Shadows across the heart

Eppy…

45 years later

Xander stood looking out over the balcony, as ever, drawn to the teaming tide as it rushed eagerly up on the sand. He propped himself wearily against the doorframe and sipped the pale colored liquid from his fluted glass.

A strong, pale arm slid around his waist. “Tired, ciallan?” Angel guessed shrewdly as he pulled his mate back into his arms. He frowned disapprovingly at the glass of pale, amber liquid then his face cleared. It was only ginger ale.

“Uhmmm…weddings can really wear a body out,” Xander replied. An unexpected yawn overtook him. He covered his mouth and the surprised look in his eyes made Angel chuckle.

Angel pulled Xander closer. There was an exasperated yet tender look in his eyes. “After working yourself almost into a tizzy trying to organize it, what did you expect?”

Xander whirled around, an indignant expression on his face. “Hey, pal…this is our grandson’s wedding you’re talking about! ‘Sides, who was it that decided that only the finest Irish lace would do for the tables, huh?” He eyed his mate, a smirk of triumph on his face as Angel had the grace to look embarrassed.

“It was only a little trip and it wasn’t much,” the vampire muttered in self-defense.

Xander rolled his eyes expressively and snorted in disgust. “Oh, suuuuure...making an entire village instant millionaires isn’t ‘much’,” he drawled, with a mocking shake of his head.

Angel peeked at his boy, delighted at the healthy flush that colored Xander’s cheeks. His poor baby had been looking so peaked. “Love you,” he purred, in an effort to sidetrack the conversation. Stealing a kiss and nuzzling into his beloved’s neck, he mock growled.

Laughingly, Xander tried to fend him off. “Love you too, you big lug, but you were just as excited about Little G getting married as I was.”

Xander regarded Angel, and wondered if it was possible to love someone else too much. If that was the case, then he had it bad for Angel. It took some time, years in fact, for him to admit just how in love with Angel he really was. Years of hammering away at their relationship, the talking, all the arguments and fights they had over the years…and the making up, deepened the connection between them. Some years the fights were so bad, that were it not for the sexual Bond that drew them together each night, he would have packed Shay up and left Angel.

Or Angel would have grabbed their son and stormed angrily away from him, he mused wryly.

Yet never once did Angel put hands on him in anger, and that said a lot. God knows, he gave Angel plenty of cause to get seriously pissed. Subconsciously, maybe what he had been testing was his mate, trying to see just how far he could push Angel before his lover retaliated with fists. Trying to prove to that Angel was just like his father, yet all Angel would do was growl at him before storming away in angry silence.

However, throughout their numerous fights, the arguing, they never quite gave up on what kept them together: their duties and Shay. It was a hard struggle, during some months it was almost a daily battle between them, as both their intractable natures asserted at the wrong time, but eventually they managed.

They tried not to draw Shay in the middle of their fights, and for the most part, succeeded. It was difficult, yet looking back, he realized it was worth it. The fighting, the screaming and yelling that, in some crazy, Hellmouthy way, brought them closer.

It was years before he understood that when Angel went all haughty and stiff, becoming ‘Mr.-You-WILL-do-what-I-say!’ on him it was his vampire’s way of saying ‘I’m scared to pieces that they’ll bring your bloody body back to me’. Just as it was years before he realized that he was deliberately needling Angel, just to start an argument. Those moments were when he was at his most insecure, where his doubts rose up to plagued him. He needed Angel to show that he mattered, that his lover cared about him. Angel never failed him. Angel came from a time so far in the past that saying ‘I love you’ just was not done; however, it was expressed in various subtle ways that if you weren’t looking carefully, a person could miss the unspoken words. It was something that took Xander a long time to decipher the meaning behind Angel’s wordless actions.

Angel was always there for him. Underneath that bad-temper demony scowl was hidden concern.

