Turnabout

Late morning sun beamed down into the courtyard of the Hyperion. Xander soaked in the heat, unwilling and unable to move from the stone bench where he had retreated to drink his coffee in silence several hours ago. Angel had called out a farewell on his way out to the office and once again reminded him to call if he needed anything, anything at all, but otherwise, theenceence reigned.

Xander stared at the dribbling fountain, narrowing the scope of his thought to those two primal forces: light and water. Both mocked him with a purity he could come near, but not claim. He had hoped the bright LA sun would dispel the lingering dreams. As images trickled through his mind, he grimaced at his cooled coffee and tried to re-focus his attention on the sunlight gleaming off the surface of the pooling water in the fountain. He concentrated on shutting out nightmare images of Buffy and Anya trailing after Jesse into a house being consumed by purple flames, heedless of his pleas to stop. He had awoken sweat-slicked with heart pounding from that nightmare, only to sink back into a dream in which Willow, black-haired and black-eyed, flayed Giles before turning Dawn into a green ball of energy that whirled wildly and then dissipated with a violent flash. After waking in a panic once more, he had determined that further sleep was out of the question and made his way down to the kitchen and the first cup of coffee before the sun rose.

The intensity of the dreams shook him. Since he had been a regular at Sang Froid, the dreams of losing his friends to gruesome deaths, often at one another’s hands and always in spite of his attempted interventions, had dropped off in regularity. The fact that they returned now with such intensity seriously freaked him and convinced him beyond a doubt that he could not stay with Spike and Angel. They brought the past and the people he left behind too close.

Xander cupped the cold mug in tense fingers and studied the Celtic knot pattern inscribed around the top edge. He squeezed his eye shut against the wave of need that threatened to overwhelm him. Spike’s kindness. Angel’s concern. His own need to escape the loneliness that had characterized his life. It was too much, and he refused to give in and accept anything more from his vampire hosts. He knew that he had to escape and soon, before he allowed himself to give in to their apparent acceptance and found himself trapped here. Trapped until, his internal voice reminded him, they clued in to the fact that he didn’t belong with the heroes anymore and tossed him out. The question was how to get away and what to do once he managed it. Going back to Earl’s was out of the question. Not only did the vampires know that place now, but Sang Froid had been effectively destroyed with Mistress Viola’s death, and Xander could hardly expect to be welcomed back there after his role in that little bit of carnage.

He opened his eye and sighed. He was so fucked. He set the mug down on the bench and spread his fingers to the sun. The heat reassured him that wherever he went, at least he had the protection of daylight to make his escape. No matter how extensive the sewer system in LA might be, and Xander was willing to bet it was at least as extensive as Sunnydale’s, there would be ways for him to stay in the sun and out of the grip of Spike or Angel if either vamp decided to come after him. The question of where to go remained, though it didn’t much matter to him. Being dragged out of Earl’s and the life he created there woke him up to the fact that his existence had less meaning than ever. Maybe it really was time to follow Jesse and Tara out of this life. Only he doubted that killing himself would bring him any closer to the people he missed so much. If he got really lucky, maybe he’d get hit by a bus as soon as he walked out of the Hyperion. Fuck. Just. Fuck. He sighed and dropped his head into his hands.

“Amazing. One day in the presence of the Magnificent Poof and yer already brooding with the best of ‘em.” The easy drawl came from the safety of the shaded staircase that led into the courtyard.

Xander didn’t bother to look up. Spike frowned.

“Xan? You still not feeling any better, pet?” Xander had brushed off his atts ats at conversation last night, offering exhaustion as an excuse. Determined that he was not going tt tht the distance continue, Spike had deliberately set the alarm clock that he found in his room so that he could be up in the morning to keep Xander from being alone for too long. Waking to find the man’s bed clearly long-empty had prompted a quick, tense search of the hotel. Fears that Xander had snuck out were mitigated only when Spike found the man huddled on the bench in the sunlit courtyard.

“I’m fine, Spike.” Figuring concession would be the path of least resistance, he raised his eye to meet Spike’s.

