Quid Pro Quo

Chapter 14 – Out in the Air


Buffy woke up, and still half asleep, hastily glanced at her watch. Two and a half hours had passed which made it mega concerned time on her part about the missing men. She reached over and gently shook Nina awake. “Hey. You get some rest?”

Nina should say so. She had only expected to sleep an hour, but the men still hadn’t come back to wake them up as she had expected. She rubbed her face and glanced over at the tunnel Angel had disappeared down. “Yes, and I think the men have had long enough to brood.”

“Me, too.” Smiling, Buffy stood up and brushed herself off. “Before I go looking for Spike, I’m going to go talk to Angel.”

Jumping to her feet, Nina’s voice conveyed her instantaneous concern. “I don’t know if that is such a good idea…I’m a good listener. Angel told me all and so has Spike. Anyway, after those last days in Sunnydale and Angel and Spike thought they had a chance and then Rome, they were crushed. I was there for Angel, caught his fall and helped him move on. Spike didn’t have anyone. He just fell.”

Buffy’s expression slightly hardened. Just hearing her words hit home and broke her heart. “That’s exactly why I have to see them. Look, this is my determined face. Those two hard heads have been mad at me for long enough.” Buffy took a couple of steps towards the tunnel but looked back. “After that greenhouse scene, they got the chance to clear the air between them. Well, it is my time to do some air cleaning with them.”

“I don’t…” Nina paused to consider. “You know, I think you are right. Go get him, girl.” Nina gave her the two thumbs up.

Even shored up by Nina’s encouragement, Buffy knew getting into a conversation with Angel at this particular time would be tricky, requiring a soft touch. However, there was one problem with that strategy. She wasn’t known for a soft touch or even a medium touch. Regardless, she was going to try.

With a smile now planted firmly on her face, Buffy headed down the tunnel that Angel had disappeared. Her feelings were incredibly mixed. Even if it was platonic now, she loved Angel, but seeing Angelus again brought back anger and revulsion for the monster. And the scene she had watched just added to her hatred. Even though Spike himself had been evil at that time, Angelus was even despicable to the younger vampire. As a result, now she was having a little trouble separating Angel from the Angelus. She still cared about him as a cherished friend, and she felt their relationship was well worth saving.

Buffy finally found him standing up, facing the wall and leaning his forehead against the stone. The stance reminded her that this was pure Angel, full of guilt, not any evil running rapid inside of him, all of which helped her push her memories of Angelus away. “Angel…?”

He didn’t even bother to use his energy to turn his head towards her. “Go away.”

She took a few steps closer, determined to not be brushed off so easily. “Sure, I’ll be glad to…Ha, ha. Trick or treat. Let’s pick treat, and I’ll stay.”

Not amused, Angel let out a long, suffering sigh, and he still shrugged her off. He knew she had come to talk, and he didn’t want any of it. “Go away.” The words were carefully enunciated this time.

Hands on her hips, Buffy shifted smoothly into slayer mode. The gentle touch just sailed out the window. “Ok, Angel. If it’s a fight, then it’s a fight. But let’s have this out now.”

Angel let loose another very audible sigh. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” He never looked up from the floor as she stepped closer.

Only two feet separated her from her prey. “Oh, denial man, you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Angel stayed quiet, not even one lone muscle moving, a talent of his. Buffy had no way of knowing how he did it to such perfection, but she remembered it well. No matter, now or then, it was just creepy.

Buffy growled before speaking again. “Let me guess. Five letters. Starts with T. Let’s see. Is it ‘Trust?’ In Cleveland, you said you trusted me, but you don’t act that way now.”

Glancing over at her, he gave in and responded. “What you did over the insane slayer, it’s hard to forget such a slap in the face. You didn’t even come in person. You sent Andrew instead. Andrew of all people.” Angel was still incredulous that Buffy chose the wimp of all people to go after to retrieve the dangerous slayer.

“I’ll give you that. Total insensitive girl, and I’m sorry.” Buffy relaxed her stance. “Angel, I am so sorry.”