Like Christmas for example. In more years than he would care to count, he had hated that time of the year. If it wasn’t for Shay, he would have just as soon skip over it than participate. He used to be depressed for days just before the event, remembering his biological family’s incessant arguing and fighting; the times he would even, despite the danger, sleep outside in a sleeping bag rather than endure the inevitable screaming fights.

In a weird way, to reinforce his feelings, for several years he would seek out Angel in an effort to start a rip-roaring argument with his mate. However, his lover seemed to remain oblivious to his attempts. It was annoying, because you couldn’t get into a fight with someone in an frilly apron and that kept shoving food into your mouth, begging you to see if he had added to much nutmeg to the pumpkin pie. You could, but then you’ll lose out on some really slammin’ food. Then there was the incredible sexual marathon Angel put him through, for the twelve days leading up to Christmas. His mood sorta went by the wayside when he heard that particular Christmas carol played in the stores, he remembered the naughty version Angel made up, with the twelfth verse ending on Christmas Day:

On The Twelfth Day Of Christmas My Angel Gave To Me…
Twelve Pounding Orgasms,
Eleven French kisses,
Ten Hungry Blowjobs,
Nine Nights Of Loving,
Eight Wild Climaxes,
Seven Ass Spankings,
Six Anal Beads,
FIVE GOLDEN Cockrings!!!
Four Blowjobs,
Three tubes of lube,
Two Anal Rimmings,
And A Blowjob On The Beach!

A person would be a certified fool NOT to start viewing Christmas in a new light that was for damn sure! By the time Shay was in his teens, it had become his favorite time of the year.

Always, three days before Christmas, his ‘family’ came to the hotel. Ethan and Giles would show up first with their children, followed by Buffy and Robin with their brood, then the rest of his real family with THEIR families. Their arms would piled high with presents, their faces filled with love and laughter, radiating joy and endless good will.

The children would be swiftly were darting about underfoot, running around hopped up on excitement and giddiness as they waited impatiently for Santa, shouting and playing crazy games, that it made dealing with them almost impossible. It was a wild and chaotic time, but he would not, could not have it anyway. The presents he could have done without, but the love, the happiness of being together, that was priceless to him. He had come to treasure the time with them. He had actively begun looking forward to Christmas, his bad memories fading into darkness, replaced by love and laughter.

However, it wasn’t until Shay was about seventeen that he found out that Angel was the one that had casually sparked the first idea to get together that first Christmas, and that had made it the joyous and gay event in the succeeding years.

Xander regarded his lover with soft, gentle eyes. His love for the vampire amply revealed for everyone with eyes and hearts to see. How could he not come to love someone that silently gave him so much?

He leaned comfortingly into Angel’s more solid bulk and reflected on the last two years. They were no longer required to mate now the Bond had completed its course, yet they didn’t seek alternate mates to share their bed. Even after fifty years, the fire between him and Angel was still as intense, a virtual roaring tempest that consumed them.

However, they had to test whether or not it was safe to be apart from each other, whether they could be separate without the Bond going haywire, forcing them to each other’s side.

Angel went to Japan, to pay a visit to a family that Kaori sponsored. Thankfully the home on the coast of Japan was a place that Casiwe maintained an opening because it took him two days to demand Angel return home…immediately.

It’s wasn’t the Bond prodding at him, he just missed being held by Angel. The late night talks, the quiet, romantic walks on the beach, the private moments just between the two of them without the others. Most of all, he missed the friend that Angel had become.

Xander came out of his reverie at a caressing touch from Angel. He smiled cheerfully, seeing the concern in Angel’s eyes and swiftly kissed his lover and best friend.

Drawing back, a shamed expression crossed his face. “Uhm, thank you for talking to Shay and Keanu, ‘bout me helping and all,” he muttered looking down.

Angel raised his lover’s chin, dropping a kiss on the luscious lips pouting lips. Reflecting that he could spend hours, simply kissing Xander. “It’s okay…you just got a little anxious and pushy for a while. They understood ciallan.”

