All the Way and Then Some

Thanks to MarzBar, Jessica, and shippy. The title of this chapter is inspired by the melodious wonderment that is Radiohead. Cheers.

“Creep”

For the last two days, Buffy contemplated what she should do. She didn’t know what she was so afraid of. Him? It’s just Spike. She’d known him for years, and he more or less was upfront about everything that he felt. Was it getting hurt? Spike would never hurt her. If anything, she’d end up hurting him. If she were completely and utterly honest with herself, she knew that what she was really afraid of was that the two of them could be real.

Deep down, she’d always known that Riley had been “rebound” guy, no matter how hard she tried to deny it. She was more upset at losing the idea of him. He was dependable, solid, and initially uncomplicated. Well, that could only last so long. Spike was right—they did have passion, heat, and desire. But was there love there too? From him, yes of course. She wasn’t completely sure. All she knew was that she and Spike just fit, and somehow, there was something terrifying about that…

Maybe she was a glutton for pain. Maybe she really didn’t want to be happy. She felt a tightness around her heart at the thought. So, that was the crux of it; she didn’t think she deserved it- happiness. A slayer was supposed be all detached anyway, so…

“God, why do I hate myself so much?” She asked aloud to no one. “Why can’t I just be-" Before Buffy got the chance to figure out what she was thinking, she heard a loud noise upstairs. And just like that, there was no time to think about Spike, and relationships, happiness or love. Now was the time for her to perform her sacred duty- being the big sister.

Amy, before running to the bathroom to go vomit, told her what was going on with Willow. She told her about the dark magicks and how Willow was losing it. So in conclusion, Dawn was once again in danger. Of course, Dawn couldn’t possibly be blamed for the impromptu outing that was so bound for badness. Willow was out of control. I mean, hello? Hanging out with a guy named Rack? A guy with a totally lame name like that could so not be of the good. Unfortunately, she didn’t know who this Rack guy was exactly, or where for that matter. She needed help. Oh, who will I turn to? She thought sarcastically. The only person who she felt she could count on. The only person she truly trusted. Spike. He had been there time and time again, even when she didn’t want him to be. Well, now was not the time for her personal wants. She had to find Dawn and Willow- fast.

Spike’s crypt appeared to be empty, but she knew he was there somewhere. She could feel him. She never really noticed before, but yea, for the past couple of years, she had acquired some sort of special “spidey” Spike sense. It was never off. She found him sleeping in the lower level.

Spike usually wasn’t that heavy of a sleeper. After bellowing his name out right in front of him, soundly still he slept. He looked so peaceful with his sharp, angular features softened in sleep and the candle light. It was a shame to wake him. Almost. Spike awoke with a start as she tossed a particularly heavy pillar candle onto his torso. She would have awoken him personally, but she wasn’t sure how much control she would have had over herself, him being naked and sexy and all. The time called for business only.

SSSSSSSSS


Well, that was the Slayer for ya. Only going out for a jaunt to see him when she needed something. Never mind him and his feelings. Nope. He was just a soulless thing after all. Hell, it the Niblet wasn’t in danger, he probably wouldn’t have even gone with her. Maybe. Well, he probably still would have gone, but he wouldn’t be nearly as determined. Yea. Not a lick.
So, in an incredibly awkward silence after he dressed in front of her with her back to him (like she hadn’t seen it all before), the two headed out to the downtown area. It was almost as if it were a battle of wills- who could go the longest without breaking the silence. Buffy, sick of her own thoughts, cracked first.

“What’s taking so long? This Rack guy isn’t all that bad, is he?” She asked somewhat petulantly. She looked at him expectantly.

“No, it’s just… not only is his place cloaked, but it moves. No worries; will get there.” He said, all the while not looking at her. Buffy, feeling the awkward sensation dissipate, was overcome by a feeling of hurt. He was intentionally attempting to ignore her. Buffy stopped as she waited for him to turn around.

“Spike!” She yelled after him as he continued to walk. Either he hadn’t noticed or hadn’t cared that she’d stopped. Buffy hoped it was the former. She watched as he did that shoulder roll that he does as he heaved a huge sigh.

“What now, slayer? Shouldn’t we be looking for the Bit?” He said wearily as he turned around to face her.

“Well, yes, but… why aren’t we talking? I mean, usually you love to talk, so…” She trailed off sheepishly from the burning look that he gave her.

“Seems to me that you’re the one who can’t seem to stop yappin’, luv.” He said in a low voice. Buffy heaved a sigh of weariness at that.

“Spike, I don’t want to argue.”

“Neither do I. But you’re the one that started it.”

“What?! I so did not!”

“Yea, you did! I was fine with the whole not talking. To you.” He mumbled the last part. She heard it anyway.

“Well I wasn’t! I hate—I hate feeling this way.” She said quietly.

“What way?” He stepped closer to her, looking at her intently as if searching for something.

“Feeling like… like I can’t talk to you. I want to talk to you. I like talking to you. But, it’s like I don’t know how anymore. I’m not sure what to say.” He gently cupped her cheek as he looked into her eyes.

“Just be honest with me, Buffy.” The way he said her name, it made her lose all train of thought. Rational, or otherwise. No one could say her name like—so rich, and full with feeling. She loved the way he said her name.

“Spike, I—" And once again, they were interrupted—by Dawn’s screams of terror. They looked at each other for a split second before running off in the direction that they’d heard her. Aided by super speed and close proximity, they got there in less than a minute. Buffy worked on the demon while Spike tended to Dawn. Willow, crackling with magic and unnatural black eyes, burned the demon to a cinder. She was a sad, sorry sight. After Dawn smacked her in the face, walking away with Spike, Willow begged Buffy to help her. Buffy was so tempted to leave her there. She looked at Spike, wanting to know what he thought. He gave her a silent answer with the softening of his eyes. He turned and left with Dawn while Buffy stayed behind.

She felt sorry for Willow; she was her best friend. But the whole thing made her realize something: none of her friends could really be put on some type of pedestal of perfection. It wasn’t fair. People had to live their lives. They mess up, make mistakes… And your friends, her friends, should be there for her no matter what. Spike made her happy. Other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter. She had been through so much, and there was only one person who could understand what she was going through.
After Willow was tucked away and Dawn safe in her room, Buffy left the house once again…


A/N: Man, I so hope that didn't suck... I'm tried real hard to make up for the last chapter, even though you guys liked it. And I'm not fishing for compliments but... the chapter before this one was when someone rated my fic 4 stars instead of 5. Downgrades suck :(