Losing It

Okay. I know that I said this was gonna be THE cha...b...but I had to squeeze one last set up chapter in before I got to IT. I'm working on the smut as best as I. I . I want it to be worth the wait so I'm putting as much time as possible into it. Please, hang in there and I promise...the surprise and the smut is coming VERY soon...^_^

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Buffy’s POV

Well.

That certainly gives me a whole new meaning to the word “sex”.

I didn’t know that Willow even knew what those body parts were or all thoseds. ds. But, that’s the reason I love her so much. She never stops surprising me.

I look over at her and smile as she tightens her arm around mine. We decided to take a walk while we waited for our girls to get back from patrol, and after the whole “sex talk” that Willow gave me, I thought I could use a little time to let it all sink in.

This is not just something a girl rushes into. Your virginity is the one thing that once you lose it, its gone forever and there ain’t no coming back. I have to really think about this. I mean, am I really ready to give that part of myself away? It’s the most intimate part of myself and I have to be absolutely sure that I’m ready to give that up before I decide one way or the other.

I’ve always told myself, no regrets. For as long as I live, I never want to have a single one. That’s the main reason why I gave it a chance with Faith in the first place. I mean, I’m not stupid. I knew what people would say and the dirty looks we would get just walking down the street. But, in those moments when I’m just lying there and Faith is hol me, me, and I can hear her heart beating in her chest almost in sync with mine, I know that it’s all worth it.

I know that if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t really be living at all.

That’s whyant ant to be so sure about this. I don’t want to just jump into it and then regret it later. It wouldn’t be fair to me or to her. This has to be something that I’m absolutely posipositively ready for. I’m so lucky to have a girlfriend…no, fiancé…that understands that.

I can hardly believe it. Faith is *my* fiancé. As in, the woman I am going to spend the rest oflifelife with. As in the woman who will be my wi…husband? Whatever. The woman who I am going to love for the rest of my life.

And I couldn’t be happier.

I let out a dreamy sigh and lean my head against Will’s shoulder.

She chuckles in her throat and lets out a sigh of her own.

“Happy?”

I nod my head.

“More than I deserve.”

“No such thing.”

I feel her arms wrap around my waist and she places a kiss on my neck just below my ear. I close my eyes and sigh.

“Hey baby.”

I turn my head to the side and look up into her deep, dark eyes. Even after all this time together, I still got lost in their depths.

She has a soft smile on her face as she stares down into my eyes. Willow must feel uncomfortable in our “moment” because she silently pulls away from me. I fall into Faith’s arms and we share a smile. She leans down to kiss me and it takes my breath away.

I’m still amazed at what her simple touch does to me. All that strength, and yet her touch is as soft and gentle as silk. I love this woman.

“I love you, Faith.”

She looks down at me and I can almost swear I see a tear in her eye. She leans in and presses her forehead to mine.

“I love you, Buffy.”

I love when she calls me by my whole name.

“Say it again.”

She pulls back and smiles.

“I love you.”

I shake my head and lift my hand to entwine my fingers in her hair.

“Not that. My name.”

She leans back in and brings our lips to within a breath.

“Buffy.”

She whispers it against my lips and then leans in to kiss me again.

I’m lost in the feel of her lips against mine, her hand on my hip, and her tongue stroking mine gently. It should be a crime to be so good at this.

I moan into her mouth and tighten my fingers in her hair, pulling her closer to me. She lets out a moan of her own and slides her hand from my hip underneath the hem of my shirt. I suck in a deep breath when I feel the light touch of her fingertips against my skin.

She must take it as an invitation to go further because I feel her hand start to travel northward. I know it must seem that I’m nothing more than a tease, but I’m not. I just want to do this right. Is that so bad?

I reach down and place my hand over hers. She lets out a deep breath and pulls away from the kiss. She removes her hand from under my shirt and sighs as she stares down at her boots.

“I’m sorry. I’m shouldn’t have…done that.”

I let out a sigh of my own as I put my hand under her chin and pull her eyes up to meet mine.

“Faith? Stop saying that.”

A sudden look of confusion washes over her face and I smile.

“Stop apologizing. It’s starting to get old.”

She takes a step back and shakes her head in confusion.

“But…I thought…”

I take a step closer to her and drop my eyes down to her belt. I reach out with a finger and lightly trace the golden ‘F’ in the middle of her buckle. I hear her in in a sharp breath and I look up at her through my lashes.