“Yeah, Dad,” Shay spoke quietly, coming quietly into the living room with his wife, Keanu. He had grown up to be tall and broad shouldered man, just like his fathers. Although physically he presented an imposing presence, with his sharp intelligent eyes and impressive build, his temperament was just the opposite. A cheerful, easy going demeanor and a charming, open smile won friends from both sides of his mixed heritage.

He shared the same whiskey brown eyes and dark hair of his parents, and Shay moved with the unconscious, sensuous grace of grace of his vampire father. Yet, the family agreed he had Xander’s youthful, exuberant spirit.

However, no matter his youthful appearance, Shay looked more like Xander’s much older brother than son, Angel thought with a slight pang. That time was exerting its exorable pull on their son was a subject of his parents chose to not to discuss. Despite his half-demon status, their son was aging. Though it may be some time before he died, death would still come for him long before it sought out them.

Keanu sank into a chair with a weary sigh. “Uncle Xander, so far, out of our five children only Little G has seen fit to wed. So, no insult to you, but I believe my anxiety to make this moment special far exceeds your own.”

Her proud, imperious carriage softened as she took off her shoes. Moreover, leaning her head back on the chair, Keanu was ever mindful of her Original upswept hairstyle. Her lip curled almost derisively at some of the women below. She had no doubt that by week’s end, dozens of women would be wearing the very same style; a bunch of sheep they were, she snorted in disdain.

Known across both sides of the Atlantic, Keanu Harris was the leading arbiter of fashion. Her face plastered through a multitude of gossip rags, at some charitable event. Slim, beautiful and fabulously wealthy she had enough money and power at her fingertips to look every inch fabulously wealthy. That and following a strict regiment of exercise and diet, she managed to look only 15 years older than Shay despite the fact that he was a good three years older than she was. Fondly she glanced up at her husband and he looked down, a look of love softening the lines of his face.

Carefully, as if it were delicate, he picked up her hand, and turning it over, he gently kissed the pulse point at her wrist. They gazed at one another, lost in each other eyes. The love they shared still as fresh as the day they pledge their love to each other.

Angel watched, a proud gleam in his eyes, to see the tender touches he and Xander exchanged over the years, expressed by his son to his wife.

“Good Lord, haven’t I taught you any discretion?” Wesley cried out in mock disgust as he limped into the room with Gunn and Fred. “You two are getting as bad as Angel and Xander!”

Angel glared at his old friend while Xander buried his head in his mate’s shoulder, muffling his infectious giggles.

Despite being Angel and Xander’s Advisors, all the former Scoobies and Angel’s people had, in their younger years, continued working in the field of demon hunting. Of the combined group, the years of fighting Gunn, Wesley and Fred bore mute testimony to their most hard-fought battles. Clothing had hid the scars of the other fighters.

Gunn had a few more scars decorating his torso and face, a thin scar on Wesley’s right cheek bore evidence of his narrow escape from rather volatile demon, while Fred had a particular livid scar across her upper chest and throat. Just below her neck, it was an obvious reminder of how close they came to losing her.

“Jealous much?” Keanu responded teasingly, a look of mischief in her eyes.

“Lord knows why,” Cordy remarked idly as she made her way into the room. “I got the room next to theirs and believe me, from the amount of noise coming from their room, Casiwe needs to start improving on her soundproofing skills!” Sitting with easy, unstudied grace, she looked as young and radiant as she did over 50 years ago. The passage of time seemed to touch her but lightly. People constantly thought her husband robbed the cradle as the years passed. Her half-breed demon status slowed her age considerably.

Xander completely lost it and started howling with laughter at the sheepish, yet proud look on Wes’ face. The others joined in and the room filled with riotous laughter.

Embarrassed, Keanu looked around as the most of the original gang gradually made their way into this oasis of quietness.

