Fisi Mtima

Chapter Summary: William, a soul that's... Not very surprised.

.Chapter Fourteen.


"What is going on, Tara?" Xander asked in a low voice. He peered through the crack in the door, leading into the training room. Inside he could see William shifting through a book that Giles had given him, almost as though he was a child that needed to be entertained.

"I... I d-don't know, exactly." Tara replied, before flinching at Xander's warning growl. "As far as I can tell, the spell worked perfectly. His soul is there, right b-before your eyes. Whole, complete. It's just... His memory is that of the spirit you retrieved, not the fragments that existed here."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Xander walked away from the door and stared at an invisible point on the wall. His body felt itchy. He needed to move, to do something.

"Again... With the not knowing." Tara took a deep breath. "Look, from what I can tell that is still, essentially, Spike. His aura hasn't altered that much. There are no definitive breaks suggesting a host change."

"But it has altered?" Xander was quick to jump onto the one negative thing she had said. He felt his muscles tense at the thought of something being wrong with Spike.

"It's not as vibrant as it once was." Tara replied. "It's like... The demon is hiding or something. I'm not certain, X-Xander. He's very shy."

"You can tell that from his aura?" Xander asked, peeking back through the door. William was still looking at the book, which was held close to his narrowed eyes.

"It's kind of a gift." Tara said softly.

"It's a good thing to have." Xander told her, giving her a small smile. He took a deep breath and made to walk back into the training room. Laughter from the Magic Box's doorway stopped him, however. "Damn it."

"Hey, guys!" Buffy greeted as Willow and her entered the shop, Riley trailing behind as usual. "What's with the long faces?"

"It's nothing." Tara said quickly, giving Xander a questioning look.

"It's Spike." Xander said honestly.

"Oh, lovely." Buffy rolled her eyes. "What did Fangless do this time?" Buffy's eyes widened dramatically at the deep growl that suddenly emitted from Xander. Clearing her throat, Buffy quickly apologized. "Sorry, uh... What happened?"

"He has a soul." Xander replied softly. Buffy's eyes widened in response, while Willow gasped next to her.

"How?" Willow whispered. Tara fidgeted slightly, looking down at the ground. "Tara? You... Did this? I don't understand..."

"Giles will explain." Xander said curtly. He spun on his heel and slipped through the training room door. After a quick word, Giles left to explain to the rest of the group. Xander hovered in Giles' spot, watching as Sp-- no, William -- tried to read the book. After a few moments, William raised his eyes to meet Xander's.

"Alexander." William quickly rose to his feet, his body screaming nervousness. Xander tried not to look away. It was too hard to see Spike like this. This person, while he was a part of Spike, was different. He smelled the same, but the hyena wasn't sure.

"William." Xander greeted. "So, uh, what are you reading?"

"I honestly do not know." William admitted, chuckling lightly. "It would be delightful if I had my spectacles on hand. Sadly, I'm afraid they would be rather worn out considering out long I've been... Well, I suppose dead is the proper word?"

"I know things are a bit weird at the moment... You seem to know who I am, so that's good." Xander commented.

"Oh, I could never forget you, Alexander." William said in a wistful voice. "I've dreamed of you before I even knew your name."

"I don't really see how that's possible." Xander shifted from foot to foot.

"Is something wrong?" William asked. "Aside from the obvious. Was... Was it something I did?"

"No! Spike... I mean, William." Xander cringed.

"Oh, I see." William nodded, letting his eyes fall to the floor in an almost bashful move. Xander fought down a dominant growl. William practically oozed submission, and with him smelling like Spike, it was difficult for Xander to keep control of his own instincts. "You wish for the demon. I am sorry if I am not a very good substitute, Alexander."

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Xander suddenly asked. "Is it just you? Is Spike even there?"

"I do not..." William frowned. "I do not really know. I have only caught glimpses of the being you call Spike since my death. Perhaps with time it will come to me, the memories. They must be here, in this mind, after all. Maybe I simply need time."

"Maybe." Xander said. He scratched absentmindedly at his arm. His skin still felt as though it was tingling. Xander took a deep breath, accidentally bringing in William's scent. He suddenly needed to get out of there. Away from this... person that wasn't his mate, and yet was. "I gotta... Well... Go."

"Oh, certainly." William smiled. "I wish not to interfere with your time, Alexander."

William shuffled from foot to foot, watching as Xander practically ran out of the room. He could hear an argument in the other room break out. Cringing, William slowly sat back down on the floor, gripping the hardback book Giles had given him like a vice.

Parts of Xander wanted to run back into the training room and give William the comfort he truly needed, but the majority of him wanted to get away. So, that's what he did. He ignored the group's questions on what was wrong. He ignored everything and simply ran. He knew, deep down, that he wasn't thinking anything through. William was Spike. They were the same person, William just couldn't remember it.

