Saying It With Flowers

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Xander/William
Rating: G then R then NC17 ( but not till later…..he he he)
Author: Mightbeme
E-mail: Mightbemelee@hotmail.com
Feedback: Yes please
claiclaimer: Not mine, don’t own em (pout…stamps foot….dammit) they belong to Joss etc.
Previous Parts can be found at the Island’s archive
http://www.slashaholics-island.com/

Oh hey and I have an lj now
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mightbeme/

Spoilers: Up to Same Time Same Place and then we take a left and head off road.
Thanks: Dedicated as always to Meg, love you hon. My heartfelt appreciation to Michelle and Edi for being wonderful beta’s. My thanks to Seige and Sofy for their insights.


Notes: Thoughts in * * flashbacks in # #

Saying It With Flowers

Chapter 14

Xander

We left the quiet confines of the park and navigated the streets to Buffy’s house. The further away we got from the cool green of the gardens, the more tension seeped into William’s body. A stiffness gradually crept through him, tho though he leaned into me, seeming to welcome the arm that was securely wrapped around his waist, anchoring him to my side. When I thought of the guilt he must be suffering from, I clutched him that little bit tighter, as if the physical contact between us could keep his demons at bay.

All I could think of was how surreal these last few months seemed. Ever since William had literally dropped into my life. How had this man by my side become so necessary to me in such a short time? I looked down at him, taking in the shy flicker of his eyes away and grinning at the light blush that stained his ears as he caught me staring. He was so gentle, it was hard to believe that any part of Spike still existed in him. The smile slid from my face with that grim thought. The fact that Spike obviously had and that… that thing had invaded William’s mind had seriously wigged me out.

I had to force away the surge of rage that followed, because it wasn’t justified. William wasn’t Spike, and I could never hurt William. Not like that, not because I had to hang on to old grudges. William had earned my trust, and I had no right to make him feel like he hadn’t. I was falling in love with this man, who was the absolute opposite of the demon I’d hated. William was everything I wanted, everything I needed, and I vowed to myself that I would do whatever was necessary to rid him of the vampire’s remains.

I breathed out a silent sigh of relief as we arrived safely on Buffy’s doorstep. Stepping inside, I saw Dawn sitting on the couch, reading a book. I steered William toward her, letting her natural empathy draw him down to sit beside her. She dropped the book on the coffee table and smiled warmly at us.
“Hey, you okay, William?” she questioned softly. I could tell that Willow had already filled Dawn in by the carefully cheerful tone of her voice.

Reluctantly, William released my hand so he could sit down. I let it drift up to his shoulder, rubbing small circles there in response to the momentary panic I saw in his eyes. I smiled at the almost motherly way Dawn took up William’s listless hands and gently chafed his wrists.

“Can you keep him company, Dawnie?” She nodded and smiled again, pleased, I think to have William all to herself for a while.

“Sure, no problem. You’re so cold, William, here let me fix that.” She grabbed up a blanket from the end of the couch and threw it over William, tucking it in around his shivering body.

“I’ve got to go see Buffy and Willow, I’ll be just out in the kitchen, okay?” I backed away as William gave me a vague half smile, his attention already focused on Dawn’s soft voice as she chattered to him. Reassured, I left him in her capable hands while I went looking for the other girls.

I found my two best friends in the kitchen. The blonde Slayer sat at the bench sipping a cup of tea, calmly watching Willow talk excitedly on the phone. I wasn’t happy to notice the change in Buffy’s manner as I entered the room. It screamed ‘uncomfortable’, even though she smiled at me, setting her cup carefully back in its saucer. She took a breath and looked away nervously as she spoke.

“Hey, Xander, where’s William?”

I didn’t like this, this being on eggshells around her; it sucked, basically. Buffy was my friend, and sure, we’d had problems before, but we’d always worked through them. I really wanted to do that now. I just hoped she did, too.

“He’s out front, talking to Dawn.” She nodded slightly, flicking a glance toward the front room. The tension didn’t go away but it did ease slightly, so I took a careful step in her direction and decided to try for a diversion. I gestured awkwardly at the red head babbling on the phone.