“You think too much.”

I say in my deepest, sexiest voice.

I can’t help but laugh at the look on her face. Her eyes are wide and she’s kinda pale. She looks like she’s having a little trouble breathing too.

I shake my head with a smile and drop my hand from her belt buckle to grab her hand. I entwine our fingers and lightly trace my thumb over the back of her knuckles.

“Let’s go home. We need to talk.”

I turn to lead her home and she follows right behind me.

Sometimes, I think she’d follow me to the end of the earth if I asked her.

And I wouldn’t have her any other way.

~~

Willow’s POV

There they go again.

Sometimes it makes me sick how in love they are, and they sure don’t care who knows it either.

I let out a sigh.

I shouldn’t say that. I mean, Buffy is my best friend and I’m really happy that she has someone that loves her as much as Faith does. They deserve each other and all the happiness that they have together.

I know it’s just my bitterness talking right now, and I know that’s not fair either. I know I shouldn’t resent Buffy because she has something that I want.

I just *really* want it.

I know that I sound like I’m jealous, and to be honest, I am. I probably shouldn’t have told Buffy that though. It’s not fair for me to take away from her happiness by making her feel guilty for having it. I know she cares about me and my feelings and I know Buffy is the kind of person that will put others before herself. That’s one of the reasons everyone loves her so much. You can’t help it.

To know her is to love her.

That’s why I can’t blame Faith for wanting to spend the rest of her life with her, and they deserve it. They really do.

I’ve never seen Buffy so happy.

“I wish I knew what that felt like.”

I feel two arms encircle my waist from behind and then her presence invades my body and takes over my senses.

“Like what felt like?”

I turn my head to the side and she smiles at me before leaning in to kiss me gently.

She pulls away and I let out a content sigh before slowly opening my eyes. She’s looking back at me with a strange expression. She’s never looked at me like this before and I’m kinda worried.

“Kenn, sweetie? What is it?”

I turn in her embrace and wrap my arms lightly around her neck. I stroke the back of her neck gently with my fingertips and she lets out a sigh. She averts her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking back into my eyes.

“Will? I…ah…”

She swallows hard and I tighten my arms around her neck.

“Its okay, baby. You can tell me. Whatever it is.”

I lean in and give her a gentle kiss. I pull away and she still has a worried expression on her face. I lean my forehead against hers and gently stroke her cheek.

“Kenn…please. Just tell me.”

She lets out a deep breath and pushes me away gently.

I watch her intently as she reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out a…

Ring box?

A ring box?!

My eyes widen and I think I’m about to hyperventilate.

Kennedy smiles up at me.

“Just breathe baby.”

I nod my head and wave my hand in front of my face. I take a few deep breaths as I watch her slowly drop to one knee.

Oh Goddess. Oh Goddess!

She takes in another deep breath and looks up at me smiling. She reaches up with her left hand and I eagerly place mine in hers. She lets out a low chuckle and shakes her head.

“Okay. I’ve run over this a hundred times in my head, and at some point, I knew exactly what I wanted to say.”

She swallows hard.

“But now that I’m actually here and have to do it, for some reason, I can’t remember a single word. So, I’m just gonna say the first thing that I feel.”

She pulls the lid to the box open and squeezes my hand gently.

“Willow, I love you more than anything and I can’t even begin to imagine my life without you in it. I know that we are both young and that this is a very big step, but…I know that I will do everything in my power to make sure you never want or need for anything for the rest of your life. I’ll love you until the day they write my name in stone.”

Now, I’m crying.

“Willow…will you marry me?”

Oh Goddess…It seems my mind can’t form even one coherent thought and put it into words, so I just nod my head and smile.

“Ye…yes.”

There, I did it.

Kennedy shakes her head and lets out a deep breath. She pulls the ring from the box and slowly slips it onto my finger.

I look down at it in amazement as the diamond sparkles in my eyes.

“It’s beautiful baby.”

Kennedy raises to her feet and takes me into her arms. She hugs me tightly and whispers into my ear.

“I love you Willow.”

I squeeze her tightly as I stare at my ring over her shoulder.

“I love you too. Forever.”

I close my eyes and live in the moment.

Buffy was right.

And I can’t wait to tell her.