The hyena didn't know what to do. Oh, sure, Xander couldn't really tell a hyena thought from a human one, or a soldier thought for that matter. They were all there, as truthful as himself. But he knew the influence. He could simply tell that the panic and the need for a fight, any fight, was the hyena. His mate was lost to him. He was there, but did not know of their bond.

Yet William gave off the feeling that he knew of it, to a certain degree. He understood that something connected him to this Alexander. Xander slowed to a walk and entered the nearest cemetery, inwardly begging a vampire to rise from a grave nearby. He was shocked that William was reacting as well as he was. Xander always thought that a time traveler would be driven to insanity with all the new things he saw. Then again, William understood what was going on.

Xander was certain he wasn't looking forward to death, if it meant knowing what was happening in the living realm. In William's case, what your body was doing. Perhaps that was a vampire's purgatory? Maybe that's why Angel's soul was always so easy to obtain after losing. Xander closed his eyes, quickly erasing all thoughts from his mind. He didn't want to think about it.

Tara had finally gotten away from Willow and the others. She felt bad about leaving Giles to fend off their questions, but all that attention was making her jittery. Taking a deep breath, Tara walked over to William. The vampire was curled up into a depressive ball in the corner, his eyes focusing on the ground. "W-William?"

"Oh!" William quickly got to his feet and nodded at the blonde woman. "Hello, miss."

"Oh, umm, call me Tara." Tara offered. She motioned for the sofa. "We could sit down..."

"Oh, certainly." William shuffled over, then politely waited for Tara to sit first. "Did you need anything, Miss Tara?"

"It's just Tara." She replied. "And... Well, actually, I w-was wondering what you understood of the situation. You are taking this very well."

"From what I've gathered, I was turned into a vampire." William said, picking idly at his sleeve. "I was in this place... I'm not very certain what it was, but it looked like mother's reading room. After a while, my mother appeared. I've been there ever since."

"So, you don't know anything about Spike?" Tara asked. "How did you know Xander?"

"I would get these visions of sorts." William confided in a low voice. "Like a dream, I suppose. In them I would be in my body, in the vampire's body. The first time it happened was a while ago. I was fighting this woman in a black, leather cloak." William frowned at his attire. "Like the one I'm wearing..."

"Go on." Tara encouraged.

"It did not happen for a while." William said. "Not until I was fighting this blonde girl... A Slayer?"

"Buffy?" Tara questioned.

"I believe so." William nodded. "Then I was there when I was captured by what looked like soldiers. It has been happening quite recently, however. The last was... Well, I do not wish to speak of it."

"Why not?" Tara started to smile at the embarrassed look crossing William's face. "I see. Xander is terribly romantic when he wishes to be, isn't he? At least from what I've seen."

"Oh, yes." William broke into a wide smile. "Alexander is simply wonderful. I do not wish to sound bold, but I feel happy around him."

"I understand." Tara replied. "I know the feeling, trust me."

"I just wish he did not feel the need to run from me." William told her. "I understand that I am not entirely Spike. I know that I'm different than the vampire I left in my place, but I feel the same connection that Spike did. I seem different, but I feel as though I share the same heart."

"You amaze me." Tara said softly. William gave her a baffled look. "I m-mean, you aren't from here, not really. Yet, you're adapting to the situation."

"I have always been rather... Well, my mother called me gullible." William replied, biting his lip.

"G-gullible? Nah." Tara shook her head.

"You are very kind, Tara." William said. "I feel like I can trust you."

"I feel like you shouldn’t. I got you into this mess." Tara told him. "I cast the spell, after all."

"I do not know much of anything about witchcraft, but you are a good person." William patted her lightly on the shoulder, before jerking his hand back. "You wouldn't do it intentionally."

"He's right." Another voice spoke up. Willow walked over to the sofa and sat down next to her girlfriend, wrapping an arm around her waist. Buffy, Riley, and Giles entered after her. They all hovered around them, Buffy peering at William as though he were about to explode.

"So... You're William?" Buffy asked, uncertainty plain in her voice.

"I am, miss." William replied in his cultured tone,standing to bow slightly. Buffy let out a small giggle before coughing to hide it. William smiled at her, before turning to greet Riley. Riley remained baffled as William said hello in a warm voice.

"Riley, say hi." Buffy ordered, grinning at William. Riley frowned at Buffy.

"Hey." He mumbled, before taking Buffy's arm and guiding her away. "Why are you being so nice to him? It's just Spike."

"Don't you get it?" Buffy asked. "It's not 'just Spike', it's William. It's who Spike was before he became a vampire."

"You really believe what Giles said?" Riley asked, shocked.

"A vampire with a soul isn't that far fetched, Riley." Buffy told him in a soft, yet determined voice. Riley sighed, choosing to remain quiet rather than start an argument with her. Buffy raised an eyebrow at him, before turning back to the others. "Well, it's getting late. Riley and I will go do a quick patrol. You guys should get some sleep."

"What about William?" Willow asked. "Xander kind of, well, vamoosed."