“Spike?” It was Xander’s turn to offer questioned concern as he took in the vampire’s puzzled expression. “What’s up?”

“Somethin’s wrong.” The vampire’s frown deepened as he raked a slow glance over his limbs.

“What is it?” Xander stood quickly and walked over. He tried to keep the panic from his voice as his mind shouted at him. No! No! God, couldn’t fate at least wait till I got outa here before fucking with another one of my friends? He’s probably gonna die again, and I have to watch it this time. Wasn’t good enough for whatever fuck-with-Xander HellGod seems to be running this show to have Spike die once, oh no, gotta make it happen when I get to watch. The terror of his dreams broke through the meager defenses he had managed to construct in the safety of the sun.

“Spike!” Panic won out as the vampire continued to frown and flex his arms without answering.

StartledXandXander’s reaction, Spike looked up from his hands and registered the fear rolling off the man in waves. He nearly stepped forward to reach out and comfort his friend, but remembered the sunlight even as he began to stretch out his hand. Then he frowned again as the sense of wrongness returned even more strongly. Heedless of Xander’s panicked gaze, Spike slowly extended his hand to the line between shadow and sunlight. Closer. Closer. Until fingertips met the light, and the sun slid over knuckles to cover the back of the pale hand that came to rest on Xander’s trembling shoulder.

Mesmerized by Spike’s intense concentration and paralyzed by his own fear, Xander could do nothing but watch this display. He knew the smoke would come and then the flames, but he couldn’t bring himself to respond. So this is how it’s gonna happen. More burning up. Maybe he’ll take me with him. Xander swallowed and closed his eye, yearning for the pain that would end all this. Instead he suddenly felt a hand on his other shoulder. Then he gasped as he found himself shoved out of the way as a blur of black and blond jumped off the stairs and landed on the granite tile in the sunshine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What the hell is he doing here,” Angel growled. He stood in the doorway of his office, the phone messages he had been rifling through suddenly forgotten. Five figures turned at once. Fred’s brow wrinkled in consternation.

“I thought you knew…”

“Ah, yes. Well. You see, I hadn’t quite gotten around to discussing this with Angel.” Wesley offered the other occupants of the office an apologetic look before straightening his spine and stepping forward to face their clearly displeased boss.

“No, Wesley. You hadn’t discussed this with me. And you haven’t answered my question. What the hell is Lindsey McDonald doing standing in my office?” Angel stalked into the room. He ignored Wesley, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne and stood directly in front of Lindsey. He crossed his arms and glared down into the smirking face. “I hope you’re going to tell me that he wants to hire us. Then I get to have Security escort him out of the building. You remember Security, Linds. Charming guys. I’ll ask them to treat you with the same kindness you always offered me when I stopped by unannounced.” Neither man’s gaze wavered.

“Angel, please. Such tactics are unnecessary. I invited Mr. McDonald to join us for a meeting.” Wesley paused before continuing. “A meeting to discuss his return to Wolfram & Hart.”

At this announcement, Angel turned his glare from Lindsey to Wesley. “Fine. He’s not returning. Meeting adjourned.” He stalked to his desk and sat down where he began sorting through files.

Lindsey continued to look amused, but the others exchanged troubled glances. This was not going as well as they had hoped.

“Angel, listen to me,” Wesley began.

“Wes, whatever you might think you have to say about the hiring practices here, I’m still the boss. He is not welcome. In fact,” he turned to Lindsey, “don’t I distinctly remember telling you that you weren’t welcome within city limits?”

“I seem to remember something like that. I think you mentioned it right after putting that little decoration on the back of my truck.”

“Sounds about right. How’d that work out for you by the way?”

Lindsey rubbed his jaw. “Swelling went down in a couple days. Fortunately the cop who pulled me over believed in giving warnings rather than tickets for a first time offence.”

The others watched this exchange in bewilderment, knowing they were missing something but not ready to jump in and ask for details.