Buffy and Faith, the oldest living Slayers in history. It was only through their determined efforts and training, Slayers were now living well past the age of 21. With the Four Guardians permission and help, Slayers at the age of 21, and the peak of their physical condition, had a choice: maintaining their position for another four years, or choosing to step down allowing another Slayer called. It was particularly wise idea as their practical skills passed on to their replacements, just as the older Watchers imparted their knowledge to THEIR replacements. In such a way, the younger Slayer gained more than just a title, she gained a fountain of physical and mental knowledge; invaluable information that had been hard won by her elders.

Robin and Andrew, devoted husbands to the Faith and Buffy, old men that had once held the position of Watchers, they were now joint heads of the Council of Watchers, having succeeded the previous President and head, Rupert Giles.

Graham Miller, the fearsome head of the Council of Watchers’ enforcement unit. Cordelia Chase-Miller, the beautiful, radiant Seer. Her razor sharp tongue almost as feared as her husband’s frowns. Graham liked to joke that when he really needed bring in the ‘Big Guns’ he called his wife.

Fred, Wesley and Gunn so vitally active and needed; her mother, with a fierce and sharp, scientific mind; what magic could not do, her science could and would do; Wesley, knowledgeable, wise and diplomatic. Everyone agreed that naming him First Advisor was the smartest thing Xander ever did. In using his advice, Xander was easily able to mediate troubles in his sphere; and finally her other father, Gunn. He flew so far under the radar that people had a tendency to underestimate him, dismiss him as nothing more than hired muscle. A big, hulking man was all they saw, never knowing the cunning and wily mind that lurked underneath.

What could not be resolved by her father’s diplomacy, her daddy’s clever mind found a solution.

Living legends they were; intelligent, vital men and women that she regarded in awe as a child.

A feeling that hadn’t quite dissipated, she ruefully realized.

She slid a glance at her ‘cousins’, a warm feeling swelling in her breast as they silently congratulated her. Technically, none of the cousins were related, at least not by blood. It was more bonds of love and affection than actual biological ties that connected them all as a family.

There were Buffy and Robin’s four boys, Jason, Hank, Logan and James; her two brothers and sister, JT, Trevor and Megan; Faith and Andrew’s three girls, Jessica, Emily and Tina; and Cordy and Graham’s two sons, Robert and Paul.

Her mouth briefly turned down as the loss of their patriarchs, Ethan and Giles, and her grandmother filled her. Grandma Jessica had filled the role of matriarch for the rapidly expanding family. All the children thrilled the woman to no end. She had dozens of ‘grandbabies’ to spoil! That none, save perhaps Keith, was her only biological grandchild did not trouble her at all. She loved every child born in the ‘Family’ equally and without reservation, and woe to anyone that looked in askance at her darker colored grandchildren.

Those people would quickly find they had a fiercely cold, dangerously protective woman at their throats.

At least Grandma had lived to see nearly all her grandchildren married and hold her first great-grandchild. The family was huge, with the second generation now having children.

Briskly Keanu shook off her moment of sadness as her eyes rested on Michael and St. John, Giles and Ethan’s sons by Buffy. Her face gentled. As long as those two lived and their children lived, Grandpa Giles and Ethan would never die. Uncle Xander and Angel would see to that.

Keanu’s attention turned back to her father-in-laws. Her face softened as she watched the two men entwined lovingly. They looked cute together; there was a fierce love for one another that shone quietly in their eyes. Her eyes dropped to Xander’s loose white shirt.

“Boy or girl?” she asked quietly, as the idle chatter died down.

Xander flushed. He glanced briefly at Angel then at her. “Well, we’re kinda hoping for a girl,” he admitted softly. Angel’s arms stole around him and covered the small bump of their unborn child.

“Yeah, raising Shay was soooo much fun, we thought we would see how much fun we had with a little girl. You know, sorta like your parents had when you were born,” Angel drawled, making everyone laugh at Shay’s indignant cry of protest. Keanu directed a haughty scowl at Uncle Angel, though her eyes twinkle, revealing that she had not quite outgrown the little terror she used to be.

