Hell Is In the Details
Bloody Minded
Chapter 12 – Bloody Minded
“
Spike’s
quiet words burned into her brain. They filled her mind, screaming accusations
even as she tried to silence them.
Buffy’s
eyes widened with disbelief. “No! There’s no way he could know about you,
Spike. All this time – the whole freaking year that we’ve
been in touch – he knew how
heartbroken Dawnie and I were after
service. He was all supporto-vamp.”
She
looked to Lorne, pleading with him to refute Spike’s words. “We were… we were
going to try and work things out between us. You know that! He wouldn’t – not
to me!”
Lorne
shook his head sadly. “Sorry, cupcake. It’s true – all of it.
past four days – but he’s been back from the beyond since early last June.”
Buffy
couldn’t begin to process the empath’s statement.
“No, no, no,” she whispered, over and over, shaking her head.
Spike
tried to get the hysterical girl’s attention, hoping a little humor would ease
the way. “Look, just ‘cause the green bloke makes
“Buffy,”
Lorne said, “I get that you don’t know me from Adam, and I know you’ve got to be
in shock. You’ve been hit with a surprise that was guaranteed to knock your
nasty reveal bit and I can understand it knocking you for a loop. But don’t you
think you should talk to your guy – find out what he’s been through? We can
talk about the other problemas later.”
“Oh
God, Spike.” she whimpered, looking deep into the vampire’s pain filled eyes. Buffy
knew that she’d hurt him, deeply – several times over.
“
explanations for going back to the poof. S’your life,
to live as you see fit.” Spike lifted her chin, gently forcing her to maintain
eye contact. “S’what I died to give you – the life
you wanted.”
The
sobbing blonde wrapped her arms gently around the vampire’s neck, slowlyas
as
not to hurt him; settling her head in the crook of his neck. This, ~
knew she was being selfish – Spike was the one who needed her comfort, after
all – but the sheer rightness she felt stilled her for just a moment longer.
think you lost track of what I really wanted, Spike,” she murmured into his
neck. Buffy raised her head, releasing the vampire from her soggy embrace.
“Those last days we spent together were so damned intense. You saved my life,
saved my sanity and… and… allowed us all to survive.”
Buffy
reached out, stroking a tear stained cheekbone, as Spike leaned into her touch.
“When I told you that I loved you, I meant it. Every.
Single. Word.”
Sensing
a protest forming once again, Buffy leaned in, silencing him with a soft kiss
to his mouth. Just a delicate pressing of lips, but oh, so
rife with possibilities. Gathering her resolve, Buffy was determined to
continue – getting this out in the open once and for all.
“I
did love you then. With every fiber of my being. Loved
you for who you were, and who you’d become. Loved the fact
that it was for me.” She nodded, smiling up at him. “Yup!
Selfish enough to finally admit that. I know you
changed for me – in the beginning.
“The
man I left to die was on his own path. How could I not love you?”
Lorne’s
heart ached for them both. The opportunities they’d missed, the chances they
had ahead of them… and the niggling feeling that he, himself
had lost a very promising possibility. Unable to stand the intensity of the
emotions pouring off the couple, he slipped out of the room, unnoticed.
Spike
was completely and utterly gobsmacked. Who was this
girl, and what had she done with Buffy? The sincerity shining from her
beautiful hazel eyes could not be denied. But still, he knew there were things
left unspoken. For a change, he would let her continue at her own pace – they
had time.
Buffy
gathered the stunned vampire’s hands in her own, placing small kisses on his
fingertips. She struggled momentarily – the words were difficult to admit to
herself, much less the man in front or.
“The
question hasn’t been if I love you
for a long time; it’s how I love you.
when you came back, Spike – when I’d found you in the
basement… I was scared. I’d had to face some damned ugly truths about both of
us over that summer, and could barely look at myself in the mirror.”
“Buffy,
don’t,” Spike pleaded, unable to keep silent any longer. “Don’t go there again.
It’s over – we’ve long made our peace.”