Wesley cleared his throat. “As fascinating as this trip to the past has been, I would like to remind you that I have invited Mr. McDonald here for a reason. A reason,” he held up his hand to forestall Angel’s protests, “that I believe is of some significance.” He walked over to close the door to the office before indicating that everyone should take a seat. Fred and Gunn settled on one of the couches while Lindsey and Lorne took the seats in front of Angel’s desk.

“Now then. There are several facts of which I’m sure you’re all aware. First none of us are lawyers. Second, we are attempting to run a law firm. And whilr efr efforts at remaking this place have made some headway, we have also suffered some rather spectacular disasters over the course of the last year.” He paused in his pacing to gaze at each of the AI team members. All but Angel shifted their focus away as memories of some of those spectacular disasters came to mind.

“We have hundreds of lawyers at our disposal, but none whom we have hired and none whom we can trust to put our interests above their own. Despite modifications to their employment contracts mitigating some of their more punitive terms of service, these lawyers have no reason to place our agendas before their own. As far as they are concerned, we’re minor players who will not be in control here for long.” Resignation met his words. This was a long-standing and familiar issue.

“What I’m proposing is bringing in a lawyer of our own. One who is intimately familiar with Wolfram & Hart. I believe that Mr. McDonald can help us, and he has agreed to consider the offer.”

“Wes, maybe you weren’t paying attention when I ended this meeting earlier. There is no offer.” Angel ground out as he struggled to control his temper. Again, again this man was betraying his trust by siding with a known enemy. His hands gripped the arms of his chair and he willed himself not to allow his vampire features to jump to the fore.

Lindsey remained silent, but watched Angel with a knowing look. This wasn’t his fight just yet, although he had little doubt that it would become so. Some people never change.

“Angel, you must listen to me. We cannot run this law firm without having greater access to legal expertise. You know that it’s only a matter of time before our ignorance leads to serious problems.” Wesley slammed his hand on the desk as he became insistent.

“English has a point, man. We’re not exactly the legal-eagle types. Yeah, we been gettin’ along for a while, but how much longer are onnaonna be able to last on brute strength, magic and science?” Gunn leaned forward urgently.

“It’s not like he’s really on their side or anything, Angel. I mean, Wes told us all about him getting that new hand and taking control of his life away from Wolfram & Hart. It’s kinda like he’s been fighting them already. Not that we need him to fight them exactly,” she began to get flustered as she remembered that all the offices in the building were monitored by surveillance. “More like he’s a liaison to help us talk to the lawyers or something.” She gestured lamely.

“Listen to the troops, big guy. We’re behind you one hundred and twenty percent, but we can’t do what this little country boy can in the courtroom or in the contracts department.” Lorne added.

Wesley looked pleased with the show of support until he met the cold stare Angel gave him.

“Gee, Wes. You got everybody on your side. You must have really made Lindsey here look like the hero. Did you mention his little role in bringing Darla back? How about the way he got Druscilla to turn her and sent them both after me? Or how about his brief moment of reform—lasted just long enough for him to get a fifteenth floor office with a view, and then suddenly saving innocents lost its appeal.” As he spoke, Angel rose from the desk and stalked toward Wesley, looking like a panther stalking its prey.

“I’ve seen what this man has done. I know what he’s capable of, but I believe he can and, more importantly will, be of help to us.” Wesley stood his ground before the fuming vampire.

“Why? ‘Cause he said so?” Angel sneered.

“Yes. He has had more than enough information to destroy us as we took over this firm, yet he hasn’t.”

“And you think he hasn’t just been biding his time before he came sneaking back in here dangling promises of just the kind of help we need?”

“He didn’t come to us.” Wesley stated. “I went to him.”

For a moment, Angel didn’t trust himself to speak. When he did, all he managed was a controlled, “Get out. All of you.” The others looked at one another uncertainly. “I want to speak to Lindsey alone. Now.” Slowly the others shifted toward the door, debating whether it would be entirely safe to leave the two alone together. But at a nod from Wesley, they exited.

As he stood in the doorway, Wesley turned. “I’ll ask you not to kill him. He is here by my invitation, and I don’t wish to destroy utterly any chance we have of making new hires in the future. Despite your feelings on this matter, try to remember that this is not about you, but about what is best for this firm and all of us.” With that, he walked out and closed the door with a gentle click.