“I simply had character,” she loftily insisted, her nose in the air.

“Riiiight,” everyone drawled before laughter again filled the room.

Angel lovingly nuzzled his Xander, pressing a loving kiss on the Claim Mark the boy wore proudly.

When their Bonding was up, he had taken immediate steps to prevent the birth of child. Pills just didn’t work on either of them, nor did the hormonal implants. Their bodies simply absorbed then transformed the contraceptive into sometime harmless. The only route to go was wearing a condom.

However, within months after realization that the Bond’s strident call was silent, Xander was of the mind to have another baby. Angel vividly remembered his rather stupid suggestion, “Let get a kitten.” Then compounding his error by cheerfully voicing his opinion they were certainly easier to housetrain. Not only did he get the cold shoulder from Xander, just about the entire family refused to talk to him. Only Gunn, Shay, Graham and Andrew gave him secretively encouraging support…only when their spouses weren’t around.

They were not stupid men and they sure as hell weren’t about to join him in the doghouse. Loyalty only went so far.

Although from Cordy, he would much have preferred a frosty silence instead of her incessant, waspish nagging.

Yet his boy was clever, proving he didn’t need help in plotting a strategy. Xander launched a two-year campaign to persuade Angel that they needed to try for another child. Pictures of a laughing, cherubic Shay were placed in the oddest places, his car, the elevator, the bathroom. It made making love in those places…strange. Home movies brought out and played; sweet, smelling babies dumped in his arms. It was all part of Xander’s fiendish little plan.

He had to admit those misty-eyed trips down memory lane almost did him in. However, the white-knuckle, wild terror he experienced when Shay and Keanu hit their teens firmed his resolve. He continued to wear prophylactics each time they made love.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that Xander revealed the sharp intellect that lurked under that smiling, innocuous face. His boy whispered two, little words as they were lying breathless after an especially rousing, butt-smacking romp…

“No rubbers.”

It took a full minute for the words to filter through Angel’s exhausted, tired brain; and a half second for him to stiffen, his body rock-hard and ready to go. Stripping the used condom off, he was soon poised over a laughing, flushed Xander, whose laughter ended in a long, drawn out moan of pleasure when Angel thrust inside.

Angel drew away from his fond memories and eyed his smiling mate affectionately. When it really mattered, Xander was a fucking genius.

The laughter eased as Spike peered into the room. “’ere now, whatcha all doing up here when the party’s down below?” he remarked with a raised brow.

“We’re old,” Cordy said with a straight face. “These old bones just ain’t what they used to be.” She shook her head in mock regret.

“Oh, shut up,” Buffy remarked without heat. She rolled her eyes and groaned when she tried to slip sore, swollen feet back into her shoes. Cursing, she gave up and accepted Robin’s aid up from the chair and hobbled barefooted back to the party.

Faith eyed her shoes and shrugged as she and Andrew followed. Hey, sometimes B had some damn good ideas!

Angel and Xander remained, their faces turning a little grave as they regarded Spike. The blonde vampire shifted a bit nervously under their gaze. “We’re entrusting you and Dawn with something precious. Our grandchild,” Xander said quietly, his gentle laughing eyes unusually somber and grim.

“Treat him proper,” Angel added, equally quiet. Yet there was a quiet threat implicit in his voice, a sense that if Spike and Dawn hurt their boy, their dismemberment would not be too far behind.

Spike’s vivid, electric blue eyes widened at the threat then softened. “He’s beautiful…how can I not?” he replied simply, not attempt to hide his feelings for the dark haired youth. His eyes glowed with a rare intensity, his love laid bare for them to see.

Xander and Angel smiled. “It’s just…he’s special to us,” Angel murmured softly.

Spike nodded. “And to us as well.”

The three men, in accord with one another, walked out the room. Descending the stairs, they watched as a giddily happy Dawn whirled around merrily. Like Cordy, time had barely touched her youthful face. The men studied her joyous face as she danced with Giles, their Little G. All three men’s faces softened at the happiness that lit up the young man’s face.