“So I take it Willow’s got in touch with the G-man then?” I frowned at my lame attempt diversion which was oh, so obvious.

“Oh yeah, she’s been on there for awhile. My phone bill is going to be enormous.” A rueful smile crossed her lips as she took her cup and saucer to the sink and rinsed them out.

I chuckled, grateful for her attempt at normality, while Willow settled for mock scowling at Buffy while still babbling. This was no mean feat, and the slayer’s grin grew even wider before she stuck her tongue out at the redhead. I chuckled, crossing the room to stand beside Buffy at the sink. I grabbed up a cloth and nervously started to dry her cup. I was very aware that this was a golden opportunity to speak to her about my relationship with William. I already had Willow’s approval, and even though I didn’t need Buffy’s, I wanted my friend to be happy for me. I think I just really wanted her to accept what William meant to me.

“Hey…you’re okay about William and me aren’t you? I mean, that we…umm…”

The cup clattered ominously onto the countertop, breaking my concentration. Carefully I righted it, aware of the silence in the room, even Willow had stopped talking. Buffy stilled, and my mouth went dry as I saw a neutral expression flow across her face. I bit the inside of my cheek when she solemnly turned toward me. Her face was so composed that she had me thinking she really was pissed with me.

“That you’re hot for each other?” That threw me, when really it shouldn’t have. Buffy always went for the throat. She pushed herself up onto the counter while I groped blindly for an answer. There could have been a slight twinkle in her eyes, but I could have been mistaken. It gave me a little hope, but it didn’t stop the butterflies in steel-toe boots from dancing in my stomach.

“Umm yeah.” I managed to stutter out an answer.

Willow watched us curiously from the other side of the kitchen. The stream of babble started up again, but quieter now. I shuffled my feet again as Buffy tilted her head to the side and watched me, obviously enjoying my discomfort.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” I grinned hopefully, but she put her hands out in the classic ‘shut the hell up and listen to me’ pose. “And yeah, I will go so far as to admit that I was a little disappointed. Well, maybe a lot disappointed. I mean, he is so totally cute and really sweet now.” She paused, and the old Buffy, happy Buffy, was suddenly back again. “But I suppose if he had to pick a guy to go out with, I’m glad he picked you.”

Overjoyed, I swept her off the counter and into a fierce bear hug, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. It meant a lot that she had come to terms with William and me. She giggled and struggled playfully in my arms.

“Ofph…Okay, breathing becoming an issue here. Let me go, Xan.”

I carefully placed her on the ground, my hand curved over her shoulder, rubbing gently, reconnecting us.

“Thanks, Buff, it means a lot that you support me, you know.”

“Yeah, I get that. I think you two are meant to be together.” Her arm slid around my waist and squeezed. “Once I got over myself and realised that William didn’t really want to be with me that way. ” She shrugged her shoulders, a flicker of loneliness tracing across her face. She’d lost a lot in the love stakes and I squeezed her arm in sympathy.

“Maybe slayers aren’t meant to have just the ‘one true love’, maybe you’re meant to have lots of love…or lovers. It could be kinda fun.” I raised my eyebrow in speculation as she grinned up at me and shook her head.

“Maybe. I suppose worse things could happen.”

The grin faltered as she remembered William and she slipped her other arm around me, hugging me tight.

“You’ve got to have faith, Xander. Giles and Willow will come up with a way to help him.”

Willow chimed in from the corner, bouncing on her toes as she held her hand over the phone’s mouthpiece.

“I think we may have an answer, guys.”

She said goodbye to Giles and hung up the phone, shooing us before her into the lounge. Dawn and William were sitting close together, still talking, and I was happy to see some colour back in his face. Dawn treated William as if he was family and I appreciated the effort, as I didn’t want William to feel left out. He smiled tenderly at me as I entered the room, making my heart leap. I sat down beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him against my side. He blushed a little and snuggled close, glancing over at Dawn, who grinned back at him.

