Crimson Regret
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Buffy/Faith
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
19
Views:
10,100
Reviews:
70
Recommended:
2
Currently Reading:
2
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › FemmeSlash - Female/Female › Buffy/Faith
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
19
Views:
10,100
Reviews:
70
Recommended:
2
Currently Reading:
2
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 14
(((I am a horrible, horrible person. This I know. God, I haven’t updated in 3 weeks. I had major writers block and then after a wrote this chapter I became lazy and didn’t post it. Sorry. I’ll try to be better. Promise.)))
[ -- Chapter 14 -- ]
Buffy was sitting on the couch watching Tv, or at least trying to watch Tv. There wasn’t a single thing on and she just kept flipping through the channels, she’s been through them about four times already. Truth be told she wasn’t even looking at the Tv, more like looking threw it as she thought. She didn’t understand Fait, how she could just forgive her like that. If the same thing happened to her, she didn’t think she’d ever be able to forgive the person. Faith had definitely changed, she wasn’t carrying around all this guilt and anger anymore. She tried to hide it, hide herself. Preferably over two tons of makeup and slutwear. But she looks so free now, so beautiful.
She also didn’t understand herself, what made her do that. Anger, sure, there’s a simple answer. But she’d been angry at Faith before and the thought never even crossed her mind. But she wasn’t sure if the though ever crossed her mind then either. She just did it, just acted. And why that? There’s a million other ways to hurt a person without touching their *soaking wet pussy*. Buffy shook her head. It felt wrong to even think about it now. Not to mention she is not even gay. *But God it felt so good to be inside her... No! Damn it Buffy, shut up!* She was so confused and so guilty. Nothing would ever make this okay. No matter how much Faith said that she forgave her, she probably will never forgive herself.
She came back to the real world when she felt something brush up against her leg... Faiths leg. She looked up in surprise to see Faith sitting there next to ger, watching TV. At one point Buffy stopped surfing the channels and left it on MTV which was playing videos. Faith didnt seem to notice Buffy snapped out of her trance and kept watching Christina Aguilera splash herself and a bunch of other girls around in water during “Dirrty.”
Faith licked her bottom lip slowly and Buffy followed her tongue with her eyes, then looked back at the TV screen. Christina was definitely putting out and she could see what Faith saw so interesting in it. *Ah, no! Gay thoughts!* Buffy really wasn’t sure why the thought of possibly being gay, or bi actually, freaked her out so much. Her best friend was gay after all. But it did.
Buffy turned her head back to the TV when she heard the first notes of Evanescence’s “Everybody’s Fool” come on. She watched the video for awhile before a certain part struck her:
// Look, here she comes now //
// Bow down and stare in wonder //
// Oh how we love you //
// No flaws when your pretending //
// But now I know she never was and never will be //
// You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me //
// And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled //
Buffy bit her lip, she could just picture Faith saying that about her. Everyone always loved her, she was the spoiled only child, she was popular when she was in LA, and all her friends loved her when she moved here. But maybe a dirty rapist was all she was. A hurtful friend, a betrayer. A fucking horrible person.
// Without the mask, where will you hide? //
// Cant find yourself //
// Lost in your lies //
*What’s going to happen to me?* Everyone knew what she was like now, she couldn’t go back to being the person everyone loved anymore, but she didn’t want to be what shed become either. She hated what she’d done and never ever wanted to do it again.
// I know the truth now //
// I know who you are //
// And I don’t love you anymore //
Buffy began to cry. Quietly at first but louder as she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She was fucked, she shouldn’t be feeling bad for herself right now. Buts she was, and she was hating herself even more for it.
“B?”
Buffy got up, preparing to run but Faith took her hand and sat her down again, “B, what’s wrong?”
Buffy shook her head and looked down, trying to indicate nothing was wrong.
Faith touched her face lightly and tilted her chin to look at her, “I know something’s wrong. People don’t cry for no reason.”
“I-I’m fine Faith, really...”Buffy tried to stand back up but Faith pushed her back down.
“Its gonna eat you up inside if you keep it bottled up like that.”
Buffy sighed and looked down, “I’m just feeling bad about myself and its so fucking stupid to be.”
Faith widened her eyes a little, not used to hearing Buffy swear that much, especially when it came to talking about herself. “Its not stupid to be, Buffy.”
“Yes it is. Ugh and that stupid song didn’t help one bit either!” Buffy groaned and put her head in her hands.
“The Evanescence song?”
“Yeah.” Buffy looked up.
Faith thought about the song for a little bit then said slowly, “That’s what you think I think about you... isn’t it?”
Buffy looked down.
“Its not, it will never be. You’re not fake, and that wasn’t the real you when you did that. You know that, right?” Faith looked at me seriously.
“I really just don’t know.”
“You’re a wonderful person. Even after what happened I will always think that. I really like you Buffy, I know you know I want you but its not just that. I would never want a one-off with you. I know your not like that, so I’m not expecting anything. I just want you to know, okay? I want you because of who you are, not because of how completely gorgeous you are.” Faith smiled at her, “Although that’s is a nice factor.”
Buffys smile completely lit up her face. It was true, she did thing Faith wanted her as just another notch on her bedpost because that’s just how Faith always was. But it was nice, you know, knowing Faith wanted her as more. And if she was to be truthful to herself, she wanted Faith as more also. But what she did stood in the way of her even thinking that because she knew she never deserve. Plus, she had herself convinced at the moment that she was -definitely- not gay.
She still gave Faith a quick kiss on the cheek though. “Thanks” She looked down, blushing.
Faith smiled at the cuteness of that, “No problem.”