“He doesn’t get why you don’t trust him, you know. And none of them get why you keep shutting them out.” Lindsey offered the observation casually.

“I got the little song and dance you sold to Wes. Now, why are you really here?” Angel leaned on his desk, arms crossed.

“You got the truth that I told your man Wesley. He got more truth from me than you’ve bothered to offer to him in a long time.” Lindsey rose and walked over to the window to look out. He tapped on the glass. “Nice touch with the protective glass. Senior Partners are taking good care of you.”

“Lindsey,” Angel growled, “as much as I enjoy our little chats, I really don’t have time for this.”

“You’re right.” Lindsey turned around. “You don’t. You’ve got a law firm to run and a couple of unexpected houseguests to look after.”

“What do you know about them?”

“Only as much as the Senior Partners do. They know your grand-childe William the Bloody, aka Spike, took the amulet meant for you, burned up, and is now back in LA along with one Alexander Harris, human and known associate with the primary slayer Buffy Summers.”

“What do you want with them?”

“Me? Nothing. I’m not even clear on whether the Senior Partners want anything with them. We were just talking about your list of things to deal with. And Angel, they’re not even the tip of the iceberg on all the things you’re trying to manage right now.” Lindsey settled back down in the chair and looked up at Angel without the mocking gaze that had been present through much of their conversation.

“Do you remember what I told you about Wolfram & Hart? It was good advice, and it hasn’t changed any.”

“Something about playing games, if memory serves.”

“The key to Wolfram & Hart is not to let them make you play their game. Make them play yours. You know, I oughta get that framed. It’d look nice on your wall.”

“Your point?”

“My point is that you haven’t learned a damn thing over the last three years. Here you are running Wolfram & Hart’s LA office, and you’re still letting them make you play their game.” He shook his head in disgust. “So you’ve got the big office and people scurry around doing whatever you tell them, but they still pull all the strings.”

Angel narrowed his eyes dangerously. “And you can help me make them play my game. What exactly do you imagine my game to be?”

“I don’t know about your game, but I can tell you how to stop playing theirs. All I have is the first step—you’re still the boss. It’s gonna be up to you to come up with the game plan for the rest of it.” He rolled his eyes at Angel’s unchanging demeanor. “Let’s take this morning’s little scene as a for instance. I show up here. You react with that stunning display of pissed off posturing and throw your crew out of the office. Now put this scenario in Wolfram & Hart terms. What’s one of the most affective ploys they’ve ever used on you? One they just keep comin’ back to?”

Angel glared.

“I used it myself with Darla. All they have to do is separate you from the rest of your little band, and suddenly you’re condoning mass murder in wine cellars and cutting yourself off from any of those pesky Champion tasks that you might have taken on.”

Angel continued to glare, but nodded for Lindsey to continue.

“Flashback to this little scene,” he waggled the fingers of his ‘evil hand’ at the vampire. “What were you thinking about when you came for that scroll?”

“Cordelia,” Angel admitted grudgingly.

“Selective memory. You had somebody else in that hospital, didn’t you?”

“The scroll was to save Cordelia.”

“Fine.” Lindsey shrugged. He hadn’t expected Angel to concede on that point. “In any case, you won because it wasn’t about you. It was about your people.”

“You’re saying I’m going to lose to Wolfram & Hart this time because I’m not letting it be about my people.”

“You know, I don’t know why people say those things about you. You really aren’t as dumb as that Neanderthal brow suggests.”

“Don’t push your luck. Besides, you’re wrong. They’re all still here. We work together.”

“As evidenced by that convincing display of togetherness I witnessed here this morning. Shit, Angel,” Lindsey continued in disgust, “if you don’t open your eyes, you’re going to lose not just this firm but all of them as well. If you haven’t already. They know you don’t talk to them. They’re not stupid. They may not know why you won’t let any of them in, and they don’t know why you jump all over Wesley every time he contradicts you, but they know it happens. My guess is they’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and if you’re not careful, they’ll leave in order to avoid getting crushed.”