She
nodded. “Yes, we did – by letting it go. I never told you how sorry I was over
how badly I handled the whole soul revelation thingy. It was overwhelming, to
say the least. But it moved me. It colored everything I did in one way or
another. You finally became a priority to me, usually over everyone else’s
objections.
ext>“You
believed in me, pet. You rescued me body and soul.
He was wary, still unsure as to the direction of her revelations, unwilling to
expose more of himself than he already had.
Buffy
sighed. “We never had a chance, Spike. To make up for all the hurt we’d caused
each other. The time just wasn’t there. I swear,
apocalypses have a personal grudge against me and my love life. When you died…
the last time, anyway – the only time it mattered to me – I knew I’d lost my
chance to ever make things right with you.
“I
threw myself into the social circuit with a vengeance. I dated, and had a
rather active… um.. “
Spike
smiled, taking pity on her. “You screwed around like a kitten in heat?”
Wham, bam, no thinking involved here.
Say something else,” she begged.
“You
fucked half of
truly?” Oh yeah, he was pushing his luck now.
“You
have no idea how much I’ve missed you – missed this! More,
Spike. Come on, give itme gme good!” she laughed.
“Decided
you’d spread your dimpled knees for one too many tossers,
and came back to give the King of Celibacy another go?”
Okay,
that one wasn’t quite so funny. Buffy
sobered up quickly, looking a bit forlorn.
“Sorry,
pet… you know I’m a bad, rude man.” Never had he wanted to take back words so
badly.
She
folded her arms round herself, shrinking into a small bundle of misery. “No,
Spike… you were all too accurate, as usual. It’s exactly what I did.
too.
clasclass=MsoPlainText>“I
was grasping at straws with Angel. I loved him with all that I was – when I was
sixteen years old. I held everyone to that standard and they all failed,
miserably. I shoved him in your face more often than my fist.”
Spike
sighed. “Not arguing with you there, luv. At least
the pain from your pummeling went away quick enough.”
“You
were gone, Spike. No way to make things better. No way to heal and explore
possibilities.
me?
Still unmixy things, so I decided to try and rekindle
things with Angel. Familiar territory, you know? He loved me. I knew it. How
hard would it be to learn to love him back again?”
“Ah, the whole party thingie,
right?
masses?”
“Oh
yeah,” she confirmed. “And I ended up feeling like a prize show dog.”
“It’s
what he knows, Buffy. Darla used to parade him up and down like a prize bull.
Sort of a ‘see what I’ve got, and you don’t’ deal.”
She
sniffled, rubbing the backs of her hands against her eyes. Spike thought she
looked about eight years old, and he was enchanted.
“It
was so clear in my mind, Spike. I even had conversations with you about it, in
my head.”
Spike
was amused at this revelation. “And what did I in my infinite wisdom tell you?”
Buffy
snickered. “Actually, you called him a ‘git’ and told
me not to let him push me around.” On a more sober note, she admitted, “And you
also told me you loved me at my best and worst, and wouldn’t judge what I chose
to do. Gods, I missed you so much. You know, those times we actually talked?”
He
nodded. There really wasn’t anything to add. He’d missed all of her. Talking to
her, screwing her, any way she’d let him into her life. It’s just that he’d
always wished for more.
“This
isn’t quite the time for it, I think,” Buffy said, “but when you’re feeling
better I’d like to try and figure out where we stand with each other. If there
a we to talk about. You game for that?”
Spike
smiled. “Yeah, pet. I think I’d like to talk about us. Sounds
bloody wonderful, since you’re askin’.”
“Great.
Now we really do need to talk about what’s happened to you, Spike.
know the truth. Do you want me to go get Lorne? It’s likely he knows more about
what happened to you recently than you do.”
“Yeah,
sounds like a good idea, pet. An’ if you could bring up a couple mugs of blood
I’d really ‘preciate it. All this talk’s made me a
might peckish, an’ my throat’s a bit sore.”
Before
Buffy had a chance to get off the bed, Lorne appeared at the door with a large
serving tray.
“Had
a feeling it was time for my spotlight number. Also?