“William, Giles and I think we may have come up with an answer for you.” Willow’s words dropped like a bomb in our midst. Under my arm, William tensed, and his hand crept over to clasp mine in a fierce grip.

“What would I have to do?” William asked warily.

“Well, I would like to do a revealing spell on you, to see if there is a physical reason for Spike’s memories to be with you,” Willow answered carefully.

“Oh, all right.” The words hung in the air for a moment as William paused. “ And if there isn’t a physical reason?”

“Well,” Willow moved closer, her hands clasped in front of her chest almost in prayer, “we can do a cleansing ritual to remove the demon’s memories.”

I felt my forehead crease into a frown at the thought of William losing his memories. What if he lost all of them, would he forget me, too? Would I lose him?

“Umm, Willow, wouldn’t that make him forget everything…. not just Spike?” I tried not to sound worried, but I could never hide anything from Willow.
William’s fingers pressed harder into my hand, his knuckles white, and a tremor raced through him at the mere mention of that possibility.

“We’re not going to wipe his mind, Xander. The cleansing ritual will allow us to filter his memories.” Willow unclasped her hands and spread them wide, pleading for us to consider the possibilities. “Sort of like deleting unneeded data. We won’t delete anything he needs to function in the world today… but Spike’s memories would be gone.”

“Would I forget, Alex?” William asked hesitantly. “Because I don’t think I could stand that.” William asked hesitantly.

Willow sat down on the coffee table in front of us, placing her hand on Williams’s leg, her voice gentle.

“No, William. It’s not like that. Everything that makes you who you are will still be here. The memories you’ve made since you became human and the memories of your life before you died at Dru’s hands will still be there. Things that we take for granted like using the microwave, driving the car…automatic responses…those things would still be with you. Hopefully, we’ll be able to take out the bad parts. The parts that hurt you, honey.”

William stared at her, his blue eyes wide and scared. He held my hand so tightly I could feel each fingernail marking my palm with tiny crescents. Willow rubbed her hand soothingly over William’s knee, trying to ease his mind.

“Spike’s memories are alien to you. They’re not supposed to be there. You didn’t do those things, William, and you should never have been burdened by them. I, we…we just want to help you.”

Gratitude washed over me at Willow’s heartfelt words. I untangled my fingers from William’s and cupped his chin, turning his face towards mine. His beautiful eyes misted with tears as he met my gaze, and my voice shook with emotion as I held him close.

“You do what you think is best for you and I’ll support you no matter what you decide. But I want you to know that we care about you.” William’s lips tugged into a smile as I paused, lifting my hand from his chin to swipe away a tear that slid from the corner of his eye. “I care about you, and there’s so much I want to share with you.”

“Yes.” William breathed softly, rubbing his face against my hand.

I let out the breath I was unconsciously holding and leant forward, brushing my lips over Williams in a promise.

*You’re falling Xander, falling so deep you may never recover. *

Reluctantly I pulled away, smiling as he moved with me for a moment before he buried his face in my neck. I hugged him hard, feeling him tremble under my hands. Willow smiled encouragingly and rose, heading for the kitchen to make her preparations. Buffy grinned at us and led Dawn away, giving us some privacy.

“William, it will be okay…I’m sure. Willow is a very powerful witch; she knows what she’s doing.” I tried to keep my voice calm, cradling William against my shoulder.

“I don’t want to forget you, Alex.” I shivered a little as William’s lips moved against the sensitive skin on my neck.

I pulled him up and shook him slightly, surprise jolting him out of his self-imposed fear.

“You won’t forget me, Will, I won’t let you.”

With those words I kissed him, putting all my passion, all the emotions I had simmering below the surface, into the motion of my lips on his. I heard his muffled moan and pushed him down onto the couch, ravaging his lips as I settled my body over his. His tongue fluttered gently around as I mapped his mouth, eagerly exploring new territory. His thighs parted and it was my turn to moan as the movement dropped me down, our groins rubbing together. Warm hands searched and found their way under my shirt, clever fingers flowing over the bumps and dips of my spine.