However, Angel wasn’t done. “And the Immortal…?”

Buffy held her hands palms up in supplication. “It was a spell.”

Angel looked sharply up at her. “A spell?” Then he let himself relax some. “Spike and I thought he did something like that.”

“Ok, what else?” Buffy crossed her arms and waited, tapping her foot.

Not that he would admit it at this point, but Angel was actually relieved to get everything out on the table. Being honest with himself, it had been hard staying angry with Buffy. He loved Nina now, but Buffy was still a love if only as a friend now. But he still had some issues. “You slept with Spike.”

Not flinching, Buffy had been expecting that one. “Yes.”

Angel studied her eyes, searching for the truth. “But you didn’t love him.”

“No.” Buffy’s eyes dropped to the ground. She knew she deserved this one.

Angel’s stand and voice softened. “But he loved you.”

Her answer was slow in coming, and her regret of the circumstance was self-evident. “Yes.”

Angel closed his eyes and sighed again. He felt for his sensitive grandchilde who with all his whole heart felt passion. “Poor William. His heart twisted yet again.”

Buffy’s heart twisted at the thought. She had treated Spike so badly in those days long ago as Drusilla had done before her. And a Cecily had been mentioned, but Buffy didn’t know anything about her.

“But what makes me angriest, Buffy, is that you were kissing me, talking cookie dough garbage while Spike waited for you back at your house.” Angel straightened up and faced her. “You told me good-bye and went to him. You played both of us and then jumped to the Immortal. Quite the little player you’ve become.”

Resenting his assessment, Buffy started to seethe. “I never played any of you…”

Angel nodded. Typical Buffy. Oblivious as to how her actions affected others. “Yeah, you did. Think about it. All of us waiting for you, even the Immortal. He’s waiting for you now, isn’t he, back in Rome?”

Buffy’s eyes fell to the floor again. “Yes, but...” Truthfully, she hadn’t thought about that situation since before seeing Spike again. All she had been thinking about Spike. What a mess.

Waving her off, Angel relaxed. He knew the answer. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy with the way things worked out. I love Nina.”

She took a step closer and placed her hand on his arm. “And I am happy for you, but I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am…”

After several moments, he covered her hand with his own. “Thank you, but you should also be telling that to Spike.”

“That’s where I am headed to next.” Feeling bold, she hesitated a second before giving Angel a hug and was relieved when his arms encircled her.

Mischievously, Angel started to give her a little ammunition against Spike, the fact that he had messed around with Harmony on the day he found out that he was corporeal again, but he was the same side with Spike on this. He would just keep that little tidbit to himself, at least for now.

******

As Buffy hurried to meet Spike head on, she thought again about Angelus and William. She was still so amazed and proud of Spike. He had kept a strand of his humanity even when he was trying to overcome William and turn bad, not to mention fighting the instinctual evil behavior of a vampire. That was her Spike, even before he won his soul, trying to hide his softer side. Now if only she could get that loving side pointed her direction again. Angel may have taught her about look, but Spike had taught her how to burn.

Turning a corner, Buffy spied her quarry sitting down, leaning against the wall. Buffy rapped her knuckles against the stone. “Knock, knock.” She stayed where she was, hoping that Spike would make the next move.

He didn’t. He continued to stare at the floor with his shoulders slumped, defeatist posture breaking her heart. But she wasn’t surprised by Spike’s reaction to the scene with Angelus that had played out earlier. She knew better than anybody how sensitive he could be, and it looked to be ten fold in this case. First, he had wanted to protect the little girl when he shouldn’t have. A big bad vampire wouldn’t have done that. Second, he knew that Buffy had seen the side of his personality he strived to hide. She knew he didn’t want her to see the true William, see the weak vampire, see William the Bloody Awful Poet. After all, he had lied to her that he had always been bad, but instead, he had moments of being atypical as a vampire from time to time. And a poet? How evil could a poet be? She made an educated guess that Spike was now beating himself up about what had happened with Angelus, but she also knew he shouldn’t. Well, she would have to do something about that.

