowd among them. She clung to him like a frightened child.

"Okay, we're inside...someplace," she declared. Spike could tell she was stretching out her feelers to try and figure out where she was.

He wanted to keep this up until the last possible minute, but couldn't do it any longer. Instead he found the perfect spot and told her to stand still.

He stood beside her, not wanting to miss her reaction for anything.

"Spike? I'm feeling really weird right now."

"Okay, luv. I'm taking it off now." He reached behind her head and quickly undid the blindfold. It slid away and her eyes fluttered open and then took a moment to focus. When they did, they focused on a poster of Phantom of the Opera, her favorite show he got tickets for. Her jaw dropped and her eyes weide.ide. She started to gesture. From him to her to the poster and all over again.

"Do you like it?"

"Like it? Like it? Oh my Goddess, Spike, I love it!" She lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and attacked his face with kisses. He wrapped his arms around her waist and enjoyed the attack. He was smiling broadly and tried a few times to meet her lips, but she evaded him. Then, finally, she pressed her mouth to his in the most beautiful kiss he'd ever received from anyone.

It was full of love. He could taste it, fee. He. He longed to hear her say it, but knew it was going to take some time.

"Oh!" She stopped suddenly. "We have to go! Do you have the tickets? When did you get them? How did you get them? How did you know about this? How long have you had this planned?"

He laughed at her tirade and kissed her squarely on the nose. "I will be happy to answer all questions as soon as we get our tickets and find our seats."

She nodded and smiled brightly as he led her through the crowd to the box office where they were holding his tickets.

"I've been waiting forever to see this again," she said wistfully as they sat down in their seats. Not the nosebleed, either. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off the stage and Spike was beaming with how happy made her.

"I had sudden inspiration," he told her softly.

She turned to him, her eyes weapy, but a happy weapy. "Thank you so much Spike."

"You're welcome, luv."

"I want to tell you that I--" She stopped as the lights dimmed and the music began to play.

If Spike's heart could beat he swore it would have burst out of his chest. Was there a confession coming? Was she going to tell him that she loved him? The moment was lost and Spike sighed, needlessly. She sought out his hand and entwined their fingers. He stared down at their joined hands and smiled.

She was a puddle by the time the show was over. She was a happy, mushy, gooey puddle of happiness and Spike was the cause of it. They capped of the night with a drink and she got the chance to tell him about her permanent situation with Giles. He agreed that it made more sense.

"Home?" He asked as they left the pub.

She nodded slowly. Something was on her mind, he could tell. He didn't want to press it. He wanted her to feel comfortable enough to come to him and tell him things. At one time she told him everything. Somewhere along the way, she had stopped and now she was sy opy opening up to him again. It was imperative they get back that level of intimacy and comfort.

When they arrived at Giles's, her new home, she turned to him. "Spike, I wanted to tell you something."

"What is it, pet?" He waited patiently as she worried her bottom lip and refused to meet his eyes.

"I'm not really good at saying how I feel."

"Take your time."

She looked up at him and took a deep breath, "Spike, I want you to know, that you mean a lot to me. And it's not because of tonight or yesterday or because you helped me when that gang was after me. It was before too. I know that I treated you deplorably." She started to pace in front of him. "We were so close there for a while and then I pushed you far away and ten I let you back in, though not all the way. I really believe that I left for England for a year because I somehow knew deep down that you and I were destined for something.
I ran away from everything because I was tired and scared. I still am, I'm not going to lie to you. I know that right now we're headed towards something and it's not because I feel obligated to you because of the claim. Like I said, I know that sooner or later we would head in to this place.
Despite how much I pushed you away, you've always been my best friend, the one perI caI can count on. And, despite how much it may have seemed that you weren't worthy of me, it's not the case. If anything, I'm not worthy of you. I didn't ask for you to be in my life, you just kind of came and stayed. You didn't ask for me either and you've had to put up with a lot of crap from me. You've never failed to tell me the many times I've given you heart failure despite the fact that your heart doesn't beat. I figure that must be pretty bad considering you seem to have the patience of a saint when it comes to me.
I care about you a lot Spike. You've been there for me through almost everything: High school, vampires, magic, proms, boyfriends and my temper tantrums.
I missed you while I was gone. You may not believe that and I don't blame yo you you don't, but I did. A lot. I just wanted to prove to myself that I didn't need you, that I only needed me and the so called normal life I wanted. I am just starting to accept that I'm not ever going to be normal. You've never lied to me about that, Spike. You know that I'm not normal and that I never will be. But you don't make me feel like the freak I feel like sometimes. Instead you make me feel loved and you make me feel special. You know all about me and don't just love me because I'm some kind of Wonder Woman. lovelove all of me and that is what matters most.
You mean so much to me, Spik kno know without you in my life, I'd be lost. I...I wanted you to know that."

Spike could only stare at her in a mixture of shock, tenderness and joy. He reached for her and swept her in his arms. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he whispered softly against her ear.

"You don't have to thank me," she replied softly, "it's just how I feel."

He cupped her face in his hands and gazed into her eyes. His own had tears in them and he didn't care. Never had he felt so complete and so whole in his whole life. It was all because of her.

"I love you," he whispered before kissing her softly. She clung to him and kissed him back with all she had and he felt undone.

TBC....