"I suppose you could stay the night at my house." Giles offered. "I promise not to chain you to the bath."

"Pardon?" William asked, his eyes widening.

"Never mind." Giles replied quickly. "Uh, shall we?"

"I'll let Xander know if I run into him." Buffy announced, dragging Riley out the door.

Xander was sure to keep out of sight as Buffy and Riley set out to patrol. He had been watching the Magic Box for a good hour, having no desire to go inside. All he wanted to do at that moment was make sure William was in good hands, then go home and sleep. He prayed to all that was good, holy, and even evil that when he awoke, things were back to normal. At least, he mused, as normal as things were able to get in Sunnydale.

All he really wanted was Spike back, safe and sound. He personally thought it wasn't too much to ask, and when Spike finally did appear? Well, Xander was prepared to give him a good spanking for making him growl, kill vampires, and worry like a mother hen.

Pushing away his thoughts for not the first time that night, Xander watched as first Tara and Willow, then Giles and William exited the shop. It was easy to follow Giles' car to his home, since the Watcher still drove the jalopy he had owned since entering America. Making sure he could not be seen, Xander watched through a window as Giles placed William on the couch. The ex-Victorian curled up on the makeshift bed, his blue eyes open and wide. Sighing, Xander left for home, hoping William would be all right.

William slowly closed his eyes and immediately knew he was dreaming. The figure before him, after all, could only be in a dream since he did not have a reflection. His own pale face stared back at him, sneering. William wanted to wake up, right then. He didn't want to greet Spike, even if it was himself.

"Well, what have we here?" Spike asked in a harsh whisper. "Do you really think you can get away with this?"

"I do not know-" William started.

"You know perfectly well!" Spike literally screamed. "You can't take him from me! You will not take him. You and I? We are the same, and yet you are pushing me out! You bastard."

"But I don't want to." William replied, closing his eyes to block out Spike's angry gaze. "I just want to be a part of it, that is all."

"Then why are you blocking me?" Spike asked, his voice a low growl.

"I do not know." William replied. "I do not mean to."

"Well, then looks like we have a problem." Spike said coldly. William sniffed lightly, before looking up into Spike's eyes.

"It is not my fault." William defended. "You are the one hiding, otherwise I wouldn't be alone in this."

"What do I have to hide from?"

"Your feelings." William replied. Spike narrowed his eyes. "You're afraid of how Alexander will treat you now that you are whole. You're afraid of fully developing your bond with him."

"Be happy this is simply a dream, ponce." Spike hissed. "Or I would tear out your heart for even suggesting such a thing."

"If you want out so badly, then do it." William told him. "I'm not stopping you."

The next day, William had hardly any memory of the dream, though he suspected something had happened overnight. He felt strange, as though something was waging a battle inside his head while he was unaware. He sat on the sofa, frowning as he attempting to recall what he could of his conversation with his alter-ego. That was how Xander found him.

"Hey, William." Xander greeted softly, sitting down across from him.

"Hello, Alexander." William replied softly.

Xander smiled slightly, before staring down at his hands. He still wasn't sure what to do about the situation. The fact that this was still William unnerved him. His skin once again began to crawl with unease.

"Bloody hell, pet, what's wrong?" Xander's eyes shot up to see William's hand clamped over his mouth. His blue eyes widened almost comically.

"Spike?" Xander questioned.

"I am terribly sorry for my language." He apologized quickly. "I do not know where that came from."

"It's okay. I think... I think that was Spike." Xander whispered. William frowned slightly "I'm sorry, William. It's not that I don't want you here..."

"But you fell in love with Spike. I do understand, Alexander." William replied, giving him a soft smile.

"You're the same person..." Xander told him. "Aren't you?"

"In a matter of speaking." William admitted. "We just hold different experiences and memories, or lack there of in my case."

"Spike said you were the same." Xander said, crossing his arms self-consciously.

"He loves you." William said in reply. "I love you."

"Do you?" Xander sighed. "Does he? God, this is as confusing as me and the hyena." Xander rubbed at his face, before taking a deep breath. "I know that Spike and I were meant for each other. The hyena showed up and demanded him, and afterward I just kind of knew. Spike makes me feel... Well, happy. You give off the same feeling, but... Knowing that you don't fully know me, well, it makes me nervous."

"Thank you for your honesty." William replied, smiling slightly.

"There is no hyena and me now." Xander continued. "It's just me. The hyena senses are there. The mentality, the understanding? That's all there, and I know it's the hyena. But the thoughts? They feel like mine and I agree with them. Spike, he... He doesn't realize that, I don't think." Xander stood and moved over to the sofa. He sat down next to William, placing an arm over his shoulders. "I love you and I love him. You aren't different. I see the small details and I don't want to believe, just like Spike doesn't want to believe how I feel. I can see that now."

"Alexander..." William said the name softly, and for a moment he looked as though he was going to continue. Instead, he let his gaze drift down to Xander's mouth. As though drawn, William leaned forward and let his lips brush Xander's.