Spike had felt her coming before she came into view and had dreaded the sound of each footstep. It was a cliché, but true. How was he going to face her? He wanted to melt into the stone and flow far away.

No such luck in the response department. Stepping forward, Buffy closed half the distance between them. “I’m here because Angel suggested I come…Angel wants you to feed, make sure you are tip top.” Well, that was a little white lie. Angel hadn’t asked Buffy to feed Spike, but she knew he would have if he had thought about it. Right? She smiled her own secret smile.

“Not hungry, pet.” Listening to him, his voice sounded rough to Buffy’s ears. He might have been crying. In fact, she wouldn’t be surprised if the sensitive man that she loved had been. Buffy closed the last bit of distance between them. “Not hungry? Naaaay, wrong answer.” Putting her back against the wall, she slid down to sit next to him. She decided to shelf the feeding issue for now and thought they needed to clear some air first. But how to start the clearing? “I thought your hair would have been darker than that.”

Spike had no doubt she was talking about his confrontation with Angelus, but he gaped at her. “With all that you saw, you comment on my bleeding hair. You daft bint.”

‘Ok, this is better,’ Buffy thought. ‘Got him talking. For Spike, insults are a good sign. Now I think I’ll be brave and ambitious.’ “Yeah, darker hair. You know.” She ran a finger tip along his scared eyebrow and was rewarded by his quick intake of breath. “You’re eyebrows are practically black and the other ones…uh… from what I remember the short and curly ones are the same.”

At first Spike looked up at Buffy with a blank expression, blinked a couple of times, and then slowly grinned. Actually grinned. Success. Buffy was ecstatic and wanted to actually bounce up and down. She didn’t but kept up with the tease. “Ya know. Those down there.” She glanced down at his lap.

His eyes followed her gaze, and he gave a short laugh. Memories of his intimate times with Buffy, his cherished memories, made him smile. But then Spike sobered up again. Buffy let him break the silence when he was ready. “Oh how I hated that fucking bastard.”

She didn’t need to be told that he was talking about Angelus. “I could see why.” She hoped that would encourage him to say more but not be too pushy with this incredibly sensitive subject. Regardless of the Spike’s and Angel’s feelings, she was glad she saw their little scene. She had gained valuable knowledge about their relationship back then and how that influenced the present as well as each of them individually. Angelus, the bully, evil personified, and William, the vampire with feelings. She could feel her eyes tear up. It must have been so hard being with someone that was pure evil when you were left with some human sentiments. But then again, Spike had always been a very different vampire. He had always had tender feelings. For her mom, for Dawn and for herself. And what was that about his own mom that was mentioned in the scene? Maybe she would save that for later along with Cecily.

“Even knowing he wasn’t Angelus any longer, I wanted to take that sword and lop Peaches head clean off.” Spike was silent for a moment. “Bloody awful poet.” He shook his head. “I did get my nickname Spike from using railroad spikes on victims.” Now Spike’s voice was full of disgust. “But the ‘Bloody’ part was because when I was human, a wanker said that I was a bloody awful poet. Hence, William the Bloody. Peaches gave me that moniker to remind me of my humiliation.”

Debating if she really wanted the answer, Buffy asked, “Did you kill the gentleman jerk?”

“Yes, the arse was on the receiving end of one of my famous spikes.” Spike looked her in the eyes as he said it, daring her to judge him.

Buffy was chilled by his voice, and she was hard pressed to make out any remorse from him. Definite time for mood change. Choosing to be playful, poked him in the ribs. “You told me that you had always been bad.” Enough dark share time.

“Yeah, well I had a lapse once or twice.” Despite his low chuckle, there was no way he was admitting to anymore. He stood up and started walking down the passage way in the opposite direction from the chamber with Nina, Angel and the supplies.

Buffy quickly followed. “Ha. Or five lapses or six…” Chewing her lip for a moment, Buffy finally had to ask. “When was that? Did the girl survive?”