Buffy got up “I’m gonna go check on Dawn.” She stared walking out of the livingroom but stopped before she left. “I don’t know about that....” She whispered and turned around.
“What?”
“If I’m not like that,” Buffy said, being truthful with herself, “I... I really don’t know.” Buffy turned back around and left, leaving a very hopeful Faith staring after her.
TBC....
[ -- Chapter 14 -- ]
Buffy was sitting on the couch watching Tv, or at least trying to watch Tv. There wasn’t a single thing on and she just kept flipping through the channels, she’s been through them about four times already. Truth be told she wasn’t even looking at the Tv, more like looking threw it as she thought. She didn’t understand Fait, how she could just forgive her like that. If the same thing happened to her, she didn’t think she’d ever be able to forgive the person. Faith had definitely changed, she wasn’t carrying around all this guilt and anger anymore. She tried to hide it, hide herself. Preferably over two tons of makeup and slutwear. But she looks so free now, so beautiful.
She also didn’t understand herself, what made her do that. Anger, sure, there’s a simple answer. But she’d been angry at Faith before and the thought never even crossed her mind. But she wasn’t sure if the though ever crossed her mind then either. She just did it, just acted. And why that? There’s a million other ways to hurt a person without touching their *soaking wet pussy*. Buffy shook her head. It felt wrong to even think about it now. Not to mention she is not even gay. *But God it felt so good to be inside her... No! Damn it Buffy, shut up!* She was so confused and so guilty. Nothing would ever make this okay. No matter how much Faith said that she forgave her, she probably will never forgive herself.
She came back to the real world when she felt something brush up against her leg... Faiths leg. She looked up in surprise to see Faith sitting there next to ger, watching TV. At one point Buffy stopped surfing the channels and left it on MTV which was playing videos. Faith didnt seem to notice Buffy snapped out of her trance and kept watching Christina Aguilera splash herself and a bunch of other girls around in water during “Dirrty.”
Faith licked her bottom lip slowly and Buffy followed her tongue with her eyes, then looked back at the TV screen. Christina was definitely putting out and she could see what Faith saw so interesting in it. *Ah, no! Gay thoughts!* Buffy really wasn’t sure why the thought of possibly being gay, or bi actually, freaked her out so much. Her best friend was gay after all. But it did.
Buffy turned her head back to the TV when she heard the first notes of Evanescence’s “Everybody’s Fool” come on. She watched the video for awhile before a certain part struck her:
// Look, here she comes now //
// Bow down and stare in wonder //
// Oh how we love you //
// No flaws when your pretending //
// But now I know she never was and never will be //
// You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me //
// And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled //
Buffy bit her lip, she could just picture Faith saying that about her. Everyone always loved her, she was the spoiled only child, she was popular when she was in LA, and all her friends loved her when she moved here. But maybe a dirty rapist was all she was. A hurtful friend, a betrayer. A fucking horrible person.
// Without the mask, where will you hide? //
// Cant find yourself //
// Lost in your lies //
*What’s going to happen to me?* Everyone knew what she was like now, she couldn’t go back to being the person everyone loved anymore, but she didn’t want to be what shed become either. She hated what she’d done and never ever wanted to do it again.
// I know the truth now //
// I know who you are //
// And I don’t love you anymore //
Buffy began to cry. Quietly at first but louder as she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She was fucked, she shouldn’t be feeling bad for herself right now. Buts she was, and she was hating herself even more for it.
“B?”
Buffy got up, preparing to run but Faith took her hand and sat her down again, “B, what’s wrong?”
Buffy shook her head and looked down, trying to indicate nothing was wrong.
Faith touched her face lightly and tilted her chin to look at her, “I know something’s wrong. People don’t cry for no reason.”
“I-I’m fine Faith, really...”Buffy tried to stand back up but Faith pushed her back down.
“Its gonna eat you up inside if you keep it bottled up like that.”
Buffy sighed and looked down, “I’m just feeling bad about myself and its so fucking stupid to be.”
Faith widened her eyes a little, not used to hearing Buffy swear that much, especially when it came to talking about herself. “Its not stupid to be, Buffy.”
“Yes it is. Ugh and that stupid song didn’t help one bit either!” Buffy groaned and put her head in her hands.
“The Evanescence song?”
“Yeah.” Buffy looked up.
Faith thought about the song for a little bit then said slowly, “That’s what you think I think about you... isn’t it?”
Buffy looked down.
“Its not, it will never be. You’re not fake, and that wasn’t the real you when you did that. You know that, right?” Faith looked at me seriously.
“I really just don’t know.”
“You’re a wonderful person. Even after what happened I will always think that. I really like you Buffy, I know you know I want you but its not just that. I would never want a one-off with you. I know your not like that, so I’m not expecting anything. I just want you to know, okay? I want you because of who you are, not because of how completely gorgeous you are.” Faith smiled at her, “Although that’s is a nice factor.”
Buffys smile completely lit up her face. It was true, she did thing Faith wanted her as just another notch on her bedpost because that’s just how Faith always was. But it was nice, you know, knowing Faith wanted her as more. And if she was to be truthful to herself, she wanted Faith as more also. But what she did stood in the way of her even thinking that because she knew she never deserve. Plus, she had herself convinced at the moment that she was -definitely- not gay.
She still gave Faith a quick kiss on the cheek though. “Thanks” She looked down, blushing.
Faith smiled at the cuteness of that, “No problem.”
Buffy got up “I’m gonna go check on Dawn.” She stared walking out of the livingroom but stopped before she left. “I don’t know about that....” She whispered and turned around.
“What?”
“If I’m not like that,” Buffy said, being truthful with herself, “I... I really don’t know.” Buffy turned back around and left, leaving a very hopeful Faith staring after her.
TBC....