He was beautiful.

Xander smiled and walked up to the dancing couple. “May an old man have this dance?” He affected a quivering, old man voice.

“Grandpa!” the young man protested, laughter sparkling on his expressive face.

“Fine but I want him back immediately,” Dawn retorted. She smiled wickedly, making the young man blush. “It’s almost time for the honeymoon!”

“Dawnnnn!”

Carefully Xander took his slender grandson into his arms, and mindful of the brace on Little G’s right leg, they waltzed. “Are you happy, baby?” he softly asked, his face tender.

Slowly the boy smiled, the scar on the right side of his face lifting up at the motion. He gazed up at his grandfather, his left eye clear and direct, the other retaining its’ blind, fixed stare. There was a wealth of emotion revealed in his velvety brown gaze.

His injuries were the result of a tragic encounter with a drunken driver when he was a child. It had happened so fast, so quick that Shay couldn’t reach his son in time. All the man could do was watch helplessly as his little boy was sent hurtling into the air. He ran and caught his son but the damage had already been done. Cradling the broken, bloody body of his son, Shay let his wife handle the driver. It took four people to pull Keanu off the drunken man.

It took the work of several noted doctors to even enable Giles to walk again, the damage to his body had been so severe. On the plus side, his mixed blood made recovery something miraculous; however, on the negative side, his quarter-demon status made further surgery a very chancy thing. He had arrested several times on the operating table.

“Very,” Giles whispered back. He looked down. “They make me feel…like there’s nothing wrong with me. Like, I’m just as beautiful as they are,” he said in a trembling rush.

Xander stopped dancing, to look down at the boy in astonishment. “But you are beautiful, little one,” he protested, uncaring that people were staring at them.

His grandson had a look of ageless wisdom on his face. Enough looking into the mirror when he was younger convinced him that he would never have the radiant perfection of his mother and father, or his grandfathers. The secretive laughter at school, the horrified looks he encountered throughout his life only reinforced the idea that he was not handsome or good-looking and he never would be. Demon blood made him a little stronger than the average human, with a faster healing time. However, it also made plastic surgery to be an unviable option.

“You see me with the eyes of family; they see me with the eyes of lovers, and in their eyes, I AM beautiful. When I’m with them, I feel…complete. Like there were two missing parts to me, and they’re the pieces,” the boy replied softly, his eye becoming soft and vague.

His grandfather smiled widely and pulled Giles close. “That’s all I needed to know. Your grandfather and I, we just wanted you to be happy.”

The other dancers secretly observed the two men dancers. Xander and Giles made such a startling contrast in looks and physical appearance. One was incredible beautiful and graceful, there was an erotic, other-world quality in the way the taller young man moved that seemed to whisper sensuous blandishments to viewers; while the other so scared and clumsily gawky, graceless in the way he moved, putting the viewing audience in mind of a newborn colt attempting to stand.

Yet despite the physical imperfections, even the most oblivious of observers could feel the well-spring of love shining from Xander. It was in his face, glowing with a radiance poured over the boy in his arms, adding a gentle luster to Giles face.

It drew wistful sighs from the ogling crowd, to be that loved was a glorious thing.

Spike and Dawn, standing on the sidelines, watched Xander and Giles dance. Dawn glanced up at her mate’s face and studied the careful attention he paid only to one-half of the twirling couple. She slid her arm around his waist and nestled into his side as his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Looking back at the duo, she smiled, her eyes full of love. “Beautiful, isn’t he?” she asked, knowing Spike would understand.

Her mate simply nodded; his face quietly content. Both of their eyes roved lovingly Giles’ scarred face, seeing past the looks and into the soul that warmed them with such an amazing, boundless love.

“That he is, luv, that he is. We got ourselves a winner,” he agreed tenderly, as they watched Giles’ happy face.