Spike snorted. “It was 1892 in Spain. I guess the Spanish part is how it was connected to our little jaunt here in Mexico in this pile of rocks. Angelus was a bloody wanker, especially when Darla was egging him on. Whatever, I was able to knock Angelus out and took the little bit away from that house, but there was hell to pay afterwards. I couldn’t walk for a fortnight.”

“Was it worth it?” She wanted to hold his hand, comfort him during this painful memory, but she wasn’t up for rejection right then. Instead, she could feel her eyes fill with tears on his behalf.

They walked in silence for a few moments before Spike spoke quietly. “It was worth it.”

“Good, I’m glad.” Her mind was going a mile a minute. She was finding out about the real William, which she had been discovering was his closely guarded secret. She loved the sensitive side and knowing more about William helped explain a vampire that cared about humans. Actually she realized that she had been seeing William in Spike since she had first met him. It was just part of the whole package that she loved. Buffy smiled warmly at him. “As with Dawn, you’ve always had a soft side.”

Surprisingly, his sideways glance towards her was more of a glare. He promised himself that he wasn’t going to make any more lapses around her. “I never made the mistake again…until Nibblet…well…and Joyce. ”

“But Dawn wasn’t a mistake, was she?” Buffy was relieved when the corners of his mouth tilted up. “She loves you.”

He nodded his head with the pleasant memories of being with Buffy’s little sis washed over him. “And I love Platelet. I must have a soft spot for the Summers women.”

Oh, oh, please may she be including her with her sister and mom. What a great opportunity to talk about the pleasant past. “How did you and Dawn first bond?”

Spike’s small smile grew. “It was your birthday.” Buffy was thrilled when he turned his smile her way. She quickly returned his before he returned to staring forward. “The Bit was sneaking out of the house.”

“What were you doing there?” Curiously, Buffy couldn’t understand his mumbled reply. “Translation?”

“I was bringing you a gift.” He was going to be so thankful if she didn’t ask what it was.

Buffy lightly touched his arm. “It is a little late now but thanks for the thought.”

Her touch was like an electric shock shooting up his arm but in a pleasant way. “Well see, Bit had snuck out. We broke into the Magic Box, read Rupert’s journal, and found out that she was the Key. I guess us finding out together was when we really bonded.” Spike paused, lost in the past. “Then the next day you came barging into my crypt, messing up my nail polish. The rest you remember.”

“You set me straight.” Buffy kicked herself. Now there was a chill in the air again. Here she ruined a good moment by reminding him of one of her bitch fests. He, of course, was on the receiving end which he was on all too often whether he deserved it or not. This time it was an “or not.”

“Well, I guess you should have dinner.” When he nodded, Buffy offered her wrist for Spike to feed. When his head began to descend, she whispered in his ear, “Will you at least agree that I care for you?”

Pausing, Spike thought about his answer. Did he believe her? He had spent so much of the last few years thinking she had no feelings for him, at least not of the tender type. Then that last year in Sunnydale, she had even gone so far as going out on a date with someone else, that principal git, right under his nose. And that doesn’t even count her swapping spit with his grandsire. After that episode, she came back to him, wanting to make with the cuddles before that final fight, but still…things had changed since being with her on this adventure. She had changed, and he had to admit it seemed to be for the better. He could see her emotions shining in her eyes. No hiding them any longer. It was in her eyes for all to see. She saw him, really saw him. Better yet, she appreciated him. Consequently, he had to admit that she cared for him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to admit it out loud. Nothing good had ever come from his declarations of his feelings to this woman. So this time he held his traitorous tongue. But he couldn’t help giving her a small smile.

*****

TBC

Sorry it has been so long to update the story, but rest assured that I haven’t forgotten it. Let me say thanks so much to megan_peta for beta-ing this chapter. Her insights always help.

If you enjoyed this chapter (or not), please let me know. It's been so long that I really need the feedback.


Thanks,

Dana