“I tell them as much as I can.”

“No, you don’t. You tell them as much as you choose to.”

They stared at one another, each waiting for the other to speak that forbidden name.

Lindsey stood to face Angel, inches away from the scowling vampire. “Tell them about Connor. Until you do, you’ll always be playing Wolfram & Hart’s game.”

The crack rang through the office as Lindsey’s head slammed into the wall, Angel’s hand at his throat.

“You will not speak that name.” Fangsthe the fore, Angel growled low.

“Somebody better. ‘Cause he’s the one tearing your group of crime-fighters apart.” Lindsey struggled to get the words out.

“What do you know about him?” Yellow eyes flashed, and Angel didn’t allow his captive to move.

Lindsey rolled his eyes. “I’ve read the files. It was a clever deal you cut with the Senior Partners. Of course, it was nice of you to let Lilah take some of the credit on that one.” He smirked as he considered his former r. “. “Not that she can exactly get promoted out of hell.”

“Then you know that part of the deal was that no one else remembers Connor ever existed.”

“Key word: remembers. Lilah never should have let that slip by, but her screw-up is your loop-hole.”

“Thad bad better be going somewhere.”

“Anytime you wanna let me down, we can continue this conversation. Consider this a pro bono consulting meeting. A test-drive before we get to the actual hiring.”

“Pretty sur you yourself for a guy about to have his neck snapped.”

“Geez, Angel. Give it a rest already. You’re not gonna kill me. Not yet anyway.” Angel dropped his hand and walked back to the desk. He sat in his chair and propped his feet up on the desk.

“Okay, Linds. Amaze me with your legal genius.” He affected an easy air despite the tension humming through him. No one had talked to him about Connor in over a year, and he welcomed the dual-edged sword of pain and relief that pierced through him. Lindsey was right. He couldnill ill the lawyer until he had heard him out.

Lindsey chuckled, then coughed and he rubbed his throat as he settled back into the chair Angel had yanked him from.

“The contract stipulates that no one remembers Connor. Nothing about not telling them about him.” He paused to let the idea sink in.

“Tell them,” Angel repeated carefully.

“Yep.”

“What do you get out of this?” Angel quickly changed the subject and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“I get to come back to Wolfram & Hart.” Lindsey leaned forward and spoke seriously.

“Missed that corner office?” Angel mocked.

“Corner office, power, big bucks. Those are good things, I’m not gonna lie, but that’s not why I want back in.” Lindsey’s self-assurance faltered briefly. “I’ve been around the country, hell, I’ve traveled all over the world, but I can’t shake this place. Maybe it’s the evil hand.” He joked half-heartedly.

Angel waited.

“Fuck, Angel. I can’t explain it. I thought I was done with this place. Turns out I’m not. I can help you. You can give me a place that I fit. Not like any of you are bosom pals anymore, hanging out together for bowling night. Just add me on to this island of misfit toys you got here. After all,” he concluded pointedly, “I’m just another guy who betrayed you. Not much different than Wesley.”

“You’re nothing like Wesley.” Angel snapped.

“Maybe not,” Lindsey conceded. “But if you can see that, then maybe you oughta cut the guy a break. He never betrayed you for his own gain. It was always about you. Well, about you and some about Connor and maybe just a bit about trying to save the world.”

Angel looked away.

“You really are a self-centered bastard, aren’t you.” Lindsey leaned back in his chair. “So here’s my official conclusion as your consultant. Tell them about Connor. You’re the key to holding this grtogetogether, and if you don’t let them in on what’s going on, well, you can see where this is headed. Familiar territory. Solitude. Brooding. Barry Manilow tear-fests. Not a pretty thought.” Lindsey stood to leave.

“You’ve already lost your link to the Powers, and you’re lettin’ the Senior Partners step in to take on that role. Lose your team, and then you really will belong to Wolfram & Hart.” He opened the door to leave.

“Lindsey,” Angel spoke in an even tone. “Don’t go too far.”

Lindsey gave him a mock salute as he stepped out and closed the door.