He handed Buffy a mug of steaming hot coffee. “I assumed you were a caffeine
addict, like me. Spike? First of
several O Pos mugs for you. And for the storyteller in
all of us?” He uncovered the treat in the middle of the tray.
Simultaneous
cries of “Cheesecake!” rang out from the bed.
Forgive
me for being so bold, kiddies, but I’m gonna be all
mother-hen here and begin the tall tale. Spike’s throat was rather damaged, and
I think he could use a rest. There’s only a small partll bll be able to fill
you in on, anyway.”
“Have
at it, mate. I’d rather wrap my mouth around this cheesecake, anyway.” Spike’s
eyes rolled back in his head at the delicious sensation of the cool, smooth
cheesecake sliding down his aching throat, followed by a swallow or two of
blood. “Best damn thing I’ve… never mind. Go ahead, Lorne.”
The
empath settled into his chair. “Okay, boys and girls.
The tale starts the third week in May, 2004. Angel had called a meeting
heads. That meant the CEO himself, Charles Gunn, Winifred Burkle,
Wesley Windham-Pryce – and me. Harmony was in and out of the office – playing
secretary; delivering the mail.
“Angel
was going on about how much good we’d be able to do, even while working from
within the evil law firm. He was toying with a small manila envelope, tossing
it from hand to hand after ripping off a strip at the top, when a certain
amulet dropped onto the floor. Before he could pick it up, it began to glow and
spark, and before we knew it… Blondie over here popped out in the leather
covered flesh.”
Buffy
was stunned. “You’re telling me all of three weeks after I nearly watched you
disintegrate, you show up in Angel’s office all undead and pretty? And nobody
thought to tell me?”
“Now,
luv,” Spike defended, “you have to understand. I
asked – first thing. About you an’ Niblet
and the rest of the Scoobies an’ bitty slayers.
The plonker said you were all fine, traipsing about
“Fine,”
she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. “So he lied to you. I missed
seeing you by one fucking week. And he continued lying to me ever since by
omission. Please… do go on.”
Spike
hesitated. “It was all so bloody stupid. Like a schoolyard bully, he was. All I
wanted was a place in this world. I figured he owed me. Wouldn’t tell me where
you were, wouldn’t give me a handout to leave. Yeah, I busted his balls about
things. S’what we do, or did, anyway – family, you
know?”
Lorne
became concerned when the vampire hadn’t spoken for a couple of minutes. “Are
you okay to continue, my friend? You’re lookin’ a mite
pale, even for you.”
“Yeah,
mate. S’rough, though. You got that framed piece of
believe me tellin’ it. I still don’t believe it.”
Buffy
wrapped her arms around the shaking vampire and took in a deep breath. She had
a feeling that the rest of this was going to be bad. So very,
very bad.
Spike
gathered up his nerve, and launched into the remainder of his story. “The
second day was bad, luv. We were going at each other
like a prize pair of idiots, punchin’ an’
names. Him tellin’ me I was a useless piece of
you were right glad I was dust in the wind and out of your hair. I told him he
was nothing but a jealous bugger. Real mature-like.
“Then
it was all over. He just stood there, all calm an’ quiet. I twigged it was all
over. We’d shouted out the shit again, until the next time. Next thing I knew,
he’d shot me. Three times in the back with a tranq
gun.”
A
wave of greater horror rolled off the Slayer, enough to worry Lorne.
“The
rest… tell me the rest before I throw up. I don’t want to do this more than
once.” She shook with the impact of what she’d just heard.
Lorne
handed her the framed Sire’s Rights document. She read it, then
looked from Lorne to Spike, and back to the frame in her hands.
Quiet
and deadly, and one hundred percent Slayer, she turned to Spike. “Are you
telling me that bastard sold you like an unwanted pet?”
“More
like an unwanted son. Into a demon slavery and prostitution ring,” he whispered,
eyes dropped, unable to look her in the face.
Buffy
nodded. Very, very calmly. Then: “I’ll kill him,” she growled,
grabbed her purse and slammed out of the room.