I pushed myself up on my elbows, my breath thick and fast as I surveyed my handywork. William lay sprawled wantonly under my heaving body, gold hair tousled, lips swollen from our heated kisses. His eyes sparkled behind his glasses with pure desire. I licked my lips, shuddering as a vision of him naked and wanting flashed in front of my mind’s eye.

“Oh God, how could we forget this? It feels so right.”

He licked his lips in silent invitation and I dived back down to take them in a searing kiss that left us both breathless. We broke apart at the sound of Dawn’s awestruck voice. I swung my head around and saw her peeking around the doorframe, eyes anime-wide in surprise. William blushed and hid his face behind my shoulder.

“Wow, you guys really go for it, don’t you?” she giggled.

“Dawn, I told you to stay in the kitchen.” Buffy’s ‘mom voice’ drifted out from the direction of the kitchen. Dawn rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder in irritation. William blushed and I felt compelled to drop another kiss on his upturned nose.

“Awwww, so cute.” Dawn sighed.

“Dawn, will you leave them alone.” We watched as Dawn gave in to Buffy’s strident demand and returned to the kitchen. I reluctantly rose, pulling William up with me to sit on the couch. His hands reached up to restore order to my clothes, but I took them in mine and kissed them gently. I forced down the part of me that just wanted to take him upstairs and sink into him forever.

“Come on, let’s go see if we can help.” I desperately needed to work off some of the tension that had settled in my body.

“All right,” William agreed, and we went to find the others. We found Willow checking a spell book and making a list, while Buffy was on the phone to Anya. Dawn sulked from behind the kitchen bench where she was searching for something in the cupboard. She retrieved a jar of some strange looking powder and held it triumphantly above her head.

“Found it, here you go. Though why we have stuff like powdered demon warts in the kitchen cupboard I have no idea. It’s so ewwwww.”

Buffy nodded her thanks and took it from her, weighing it in her hand as she continued to talk on the phone.

“Okay, if you’ve got that last ingredient then we’re all set. Willow will be over to get them soon. Thanks, Anya, bye.” Buffy set the phone back in its cradle and placed the jar on the bench next to the others.

Willow looked up and beamed at us, carefully marking her place in the book before closing it. In front of her on the bench jars and bags of spell ingredients lay in precise order. She took up a bag and started counting out what looked a little like dried mushrooms.

“Okay, once I’ve got all the ingredients measured out and we pick up the last one off Anya, we’ll be ready to do the ritual. I already have everything I need to do the revealing spell.” She said as she counted.

William swallowed and leaned into me. I hugged him comfortingly as I questioned Willow.

“So we can do it this afternoon, right…?”

Willow shot me a quick glance coupled with a cheerful answer. “Yup, it’s a go.”

“Umm, where are we going to perform these spells and rituals Willow?” William asked nervously.

The red haired witch frowned in concentration, as she bagged up the spell ingredients.

“We should do it somewhere that’s familiar to you, somewhere you feel comfortable.”

“Can we do it at Alex’s, please?” William suggested, turning to get my approval as he spoke.

“That’s a good idea. Why don’t you guys head home, and I’ll just go get what I need from Anya and meet you there,” Willow said.

Dawn swung herself up onto the bench, grabbing up an apple and biting into it. She swallowed and choked slightly at Willow’s words.

“Hey what about us, don’t we get to be there for this?”

Buffy scowled at her younger sister, ignoring the pout on the teenager’s pretty face, and explained quietly.

“Willow is the only one who will be with William when the ritual’s performed. Even Xander will have to wait outside, so there’s no point in us crowding them, as well.”

William trembled in my arms and I held him close. I hadn’t realised that I couldn’t be with him until Buffy had said it, and I felt cold inside at the thought.

“You’ll be fine William. Willow will take care of you,” I said cheerfully, trying to cover the sense of dread that was startio spo spread through me.
He smiled tremulously up at me, and I kissed him gently, willing my strength into him. I hugged him close and whispered softly in his ear.

“You’ll remember me, I promise.”

tbc